School Shootings

Critical Gun Theory


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Republicans are really good at protecting us from things that don’t exist. Remember when Donald Trump’s education secretary said there should be guns in schools to protect students from bears? But you have to admit, there have been no public school bear maulings since she brought it up. Bears must have heard this while watching Fox News and said, “Well, shit. We can’t maul children at schools anymore. We may as well just go the parking lot at Kroger and maul some shoppers there.”

Over the past year, Republicans have been livid over critical race theory. Some state legislatures even passed laws banning the teaching of critical race theory in public schools. They didn’t worry about private schools because they teach white victimization, white privilege doesn’t exist, and slaves were immigrants with job offers.

When Glenn Youngkin was campaigning for the governorship of Virginia, he kept talking about critical race theory, and then he’d talk some more about critical race theory, then he’d take a break to talk about President Biden sending the FBI after white parents, and then he’d talk some more about critical race theory. And it worked. He won by talking about critical race theory and that FBI-white-parents bullshit.

But you know what’s NOT in public schools anywhere in Virginia or the rest of the country? Critical race theory. Do you know what keeps getting into schools? Guns. Guns are continuing to get into schools and Republicans are not doing anything about it. Instead, they focus on imaginary problems.

Why don’t we just let critical race theory get into our schools and allow Republicans to protect students from it the way they protect students from mass shootings, with thoughts and prayers. Hey, they can pray that students don’t get educated. If Republicans have their way, they won’t. Look at Texas.

While Republicans have created laws to ban something from schools that don’t really exist, many of them are trying to create laws to put more guns into schools. Conservative logic is that guns are needed to save us from guns. They love the good-guy-with-a-gun argument except that fucking theory is total bullshit.

Remember the church shooting in Sutherland Springs, Texas in 2017? The shooter murdered 26 people and injured 22 more. A “good guy with a gun” arrived and chased the shooter down after shooting him twice. Republicans everywhere got an erection from this good-guy story because their health plans pay for Viagra. But the truth is, that good guy with a gun didn’t save one life. The good guy with a gun didn’t take any action until AFTER the shooter was done murdering people. The good guy shot the shooter twice, and the shooter still got into his vehicle. The good guy was an NRA shooting instructor and still wasn’t able to stop the shooter. The good guy with a gun went after the shooter, never mind the people bleeding to death inside the church. If that good guy had actually gone into the church to stop someone’s bleeding instead of being a macho man and snapping into a Slim Jim while roaring down a Texas highway after a shooter the cops were also chasing, perhaps he would have saved a life.

The shooter shot over 700 rounds in 11 minutes. Where was the good guy with a gun? Outside waiting for the shooter to emerge after he was done murdering people. The good guy saved ZERO lives. The good guy just wanted to play Rambo without putting his life in danger. He allowed people inside the church to bleed to death. The good guy became a right-wing folk here. Also, that was in Texas. It’s hard to believe there wasn’t at least one parishioner inside that church who was packing.

There was another school shooting yesterday, this time in Oxford, Michigan. Three students are dead and eight others were wounded. The shooting was carried out by a 15-year-old who used a 9 mm Sig Sauer SP2022 semi-automatic pistol that was bought for him by his father on…wait for it…Black Friday. Three 15-round magazines were purchased with the pistol and the kid took all three with him. Thanks, Super Dad. This kid killed and injured more people than Kyle Rittenhouse. Maybe he can use the Rittenhouse self-defense defense. Maybe one of the people he shot was about to slap him with a ruler.

Also, I’m not sure the kid had enough weaponry. He was going into a school with a semi-automatic pistol. Someone in that school could have had a skateboard and you know the only defense against a skateboard is an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle. Did you know that because he’s so good at skateboarding, Tony Hawk is considered the most dangerous person in America? Look it up. It’s true.

What will Republicans do about this latest shooting? Thoughts and prayers. Now, if someone tries to bring critical race theory into the school, then we’ll see some Republican outrage. And using GOP logic, we need critical race theory in public schools to protect students from critical race theory.

Guns in schools is not a theory. They’re real and they kill. The real theory is that Republicans actually care about protecting children from gun violence. Hell, the only Republican who remembers Sandy Hook is Alex Jones.

Republicans are good at protecting us from shit that doesn’t exist. It’s like solving non-existent problems.

Creative note: Two fun facts about today’s cartoon: It kept waking me up. I went to bed with the idea and I kept waking up wondering how to do it. This happens more often than you’d think. My cartoons wake me up.
Fact two: I drew it while listening to the Sex Pistols.

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Watch me draw:

Enough


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Black Lives Matter is a bunch of thugs advocating killing cops.

Antifa is a terrorist organization equivalent to Nazis and white supremacists.

The Women’s March on Washington is a bunch of women searching for a cause while wearing vaginas on their heads, which needs to be over in time to cook dinner.

The #MeToo movement is fine just so long as they only accuse liberals and Democratic men of sexual harassment, assault, and rape, and leave Republicans out of it.

NFL players kneeling during the national anthem to protest police violence, discrimination, and a disparate justice system is a bunch of sons of bitches disrespecting our flag and troops, and they should be fired for not knowing their place.

High school students protesting school shootings are actually paid actors organized by liberal activists.

We should only protest abortion.

Can someone get me a copy of the Republican handbook, so I can find the clause that requires them to be assholes? It’s probably in the section written by the NRA.

The Republican response to criticism they can’t counter is to discredit it. When you shout about injustice, they tell you to be quiet. When you quietly protest, they tell you to pick a better time. When you want to talk about gun violence, they say it’s too soon. When students say they don’t want to be afraid to go to school, Republicans say they’re too young to have an opinion.

Republicans are not good with movements. They picked a name for their last big one without the foresight to see they were inviting the “tea bag” label. When they criticize the pussy hats as vaginas worn on heads, it makes you realize they’ve never seen a vagina, which they probably took care of after Googling Donald Trump’s latest girlfriend.

When children are targets of gun violence, they have a right to express an opinion on it. They have the right to try to save their lives. We have the responsibility to save them. It’s negligent on our part to try to shut them up. It’s criminal not to do anything about the dangers they face. It’s reprehensible to continue taking money from the NRA while you watch them die. This is why they’re marching and saying “enough.”

No one is ever too young to be informed. There are examples every day of conservatives who need a basic civics lesson. From sharing fake news on social media, to being gullible enough to become a Russian troll, to becoming a congressman who doesn’t understand how a FISA memo works, to being the President of the United States wrongly telling the Prime Minister of Canada we have a trade deficit, Republicans are too old to be so misinformed.

People who can’t name the three branches of government, who don’t understand the Second Amendment doesn’t give you a right to fire as many bullets within a minute as possible, and couldn’t find South Dakota on a map if you spot them North Dakota, shouldn’t be telling anyone to shut up.

This Saturday, students from across the nation will converge on the nation’s capital. It will most likely outnumber the attendance for Trump’s inauguration. They’ll be telling us adults they’ve had enough. We need to listen and do something about it. This is a movement where the children are educating the adults.

Enough is enough.

Here’s the video.

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Skanking With The NRA


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As predictable as conservative political cartoonists drawing crying Uncle Sams after this week’s school shooting in Parkland, Florida, Republicans tweeted out “thoughts and prayers.”

Thoughts and prayers are very nice. I’m not against thoughts and prayers. I am against only offering thoughts and prayers. Republicans are bad about offering thoughts and prayers while aiding a lobbying organization that opposes all methods of gun control, or even gun sense.

After the Las Vegas shooting, we were told it was too soon to talk about it. But, there was talk of ending the sale of bump stocks, a device that basically turns a semi-automatic weapon into an automatic weapon. It’s been five months since the Vegas massacre, but I guess it’s still too soon because we’ve yet to see any effort in ending the sales of bump stocks.

Incredulity has been expressed at the fact a 19-year-old can’t buy a drink, can’t buy a handgun, but in Florida, he can purchase a semi-automatic AR-15, the gun of choice for mass shooters. That’s the law and there’s nothing illegal about it until he starts shooting his former classmates. Will we see Republicans, who control the House, Senate, Presidency, and even the governorship in Florida, do anything about this? Looking at the financial contributions from the NRA to Republicans, all we can expect are more thoughts and prayers while creating laws that make it as easy as possible to kill dozens of people in a manner of minutes.

While Trump’s lawyer pays off porn stars to shut up, the NRA pays of Republicans to tell us to shut up about gun control. The porn star was a lot cheaper and has higher principles.

Senator John McCain is the granddaddy of receiving money from the NRA. He’s taken $7,740,521. But, he did offer thoughts and prayers.

Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina has accepted $6, 986,620 from the NRA. He also offered thoughts and prayers.

Roy Blunt, Senator from Missouri, got $4,551,146. He too offered thoughts and prayers.

Cory Gardner, Senator from Colorado, got $3,879,064. He sent his thoughts and prayers.

Iowa Senator Joni Ernst took $3,124,273 and gave us thoughts and prayers.

Indiana’s Todd Young got $2,896,732 and gave thoughts and prayers.

Louisiana’s Bill Cassidy received $2,861,047 and also gave thoughts and prayers.

Those numbers are just from the Senate. I didn’t include contributions to the House. But you can check out the list at The New York Times. Among the highest recipients of NRA funds in the House, 95 out of 100 are Republican. The top two Democrats in the Senate are Joe Manchin of West Virginia and Patrick Leahy of Vermont, who rank 52nd and 53rd — behind every Republican but Dan Sullivan of Alaska.

The NRA spent over $50 million to elect Trump, and there are questions about some of that money coming from Russia.

In Florida, Senator Marco Rubio has received $3,303,355, and Governor Rick Scott, along with Rubio, has an A+ rating from the NRA, which means they belong to the NRA.

When asked about gun control, Rubio said it was too soon to talk about it after the Parkland shooting “because people don’t know how this happened.” Yes, we do, Marco. A kid bought a semi-automatic weapon, which is legal because politicians like you allow it, and he took it to a school and shot 17 people. That’s what happened.

Don’t expect solutions from these people. Do not expect gun sense, common sense, or any sense. Do not expect results.

But they will give you lots of thoughts and prayers.

Here’s the video.

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