Rigged Election

Not His Favorite Baldwin


cjones10202016

I think it’s safe to say that Alec Baldwin is not Trump’s favorite Baldwin brother. It’s probably Stephen who’s a right-wing evangelical and a conservative nut job. Was that redundant? He’s also the star of the much-acclaimed film Sharks In Venice. How he didn’t snag an Oscar for that performance is a true injustice of the movie award voting system. It was probably rigged.

If you had not seen Alex Baldwin’s portrayal of Trump on SNL but read Trump’s tweet saying “it stinks” then you’d get the impression that Baldwin is killing it. He is.

Today president Obama told Donald Trump to stop whining. Trump has gone beyond whining and into insanity over the past few days.

He’s complained that the election is going to be rigged. It’ll be rigged by bankers, “global business elite,” The media, and Saturday Night Live. He’s also accused Carlos Slim, a Mexican billionaire, of guiding The New York Times coverage of his sexual assaults.  Never mind the fact that voter fraud doesn’t really exist. Let me write that again. It doesn’t exist.

When Trump loses this election he is going to lose it fair and square. The only disadvantage he has is that he’s an idiot. He’s surrounded himself with idiots. A lot of people say they don’t want to besmirch Trump supporters, but I will. His supporters and entire base is composed of idiots. Did you hear me? You’re all idiots. Move along now.

Trump supporters (idiots) are towing the “rigged” election line despite lack of any evidence. Even Mike Pence (another idiot) was complaining about the unfair media coverage and how it’s so negative of Trump. I’m sorry, Governor Pence, but when your running mate only says negative things and the press reports it, it’s not their fault the coverage is negative. It’s like the media is biased against Trump for reporting what he actually says. Hours, and often times minutes, his supporters (again, in case you forgot, idiots) are on the air explaining what he really meant.

He has also called for drug tests before the next debate. Seriously. I mentioned this in my last blog and mentioned how bizarre it is that Snorty McSnorterson is the one who wants drug tests. I didn’t believe Trump has a cocaine habit. I thought it was irresponsible for Howard Dean to accuse him of it but now…looking at his history of projecting…yeah he might be dancing with a white rabbit. If the man’s erratic behavior is any indication he’s probably responsible for three fourths of Bolivia’s economy.

Trump also said he walked past Clinton at the debate and he “wasn’t impressed.” Yes it’s a very important quality in a female presidential candidate that she serves fries with that shake. Trump’s comment backs up both of my earlier theories. He’s projecting and he’s totally riding a white horse to the next debate.

In regards to Alec Baldwin, the talented Baldwin (not that idiot shark-movie-making Baldwin), Trump is not amused. He tweeted that SNL isn’t funny anymore while also voicing his displeasure with Baldwin’s orange impression (For the record, Kate McKinnon is also nailing it with her impression of Hillary Clinton). Dude, people have been saying SNL isn’t funny anymore since 1980. Trump didn’t mind SNL’s brand of comedy when he hosted the show last year. He even tweeted how much he thinks of the show. It’s kinda like his hate for the media while loving the fact they’ve given him billions in free campaign coverage.

Hillary Clinton is going to win this election, fairly, and with a huge electoral landslide. Despite that she will not have a mandate because the person she’s going to defeat is a lying, narcissistic, racist, xenophobic, insane bully. And Trump will still be here after the election. He’ll be whining about the media, accusing the election of being rigged, try to start an armed insurgency (as long as he and his children aren’t fighting), all while trying to start his brand new TV network.

The crazy Trump train will keep chugging after November. Toot! Toot!

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Rigged Russians


cjones08162016

The situation between Donald Trump and Russia became even more unusual Monday. His campaign director, or whatever the hell his title is, was listed for receiving “off the books” cash payments from Ukraine.

Paul Manafort kept an office in Kiev, Ukraine for years while he did consulting work for that nation’s ruling party, which was very pro-Russia at the time. An anti-corruption probe from the current government is attempting to discover how their country’s elections were manipulated in the past, and the nation’s assets looted by former president Viktor Yanukovych. Handwritten ledgers show that Manafort received $12.7 million in undisclosed cash payments from Yanukovych’s ruling Russian-loving party from 2002 to 2012. Yanukovych, was elected president amidst allegations of election fraud and voter intimidation, was ousted in 2014 and today lives in exile in Russia.

A credible campaign would have fired or asked for Manafort’s resignation before the day was over. At this time Manafort is still on the job, not just defending Trump but defending himself. He claims he never received the payments, and I guess he can prove it by showing us his books (Mr. Trump, that’s how you use sarcasm).

There’s questions regarding Trump’s fortune and how much of it is connected to Russia. It doesn’t help that he won’t release his tax returns. It’s kinda bizarre for him and the GOP to accuse Clinton of being a criminal, question the ties between her charity and the state department, yet he won’t be transparent himself.

In addition to all of the above, Trump has lavished praise on Russian president Vladimir Putin. Trump has stated Putin won’t go into Ukraine, although he’s already there. He seems comfortable with Russia annexing Crimea. Russia is suspected of hacking into the Democratic party’s email system and Trump has asked them to hack into Hillary Clinton’s server (though he said he was joking).  He’s stated the U.S. shouldn’t uphold its obligations to some NATO nations, which might give Putin a few ideas regarding Eastern European nations that were formerly party of the Soviet Union.

On top of all this, Trump’s daughter is vacationing in Croatia with Putin’s girlfriend, who is also Rupert Murdoch’s ex wife. Is there an online dating service for billionaire, right wing tyrants?

The New York Times investigated and published the story about Manafort and Ukraine. Trump is already complaining about the media and the “failing” New York Times. He’s says the media is printing lies about him but he’s probably really upset that the media prints his actual statements. Trump states he is running against the media, and not Hillary Clinton. Trump conveniently forgets all the free TV time and exposure he’s gained. Attacking the press is red meat for Republicans, even if it’s coming from a guy who invalidates The New York Times while believing the National Enquirer is Pulitzer worthy.

In addition to all of Trump’s previous crazy and stupid comments, he says if he loses the election it will be because it’s rigged. He specifically points at Pennsylvania and says the only way he’ll lose that state is if “cheating goes on” and is asking his supporters to police and bully at polling stations.

Trump might have a point if he loses the state after leading in the polls. Unfortunately for him he’s currently lagging behind Clinton by nine points. In fact, he doesn’t have the lead in a single swing state. He’s also allowing her to make red states Utah, Georgia, Arizona, and Kansas competitive.  Kansas where they don’t believe in evolution, climate change, or books. Clinton’s lead has reached the point that she’s holding off advertising in swing states Virginia, Colorado, and, you guessed it, Pennsylvania.

Trump complains about not leading in states while he hasn’t actually put any ads on the air or campaign boots on the ground. Is he running for president or does he think he’s in a reality show?

The only way Trump can win the election is if it’s rigged in his favor. No wonder he’s asking Putin for help.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!