shutdown

Some Garzonging Advice


cjones01032019

There are roughly 800,000 federal employees affected by Donald Trump’s government shutdown and will have to wait to receive back pay if any at all. Since Trump’s shutdown is expected to last into the new year (in case you’re a Republican, that’s beyond the first of the month), many are wondering how they’re going to make rent and pay other bills. Fortunately for them, the Office of Personnel Management has tweeted some advice. Barter.

That’s right. Barter. Tell your landlord that you have been furloughed due to Donald Trump shutting down the government over a racist vanity project and that you’re willing to do some chores to reduce your rent. I’m sure your landlord will be understanding, especially if he’s a Mexican-hating wall enthusiast, and will promptly find some toilets for you to unclog.

The OPM says it can’t offer legal advice on this matter, so those furloughed should consult with an attorney. How are they supposed to pay an attorney if they can’t pay rent? Of course, a lot of federal workers are restricted from taking outside work and would have to discuss the matter with their supervisor, who has probably also been furloughed. If it’s your job to answer the phone at your agency then there’s probably nobody there to answer when you call it yourself.

The bartering advice is so bad; it makes you think some idiot appointed the head of the OPM. Who appoints the directors of federal agencies? Oh, yeah. Donald Trump, who claims federal employees are fine with the shutdown because they want the border wall, and most who aren’t being paid are Democrats.

What a boob.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Rush For A Dumpster Fire


cjones12292018

After telling Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer that he’d be “proud to shut down the government” and he wouldn’t blame him, is anyone surprised Donald Trump is now blaming the Democrats for his shutdown?

On December 11, sitting in the Oval Office with Schumer and Nancy Pelosi, Trump said, “I am proud to shut down the government for border security, Chuck. … I will take the mantle. I will be the one to shut it down. I’m not going to blame you for it.” After shutting down the government, Trump tweeted on December 21, “Democrats now own the shutdown!” It’s as if video doesn’t exist.

I don’t believe anyone is surprised Trump lied. In fact, I think we all expected he’d blame Democrats, especially after he said he wouldn’t. Trump lies about everything, mostly about the wall he wants on our southern border, starting with “Mexico will pay for it.”

A wall on our southern border will never exist. It’s not necessary, logical, or feasible. It won’t cut down on illegal immigration as most here illegally entered the nation legally. How is a wall going to stop that? The wall is just a racist vanity project to drum up Trump’s withering base of sycophantic supporters. After telling his supporters that Mexico would pay for the wall, he’s now telling them Democrats won’t let him make you pay for it. For some reason, his base is upset they won’t be forced to pay for what they were promised Mexico was supposed to pay for. Now, many in his base are contributing to a GoFundMe to pay for the wall. That might be a great idea. Why should those of us who knew it was a con have to pay for Trump’s lie and broken campaign promise? Is Trump that great of a conman or is his base just that stupid?

How did we get to this shutdown crisis? Because Trump is a toddler having a temper tantrum. The Senate was set to approve a spending deal this week without the $5 billion Trump wants to kick-start his wall project. Trump was prepared to sign it, but after being goaded by the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and Laura Ingraham, he changed his mind and forced a government shutdown when it’s not necessary.

Trump realized if he gave up on the wall funding then the ruse is over. His base just might discover there was never any real intention to build a wall. In case you’re not smart enough to have known it was a con job back when he first proposed it during his presidential campaign, his phone call with Mexican president Peña Nieto should have made the con clear.

Shortly after taking office, Trump told Nieto about the wall, “Believe it or not, this is the least important thing that we are talking about, but politically this might be the most important talk about.” He then told Nieto, “The fact is we are both in a little bit of a political bind because I have to have Mexico pay for the wall. I have to. I have been talking about it for a two-year period, and the reason I say they are going to pay for the wall is because Mexico has made a fortune out of the stupidity of US trade representatives.”

He then proposed, “They are going to say, ‘Who is going to pay for the wall, Mr. President?’ to both of us, and we should both say, ‘We will work it out.’ It will work out in the formula somehow. As opposed to you saying, ‘We will not pay’ and me saying, ‘We will not pay.'” This was Trump begging Mexico to help him con his base.

Trump was about to fold and compromise with Congress until right-wing troglodytes on the radio threatened to expose the con.

Rush Limbaugh said, “It’s a textbook example of what the drive-by media calls compromise. Trump gets nothing, and the Democrats get everything, including control of the House.”

Ann Coulter said on a podcast that Trump’s White House would become “a joke presidency who scammed the American people” if he didn’t build the wall, adding that “he’ll have no legacy whatsoever.” Trump was so upset, he unfollowed her on Twitter. But, he caved into Coulter and Rush.

Donald Trump listens to Rush Limbaugh but not his Secretary of Defense. This is the madness and what Republican Senator Bob Corker called the “tyranny of talk radio hosts.” Forget what’s best for America, what does Rush Limbaugh think?

Trump didn’t just do Rush’s bidding. He called him to stop the bleeding with his base. On his show, Limbaugh said, “The president got word to me 20 minutes ago that if it comes back to him without money, if whatever happens in the House and Senate comes back to him with no allocation of $5 billion for the wall, then he’s going to veto it” It’s alarming the president is least concerned about the nation and more worried about what Limbaugh wants.

Trump doesn’t care about this nation. He doesn’t care about the border. He cares about Trump. He cares about his brand.

For all Trump cares, the nation and her people can burn in a dumpster just so long as his brand comes out unscathed.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

A Senate Upchuck


cjones01242018

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer looked Mitch McConnell in the eye, and he blinked. Despite having public support behind him, agreeing with his stance on DACA and blaming the GOP for the shutdown, Schumer caved.

Did Trump, the master of the Art of the Deal, out negotiate Schumer? No. Though the White House will claim victory and give credit to Trump, he sat on the sidelines. His only contribution was submitting confusion, releasing a commercial blaming Democrats for murders committed by illegal immigrants, and creating an outgoing voicemail from the White House insulting Democrats. But, for the most part, the GOP put Grandpa Trump in a corner. Trump had as much input into these negotiations as he did formulating the Eagle’s offensive game plan against the Vikings.

The reason the GOP won this showdown is that Chuck trusts Mitch. Schumer believes McConnell’s promise that he’ll bring a vote on DACA by February 17. This rosy scenario leaves Dreamers with many options, like, do I allow myself to be deported to a strange nation or do I find a place to hide from ICE agents?

This is the same Mitch McConnell who refused to bring a vote or a hearing on Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland. This is the same Mitch McConnell who promised Senator Susan Collins that Republicans would extend the Obamacare subsidies in exchange for her vote on the tax cut. This is the same Mitch McConnell who got Senator Jeff Flake’s vote on the tax cut bill in exchange for action on DACA, which is where we are today.

The Republicans claim they’re not holding Dreamers hostage, yet they held back on funding CHIP (Children’s health insurance) until they could use it as a pawn in this budget battle.

Schumer made a deal with a slimy turtle man without securing any guarantees from the House of Representatives, which is inhabited by immigrant-hating xenophobic white nationalists. Within hours of ending the shutdown, McConnell was referring to the Dreamers as “illegals.” Senators John Kennedy of Louisiana said the only way they’ll get a vote on DACA is if it’s tied to other immigration issues, like chain migration, the immigration lottery system, more security for our border, including funding for Trump’s border wall.

These people have betrayed their base with the lie that Mexico will pay for the wall. What makes Schumer think they’ll keep a promise to him?

And of course, you can’t trust Donald Trump. This guy made promises during negotiations only to back out of them later.

It seemed Trump adviser Stephen Miller was the only survivor from Trump’s creepy coalition of white nationalist xenophobes after the departures of Steve Bannon (for pissing everybody off) and Sebastian Gorka (who never got a security clearance and is a fugitive wanted in Hungary). Now it seems Miller has company as Chief of Staff John Kelly has turned out to be an immigrant hater. These two guys are formulating Trump’s America First policy, and they’re not open-minded toward allowing the 800,000 DACA recipients to stay in this nation.

There will be another budget showdown in two weeks. Kennedy has stated it will have to be resolved before they even talk about DACA. That means they will continue to hold it hostage, and if there is a vote, it won’t be a clean bill. Other immigration issues will have to be tied into it. Why? Because these guys are lying bastards.

Elected Republicans profess concern for DACA. Trump said he wants a “bill of love” to settle the situation. This is the same guy who has put the gun to the Dreamers’ foreheads. If you scroll through social media and read feeds from conservative voters, you’ll see that they refer to Dreamers as “illegals” (they’re not), and they would prefer they’re all kicked out of the nation. And, when they do vote on DACA, most of these Republicans are going to vote no.

Chuck Schumer has good intentions, but he’s a fool to trust Republicans. We already know Trump is a liar and a conman. McConnell will make promises he never intends to keep. Paul Ryan, who has to placate the most extreme of the far right in his caucus, isn’t even in on this deal. At the top of all this is the White House. Schumer may have put the future of Dreamers in the hands of Stephen Baby Goebbels Miller.

Leaving Dreamers with Stephen Miller is a dumber idea than hiring Michael Myers as your babysitter on Halloween. It’s not going to end well.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Trumpie’s Choice


cjones01222018

Republicans are blaming Democrats for the shutdown despite the fact they control the House, the Senate, and the Presidency. Donald Trump even said in 2013, “A shutdown falls on the President’s lack of leadership. He can’t even control his party and get people together in a room. A shutdown means the President is weak.”

The Republicans are complaining that the Democrats are holding the government hostage for “illegals.” Trump said publicly last week that he would sign a bipartisan agreement and “take the heat” for it. He lied. After a bipartisan deal was brought to him, he rejected it.

The situation of DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals), the program that allows immigrants to remain in this nation who were brought here as children, became a crisis after Trump revoked Obama’s Executive Order allowing them to stay. These are people who are basically Americans, brought here by no fault of their own, and contribute to society. These are not lawbreakers or criminals. Trump is the one who inserted DACA into the government showdown.

The Republicans say they will address DACA before March when they’ll be deported or forced into hiding if nothing is done, but in case you haven’t been paying attention, you can’t trust the Republicans. Trump has lied daily since he started his campaign, and his words and actions from this past week alone, from breaking his promise on DACA and saying he didn’t want people from “shithole countries” and wanted more white people from Norway, shows what sort of negotiating partner the Democrats are dealing with.

While Republicans in government say they want to work out an agreement to allow the Dreamers to stay, every Republican you talk to on social media talks about kicking them all out. If the base wants to screw them over, then what will a president, who only appeals to his base, do?

If DACA shouldn’t be a part of this, then Trump’s border wall shouldn’t be a part of the budget. Trump wants $20 billion for the wall. Let me refresh your memory: Trump’s primary campaign promise, the message he gave when he announced his candidacy after riding down that escalator, was that Mexico will pay for this wall. You and I are not Mexico, yet that’s who he wants to pay for the wall.

Democrats are willing to give Trump some funding for the wall. Personally, I don’t think they should give him one cent. I don’t want to pay for his broken campaign promises, even if his sycophants do. Let them pay for his racist wall.

Republicans don’t want DACA in the deal, but they do want to fund Trump’s broken promises. Tell me again why we can trust them?

Republicans threw CHIP (Children’s Health Insurance Program) into the deal, offering to fund it for six years. The program has bipartisan support, somewhat. While they point out the urgency for funding CHIP, they overlook that it ran out last September and there was no GOP urgency at that time. Why? Because CHIP is being used against DACA. Republicans are trying to force Democrats to choose between children’s health and Dreamers being allowed to stay in the country, which Trump already promised. But, we’ve seen what becomes of Trump’s promises.

Trump also wants to hold the Dreamers hostage to get full funding for his wall, which again, he said Mexico would pay for.

This is the first time since the Carter Administration that there’s been a government shutdown while one party controlled the Presidency, House, and Senate. There were five shutdowns and they were all about abortion. The Republicans should own this.

The Republicans have broken promises, and they’re holding children as hostages. Why should we give them our trust? Why should we accept the choices they are offering? This isn’t about politics. This is about people.

In 2013, Trump said a shutdown means the president is weak. Trump is weak, and he’s proven he’s a shitty negotiator. You don’t negotiate in good faith by holding children hostage, making people choose one or the other, while you continue to break promises after promises. Democrats need to show Trump they’re the honest ones, and they’re not weak. Don’t give him a cent for his wall and don’t sign a deal hoping he’ll keep a promise later. I don’t want to hang the future of 800,000 Dreamers on the hope Donald Trump keeps his word.

We can’t trust him.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

On Thin Ice


cjones01202018

I was watching Morning Joe this morning, and for the few minutes they weren’t talking about Donald Trump getting a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter, they talked to Republican Congressman Jim Jordan.

Jordan did not talk about spankings with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of Trump’s daughter, but he did talk about the budget crisis. He said the voters put Trump and the GOP in charge of the government (Before they knew about the spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter) to accomplish all their promises, so Democrats should go ahead and pass the temporary budget fix to keep the government open. If there’s a shutdown, then it’s all the Democrats fault.

Let’s look at that logic. If the voters put you in charge to keep your promises, then why do you need the Democrats’ help? You have control of all three branches of government. How is it the Democrats fault that you don’t know how to legislate? Next, you’ll blame them for Trump’s spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

The Republicans could create legislation that would appeal to enough Democrats to pass their budget, but running the government isn’t as simple as Trump getting a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter

By the way, I wouldn’t talk about the voters giving you a mandate when over three million more of them voted for Trump’s opponent (imagine how many more it would have been if they knew about that spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter), not to mention that over 80% of voters believe Dreamers should be able to stay in this nation. Yeah, that Dreamer issue.

The Republicans argue that Democrats shouldn’t demand it is a part of this budget deal, and that they’re not holding Dreamers hostage (like Trump was held hostage during that spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter). Go talk to a Dreamer who doesn’t know if they’ll get to stay here, continue working or going to school, or end up being shipped to a country they’ve never known. Donald Trump inserted the Dreamer crisis into this issue by revoking Obama’s Executive Order that allowed them to stay here. You broke it, you bought it (which might be something Trump said during that spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter).

Did voters send Trump to the Oval Office so he could lie about legislation? He told Democrats and Republicans that if they sent him a deal on DACA, that he would sign it and take the heat. They proposed a deal and he backtracked. Donald Trump is a liar. Republicans are legislating, trying to send something to his desk, and they don’t know what the man wants (spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter) because he keeps changing his mind.

Right now, we have a better idea of what Trump wants in the bedroom than what he wants in this budget (spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter).

Republicans think it’s crazy that DACA has to be a part of this but not funding for Trump’s stupid “I Hate Mexicans” wall. Why should this be in the budget when we were told Mexico would pay for this wall? That’s almost as crazy as someone wanting a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

Democrats, don’t budge. Don’t give jerks one cent for that wall. Mexico was supposed to pay for it. Don’t bend over (like Trump does for a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter) because Trump lied and can’t keep a campaign promise.

If Trump can’t keep his promises, Democrats shouldn’t pay for that. Trump should like he paid to keep it quiet that he got a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

North and South Korea are probably laughing at us over this budget thing, in addition to Trump’s spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

By the way, did you hear about Trump’s spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter? Some people can’t stop talking about it.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude