Scaramucci

General Kelly, Meet Captain Chaos


cjones08022017

“Oh and you know the thing about chaos, it’s fair.” – The Joker, The Dark Knight, 2008

Not every individual in the Trump administration is regarded as an incompetent loon, like Rick Perry, Betsy Devos, Ben Carson, Kellyanne Conway, etc. Rex Tillerson, General James “Mad Dog” Mattis, and H.R. McMaster have entered with respect and dignity in Washington only to see it all erode under the presidency of Trump.

Tillerson has a smaller staff than Jared Kushner and the man has stood by Trump’s side when he cuddled up to Putin. Mattis has trouble explaining an administration’s policies on defense when that administration dictates those policies by tweets. H.R. McMaster has gone before the press assuring the nation that Trump didn’t spill secrets to Russians in the Oval Office, only to have Trump undercut him by confirming that he gave secrets to the Russians.

Now General John Kelly is leaving his position as Secretary of Homeland Security to replace Reince Priebus as Chief of Staff. The idea here is that the White House staff will now actually report to the Chief of Staff. What a novel concept.

Kelly’s first act on his very first day on the job was to cut out one of the many cancers in the White House and fire Anthony Scaramucci. The Mooch was shit-canned ten days after being hired for a job he had not technically even started yet.

Trump loved The Mooch’s bombastic style as it resembles Trump’s own art of fuckery and self-destruction. Trump even endorsed the chaos and infighting Moochy brought to the team and told the guy that he wouldn’t report to the Chief of Staff, and would be supervised only by Trump. With the hiring of Mooch, out went Sean Spicer and a few days later, Priebus.

According to anonymous sources within the White House, one of Kelly’s terms of taking the job was to get rid of Scaramucci. The general did not want to run an organization full of infighting and backstabbing. The White House says Trump, the “pussy grabber,” couldn’t condone the language The Mooch used in a New Yorker interview. It probably didn’t help The Mooch’s standing with Trump that he was getting more attention.

Within the last ten days, Scaramucci was hired, attacked colleagues publicly, his wife filed for divorce and then gave birth while Scaramucci was traveling with Trump. That was just a little too much Page Six for The Donald.

Now Kelly is controlling the White House staff and everyone will report to him instead of having direct access to the president….except Ivanka, Jared, probably Stephen Bannon, Stephen Miller, and Putin.

But how will Kelly control the chaos when the commander and chief of chaos is in the Oval Office? Will he uninstall the Twitter app from Trump’s phone, explain to Trump the Nuclear Triad, prevent him from endorsing police brutality, make him stop lying about crowd sizes and wiretaps, or get him to cease from obstructing justice? How will Kelly help Trump stop obsessing over Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton? What sort of shiny objects will he use to distract Trump from Robert Mueller? Can he prevent Trump from writing press releases for Don Jr. that lie about his meetings with Russians? How will Kelly reply when asked to substantiate typical Donald Trump bullshit? Will the general refuse to back up lies or will he become less prestigious than that cartoon general who sells car insurance?

General Kelly commanded troops in Iraq, which is less of a quagmire than Trump’s hair or the chaotic gunk he sprays on his face.

Now The Mooch is out and the general can conduct a White House of substance and rationality…until Kellyanne Conway takes over as Communications Director. Good luck, General!

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Reince, Rough Up, Repeat


cjones07302017

I expect a future Trump cabinet meeting to be conducted like a gathering of Dr. Evil’s henchmen, where they’re all sitting at a table in his lair with one in the chair that sends him to a malfunctioning fire pit. Poor Reince Priebus didn’t even get the luxury of being taken out by a fembot unless you consider Anthony Scaramucci a mechanical bitch.

Donald Trump is rarely correct about anything, but he was right about Priebus. He’s weak. After “resigning” as White House Chief of Staff Friday, Priebus swore his loyalty to Trump and explained his departure as the administration needing “fresh people.” What, are they fruit? Do people go rancid after six months? Trust me. If you’re a candidate to work for Trump, you started off failing the smell test.

This is how Trump treats loyalty. He attacks you constantly, often publicly as he’s doing with Jeff Sessions, and then he sends one of his goombahs after you. In this case, Scaramucci.

Scaramucci publicly chastised Priebus, calling him a “paranoid schizophrenic paranoiac” while accusing him of leaking. Scaramucci described himself as a “front stabber” in contrast to Priebus, who he considers a backstabber. But isn’t bitching to a reporter about a colleague in what you think is an off-the-record interview a form of backstabbing?

Scaramucci also said Stephen Bannon was promoting his own brand off the president’s, and that Bannon was “sucking his own cock.” Scaramucci would never suck his own as he’s too busy working on the president’s. He loves the president. He loves the president. He loves the president. Did he mention that he loves the president? Yeah, once or twice. He’s even imitating Trump where Alec Baldwin might wanna take notes.

This entire administration is running like a third-rate mob. Officials in the administration went after Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski this week and threatened government programs in her state if she didn’t support the GOP’s health-care bill. When do they start breaking thumbs?

Priebus was interviewed by CNN’s Wolf Blitzer Friday afternoon, not just praising the president, but refusing to defend himself from The Mooch’s attacks. As Trump would describe it, weak. Instead of punishing the bully, Trump got rid of the victim. The bully is still there.

You can’t imagine anyone being treated this way who served in the Obama or Bush administrations. There’s always competition and backstabbing, but no public attacks encouraged by the president. But, Trump likes it when people get roughed up.

On Friday, the president of the United States endorsed police brutality. While speaking to law enforcement officials in Long Island, he diverted from praising himself in his speech to tell the cops they shouldn’t be concerned about hurting people while they’re being taken into custody. Trump told the cops, “please, don’t be too nice.” Being that they were cops, they wildly applauded the president’s endorsement of beating up suspects in their custody. What’s next for Trump? Endorsing planting evidence? Maybe Mark Fuhrman can replace Jeff Sessions.

After speaking to the police, the Suffolk County Police Department tweeted, “As a department, we do not and will not tolerate roughing up of prisoners.” It was the second time in the same week that a group Trump spoke to had to publicly distance themselves from the president. But, just as the Boy Scouts cheered Trump’s attacks on the media, Obama, and Hillary Clinton, the police in attendance applauded roughing up prisoners.

Trump’s fine with people being physically assaulted, grabbed by the vagina, thrown under the bus, trashed in public, and ridiculed and humiliated by the president of the United States. The only rough treatment Trump can’t tolerate is when someone questions his crowd size or disses Ivanka’s shoes.

This week has been described by many in the media as the worst week in the Trump presidency. They have a point as Trump lost his health-care bill, his new Communications Director publicly suffered the mouth trots, and his Chief of Staff resigned. But, saying this week is the worst yet is a bold statement as each of them has been a raging dumpster fire.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

The Mooch


cjones07292017

I’m not real crazy about making fun of stereotypes, except when a person is a walking stereotype. Anthony Scaramucci, come on down! If the lobby defending Italians from stereotypes in political cartoons comes after me, please note that last week Ancestry.com told me there’s a very low possibility that I’m two percent Italian. So it’s OK.

I’m also not a fan of knowing people in the news. Why? Because you start to like them which doesn’t help when you’re in the business of making fun of them and pointing out their flaws. A few weeks ago I had an interaction with Scaramucci and I have to admit, I liked the guy. He seemed like a really nice person, though he wasn’t calling me names, threatening to get me fired, or accusing me of trying to give myself oral sex.

The Mooch is the new Communications Director for the White House, and he got a better deal than most that have held that position as he reports directly to the president instead of the Chief of Staff.

Moochy was on the transition team and was in the running for a job in the administration last January, but something happened that prevented him from getting that job. It seems in Mooch’s view, the Chief of Staff, Reince Priebus, “cock blocked” him (I don’t think the term is appropriate here as it’s usually for when one guy prevents another guy from getting laid. So unless Priebus prevented Mooch from sleeping with Donald Trump, it was used incorrectly). And you thought we were going to miss Sean Spicer.

During the campaign, Mooch endorsed Scott Walker, and then Jeb Bush, and finally he came around to Trump. He had tweeted support to Hillary Clinton in the past and a host of viewpoints that are counter to his new boss’ views. Mooch deleted all those tweets and admitted doing so as he wanted to be “transparent.” Yo, Mooch. Deleting isn’t transparent. “Transparent” means you let people see shit. Don’t be making me shake my head over here. But hey, it’s transparent that Mooch will sell out his views for a high-profile government position.

Mooch is helping fulfill every sane person’s prediction that Trump would bring chaos to the White House, and Mooch hasn’t even started on the job yet. His interview with Ryan Lizza of the New Yorker is an early indication of what sort of bedlam we have to look forward to.

Mooch, apparently with Trump’s permission, is gunning for Reince Priebus. He said “Reince Priebus — if you want to leak something — he’ll be asked to resign very shortly. … Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac.” He then did a Priebus imitation: ” ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ”

Then he said, “Yeah, let me go, though, because I’ve gotta start tweeting some shit to make this guy crazy.” He went on to tweet, “In light of the leak of my financial disclosure info which is a felony. I will be contacting @FBI and the @JusticeDepartment #Swamp @Reince45.” Yeah, he tweeted that at Reince and later deleted the tweet and said that he wasn’t accusing him of leaking, even though he told Lizza that was the very thing he was about to do, to make him go “crazy.”

One detail about the leak of his financial information: It’s actually public information so it’s not a felony. You would think a guy who went to Harvard law school would know this. A college dropout political cartoonist knows this. What don’t they teach at Harvard? Felonies and the definition of cock-blocking? Does he think cock-blocking is a felony? Well, it should be.

But it gets better. He then attacked Stephen Bannon, which is always fun. He said, “I’m not Stephen K. Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock. “I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the president. I’m here to serve the country.” Now I don’t know if Bannon has that skill set and it’s probably really difficult while wearing a Klan hood, but it would explain why he never appears in public, and he always seems out of breath.

He was also upset that someone leaked to Lizza that he was having dinner with Trump and Sean Hannity. That’s understandable because who wants it known that you’re dining with Hannity? Did you see the movie Dinner For Schmucks? But, he was angry about the leak and pressured Lizza on who did it.

On this issue his tirade went as so; “You’re an American citizen, this is a major catastrophe for the American country (I’m glad he was specific on which country it’s bad for. I would have thought England. The Queen is quite cross about this). He continued, “so I’m asking you as an American patriot to give me a sense of who leaked it.” He promised to fire everyone if Lizza didn’t tell him; “I’m going to fire every one of them, and then you haven’t protected anybody, so the entire place will be fired over the next two weeks.” And then he boasted, “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you.”

Here are a few more tips for Mooch. Journalists don’t give up their sources. Also, how in the world is it a “major catastrophe” that it was leaked that you, Hannity, and Trump were dining together? I mean, that’s further proof that Hannity is as much of a sycophant as you are, but I really don’t see how it endangers the nation unless you think it’s news to bad guys that the president stays at the White House. Dude, you went to Harvard, not Trump University (where you can enroll in Cock-Blocking 101). Act like it.

As if attacking the Chief of Staff and accusing Bannon of mouth-pleasuring himself wasn’t enough, he mused about killing the leakers and said, “What I want to do is I want to fucking kill all the leakers and I want to get the President’s agenda on track so we can succeed for the American people.” Yeah, Mooch. Democracies are run by people who kill their opponents and critics. I’m pretty sure Saddam Hussein thought he was making Iraq “great again” too.

This is fun stuff and all but I’m gonna have to ask Mooch to take an occasional day off. Now and then I’d like to do a cartoon about something other than the Trump administration and the fucknuts he hires. Anthony follows me on Twitter so maybe he’ll see my request. I did request to attend a White House Press Briefing but that went nowhere, so I’m not going to hold my breath on this one.

Is Anthony Scaramucci qualified to be White House communications director for a man who is not qualified to be president? Fuggedaboutit!

Creative notes: In my defense, Goodfellas and Casino were both on TV Wednesday night. I had mobster lingo and accents in my head all day. Plus, last night I had a meatball sandwich.

Most cartoonists will tell you the very best cartoons don’t have any words at all. I agree with that and usually, the more words, the weaker the cartoon. But, I think I’m pretty decent at turning phrases and occasionally I’m going to spend three hours lettering. It’s worse than drawing crowd scenes…or grass. Yeah. We hate drawing grass.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.