Russian Collusion

Rudy Colludy

cjones10232020

Rudy is still at it. Despite the arguments during Donald Trump’s impeachment hearings that everything was on the up-and-up with their asking Ukraine for election help, Rudy is still mining that nation for fools gold.

Now, Rudy has acquired a laptop he claims belongs to Hunter Biden. He took it to The New York Post with a shady story no other news outlet would accept. This story didn’t even land on Fox News first. Hell, even the National Enquirer didn’t go for it.

Basically, there’s an email in the laptop supposedly between Hunter Biden and an official from Burisma, the Ukrainian energy company Hunter worked for, that claims a meeting was held between him and then-Vice President Joe Biden in 2015. Yet, there is no evidence or public records of any such meeting. A vice-president’s schedule is usually on a public record. Yet, for some stupid reason, the FBI is still investigating it. Maybe because Donald Trump is screaming for his political opponent to be arrested, even though he can’t specify any crimes.

The reporter who wrote the story refused to have his name attached to it. Other journalists at the Post have protested their publication’s running of a story that doesn’t meet journalistic ethic requirements…and this is The New York Post.

The back story is: An owner of a computer repair shop in Delaware claims the laptop was dropped off by Hunter Biden, but his eyesight is poor so he’s not sure Hunter dropped it off. It could have been the Cookie Monster for all he knows. The computer was water damaged and for some reason, there’s no story about Hunter or anyone returning to retrieve the computer. Then, the owner saw the email and contacted Rudy Giuliani.

There’s a lot that smells here. The owner of the shop went through the private emails on the hard drive? The owner of the shop gave the hard drive or computer to be used politically? And, the owner doesn’t know who his customer is? If you live in Delaware, find out where this computer repair shop is and NEVER EVER EVER EVER give them your business.

Also, Hunter is a rich dude. Typically, if a laptop messes up or is seriously damaged, you’d just trash it, even way back in 2015. I’m a poor dude and I have three useless laptops in my closet. The only reason a guy like Hunter Biden would take a laptop in to be repaired would be because there’s something important on there he needs, and it wouldn’t be emails because you can just get those off whichever server you’re using. But, that can’t be the case because he never returned to pick it up. The story about dropping it off at a repair shop doesn’t make sense.

It doesn’t make sense The New York Post ran with it. The only story the press should run with this is that the guy we used to call “America’s mayor” and who is a former federal prosecutor, is now pushing bogus crazy uncle Qanon-type conspiracy theories. What has Rudy Colludy done now? Rudy’s even saying that America needs to know this Hunter Biden laptop story, even if it’s not true.

Hey, America needs to know that Rudy Giuliani married his second cousin, whether it’s true or not. Spoiler alert: It’s true.

Is this how Rudy used to prosecute cases? Your Honor, we don’t know who did it, who owns the laptop, if there was a meeting, and if there was, what it was about, and we don’t have any reliable witnesses…but we think there was somebody who did something bad and Joe Biden is connected to it somehow…I have a feeling about these sorts of things, also…I need a DNA test on some demon sperm.

It doesn’t make sense the FBI is investigating the story. Are they going to investigate chemtrails next? Maybe the FBI should look into the Qanon theory about cannibalistic pedophiliac Democrats worshipping Satan.

It doesn’t make sense Rudy hasn’t been arrested…or the computer shop owner. Rudy is running around with stolen property. Now, there are reports he’s taking it to a local police department in Delaware which also doesn’t make sense if the FBI is already on it. Also, why doesn’t that police department arrest Rudy as soon as he shows up with stolen property? And Rudy can’t say he’s holding onto it for evidence because Rudy is no authority. He’s a private citizen…who’s insane.

Rudy isn’t just on Trump’s leash. He’s on Putin’s. America’s mayor is now Putin’s poodle.

What else doesn’t make sense is that Jeffrey Toobin story… Yeah, that’s just weird. Who does that?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Trump Ruins Everything

cjones12312018

Imagine your kid calls into the NORAD Santa Tracker to talk to one of the trackers about Santa’s whereabouts and instead, your child gets the president of the United States. Wow! How exciting that must be…unless that president is Donald Trump. Then it’s horrifying.

One unfortunate seven-year-old’s dumb luck got him the president, who said, “Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at 7, it’s marginal, right?” Why, why, why would he say that? Oh yeah. Because he’s the dumbest, rudest, most idiotic president in the history of presidents.

The child didn’t call for reassurance about the existence of Santa Claus. It’s like Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin telling Wall Street not to worry because the banks haven’t run out of money. Mnuchin told the banks they needed to worry about banks running out of money and Trump told a small child that her parents may have been lying to her for her entire life.

By saying it was “marginal” at her age, Trump was saying that she’s at the age where children usually catch on to the whole Santa thing. But children should learn the truth about Santa from their parents, not the president of the United States. How would he feel if someone called Eric and told him there’s no Santa?

Mike Huckabee, the father of Trump’s main spokesgoon defended Trump and said, “It wasn’t like he was boiling the little girl’s bunny rabbit in a pot on the stove or something.” So, how many times in the past has Trump boiled a child’s rabbit?

Stock market, economy, relationship with our allies, trust in our nation, the entire government, even Christmas….Donald Trump ruins everything.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Counting Isn’t Cheating

cjones11162018

Donald Trump refused to believe Russia meddled in the 2016 presidential election, often calling it a hoax. He claims the investigation is a “witch hunt.” He trusted Vladimir Putin’s denial over American intelligence, which is part of his government. He claimed millions voted illegally and created a sham commission, now dismantled, to investigate. He campaigned during the midterms on a caravan invasion that the Democrats created to vote in U.S. elections.

Trump called for a new election in the Arizona Senate race, claiming there was corruption. The race has now been called for Democrat Kyrsten Sinema and her Republican opponent, Martha McSally has conceded.

In Georgia, where the race is still too close to call and counting continues, Trump declared Republican Brian Kemp the winner, “the transition should begin”, and “it’s time to move on.”

In the Florida recount, he claims it’s impossible to get an “honest vote count,” and that a “large number of ballots showed up out of nowhere,” and that we “must go with Election Night” numbers.

Donald Trump wants voting to stop. He wants thousands, if not millions of Americans to have their votes disenfranchised, even service members whose votes are still coming in from overseas. He believes counting every vote after he perceives his side has won, amounts to cheating and election fraud.

Donald Trump is the president of the United States of America, and he doesn’t understand how democracy works. We count votes here in the United States. Every vote should be counted. For that matter, other Republicans don’t seem to understand it either.

Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp worked hard to remove African Americans from the voter rolls to prevent them from voting in an election in which he was competing. Florida governor Rick Scott, has also accused the recount of being corrupt, and sent law enforcement to oversee the recount.

Scott’s state government has debunked his and Trump’s accusations of voter fraud and corruption. Sure, Broward County, where they’re still counting, is inept at handling elections, but that doesn’t make them corrupt. Republicans are afraid of voters. They’re afraid of every vote being counted. Voters should be afraid of Republicans. If they can’t win fairly, they’ll cheat. Even when the odds, numbers, and demographics are in their favor, they’ll still cheat. They’re like the New England Patriots, except really racist while cheating.

Donald Trump doesn’t understand how Democracy works. Maybe, in 2020, we can show him.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Blackmail

cjones03132018

Alyssa Mastromonaco, former deputy chief of staff for operations in the Obama administration recently wrote, “When you go to work in the White House, you divest yourself of your secrets for the same reason you divest yourself of your financial holdings: so people can’t blackmail you.”

Jared and Ivanka Trump both lied about their debt while filing their disclosure forms with the FBI for their security clearances. They initially claimed their debts were somewhere between $19 million to $98 million. Later, they had to resubmit to claim their debts were actually somewhere between $31 million to $155 million. They’re either liars or they don’t own a calculator.

People working in the West Wing who don’t come clean about the amount of their debt, or who they’re indebted to, or the fact they’re wife beaters, are susceptible to blackmail. This doesn’t apply just to people who work for the president, but the person who is the president. Our first warning sign was the fact he wouldn’t release his taxes.

Donald Trump is the first president in the modern era not to release his taxes. He promised he would and then reneged on that promise. Whether his supporters care or not, he’s got something to hide. While we initially thought he was hiding the fact he’s not as rich as he claims, it’s come to light that he’s hiding where his money is coming from and who he’s indebted to.

While Donald Trump may be more of a collection of horrible traits than an actual human being, the horrible trait of being exposed to blackmail may be the most serious and dangerous to our nation.

There shouldn’t be a debate whether Trump is susceptible to blackmail because blackmail has been paid in the past to protect him. It may not ever come to light that Trump ever paid blackmail himself, as his friends at the National Enquirer and his lawyer have covered his ass for him in the past.

The National Enquirer buys stories from women who claim they’ve slept with Trump, sign the rights so the publication has the exclusive story, and then never publish the story. Trump’s lawyer claims he paid off porn star Stormy Daniels without ever consulting with his client, was never paid back by Trump, the Trump Organization, or the Trump campaign. Michael Cohen, Trump’s lawyer, claims he used his home equity line to pay Daniels $130,000. He just hasn’t admitted what that payment was for, though we all know what it was for.

Cohen could be disbarred for violating ethic rules. He is also in trouble for violating campaign finance rules, as his payment, a few days before the election, was to help Trump’s campaign. Cohen did not make the payment out of the goodness of his heart. He’s a lawyer for a right-wing scumbag. He doesn’t have a heart.

Is Stormy Daniels the only woman who has been paid to keep quiet about an affair with Trump? If not, who has made those payments in the past? More troubling, if Trump will pay blackmail to hide infidelity and other assorted sex scandals, how far will he bend for more serious players, like Vladimir Putin? How clean can someone be when the main selling point for their property is that it’s great for money laundering?

A person open to blackmail is not a person we want negotiating with Vladimir Putin or even Kim Jong Un. The fact Trump hasn’t criticized Putin, enacted authorized sanctions against Russia, or even attempt to protect our nation from Russia is an indication that someone somewhere connected to Russia has something on Trump.

When Trump is questioned by Robert Mueller, he’ll be asked about Stormy Daniels and the payoff. Republicans considered perjury an impeachable offense for Bill Clinton. It should still be an impeachable offense when Trump lies about Stormy Daniels.

The Stormy affair may not be dangerous to the nation, but if it removes Trump from office it will protect us from more dangerous players.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

NRA American Made

cjones01292018

You may have missed this story from last week as it was overshadowed by a government shutdown, shitholes, Davos, The Women’s March, DACA, Tide Pods, Republican conspiracy theories, and Trump’s weekly attempt to obstruct justice and slime his way through the presidency. But, what may have transpired while Trump was sliming his way toward the presidency is that Russians helped him through the National Rifle Association.

We know Russia helped elect Donald Trump. That’s a fact. We also know there was collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign, no matter how many times Trump says “no collusion,” which has become how he starts and finishes every statement he’ll ever make for the rest of his life. Inviting Russians to Trump Tower to provide dirt on Hillary Clinton and trading messages with Wikileaks is the very definition of collusion. It also hasn’t helped that Trump has spent his entire presidency groveling to Vladimir Putin as if the guy has something on him as if they were in a “Stormy” relationship.

During the campaign, Trump made a visit to the National Rifle Association’s convention in Louisville, Kentucky. Most people go to Kentucky for horse racing and bourbon. Trump went to meet porn stars. Oops, that’s Vegas. Trump went to meet Russians. Yes, at the NRA convention, Trump met up with Aleksandr Torshin, a good buddy of Vladimir’s, a mobster, and deputy director of the Russian central bank. Why would a Russian mobster fly to Kentucky to visit Donald Trump?

On a side note, last week’s school shooting happened in Kentucky.

Besides meeting up with Russian mobster pals of Putin’s in Kentucky at an NRA convention, Russia may have used the Republican’s favorite fundraising organization to funnel money to the Trump campaign. There are several connections between Russia and the NRA (click the link above).

Trump supporters have made a lot of sacrifices to back their guy. They’ve given up their dignity. Evangelicals have given up the right to preach, bitch, scream and pretend family values and morals are important to them. Republicans can’t pretend they’re more patriotic than Democrats as they’re closing their eyes and allowing Russia to attack our nation. They also can’t pretend they care about law enforcement since they’re spending all their leisure time attacking the FBI for investigating that Russian collusion thing. They can’t even criticize future Democratic presidents in the future for vacationing and golfing too much.

Before Trump even became president, the GOP lost the argument that they’re the pro-life party and care about children as they’ve stood by and watched school shooting after school shooting kill American children. They’ve haven’t been entirely inactive on the issue, as they continue to take money from the biggest proponent of no-gun legislation ever, the NRA.

Now, the party that has refused to defend our nation from Russia, refused to defend our children from gun violence and has refused to defend us from stupidity, gets to help the champions of the Second Amendment, the NRA, wash Putin stank of them.

Does the GOP really advocate protection for anyone in this nation? Can someone please tell me what it is the Republican Party is doing for the United States other than helping rich people get richer?

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

No Collusion?

cjones01022018

Why did I draw a cartoon on New Year’s Eve? Most of my colleagues have taken the day off. I’m two days ahead, so I didn’t need to draw one. Also, my last few cartoons are on Trump, so I didn’t need another on the guy. But, I really wanted to draw Beetlejuice. Plus, just the thought of not drawing another cartoon in 2017 kinda bothered me. Look at it this way: You’re not going to see a new cartoon from me until 2018. You can laugh now.

Many people were surprised Donald Trump allowed a reporter from The New York Times to interview him without any of his handlers present. What wasn’t surprising was how many times Trump said “no collusion,” or that his mind went in several directions during the 30-minute interview.

Trump said “no collusion” sixteen times, and said the word “collusion” 23 times. Kinda like when Trump says he knows more than the generals, understands healthcare better than anyone, and is the greatest at taxes. Saying something doesn’t make it true.

Trump said it’s been proven there’s no collusion, that “virtually every Democrat” has said there is no collusion, and that the only collusion with Russia during the 2016 election was with the Democrats. Those are all lies.

Not one Democrat has said there has been no collusion between Trump and Russia. There is no evidence of any collusion between Democrats and Russia. Paying an independent source for opposition research is not collusion with Russia. And, nobody can say with certainty that there is no proof of collusion between Russia and Trump.

Before Paul Manafort was indicted or Michael Flynn pled guilty, you could have said there was nothing on either of them. Unless you work for Robert Mueller, or you are Robert Mueller, you don’t know if the Special Counsel has evidence of collusion between Trump and Russia.

But, we do know representatives from the Trump campaign were meeting with Russians and exchanging messages with WikiLeaks. They even hosted Russians in Trump Tower seeking damaging information on Hillary Clinton. That sounds like an attempt at collusion at the very least.

Collusion between Trump and Russia may never be proven. Collusion between Trump cohorts and Russia will be proven because it happened. I totally expect Trump to go from, “Michael Flynn being a great guy,” to “Michael Flynn is a proven liar.” I expect him to go from, “there was no collusion,” to “I didn’t know about that collusion.” I expect him to go from, “I am putting heavy responsibility on my son-in-law Jared Kushner” to, “I knew I never could trust that guy.” At some point, he’s going to say “Donald Trump, Jr? Never heard of him.” He has already changed his stories on why he fired James Comey and Michael Flynn.

If there really wasn’t anything to this Trump/Russia stuff, and absolutely no collusion at all, then Trump, the Republicans, and all the nimrods on Fox News wouldn’t be attacking Robert Mueller, the Justice Department, and the FBI. They wouldn’t be deflecting by talking about Hillary Clinton. The Trump team knows this: If there’s any evidence of collusion with Russia and obstruction of justice, Robert Mueller is going to find it.

And, there’s no magic phrase, chant, or whataboutism that will save Donald Trump.

Creative notes: Since this is the last cartoon and post on this website for 2017, let’s summarize a bit.

I posted 401 times this year. I’m not sure if those were all new cartoons, but it’s close. Between my syndication and commission cartoons for The Costa Rica Star and other newspapers, I drew nearly 400 cartoons in 2017. In case you’re a Republican, there are not that many days in a year.

There were over 318,000 views on this website this year, which is one thousand more than it got in 2016. That’s kinda odd because there were actually fewer visitors this year than last. Some of you guys hung around longer.

I created this website in 2013 (after I was laid off from newspaper employment and started my own syndication) and in that time I’ve posted 1,494 times. That’s a lot of cartoons.

I wish each of you a happy new year. Thank you for your support, visiting this site and reading my cartoons. I don’t know if I’ll give you 400 cartoons in 2018, but I promise you will get a lot of them.

See you on the other side.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Dopey Defenders

cjones12132017

Russia is officially banned from the 2018 Olympics set in Pyeongchang, South Korea, which shows that the International Olympic Committee has more backbone and intestinal fortitude than Republican members of Congress, Fox News, and the President of the United States.

Russia peed all over the 2014 Winter Olympics, which was a lot more dignified than what they did to our presidential election. It was like hackers wearing sterilized gloves.

Russia didn’t just send athletes to test with someone else’s urine. Russians actually got into the laboratory in Sochi and manipulated the tests. Experts say they haven’t seen doping this widespread since the East Germans did it throughout the 1960s, ’70s and ’80s. That’s a lot of commie pee.

Putin has scoffed at the accusations which is probably good enough for Donald Trump. Putin also denied meddling in our election and that was all the authority our president needed on the issue.

Since Trump, Republicans, and the idiots at Fox News have chosen Russian nationalism over American security, I’m surprised they’re not mounting a vigorous defense of Russia and expressing outrage at the injustice heaped upon them. Trump sycophants have attacked the FBI, the Special Counsel, the press and anyone else who has tried to look into Russia’s meddling in the presidential election and collusion with the Trump campaign. The main strategy is to deflect by screaming for investigations into the investigators, and more investigations for Hillary Clinton.

Russian athletes who receive special dispensation to compete will do so as individuals wearing a neutral uniform, and the official record books will forever show that Russia won zero medals. I guess that means they won’t be allowed to wear their Trump T-Shirts.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Stomp The Yard

cjones12112017

One thing I enjoy bashing my conservative cartooning colleagues over are talking points. They will repeat anything barked at them from Fox News. They’ve always been that way except now, they get their talking points from an illiterate narcissistic racist idiot.

If Trump says there were good people among Nazis, then conservatives start talking about all the good people among the Nazis. If Trump says Antifa is chock-full of terrorists, then they find new reasons to demand arrests of liberals and black people. If Trump deflects by talking about an affair Bill Clinton had in 1998, then let’s talk about 1998 and not about Access Hollywood. If Trump says “fake news,” then they’re accusing the media of printing lies all while they share links to Breitbart. Seriously, when you all follow the same script then there’s not one bit of difference between any of you. How many Hannities do we need?

And, I don’t know who came up with “snowflake,” but it’s ridiculous because conservatives are the whiniest people ever. Old, white, Christian males are not being persecuted. There has never been a war on Christmas.

If Trump says protesting against racism is disrespecting veterans, then they stop watching football. Then, he attacks those who are investigating him and his followers start attacking the FBI.

Wait a minute. How is it disrespectful to our troops to kneel during an anthem, yet these proud defenders of patriotism can attack the men and women who serve in the FBI? Keep in mind, we can’t criticize the police either.

Trump has been bashing the FBI and the Special Counsel’s investigation into his campaign’s collusion with Russia. Trump is turning up the deflection and attacks as Robert Mueller inches closer. There have been arrests, indictments, and now there are reports subpoenas have gone out for Trump’s finances.

An FBI agent was reassigned from the Special Counsel’s office after it was discovered he sent personal text messages critical of Trump to another FBI agent. He was also working the case investigating Hillary Clinton. Republicans are treating this like a smoking gun, though none of them have actually seen the text.

Republicans in Congress and the idiots at Fox News are trying to sow doubt about the integrity and impartiality of the FBI, the Special Counsel’s investigation, and that of Robert Mueller. Those people who express outrage at anything they deem disrespectful of our anthem, the flag, and American troops, show their true patriotism by attacking those who are investigating Russia’s meddling in our presidential election. For them, it’s not just party over country. It’s Trump over country. A foreign adversary has attacked our nation and these “patriots” are covering for the bad guys.

Republican Congressman Robert Goodlatte, of Virginia, said to FBI Director Christopher Wray, “We cannot afford for the FBI — which has traditionally been dubbed the premier law enforcement agency in the world — to become tainted by politicization or the perception of a lack of even-handedness.” Basically, he doesn’t want the FBI to become like a Congressional investigation led by Republicans.

During the campaign, there were questions whether Rudy Giuliani had leaked reports from the FBI’s investigation of Hillary Clinton’s Email server. Where was Fox News and all these Republicans expressing outrage and concern about “politicization” or the “lack of even-handedness” then?

There is no evidence that agent’s political opinions, which we all have, are affecting any investigations into Trump. Though I will give you that it may be challenging finding educated, intelligent, and enlightened individuals to work with whom don’t believe Donald Trump is dumber than poop on a stick.

I’m sick of phony patriots and Christians and wish more people would see them for what they are. They’re all lying hypocrites. If you want to be Donald Trump’s mule, then go ahead but, you need to be recognized for it.

I hope America is better than you. I know the FBI is, and that’s what’s scaring you.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Facebook’s Collusion

cjones09092017

At this rate, I’m kinda expecting a revelation that Mark Zuckerberg was at the Donald Trump Jr. Russian meeting.

Like you, I’m constantly annoyed with Facebook while utilizing it on a daily basis. The bothersome stuff, while annoying me, doesn’t affect my life in the slightest…or it didn’t until now.

I’m the type of person where a messed-up food order at McDonald’s won’t faze me, while I’ll watch a good friend of mine use the opportunity to go ballistic, and the next thing you know he returns an hour later from his food run with my Big Mac and the full story on how he unloaded what-for and made a 16-year-old struggling with acne cry. While I’ll get over that there are pickles on my sandwich, other little things will totally piss me off.

I’m annoyed with the petty stuff on Facebook. Your food pictures irk me. Why do you do that? Am I supposed to be impressed you ordered sushi? Do you want an “attaboy?” One of my friends posts nearly every single meal she eats. She once posted a picture of cereal. I shit you not. But c’mon. Any doofus with opposable thumbs can put a sandwich together.

Another annoyance; vacation pictures. Vacation slides have been joked about, derided, and hated ever since the photo slide technology was invented. It was why people in the 1970s couldn’t get their friends to come to their dinner parties. Nobody wants to see your vacation photos. I’m telling you this as your friend. Cut it out. You have turned Facebook into one, long, boring vacation slide. I don’t even need to know you went on vacation, but if I do know then I’m going to assume you enjoyed yourself. I don’t need the pictures of you giving the devil-horn sign with your tongue out while you’re at Sandals. I’m not against vacations and I hope to take one again someday…but if I do take one, I know without a doubt that nobody is going to need evidence that it actually happened. OK, maybe in my case they will.

Tagging your location isn’t just annoying, it’s stupid. Like the vacation pics, you’re just bragging about how great your life is, and convincing no one. What you’re actually doing is making stalking you very convenient and alerting burglars that right now is a great time to break into your house. And thanks to Facebook they know what breed of dog you have.

Other annoyances are game requests (I don’t want to play Candy Crush with you), Facebook Live notifications (I get these things from people I didn’t even know I was friends with), the vague post (which are the only type of posts my teenage nieces give and I never respond to, because I’m afraid they’ll tell me), the social experiments (the “let’s see how far this posts can go” and the “if you love Jesus, you’ll share.” Fuck you), pokes (people still do that and I still don’t know why), selfies (We get it. You’re pretty and insecure), and political memes. I hate political memes. I could easily write another 1,000 words ranting about political memes.

Some people hate political posts or that cartoonist who shares his cartoons every time one of his clients publishes them online. You have every right to hate those and, you can bite me.

But now, there is something annoying about Facebook that may have affected our lives. Russians.

Facebook was the target for Russian trolls and useful idiots sharing fake news during the campaign, but Facebook assured us that no foreign outlets were purchasing ads from them. And just like every single member of the Trump campaign, they had collusion with Russia that they conveniently forgot about.

Now, it turns out that $100,000 was spent on political campaign ads that Facebook has traced back to a “Russian Troll Farm.” I don’t want the troll farm image in my head, but I think that crop is yielding in the White House. Also, expect more revelations about Russian ads. I don’t believe for a minute that it stopped at $100,000.

Russians didn’t just purchase a few ads. They engineered these things to select certain demographics and particular regions. For example, white housewives in Wisconsin. Investigators want to know if they had any help from U.S. political operatives who may have pointed them in which direction to target these demographics. Maybe, but the American operatives working for Hillary Clinton weren’t smart enough to go after demographics in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania. Anyone with a basic understanding of math with a copy of an electoral map should know where to target political ads, and where the stupid people live.

Most of all, I believe this destroys an argument Republicans and people in American intelligence agencies have been using. That argument is; Russian meddling had no effect on the outcome of our election.

Facebook says the Russians used the ads to “manipulate.” No shit, Sherlock. Every ad in the world is created to manipulate. How many will purchase a Kia this year because of Motorhead and a guinea pig? I don’t know, but someone somewhere believes that’s going to happen because they put a lot of money into that campaign.

Whether someone’s pitching Coca-Cola or Donald Trump, they’re not spending ad money just to blow through a budget. They expect results. I do believe that if a high tide throws an octopus into the backseat of my car through the sunroof that Farmers insurance won’t let me down….or that if I have Allstate then my children will be better behaved while we stand gleaming and lovingly together in front of the Statue of Liberty. But, not every ad works that well. Like, Domino’s telling you that their pizza doesn’t suck anymore, or Panera telling me that their salads are “clean,” or that new car commercial giving me the impression that I’ll find riding in a boxcar with hobos much more comfortable than their automobile.

The Russians expected their ads to work. They wanted chaos for their money and nobody can say that we didn’t get chaos. Nobody can say the Russians didn’t get the election results they wanted. We got a hell of a lot more than $100,000 worth of chaos.

I believe the Russians affected our election. We are a nation that gave us Duck Dynasty and Honey Boo-Boo, but I’m not entirely convinced that we’re dumb enough to elect Donald Trump as president on our own. I’d like to think we’d need a push. I know there’s a large portion of our nation who can be manipulated to vote for fuckery. We’re stupid. But are we stupid enough to do this on our own?

Mark Zuckerberg and all the other Facebook executives want us to believe they had no influence on the election. I’d try to believe that too if I wanted to sleep well at night. But, Facebook is worth over $435 billion dollars. Your social media platform doesn’t acquire that much wealth without it having some influence.

Unfortunately, Facebook isn’t just cat and food pictures. It’s a news outlet for many of us. It’s very influential. It’s also complicit.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Russian For Transparency

cjones07172017

I’m going to dinner with two of my best friends who are coming in from out of town, and I haven’t seen them in a really long time. So, column will come later.

Update 11:39 A.M., 07/15/2017

Here’s your column:

I expect any day now for Donald Trump to tell us that he’s not a tool of the Russian government and Vladimir Putin, who is actually a nice guy who is misunderstood….unlike that Moose and Squirrel who should die while exiled in Siberia!!!

I don’t know which is dumber. The right wing trolls who believe Natalia Veselnitskaya was a plant by the Democrats, or the Trump team telling us how transparent Donald Trump Jr. has been.

Even if Veselnitskaya was a Democratic plant, Junior still took the meeting. If she was a plant by Bigfoot and B.D. Cooper, he still took the meeting. If she was a plant by the Lollipop Guild and the Wicked Witch of the East, he still took that meeting. He went to the meeting, described beforehand as harmful information on Hillary Clinton from the Russian government. He took that meeting.

When he got the emails saying the Kremlin wanted his daddy to win, the trust-fund baby didn’t reply with, “What? Russia wants my father to win? Why would they want that? He’s a proud American patriot. That’s just crazy? They must have him confused with someone else because daddy Trump is an American first and would never be Putin’s bitch”. No. He replied with “I love it.” It’s like he was going to McDonalds for a Happy Meal. I’m lovin’ it! It’s as if he was already aware that the Kremlin wanted his dad to be president and serve four years with Putin’s hand up his butt controlling his every movement.

Trump defenders argue that Junior didn’t get anything out of the meeting and it was a disappointment. Well if you rob a bank and the safe is empty, that would be disappointing too but you still broke into the bank. And really? Disappointment? Darn. The treason didn’t work out.

The president says a lot of people would have taken that meeting. Yes. A lot of people without ethics with the intent to commit treason, which is how Trump defenders are sounding.

The president and his team also tell us that only Russian adoptions were discussed, as if that’s to ease our concerns. The president is either being dishonest or stupid with that explanation, which in his case can be both. When they mention adoptions what they are really talking about are sanctions. If they had dirt on Hillary Clinton, that’s quid pro quo. They wanted something in return for that. That also further explains why Vladimir Putin wanted Trump elected.

And quite frankly, you’re not transparent when you don’t reveal all the information at once. Junior went on Sean Hannity’s show, who was light on him, and said that there wasn’t any more information about the meeting. He had given it all. Then news is revealed that at least eight people were in that room. You had Junior dumbass, Jared “I want a secret cable from the Russian embassy” Kushner, Paul “let’s make a deal with Russia” Manafort, Ms. Veselnitskaya, a former Soviet intel officer who is now a lobbyist for that government, Rob Goldstone who is the Trump supporting Russia lover who set up the meeting, and two translators. Don’t be surprised if more details come out, like Putin was on the speakerphone.

Here’s the thing, Trump sycophants. I know you love Trump. I know it’s not about policy with you guys. I know you’re willing to lose your health-care coverage for him. I know it’s about the cult of personality, and has nothing to do with capable leadership. I understand you would rather be ruled than governed. But is it all that above patriotism for you? You gotta stop making excuses for traitors, really stupid idiotic traitors at that.

Isn’t it kinda funny that the jerks who spent the past eight years describing themselves as patriots, and accusing Obama of siding with terrorists, are now the ones who are selling out their nation? It’s bizarre that Republicans, the party of Reagan, is now selling us out to the Russians. It’s almost as ironic as the Trump presidency being brought down by an email scandal.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.