Post Office

Only Fascism


cjones08202020

Being a major campaign donor doesn’t make you qualified to be an ambassador to the European Union. It doesn’t make you qualified to be the ambassador to the United Kingdom. It doesn’t make you qualified to lead the Department of Education. And it doesn’t make you qualified to be in charge of the United States Post Office.

If Donald Trump, the worst president (sic) in the history of the United States, truly wanted to “make the Post Office great again,” he wouldn’t have appointed a fucknut with zero experience to lead it.

Donald Trump has been lying about the Post Office ever since he became president (sic). He’s made wild claims Amazon is overcharging the Post Office despite the fact the company’s business has been a boon for the nation’s mail service.

Louis DeJoy is the current Postmaster General. What experience does he have with Post Office? None, but he is a major Republican fundraiser. Also, he had stock in UPS and Amazon. He also currently holds somewhere between $30 to $75 million in stock in XPO, a subcontractor for the Post Office. Hello? Does nobody see the potential for corruption? DeJoy has been a true buzzkill and taken all the joy out of the Post Office. He immediately began to slow down delivery, banned overtime pay and extra delivery trips. He has de-joyed the Post Office.

DeJoy didn’t just stop there. He had more than 600 high-speed mail sorting machines were dismantled and removed from postal facilities without explanation. He removed mail collection boxes from the streets of many cities explaining they were going to areas with higher traffic (lies) but after being busted, said they’ll delay additional moves until after the election.

DeJoy continued sabotaging the mail. He reassigned or displaced 23 senior USPS officials, including the two top executives overseeing day-to-day operations. You know, got rid of the people who would see he was sabotaging the mail. DeJoy sent a letter to mail postal workers, that they’re probably still waiting for, where he admitted there are delays but they’re just “unintended consequences” that will eventually would improve service. This is where you raise one eyebrow in skepticism.

If DeJoy was a surgeon, he’d be telling his patients not to worry because the sponge he left inside them will eventually improve their system.

And in case you still don’t believe any of this is to sabotage mail-in voting and prevent millions of Americans from doing any voting, Donald Trump actually said he was blocking funds for the postal service in order to hinder mail-in voting. 

Donald Trump claims there’s fraud with mail-in voting, but he doesn’t have any proof. After being told there was no evidence of widespread voter fraud, Donald Trump’s stupid chief-of-staff said, “There’s no evidence that there’s not either. That’s the definition of fraud, Jake.”

Uh…no. That’s NOT the definition of fraud, Mark Meadows. And since there’s no evidence that there’s not evidence no, not, huh? What? OK. There’s no evidence that there’s not widespread voter fraud….shit. Idiots. You know what, there’s no evidence that monkeys haven’t flown out of Mark Meadows’ butt, but there’s not any evidence that they haven’t either. For that matter, since there’s no evidence of a Donald Trump Russian hooker pee tape, there’s not any evidence that there’s Not a Donald Trump Russian hooker pee tape. 

Here’s the thing, kids; Donald Trump is trying to steal an election. He claims there’s fraud in mailing your ballot, yet he’s voting…wait for it…by mail. He’s arguing if there’s a fair election, then it’s not fair. This is what fascists do.

In Russia, Vladimir Putin stops fair elections by throwing his opponents in prison. The people who report he’s throwing his opponents into prisons get thrown off buildings.

In 2002, Saddam Hussein held a referendum on whether he should serve another seven years as president. He won with 100% of the vote. Every voter, of which there were over 11 million, voted yes. Yet, despite his 100% approval rating, when he was hiding in a hole from American forces, one of his constituents pointed at that hole and said, “There he is.”

In Venezuela, Nicola Madura was reelected to a second six-year term in 2018 in an election that only nations like China, Cuba, Russia, Egypt, Syria, and Turkey recognize as fair. That’s like your dog recommending you eating out of the litter box. He likes it. The National Assembly has declared Juan Guaido as acting president, and Maduro’s strongmen have banned him from leaving the country.

Sviatlana Heorhiyeuna Pilipchuk is the opposition candidate in Belarus who decided to run for president after the previous opposition candidate, her husband, was arrested for being the opposition candidate. She won the election with 80% of the vote, yet the dictator, Alexander Lukashenko, declared he won with the same result. Currently, Pilipchuk is in exile in Lithuania.

Donald Trump loves fascists. He’s trying to become one. He sent armed goons to teargas peaceful protesters to remove them from in front of the White House so he could go outside for a photo-op. He’s sent unidentified armed goons to attack peaceful demonstrators in Portland, to teargas them, crack them in the skulls with batons, and to throw them into unmarked vans for interrogation. Now he’s trying to stop an election. He’s even threatened to delay the election. By “delay,” he means never.

And, if Donald Trump succeeds in remaining in the White House, through election or force, it will get worse. I believe it will destroy our nation. It will destroy the Constitution and our democracy. It may rise to the level that if we still have three branches of government, the other two branches will be mere puppets. 

If we don’t have a fair election in 2020, we may never have another one again.

America liberates nations. Right now, America needs to liberate America. We have a fascist and this is where the fascist system begins. 

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

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Unconstitutional Slop


cjones08142020

“We don’t want to continue to watch people signing executive orders because that was not what the Constitution and the brilliant designers of this incredible document had in mind. We need people that can make deals.”

That’s a direct quote from Donald Trump in March 2016. In fact, all Republicans were critical of President Barack Obama’s use of executive orders. They accused him of being an imperial president.

Fun fact: Donald Trump was also critical of President Obama’s handling of the Swine Flu, Ebola Virus, and how often he played golf. Donald Trump said President Obama should resign over his handling of Ebola, which killed zero Americans who contracted it while in the U.S. It’s estimated the Swine Flu killed over 12,000 Americans. In case you’re a Republican, the Trump Virus has killed over 163,000 Americans and Donald Trump still hasn’t resigned.

But being hypocrites is nothing new for Donald Trump or the Republican Party.

Unable to reach a deal with Democrats to help Americans get through the pandemic after their $600 a week unemployment benefits have run out and to save them from evictions, Donald Trump signed an executive order…but wait.

Didn’t Donald Trump tell us he’s a great negotiator? Didn’t he say nobody can negotiate better than him? Didn’t he say negotiating with Congress and other nations was easy? Didn’t he say something about being such a great negotiator that we’ll get tired of winning? So, why was he unable to reach a deal with Democrats? Why did he give up? But wait again.

Donald Trump, this great negotiator, never negotiated. Sure, he sent underlings to negotiate with Nancy Pelosi, but didn’t we elect him for his negotiating skills? We didn’t elect him to delegate that responsibility to Pete Navarro, Larry Kudlow, Mark Meadows, Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin, Stephen Goosesteppin’ Miller, or even dumbass Jared. We (as in other people, I didn’t elect him), elected Trump for his great negotiating skills? So, why wasn’t he negotiating before deciding to be an “imperial” president?

The thing is, he’s not a great negotiator and he’s scared of Nancy Pelosi. Remember when Donald Trump shut down the government over wall funding? Pelosi gave him some funding for his racist and useless wall, but he wanted more. After a month of the government being shut down, Donald Trump negotiated himself into getting nothing. Donald Trump, this great negotiator, negotiated himself from getting something into getting nothing. Pelosi ate his lunch and she was going to do it again. Donald Trump is signing executive orders because he’s afraid of Nancy. He should be.

One of Donald Trump’s executive orders says unemployed Americans will now receive $400 a week. You can also look at this as a reduction because it is. In case you’re a Republican, 4 is less than 6. Also, $100 of that is supposed to come from states. In case you’re a Republican, the president can’t tell states how to spend their budgets. Also, presidents don’t control spending. Congress allocates spending. It’s in the Constitution.

I love that Republicans call themselves Constitutionalists except when it actually comes to the Constitution.

Also, Donald Trump has cut the payroll tax except, he didn’t. It’s like when he banned flights from China when he didn’t.

In case you’re a Republican, I’m going to explain how this works. 7% of your paycheck goes to Social Security and Medicare. Your employer matches it. In case you’re a Republican, 7 plus 7 equals 14. What Trump did with this was not a cut but a deferral. What does that mean, Republicans? That means you don’t have to pay that tax now but you will later. In fact, you’ll probably have to pay all the weeks missed at once. When that hits you, remember Donald Trump did it.

The idea here is, stupid Americans will notice a larger paycheck between now and November, say, “Golly gee willikins, Mr. Trump gave me more money. I’m going to vote for him because I’m a dumbass.” And then after November, wham! The bill hits. Then, those stupid Trump voters will say, “Damn you, Nancy!” Or, if Joe Biden is president, those fuckers will blame him. Seriously, that’s going to happen. Watch.

Fortunately, some employers will continue to withhold that money so when the bill does come in, you won’t be hit or even have to worry about it.

But I am looking forward to Donald Trump running on the message that he’s going to destroy Social Security and Medicare. He’s already running a campaign promising to strip Americans of healthcare coverage.

Not all Republicans were hypocrites about Trump’s executive orders. Ben Sasse of Nebraska called it “executive slop.” In case you’re a Republican, Ben Sasse is a Republican.

Donald Trump thinks this is the kind of stuff that makes him a great president. Why, he even called the Governor of South Dakota to inquire how to get his head on Mount Rushmore, not realizing the monument is a federal thing and governors can’t do anything with them. Frankly, I’m surprised he called the right state, and right now, Ron DeSantis isn’t trying to figure out how to put Trump on Rushmore.

There should be a monument for Donald Trump. A monument for really bad presidents. We’re talking about the worst here and not just the semi lazy. A monument for presidents who didn’t know what to do, were clueless, shouldn’t have been in the office, and even those who refused to do the job they were installed by a Russian dictator to do (actually, he’s doing those jobs).

I can see Trump’s head next to Filmore, Harding, Hoover, Buchanan, Nixon, and George W. Bush. To make it more realistic, we can make Trump’s head bigger than the rest.

We can call it Mount Suckmore.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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The Whopper Becomes Hamberder King


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Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Donald Trump claimed he had “total authority” and could order the states when to reopen. He backtracked and said he’s going to let the governors work it out. Why’d he backtrack? To avoid the embarrassment of issuing an order and having it ignored. That’s like saying I can kick your ass, but I don’t want to exert myself right now.

Then he says he can adjourn Congress. That’s another move he won’t do. Trump is upset that Congress hasn’t confirmed all his nominations. He would like for them to adjourn so he can do emergency installments. The Constitution does grant the president the power to adjourn Congress WHEN Congress can’t agree when to adjourn. No president has ever used the power before. Donald Trump can’t adjourn Congress just because they haven’t confirmed his nominee to Voice of America. Basically, Donald Trump wants to adjourn Congress because Voice of America hurt his feelings.  This is another move he won’t make because he will be embarrassed.

He screams against mail-in voting and claims it leads to fraud. Except, there’s no evidence it has ever lead to fraud and…wait for it…Donald Trump has used mail-in voting. His reasoning for why it’s OK for him? Because he can. Perhaps, this is why he’s not a fan of the Post Office.

And then we come to the relief checks. Checks from the IRS are always signed by a government official, not an elected or appointed politician. But, Trump and Treasury Secretary Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin conspired to put Trump’s name in the memo line. Trump wants to use the coronavirus to give you the impression he’s giving you money. Trump is using government resources to campaign.

The outrage here, among many, is that no one will hold him accountable. It’s like his impeachment. The Republican Senate, who previously used the talking point “no collusion” to state Trump didn’t have anything to do with Russia’s meddling in the 2016 election, decided that colluding with a foreign government is allowable. The Republican Senate, the Supreme Court, and the Justice Department have allowed Donald Trump to break the law.

In regards to the president being able to adjourn Congress, Republicans and Trump supporters keep citing Article 2, Section 3 (without comprehending it). Since they like to cite the Constitution, they need to read Article 1, Section 10.

Donald Trump called the Treasury Department and told them he’d like for them to do him a favor.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.