Olympics

On Thin Ice


cjones01202018

I was watching Morning Joe this morning, and for the few minutes they weren’t talking about Donald Trump getting a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter, they talked to Republican Congressman Jim Jordan.

Jordan did not talk about spankings with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of Trump’s daughter, but he did talk about the budget crisis. He said the voters put Trump and the GOP in charge of the government (Before they knew about the spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter) to accomplish all their promises, so Democrats should go ahead and pass the temporary budget fix to keep the government open. If there’s a shutdown, then it’s all the Democrats fault.

Let’s look at that logic. If the voters put you in charge to keep your promises, then why do you need the Democrats’ help? You have control of all three branches of government. How is it the Democrats fault that you don’t know how to legislate? Next, you’ll blame them for Trump’s spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

The Republicans could create legislation that would appeal to enough Democrats to pass their budget, but running the government isn’t as simple as Trump getting a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter

By the way, I wouldn’t talk about the voters giving you a mandate when over three million more of them voted for Trump’s opponent (imagine how many more it would have been if they knew about that spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter), not to mention that over 80% of voters believe Dreamers should be able to stay in this nation. Yeah, that Dreamer issue.

The Republicans argue that Democrats shouldn’t demand it is a part of this budget deal, and that they’re not holding Dreamers hostage (like Trump was held hostage during that spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter). Go talk to a Dreamer who doesn’t know if they’ll get to stay here, continue working or going to school, or end up being shipped to a country they’ve never known. Donald Trump inserted the Dreamer crisis into this issue by revoking Obama’s Executive Order that allowed them to stay here. You broke it, you bought it (which might be something Trump said during that spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter).

Did voters send Trump to the Oval Office so he could lie about legislation? He told Democrats and Republicans that if they sent him a deal on DACA, that he would sign it and take the heat. They proposed a deal and he backtracked. Donald Trump is a liar. Republicans are legislating, trying to send something to his desk, and they don’t know what the man wants (spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter) because he keeps changing his mind.

Right now, we have a better idea of what Trump wants in the bedroom than what he wants in this budget (spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter).

Republicans think it’s crazy that DACA has to be a part of this but not funding for Trump’s stupid “I Hate Mexicans” wall. Why should this be in the budget when we were told Mexico would pay for this wall? That’s almost as crazy as someone wanting a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

Democrats, don’t budge. Don’t give jerks one cent for that wall. Mexico was supposed to pay for it. Don’t bend over (like Trump does for a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter) because Trump lied and can’t keep a campaign promise.

If Trump can’t keep his promises, Democrats shouldn’t pay for that. Trump should like he paid to keep it quiet that he got a spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

North and South Korea are probably laughing at us over this budget thing, in addition to Trump’s spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter.

By the way, did you hear about Trump’s spanking with a Forbes magazine by a porn star who reminds him of his daughter? Some people can’t stop talking about it.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

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Dopey Defenders


cjones12132017

Russia is officially banned from the 2018 Olympics set in Pyeongchang, South Korea, which shows that the International Olympic Committee has more backbone and intestinal fortitude than Republican members of Congress, Fox News, and the President of the United States.

Russia peed all over the 2014 Winter Olympics, which was a lot more dignified than what they did to our presidential election. It was like hackers wearing sterilized gloves.

Russia didn’t just send athletes to test with someone else’s urine. Russians actually got into the laboratory in Sochi and manipulated the tests. Experts say they haven’t seen doping this widespread since the East Germans did it throughout the 1960s, ’70s and ’80s. That’s a lot of commie pee.

Putin has scoffed at the accusations which is probably good enough for Donald Trump. Putin also denied meddling in our election and that was all the authority our president needed on the issue.

Since Trump, Republicans, and the idiots at Fox News have chosen Russian nationalism over American security, I’m surprised they’re not mounting a vigorous defense of Russia and expressing outrage at the injustice heaped upon them. Trump sycophants have attacked the FBI, the Special Counsel, the press and anyone else who has tried to look into Russia’s meddling in the presidential election and collusion with the Trump campaign. The main strategy is to deflect by screaming for investigations into the investigators, and more investigations for Hillary Clinton.

Russian athletes who receive special dispensation to compete will do so as individuals wearing a neutral uniform, and the official record books will forever show that Russia won zero medals. I guess that means they won’t be allowed to wear their Trump T-Shirts.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Heroes Of The Storm


cjones08182016

I’m the cartoonist who usually doesn’t like positive cartoons but sometimes greatness needs to be acknowledged and commemorated.

I was thinking how Phelps and other Olympians win medals for what they do in water, while many in Louisiana are literally under water. Many who have lost their homes are too busy saving others to count their own losses. Those are heroes. I’m not taking anything away from those who compete and represent their nation in an athletic contest, but the real gold winners are in Louisiana this week.

Louisiana is my home state. I think of it often and more so this week. I miss the scenery, the bayous, po boys, gumbo, etouffee, crawfish, the spices, and even though most of the people there would disagree with me politically, I miss them too. This week they exhibited why they’re some of the greatest people in the United States.

And yes, they do make the best food in the world.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Rigged Russians


cjones08162016

The situation between Donald Trump and Russia became even more unusual Monday. His campaign director, or whatever the hell his title is, was listed for receiving “off the books” cash payments from Ukraine.

Paul Manafort kept an office in Kiev, Ukraine for years while he did consulting work for that nation’s ruling party, which was very pro-Russia at the time. An anti-corruption probe from the current government is attempting to discover how their country’s elections were manipulated in the past, and the nation’s assets looted by former president Viktor Yanukovych. Handwritten ledgers show that Manafort received $12.7 million in undisclosed cash payments from Yanukovych’s ruling Russian-loving party from 2002 to 2012. Yanukovych, was elected president amidst allegations of election fraud and voter intimidation, was ousted in 2014 and today lives in exile in Russia.

A credible campaign would have fired or asked for Manafort’s resignation before the day was over. At this time Manafort is still on the job, not just defending Trump but defending himself. He claims he never received the payments, and I guess he can prove it by showing us his books (Mr. Trump, that’s how you use sarcasm).

There’s questions regarding Trump’s fortune and how much of it is connected to Russia. It doesn’t help that he won’t release his tax returns. It’s kinda bizarre for him and the GOP to accuse Clinton of being a criminal, question the ties between her charity and the state department, yet he won’t be transparent himself.

In addition to all of the above, Trump has lavished praise on Russian president Vladimir Putin. Trump has stated Putin won’t go into Ukraine, although he’s already there. He seems comfortable with Russia annexing Crimea. Russia is suspected of hacking into the Democratic party’s email system and Trump has asked them to hack into Hillary Clinton’s server (though he said he was joking).  He’s stated the U.S. shouldn’t uphold its obligations to some NATO nations, which might give Putin a few ideas regarding Eastern European nations that were formerly party of the Soviet Union.

On top of all this, Trump’s daughter is vacationing in Croatia with Putin’s girlfriend, who is also Rupert Murdoch’s ex wife. Is there an online dating service for billionaire, right wing tyrants?

The New York Times investigated and published the story about Manafort and Ukraine. Trump is already complaining about the media and the “failing” New York Times. He’s says the media is printing lies about him but he’s probably really upset that the media prints his actual statements. Trump states he is running against the media, and not Hillary Clinton. Trump conveniently forgets all the free TV time and exposure he’s gained. Attacking the press is red meat for Republicans, even if it’s coming from a guy who invalidates The New York Times while believing the National Enquirer is Pulitzer worthy.

In addition to all of Trump’s previous crazy and stupid comments, he says if he loses the election it will be because it’s rigged. He specifically points at Pennsylvania and says the only way he’ll lose that state is if “cheating goes on” and is asking his supporters to police and bully at polling stations.

Trump might have a point if he loses the state after leading in the polls. Unfortunately for him he’s currently lagging behind Clinton by nine points. In fact, he doesn’t have the lead in a single swing state. He’s also allowing her to make red states Utah, Georgia, Arizona, and Kansas competitive.  Kansas where they don’t believe in evolution, climate change, or books. Clinton’s lead has reached the point that she’s holding off advertising in swing states Virginia, Colorado, and, you guessed it, Pennsylvania.

Trump complains about not leading in states while he hasn’t actually put any ads on the air or campaign boots on the ground. Is he running for president or does he think he’s in a reality show?

The only way Trump can win the election is if it’s rigged in his favor. No wonder he’s asking Putin for help.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

All The News That’s Phelps


cjones08132016

One aspect of the Olympics I always enjoy are the individual issues. Fiji won their first medal ever in their history of competing at the Olympics and the country was excited that even banks were closed during the event. An Egyptian lost to an Israeli in judo and refused to bow or shake his hand. The U.S. women’s soccer team was upset by Sweden and Hope Solo called their opponents “cowards.” Officials had to reschedule an event because the water in a pool was too nasty (I don’t think that was a Baby Ruth). That’s fun stuff.

Here in the U.S. everyone is talking about Michael Phelps and his history-making medal grab.

These are his fifth Olympics and even editorial cartoonists are drawing positive celebratory cartoons honoring him. I don’t play that. I wouldn’t be able to stomach drawing cartoons of jealous fish and a jealous Aquaman. Ugh!

The media has been so gaga over Phelps that the San Jose Mercury News stepped all over itself in reporting the accomplishments of another athlete.

Simone Manuel became the first African-American woman to win an individual swimming event at the games when she took joint first place  in the 100-meter freestyle at Rio 2016. The Mercury News placed a headline on their website which read: Michael Phelps shares historic night with African-American.

Yikes! Forget shes’ a person, has a name, earned a little praise all her own, and let’s just lament how Phelps has to share a little glory with a black girl.

Women have been kinda trampled on with the sexism at these games.

Gymnast Simone Biles (who has been incredible) was complimented by an NBC commentator with “I think she might even go higher than some of the men.” Apparently you can’t appreciate a female athlete’s ability without it being compared to men for perspective. This was heaped on top after one commentator said her adoptive parents are not her parents. That’s some serious stupidity.

The Chicago Tribune labeled two-time bronze medal-winning Corey Cogdell as “wife of a Chicago Bear’s lineman.” The paper had to refer to her as a wife, and didn’t matter which particular lineman’s wife….just that she was a wife. You haven’t seen Phelp’s girlfriend mentioned in any headlines.

Katy Ledecky broke a world record in the 400-meter freestyle and was given praise with: “Some people say she swims like a man.” That was once again given by someone at NBC. Maybe the network should have sent Rachel Maddow or Chris Hayes to cover the games. Sheesh!

Hungary’s Katinka Hosszu broke a world record in 400-meter individual medley (whatever that is) and the credit was given to her husband/coach. Again…NBC.

NBC, who is on a roll by at this point, referenced the cycling teams as “mens” and “girls.” Do I have to point it out?

While the U.S. gymnastics team was talking on the sidelines, NBC again, said “They might as well be standing around at the mall.” When the men are talking to each other where might as well could they be standing? A bar? Garage? Pool hall? A crotch scratching contest?

NBC explained their tape delay by saying it’s OK because most of their audience is women and they’re more into the reality TV aspect than the results.

A lot of people will say I’m being too politically correct over this. I don’t think so. I try to keep this stuff in mind and I’m sure I’ll stumble in this area in the future. We have a very sexist society to the point that most people aren’t even aware they’re doing it.

For example: Hillary Clinton shouts but you don’t hear anyone talk about Donald Trump shouting. Conservatives make jokes about Clinton’s physical appearance, yet for a man to be insulted for his looks he has to have a serious weight issue or extremely ridiculous hair that defies physics. I was out last week and heard two guys talk about Clinton’s age without being aware that Donald Trump is older. A lot of people are asking to see a report on Clinton’s health but not Trump’s (and there’s one person who could use a brain scan it’s Trump). I’m surprised we haven’t started about menopause yet.

We have another week of the Olympics and at some point I hope to start watching. Maybe the rest of the media should pay closer attention also…or just let Roger Ailes produce the event.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!