President Elect Trump

Tofurky


cjones11242016

Among all the stupid and idiotic issues Donald Trump ran on the promise of jailing his political opponent was the dumbest.

First, it’s illegal. It was one of the Articles of Impeachment written up for Richard Nixon, and yet Trump ran on it. He was promising to be impeached. Second, it’s not what we do. We’re not a banana republic, or at least we weren’t.

His supporters feel betrayed. He encouraged chants of “lock her up.” He said he’d order his Attorney General to open an investigation of Hillary Clinton. During the last debate he said she’d “be in jail” if he was in charge (between his sniffles). He claimed her email scandal was larger than Watergate. Now he says “never mind.”

Even Breitbart, the alt-right bastion of hatred and a magnet for white supremacists and Nazis is upset. They supported Trump during the campaign and even took his side after his (now former) campaign manager roughed up one of their female reporters. Their leader is taking a job as Trump’s Chief Nazi Strategist.

The thing is, Trump doesn’t decide who gets investigated. The president does not do that. If he does do that then he and his Justice Department are breaking the law. Donald Trump is either a huge liar who lied all along or he doesn’t know what his new job entails. It’s not king. I don’t care if he does convince Scotland to move windmills away from his golf club.

Donald Trump is going to break a lot of promises so his supporters should get used to it. Now he says he’s “open minded” about climate change and wants to keep parts of Obamacare. You know that wall he promised and you voted for? Yeah, that’s now gonna be a fence and in some parts, an imaginary wall. You fell for the sales pitch of a con man.

If you’re a liberal disappointed that Trump won’t pursue punishing his political enemy because you wanted to see him impeached, don’t worry. He’s guaranteeing us the most corrupt administration in American history. He’s holding meetings with foreign leaders and bringing up his business and having his daughter, who will lead his company, in on the meetings. He’s stated that a president “can’t have a conflict of interest,” which is like when Nixon said “it’s not illegal if the president does it.” Maybe this is something he will learn.

Creative stuff: This is the second Thanksgiving themed cartoon I’ve drawn this year. It’s also the last since I’m not usually fond of them and this is dated for Thanksgiving day. Some cartoonists continue to draw holiday themed cartoons even after the particular holiday is over. I don’t get that. At least I didn’t use the pardon or a Pilgrim about to chop off a Turkey head.

I had fun with Trump’s mouth. That didn’t sound right. Let me rephrase it. I had fun DRAWING Trump’s mouth for this one. I tried something a little bit different and took a cue from Alec Baldwin’s impersonation of Trump he performs on Saturday Night Live. He does this thing where he leaves his mouth hanging open, like a mouth breather, and gives the impression he’s confused and trying to think with great difficulty. It really works.

I research some bizarre stuff for my cartoons and today I researched Tofurky. Yes, I spelled it correctly. I would have spelled it “Tofurkey” if I hadn’t looked it up (and I just noticed the trending hashtag on Twitter spells it incorrectly). Tofurky is actually the copyrighted name of a product. It’s meatless turkey made from tofu (bleah) and soy (double bleah) and it looks kinda like a roast you don’t want to eat. During my research I even went over a taste test of veggie turkey dinners and some looked like a roast and others resembled cat food. Apparently they all tasted kinda like cat food except for one, which wasn’t Tofurky. I don’t know for sure what I’ll be having on Thursday but I guarantee you it won’t be Tofurky.

Several years ago I was seeing a girl who is Jewish and I went to her home on Thanksgiving. There wasn’t any turkey or cranberry sauce but they had a brisket. On the way home I had to stop at Wawa for their “gobbler” bowl thingy. It wasn’t Thanksgiving for me without turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Blargh!


cjones11092016

I hate to overstate things, but this is bad. I feel physically ill. I’m kinda nauseous.

I was wrong. I was very wrong. I’ll admit that. When you predict an election and you lose you need to own it. I’m owning it. I predicted Hillary Clinton would win with 322 electoral votes. The doubt I had was if it would actually be 323. I was wrong but I can take heart that so many people who are more experienced at this was wrong too. People like Larry Sabato. That guys’ never wrong. He also gave Clinton 322 electoral votes.

I did hear from a lot of people gloating. I hated it but was also flattered I was the first person they thought of with their victory. I wasn’t thinking about them at all. But it’s OK. They do deserve a little victory romp and gloating, even while the stock market is crashing all around them. I’ll let them figure out where their 401K went.

I owe an apology to anyone who kept faith and hope, because of my optimism, that this nation would never elect a idiotic racist, sexist, bully, supported by our nation’s enemies, as president of the United States. I hope you don’t give up on. I’m not real happy with myself right now either.

But I’m not such a narcissist that I think the worst thing about this is that I was wrong. The worst thing is the narcissist we just put in charge of the executive branch of our government. How is this even going to work? We elected a dumb ass. He’s a man every living president refused to endorse or even be seen with. We just put a man in charge with the help of Russian spies. We elected a man endorsed by the Ku Klux Klan and Nazis. How ironic is it that the safest place in the world to flee this potential fascism is probably Germany?

My niece texted me tonight and she had been crying. She’s afraid for the world her three children have to grow up in. My son contacted me and said he’s lost any faith he had left in this country. As his father I wanted to tell him it’s wrong to feel that way but I couldn’t. I don’t know how to feel myself. I’m still in shock and I can’t think of anything positive out of this. My son and I share a love for Star Wars and he quoted Padme to me with “This is how democracy dies. To Thunderous applause.”

Oh yeah. I get to cartoon Trump for four years or until they impeach him. Sure, it’ll rain great cartoon subjects for me but as it is now a lot of my newspaper clients are already afraid of Trump supporters. I don’t know how this is going to work. I can’t make a living off of publishing only on Facebook and Twitter. Yeah, they love me there but that doesn’t pay the bills. I may not have to worry about that anyway since Trump has no love for the First Amendment. I might get two squares a day in my future gulag. Who knows. It might be the only place in America with a health care plan.

I’m sorry I can’t be gleeful or find something positive here. Sure, Clinton was a bad candidate but even if she was every little thing horrible that was ever said about her she was still infinitely better than Trump. Trump also doesn’t have a mandate as Clinton will probably lead him in the popular vote. So hey, the majority isn’t racist after all…they just all live in the right places. If nothing else Trump should have been defeated because of his ridiculous hair alone.

I drew fourteen cartoons for the live blog. If you tuned in, thank you very much. If not, go back and check them out. You’ll see I was wrong with the very first cartoon.

Check back tomorrow for my next cartoon. Then keep coming back everyday for the next four years. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. America just voted stupid.

The resistance starts now.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!