South Carolina Primary

Good Bye, Jeb

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I spent Saturday knowing Jeb Bush would drop out of the campaign later in the evening and I was still considering taking the night off. I thought about putting a Jeb cartoon off until Sunday (published Monday morning). What happened was I ended up drawing two cartoons.

I had an idea I was OK with and I was almost done drawing when I got another idea. An idea I liked better. So I scrapped the cartoon I was drawing and started all over again…around 3:00 AM. I liked the second idea better because it included half the reason Jeb Bush failed. That reason is Donald Trump. The second reason is Jeb Bush. He’s boring and nobody wants another Bush presidency except for people with the last name “Bush.”

Jeb is a nice guy. I think he is. But he’s that nice guy where you leave the conversation early swearing your phone rang and he didn’t hear it because it was on vibrate. Jeb is boring. His brother, for being a nation destroying idiot, is not boring. His father, well he rode on Reagan’s coattails.

The question now isn’t so much as who do his future voters go to, but where does his money go? It goes to Rubio. Yeah, John Kasich is the other chief executive establishment guy, but the primary and delegate map doesn’t work out for him. Rubio is the establishment guy who’s actually placed at least third (maybe 2nd in South Carolina). Jeb’s donors will now flock to Marco. I’m sure he’ll enjoy looking up to them.

This is now a three-man race. Trump is the man for the stupid angry people. Cruz is the guy for the ultra-right wing, crazy religious zealots who want a theocracy. Rubio is for the establishment folks who like the way he talks. Kasich is out of the loop and Ben Carson is Dr. Delusional for even hanging around this long.

With Bush gone the person who will miss him most will be Donald Trump. Now who is he going to call “low energy?” Trump is going to miss Jeb like I miss drawing W. Jeb, you didn’t give me much of a chance.

And that other cartoon I started drawing? Come back for an update. I plan to finish it and share with the world and I’ll offer it to my clients who are afraid  of”shut the bleep up.” It won’t be on GoComics.

Update: Here’s the first cartoon. Maybe you’ll like it better than the plane cartoon. I don’t but I did enjoy drawing the Georges.

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W’s Bigger Little Brother

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When George W. Bush strode across that flight deck 30 miles off the San Diego coast, wearing a flight suit and boasting “mission accomplished,” it might have been the most obnoxious photo op in political history.

Now Republicans are arguing over how W. kept us safe, and did a good job fighting back after terrorists killed thousands of us. I don’t understand how you talk so much about a terrorist attack which killed thousands of Americans in the same context as “keeping us safe.” After 9/11 Bush destabilized the Middle East, created myths to start a war which killed over a hundred thousand people, killed and injured thousands of Americans and oh yeah…created ISIS. But hey, he kept us safe. And Republicans in South Carolina boo when you bring this up. How dare you talk about facts. How dare your party be so ridiculous that the only one of you who can be somewhat honest about it is Donald Freaking Trump.

The Republicans love to talk about who’s qualified for president. If you think George W. Bush did a good job regarding 9/11 and Iraq then you are not qualified to be president.

Now W. is back trying to help Jeb’s campaign in South Carolina, where he’s currently running fourth. What’s scary is that W. sounds like the smart one.

I watched his speech the other day and it reminded me of the time during his administration when if you questioned him, then your patriotism was questioned. If you weren’t with us you were against us. It was a time that intellect, sophistication, and critical thinking was regarded as a weakness. Mediocrity, stupidity and empty boastful rhetoric was hailed and praised as leadership. Oh, that’s right. We’re still doing that.

Yes, W. was the smart one. Looking at the entire field of Republican candidates, he’s still the smart one. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

 

Ted Cruz’s Erotic Office Space

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Today’s blog should only be read by mature audiences (sorry, Republicans), after 10:00 PM and only after you put the kids to bed.

Ted Cruz is hiring porn stars. That’s what I expect future robocalls aimed at Republican voters in South Carolina to start claiming. That’ll be a hoot.

Ted Cruz and Porn are two things one does not want to think about together. Now you’re gonna have nightmares. Just picture that face getting freaky. You know you want to. Freak.

Anyway, the Cruz campaign aired an ad about Marco Rubio and how you shouldn’t just vote for a “pretty face.” They weren’t talking about Ted in regards to the pretty face thing. The actress who reads the line has been in softcore adult films. Softcore is where the actors don’t actually have sex. They just get naked and simulate along with ridiculous plot lines and bad acting. I wouldn’t know this from personal viewings. Someone told me.

After finding out about the actress’s scandalous past they canned the commercial. Nobody has questioned why Ted Cruz is fixated on Marco Rubio being pretty. The only thing that would make this better would if the actor had a past in gay porn…or had been a horse….in gay porn. That, by the way, was the concept of my original cartoon idea but I do work for mostly family newspapers. I freak them out enough without drawing some Ted Cruz gay horse porno cartoon.

News outlets ran the headline on their tickers “porn actress tweets disappointment with Ted Cruz.” That’s not who you want tweeting disappointment with you. You just imagine Ted swearing it doesn’t happen all the time, he had a bad day and he’s been under a lot of stress, etc. Or maybe Ted is a grower and not a shower.

This cartoon might only make sense to those who watch a lot of news like I do. The Cruz campaign is also running an anti-Clinton commercial and it’s a parody of the film Office Space. It’s actually a brilliant ad that mimics the movie scene really well. In the film, the fired employees destroy a printer that had been the bane of their existence to the tune of “it’s good to be a gangster.” In the Cruz commercial, Hillary and associates are destroying a server to the tune of “it’s good to be a Clinton.” There could also be a parody of the same song for Cruz titled “it’s good to be a slimeball (told everyone Carson has withdrawn y’all).”

The only problems with the commercial, which pundits pointed out, is that it’s a cult movie and most people may not be familiar with it (despite everyone I know being able to quote it), and younger voters, or really older voters, won’t be familiar with the 90s film. That alone really makes me feel sad and old.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!