Oprah

Royal Potatoes


CNN03072021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

When Meghan and Harry talked about someone in the royal family, the Firm, expressing concern over their baby Archie’s skin color, I could relate. I believed them.

My family is closer to trailer parks than it is to palaces, but we have the same shit as the royal family. We have racism and I have family members I can’t talk to anymore.

In 2015, when Donald Trump was just a candidate for the presidency, I had to stop talking to two family members. It wasn’t because they were Trump supporters but them being Trump supporters is indicative of why we don’t talk. The obnoxious hate, ignorance, and narcissism that makes one a Trump supporter extends to other facets of people’s lives

I have several nieces. At that time, one of them was pregnant. She is white though she is Latina but most people may not be aware or they just forget…but whatever. She appears white. Her boyfriend, the father of the child, is black. They all live in a different state than I and you’re about to find out why I don’t want to live near my family.

A family member told my pregnant niece that society would not accept her baby because it would be half black. When I first heard this, I thought maybe there was miscommunication, someone was making it worse than it actually was, or even that she did say something horrible but it wasn’t racist. You see, my family has a penchant for drama and there are members with histories of making shit up. I did not hear it directly from the accused but I wanted to find out for myself.

My sister in-law told me of the offense. Then I talked to my niece who backed it all up and was obviously very upset. So I went straight to the horse’s mouth. I asked her specifically, “Did you say the baby would not be accepted by society because it would be black and white?” She said yes. She was proud and defiant that she said that.

It broke my heart.

I adored this person. I even let this person live with me for several years rent-free. Once, a friend needed to use my printer and I wasn’t home. But the relative who would later claim society won’t accept a mixed-race baby was home. I told my friend, who is female and black, to stop by my house and my relative would let her in. When she got there, my dog went nuts barking at her. My relative told her, fully believing her bullshit, that the dog was barking at her because dogs can’t see black people clearly because they have dog eyes which only allows them to see a grey silhouette when they look at a black person. Seriously. Never mind the fact the dog was a Jack Russell (they bark at everything. They bark at wind) who had already bitten about a dozen of my friends, most of them being white. It was embarrassing when my friend told me of this later but I chalked it up to my relative’s adorable stupidity. She’s not racist. She’s just ignorant and very stupid so don’t be too mad.

I was wrong. She was racist…and ignorant and stupid.

So years later, she’s back living in the Midwest saying hateful, terrible, and racist things to a pregnant teenager. When she admitted she did it, her argument was that we weren’t raised that way. But the racist motherfucker who raised her didn’t raise me and even if he had…it wouldn’t have been an excuse to carry on any stupid family lineage of hate and ignorance. I had to tell her right then, in 2015, that I couldn’t talk to her anymore. I told her I would not bother her, would not call her, and I would not text her. It’s 2021 now and I haven’t contacted her since.

There were a couple of comments here and there on Facebook (she once made hateful public posts about my girlfriend at the time even though my girlfriend had never done or said anything to her. Drama), but I have since blocked her and two others in my family just so I don’t have to see their shit on other family members’ posts and to keep myself from replying to them…or even thinking about them. And for the most part, I don’t think about them until racist royalty gives me a reminder. Oh, yeah. I have racist fucknuts in my family.

But the racism my family member expressed was only a part of the vile thing she said. Have you ever known a pregnant woman? You don’t say mean shit to a woman who is pregnant. You get in trouble when you say innocuous shit to a pregnant woman. I’ve had things thrown at me for asking a pregnant woman if my hair looked OK. She gave my pregnant niece a vile, despicable, hateful shit sundae. The racism was just the shit cherry on the top of the shit sundae.

I still love my family, even the stupid racist ones. But, that doesn’t mean I have to talk to them. From the sounds of it, Harry is still open to talking to his father and brother. If either of them is the perpetrators of the skin-tone comments, I wouldn’t be in a rush to talk to him. The thing is, racist people are not open-minded. It will be a long time and probably never that they ever call and apologize. They will probably never see they were racists or ever did anything wrong. These people are not good at “sorry.”

When I talk to my family members again, if I do, it will be on my terms, not theirs. People like this are poison. It’s best to cut poison out of your life…even if that poison is family. It’s just too bad but you have to cut it out…especially if you’re building a new family. It’s better to keep that poison away from your wife and child. I totally understand why Harry and Meghan moved to Far Far Away. I did too.

My advice when you have troglodytes in the family: Stay away.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Royal Racism


cjones03102021

I have never been that fascinated with the royal family of the United Kingdom. I’ve always paid some attention to it but not with any obsession. I remember when Charles and Diana were married. I remember the births of William and Harry. My interest lies more in history and I’ve gone down worm holes to understand the role of the monarchy in relation to parliament. I have watched about three episodes of The Crown.

When there is something special about the monarchy on TV, I will usually watch it. When Harry and Meghan were married, Stephanie Ruhl and Katie Tur of MSNBC covered the wedding in London and totally geeked out when Meghan’s carriage passed them. It was embarrassing. That, I don’t understand. But I figured I should watch Oprah’s interview with Harry and Meghan on Sunday night.

I didn’t even know this thing was happening until my editor at CNN told me Friday morning and that he was open to a cartoon about it. He was also open to cartoons about Mr. Potato Head and Dr. Seuss. So I gave him a cartoon featuring all three. Then I thought my clients might want a cartoon on the interview, so I watched.

Since a few details had come out about the special, I didn’t expect any big surprises and wasn’t looking forward to it. I was actually dreading it. Two hours for this? Man, I’m dedicated to my craft. But If I can sit through Donald Trump’s inauguration speech, then I can sit through just about anything.

I expected to be bored and the entire thing to just be trivial pop culture stuff. I was wrong. It was interesting. I expected the couple to come off whiny and entitled. I thought I’d roll my eyes at them and have trouble sympathizing. Instead, I was angry.

Who starts a conversation worried about a baby’s skin tone? Who does that? You’re supposed to be excited about an upcoming birth in your family. If nothing else, you shouldn’t be racist to members of your own family.

Here’s the dirt: Someone in The Firm, as the royal family and the organization that operates it is referred as, brought this up to Prince Harry as a major concern. Apparently, they were afraid of how it would look for the royal family if it had a black member, or at least one darker than Meghan. And it’s not the point as to how dark the baby would be. The issue here is that it was a concern.

When Harry married Meghan, I thought it was a bigger deal that she was divorced and an American. I didn’t think her being of mixed race was any kind of issue at all. Sure, there are racists out there who still get upset over mixed couples in Cheerio commercials but I thought the majority of us, those who didn’t vote for Trump, were over it. Even if you’re not racist, you may have still been surprised by this…20 years ago maybe.

If nothing else, I thought nobody in the royal family would concern themselves with it. I was wrong. Who was it? Harry wouldn’t say.

But what’s clear is that his relationship with his father and older brother, two future kings, is seriously damaged. He wouldn’t go into details except to say he was disappointed in them. Meghan also talked about Kate, William’s wife, making her cry…and then it being leaked to the tabloids that it was reversed, Meghan had made Kate cry.

Before they left the United Kingdom for Canada, and then Los Angeles, the Firm was opposed to giving any royal titles to Archie, the couple’s son. The baby whose skin tone someone was worried about. After they left the Firm, security was stripped from them. There was also talk about an investigation by the Firm over accusations that Meghan was a bully inside Buckingham Palace…but no investigations toward Prince Andrew being a rapist with Jeffrey Epstein. For someone, it was worse to have a black prince than a royal rapist.

So, who in the family was concerned about the baby’s skin tone? Who was so concerned and racist that they actually brought it up? Was it someone in the family or was it someone who works for them? It would be wrong to speculate and I discourage it. That said, I think it was Prince Charles.

Harry expressed how disappointed he was in his father because he had gone through the same kind of negativity and harassment from the British tabloids as he and Meghan were experiencing. The British tabloids are NOT like the legitimate press. They are totally focused on sensationalism. Even New York tabloids don’t have anything on them. The British tabloids are directly responsible for the death of Princess Diana, Harry’s mother. You would think the family would be more supportive.

I’m not surprised racism exists in the United Kingdom. It’s not just an American thing. We’re probably just louder about it after having a president (sic) for four years who encouraged and validated racist organizations. Say what you will about Boris, but at least he hasn’t retweeted Nazis (he hasn’t, has he?). We had a president who literally told white nationalists to march to the Capitol and overturn an election. But who knew there was racism in the royal family?

A Facebook friend of mine who is a Brit and often comments on my work wrote, “America has a race problem disguised as a class problem, we have a class problem which includes racism.” He wrote that before the interview aired. He was talking more about the tabloids and British society’s racism. This was before we learned someone in the royal family is afraid of black babies.

Perhaps the biggest surprise is that to escape UK racism, Harry and Meghan came here. Really? Did they not see that for 74 million Americans, racism was not a disqualifier in voting for Donald Trump? They didn’t see that racism is not a deal-breaker for a huge percentage of the population? I personally know people who have left this nation over the past four years because of racism. I know white people who left this country because of its racism.

They fled the UK where someone in the royal family was concerned about a baby with dark skin tone for a land led by a racist orange baby.

And seriously, worried about a baby having a dark skin tone? Maybe that’s the kind of thinking you get after generations of inbreeding.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Ivanka’s Resistance


cjones01122018

Ivanka Trump has such grace, such beauty, such poise. Why she could be a model…for nepotism.

The only reason Ivanka is working as an unpaid adviser to the president is because her daddy is the president. And, as an unpaid adviser, she is worth every penny.

Her presence in the White House was reasoned by her being a rational and sobering influence upon her father, which is an admittance that he’s freaking insane. She has openly discussed how she would be an advocate for women’s issues, especially pay equity. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ivanka’s promise of being an advocate for women has gone the way of Melania’s anti-online bullying campaign. It would be like Michelle Obama promoting eating vegetables while sitting in bed eating cheeseburgers every night.

Ivanka and Melania were both silent over accusations from 19 women of Trump’s sexual harassment, and his boasting of “grabbing pussy,” except when they have defended Trump for it. Ivanka was silent when Trump went after Mika Brzezinski’s looks and criticizing her for cosmetic surgery, which I’m sure, is totally foreign to the Trump family. She was silent when Trump tweeted that New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand would do anything for money. She has been silent every time Trump has racially thumped Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren by calling her “Pocahontas.” She was silent when Trump went after Carmen Yulin Cruz, the female mayor of San Juan, or the Congresswoman Frederica Wilson and a war widow. She’s also made no remarks on reports that Trump requires women in the White House to “dress like women,” whatever that means.

She has not promoted equal pay or taken her father to task for taking healthcare away from women and threatening reproductive rights. He likes to grab ’em and legislate ’em.

Maybe, the very worst of this is her silence after Daddy Dumbass endorsed Roy Moore. Ivanka tweeted that there’s a special place in Hell for people who prey on children, but her strong position evaporated after the cheeseburger-loving Cheeto endorsed the pedophile.

After Oprah Winfrey drew praise for her speech at the Golden Globes, standing up for women and denouncing sexual harassment and assaults, Ivanka decided to jump on the bandwagon.

Straight from the department of Are You Freaking Kidding Me, Ivanka tweeted, “Just saw @Oprah‘s empowering & inspiring speech at last night’s #GoldenGlobes. Let’s all come together, women & men, & say #TIMESUP.”

Time’s up? You’re late to the party. You don’t have a freaking clue what time it is. “Let’s all come together?” Come together and do what? Sit silently when Daddy attacks another woman?

Ivanka standing up for empowering women has as much credibility as Sebastian Gorka in a pussy hat. She has more “togetherness” with the propaganda ministers, Sarah Huckabee Sanders and Stephen Baby Goebbels Miller. The only hashtag President Daddy’s little million dollar princess should be sending out is #complicit.

Ivanka needs to leave the White House and end the ruse she’s perpetuating that she’s actually serving a purpose. With that, we can say “time’s up.”

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Oprah 2020


cjones01102018

If this was two years ago, I’d think the idea of Oprah Winfrey running for president was a lousy idea.

I’m in favor of celebrities being involved politically. Let them donate money, make speeches and appearances on the behalf of candidates. Why shouldn’t they have the same right as you or I? But, running for office?

Sometimes it works out. Clint Eastwood was mayor of Carmel, California for a few years. Sonny Bono was mayor of Palm Springs, California and then a Republican member of Congress until he met that tree. Jesse Ventura went from professional wrestling and acting to become governor of Minnesota. The most famous is probably Arnold Schwarzenegger who became the Governator of California. Even Gopher from Love Boat became a Congressman from Iowa (where there are no boats).

In each of those cases, the celebrities boned up on the issues. They were familiar with the details of the jobs. They knew how to answer questions without people wondering if they were suffering from a brain aneurysm.

Donald Trump has given celebrity politicians a bad reputation. Sure, Trump won, but that was despite a lot of things. Even if we put aside the racism, the trolling, the tweeting, the sexism, the xenophobia, the assorted Nazis he surrounds himself with, the juvenile attacks, the thin skin, the corruption, the nepotism, the illiteracy, the lying, the insanity, the goading of another madman into a nuclear war, and every example of Trump fuckery, he still doesn’t know the issues. He hasn’t even expressed any interest in learning. When he does actually learn something he thinks he’s the first to hear about. Did you hear about uranium? Did you know the history of Korea is complicated? How about healthcare? Did you know Puerto Rico is an island surrounded by water (unlike islands that are not surrounded by water)?

So normally I’d discourage excitement over a celebrity running for office. But these aren’t normal times. Run, Oprah, run!

Yes, I will vote for Oprah Winfrey over Donald Trump. But with all due respect to Oprah, I’d vote for a garbanzo bean over Donald Trump.

Oprah is better qualified for the job and would most likely be a more attractive candidate than either the bean or the orange eggplant.

First off, she’s not stupid. If she’s ever read a single book, and she probably has since she has her own book club, she knows more about the issues than Donald Trump.

She has empathy. Trump couldn’t spell “empathy” if you spotted him the first six letters. Oprah has been poor. She can relate to everybody.

She’s an actual billionaire, while there’s serious doubt about Trump’s wealth because it’s all tied up in Rubles. She’s also a self-made billionaire and is worth nearly $3 billion. Trump inherited his wealth which he believes makes him a genius.

Oprah is 66-years-old, which is younger than Trump and Hillary Clinton. She also doesn’t have stupid family members she’d give government positions too.

Oprah runs an entertainment company too, but it doesn’t cater to morons like The Apprentice. Harpo Studios produces movies, TV shows, and Oprah’s magazine.

Another perk of electing Oprah: It’d freak Republicans out. Electing a successful black woman to the highest office in the land would probably make Steve Bannon and Stephen Miller move to Russia. Rush Limbaugh would have a heart attack on the air. Sean Hannity would have a live on-air birth to kittens. I would start watching Fox News for the meltdowns alone. If you think a black man in the office pushed them to the edge, wait until you put a black woman in there.

Last year, we saw women turn out the vote and deliver victory for Democrats in places like Virginia, New Jersey, and even Alabama. Black women were the deciding factor in Alabama. In case you forgot since the previous paragraph, Oprah is black.

Women love Oprah. Black women, white women, and even Republican women. The Republicans would have a hard time running an opposition campaign against Oprah and talking crap about her. Trump would try though. He talked shit about the Pope. Also, Trump hates women, especially black women. Doubly especially black women who are smarter than him, which is basically all of them except for Omarosa. Actually, she’s probably smarter than Trump too.

Oprah would crush Trump in an election. His victory was a total fluke in the first place. He needed the right numbers, votes, and Russians in the all the right places for that to work out. Can he do it twice? Can he do it against Oprah? I have doubts he could do it against the garbanzo bean.

Oprah won’t run, but I didn’t think Trump would run either. I overestimated Trump’s intelligence. Oprah is probably too smart to subject herself to a two-year presidential campaign, and then the nightmare of the job cleaning up after Trump. Trump didn’t even think about the job before he got it. He’s still not thinking about it. He thinks about insults, how he’s victimized and cheeseburgers.

Oprah got everyone excited over one decent speech she gave at the Golden Globes, which is one more than Trump has ever given. So, I’m not going to encourage Oprah to run but if she does, I’m on the Oprah train. You go, girl!

Plus, if she wins, maybe we’ll all get new cars.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude