Sleazy Donald

Angry Birds


cjones03272016

Are Angry Birds still a thing? Is the game still popular? Are you still receiving annoying invites to play on Facebook?

During a speech in Portland Friday a bird flew into the auditorium and landed on Bernie Sanders’ podium. No pun intended, but Twitter went crazy and #BirdieSanders is still trending.

Talk about an opposite dialogue. People are charmed and amused by a bird landing on Sanders’ podium. Many think it’s analogous of the man and his campaign, which is the point my cartoon is taking.

Meanwhile on the Republican side of things….ugh. Do you have a barf bag? We have Ted Cruz stealing lines from the movie An American President to script his anger at Donald Trump. I think Cruz confused Michael Douglas movies and intended to quote Wall Street. We have a debate on Ted Cruz’s sex life. Seriously.. Donald Trump is back to insulting women. Ted is upset at particular women being insulted but not all. Hey, where are these guys and their outrage when someone makes a really bad vulgar joke about Hillary Clinton’s or Michelle Obama’s physical appearance? Hypocrites.

Back to nicer stuff for a day: The bird thing was really cute. Even I can appreciate something nice and sweet occasionally…and then I’ll destroy it with vultures and flying monkeys. The audience in Portland loved it too and roared with approval. I also learned today that it really ties in with the TV show Portlandia, which I have never seen.

I love birds. I worked in a zoo once (in another lifetime) and working in the birdhouse was part of my duties. I started every morning feeding the birds at 5:00 AM and I usually finished by noon. There were a lot of birds and they all had a different diet. You’d be surprised by how many birds are meat eaters. I’m talking about worms to raw red meat (usually horse meat). The flamingos were some of my favorites as I would make them follow and go where I needed them by clapping my hands. We also had a few primates in the bird house (we weren’t a well coordinated zoo) and I had to feed and clean after them too. Basically it was like feeding a bunch of raccoons.

My first idea for this cartoon was going to involve two panels (like it still does). In the first panel it would state “birds love Sanders.” and in the next panel it would read “Trump loves the bird” and Donald would be flipping his middle finger. Then I saw some people make comments similar to my idea on social media. What really killed it for me was seeing an amateur cartoonist draw the same idea…and pretty well too. So that obvious idea went into my garbage pail along with the Sharpie and correction fluid pen I killed last night.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

The Seduction Of Ted Cruz


cjones03262016

I don’t know what’s less believable. Five women slept with Ted Cruz or that you can find five women who would admit it.

Yeah, I know. I already drew a cartoon this week on the icky bed lovin’ of Ted Cruz but that was before the National Enquirer came out with their story that Teddy Bear has been getting a whole bunch of action on the side. Did you just raise one eyebrow in disbelief or did you get all gleeful at the prospect of dirt on Ted Cruz?

I could join in on that glee business at the expense of Cruz’s political career. It would be awesome. But two things: I don’t care about his sex life and I’m much more concerned about the disaster he wants to inflict upon this nation. Four years of a Cruz administration would force the entire nation to do a walk of shame. I’m just not really interested in living in a theocracy led by Ted Cruz, whose wife and father believe is a divine messenger from God. Yeeks! That is a bigger concern than where he’s been putting Little Ted.

The second thing is, I don’t believe the Enquirer story. You’ll bring up the argument that the National Enquirer has been proven right on John Edwards, Gary Hart, Tiger Woods and a few others. OK so they’ve been right maybe three or four times…throughout their entire history.

The National Enquirer has a silent policy of no criticism of Donald Trump. They have also endorsed Trump which seems fair since their publication is probably his only news source, and odd that the National Enquirer is endorsing. That might be a reason not to vote for someone. The guy who provided this salacious information on Cruz has a history of playing dirty political tricks and he’s a good friend of The Donald, something Ted doesn’t have, friends.

The only thing that actually makes it somewhat believable is Ted Cruz’s denial. He came out strong, angry and blamed Trump. He even gave Trump a nickname, “Sleazy Donald,” which is fair since Trump keeps calling him “Lyin’ Ted.” I think these two should meet at the bike racks after school and fight it out. Trump blamed Cruz for the super pac ad of his wife, so I guess they’re even there. Trump attacks Heidi Cruz. Super pac attacks Melania Trump. Poor attention starved John Kasich is probably wondering why nobody ever calls his wife a “ho.”

None of the alleged paramours are named. Their photos are pixilated which has everyone guessing. Names are being tossed around. Normal journalism ethics are tossed out in the tabloid’s reporting, which is standard to the National Enquirer.

Sure I could be wrong on this but I’m not going to convict on such shoddy evidence.

How long until Trump brags that his mistresses are better looking than Cruz’s booty calls?

If other cartoonists read my blog they’d probably get six or seven cartoon ideas from each post.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!