MyPillow

MyManiac


cjones02072021

What happened to the Republican Party? They used to claim they were the party of personal responsibility. Now, not so much. It was just two years ago they couldn’t stand to let a member occupy a seat on committees who expressed support for white supremacy. Now? They’ll fight to defend a bigot who believes in crazy conspiracy theories and “liked” calls to murder Congressional Democrats.

Yesterday, freshman Republican Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene defended herself before the House and said she didn’t believe in the crazy stuff she used to peddle. The way she phrased it was, she was “allowed” to believe the Qanon conspiracy.

First off, the Qanon cult is based on the belief there’s a deep state controlling our government of Satanic-worshipping blood-drinking pedophiles, and they’re all Democrats. Their membership consists of politicians and movie stars.

And yesterday, the party of personal responsibility looked the other way when Marjorie Taylor Greene said she was “allowed” to believe so much bullshit. Allowed? As in it’s not her fault? She’s an adult and a member of the United States House of Representatives, not a baby whose parents allowed her to stick forks into electrical outlets.

If I buy into the beleif that all Republicans are troglodyte racists who support terrorists and a president who wants to date his daughter…wait, bad example.

If I buy into the belief that all Republicans are incapable to get humor, sarcasm, and irony…sorry. Another bad example.

If I buy into the belief that all Republicans are greedy and corrupt… Shit.

I got it. If I buy into the belief that all Republicans are ugly (eh), it’s not the fault of the person who sold me that belief. It would be my fault. I’m an adult. I’m capable of looking shit up. There’s probably a Republican somewhere who’s not totally hideous or CHUD-like (C.H.U.D.s. Look it up). Marjorie Taylor Greene is an adult. She has the internet, right? She can use Google. She chose to chase conspiracy theories, and even worse, spread them to other stupid, dumbass hillbilly fucknuts.

Yesterday, Marjorie tried to convince us she’s not responsible for believing shit like pizzagate, the conspiracy theory that Democrats were operating a child-sex ring from the basement of a Washington, D.C. pizza parlor. And she stood on the floor and said 9/11 and school shootings did actually happen. For this, she was praised.

How insane is it that a member of Congress had to say they believed 9/11 and school shootings have happened? You know, I believe the Earth isn’t flat. Give me a medal.

You know what Marjorie Taylor Greene didn’t say?

She didn’t say that a plane flew into the Pentagon which is something she expressed doubt about in the past. She didn’t say the Parkland school shooting happened, which she called a “false flag” operation and went on to stalk and harass survivor David Hogg. She didn’t even say she has stopped believing that Jewish space lasers financed by the Rothschilds were responsible for California wildfires. And, she didn’t say she was sorry.

Republicans claimed she said she was sorry behind closed doors. But when she addressed the entire House and the nation yesterday, she said she had “regrets,” but didn’t apologize. Instead, she blamed the media and Democrats. And the party that tried to cancel Liz Cheney blamed “cancel culture.”

The biggest thing Greene didn’t apologize for or even bring up is her support of comments to murder Speaker Nancy Pelosi and other Democrats in the House.

Afterward, the House voted to remove Marjorie Taylor Greene from her committees, specifically the Education Committee. What sort of maniac puts a school shooting denialist and harasser and stalker of school shooting victims on the Education Committee? Kevin McCarthy, that’s who.

And 199 Republicans voted to keep that Qanon stalker on the Education Committee. Only 11 Republicans voted to remove her.

If this vote was confidential, would the GOP have removed her? The thing is, they’re afraid of upsetting the base. Marjorie Taylor Greene has raised an absurd amount of money on the Qanon lies. Minority Leader McCarthy went to Florida to grovel before the cult leader of Q, Donald Trump. The entire party is afraid of the terrorist-supporting base that is Qanon. The GOP is now the party of Qanon.

Marjorie Taylor Greene is not the only supporter and believer of lies and conspiracy theories in Congress. In the House, 147 Republicans voted against certifying the election which was based on the lie that it was stolen. It was the promotion of that lie that fueled the terrorist cult that attacked the U.S. Capitol.

And that’s another thing Greene didn’t mention, her belief in the big stolen election lie. And if you don’t think you fall down rabbit holes with conspiracy theorists and cultists yet believe in the stolen election lie, congratulations. You are Qanon.

The Republican Party is no longer the party of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Eisenhower, Reagan, or even George W. Bush. They are now the party of Qanon. They’re the party of that fucking MyPillow Guy. And if runs for Congress, don’t act surprised.

The Republican Party voted yesterday to be the party of Q.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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MAGA Goons For Hire


cjones01222021

“I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists.”

That was a Hedy Lamarr, sorry, That’s “Hedley,” quote from Blazing Saddles when he was seeking to hire goons to invade the town of Rock Ridge. And when he did hire those goons, which included Klansmen, he told them, “Men, you are about to embark on a great crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the west.”

That kinda sounds like our guy, doesn’t it? Immediately after winning the election, President Barack Obama advised Trump, don’t hire Michael Flynn, a fired general who went on to appear on Russia state TV to help prop up Vladimir Putin’s regime, and then collected payment from Russia. What did Trump do? He hired Michael Flynn as his National Security Adviser. Flynn only lasted 23 days in the job and was immediately under investigation for goon-type stuff. Naturally, Flynn was pardoned by Trump after pleading guilty…twice.

Donald Trump and his goons embarked on a great crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the west…and everywhere else they could get their filthy hands on. It was four years of stupidity, lies, tearing the nation apart, insulting everyone who wasn’t a part of the hate agenda, supporting Klansmen, and defending Nazis. There was also that shit with Putin. We’re still trying to figure out what that was all about. And a lot of people enabled this shit.

In addition to Flynn, other goons who worked in the administration and campaign are Steve Bannon and Roger Stone, who are the gooniest of goons.

Donald Trump even hired his daughter and stupid entitled son-in-law as White House advisers. Now, with the exception of Staten Island, Ivanka and Skinny will not be welcomed back into the snooty New York City caviar-eating social network. They plan to move out of their Washington, D.C, mansion where they never let the Secret Service use the bathrooms, and move down to Florida with Donald. Ivanka is planning to challenge Florida Senator Marco Rubio. Hey, she can use his selling out his principles and dignity to Trump as her campaign strategy. See what Trump loyalty gets you? Marco never should have stopped making fun of Trump’s dick size.

What will life be like for other Trump goons? Will they all have resumes with their titles in huge letters but the administration they worked for typed in itty bitty tiny letters? Probably. They all don’t want to end up on Dancing with the Stars like Sean Spicer. Former spokesgoon Sarah Huckabee Sanders is looking to run for governor of Arkansas where she’ll probably do very well. But nobody else in the administration wants to move to Arkansas. While they feed and feed off the MAGAt base, they don’t want to actually be in the company of those people. You can’t really blame them for not wanting to hang out with brainwashed terrorists.

Even before Donald Trump engaged in sedition and sent terrorists to stage a bloody coup attempt, the job market looked tricky for Trump staffers. Now after the Capitol riots, even Trump is getting snubbed. The PGA withdrew a tournament from one of his shitty resorts and New York City has cut off all business with the Trump organization. Even the residents of Palm Beach, a city full of rich assholes and where Trump is planning to live his post-presidential life, doesn’t want him. Maybe Trump should look into building a secret compound behind a huge fence and not let anyone know who lives there, like bin Laden did. And at some point, helicopters will probably land to take him away, too.

Now we’re hearing that Trump staffers are having a hard time finding jobs. About the only thing really open for them will be gooning for other Republicans, as Trump is still popular with the GOP base…because the GOP likes terrorists.

A public relations recruiter was recently approached by 15 Trump staffers, taking on six, and so far, has been unable to get even one interview for any of them. And you can’t really blame employers because who wants to hire people who enabled terrorists?

One recruiter said about the MAGAt job seekers, “You’re supposed to put anyone in front of a job that has the credentials. Morally, it’s hard for people to want to work with them.” He also said, “They’re all very all about themselves with narcissistic attitudes, thinking any company in the country will want to hire me. I listened to one for about 20 minutes, and it was so much baloney, what he was spewing out to me.”

Dude, I’ve been listening to them for the past four years, and “baloney” is putting it kindly.

Some of the staffers are looking to work in the entertainment business while others want to be pundits on cable news shows, but Fox News can only hire so many goons and they’re already fully-stocked with liars and gaslighters as it is. And at some point, even Fox isn’t going to want to be associated with these people or put them on the air, and you can’t blame them. What network wants to regularly put defenders of terrorists on their programs?

One recruiter said, “We’re not taking people who have no credibility. Very few of them have real value beyond Fox News, OAN, and Newsmax.” Hilary Rosen, who is a vice chair of a public relations firm said, “None of them are going to be TV commentators anytime soon. They really have a scarlet letter, particularly the most visible ones.” She also said, “It’s not worth it to companies to bring on people with a bad reputation to represent the company in any way if it’s going to create employee revolt.”

And that’s part of it. In addition to losing credibility with your viewers and customers, hiring any of these people will make your current employees shout out, “This is bullshit,” and stage a revolt; of course, probably not like what we saw at the Capitol because most people aren’t terrorists.

Forbes editor Randall Lane wrote a column advising that companies think twice before hiring Trump’s former communication officials because they lied for him, which attributed to the terrorist attack at the Capitol.

Lane wrote, “As American democracy rebounds, we need to return to a standard of truth when it comes to how the government communicates with the governed. The easiest way to do that, from where I sit, is to create repercussions for those who don’t follow the civic norms. Trump’s lawyers lie gleefully to the press and public, but those lies, magically, almost never made it into briefs and arguments – contempt, perjury, and disbarment keep the professional standards high.”

Land stated that if a company did hire them, then Forbes Magazine will assume that company’s foundation is based on lies. He writes, “Don’t let the chronic liars cash in on their dishonesty.”

“Press secretaries like Joe Lockhart, Ari Fleischer, and Jay Carney, who left the White House with their reputations in various stages of intact, made millions taking their skills — and credibility — to corporate America. Trump’s liars don’t merit that same golden parachute. Let it be known to the business world: Hire any of Trump’s fellow fabulists above, and Forbes will assume that everything your company or firm talks about is a lie.”

Lane also told potential employers to these goons, “Want to ensure the world’s biggest business media brand approaches you as a potential funnel of disinformation? Then hire away.”

Trump goons will hope time will erase just what a disaster the Trump administration was…and just how fucking horrible it left the country. One way to do that is to gaslight. It’s already begun.

Former adviser Kellyann Conway, whose own daughter doesn’t trust the shit that comes out of her mouth, was on Bill Maher’s program, “Real Time,” and said, “You can’t deny that many people are better off.” As Maher pointed out, “Well, they’re not better off now, a lot of them are dead.”

Don’t let them do that. Don’t forget that Donald Trump left office right when the number of dead from the pandemic he ignored and played down hit 400,000. Don’t forget that when Trump left Washington, the capital was encased in barb wire being patrolled by over 25,000 National Guard troops to defend it from Trump terrorists.

Never forget this shit. Never forget the Trump disaster. Never forget the fuckers who helped the worst president in our nation’s history work to destroy our country. Never forget the people like Mike Lindell, that MyPillow asshole, who went to Washington in Trump’s last days to campaign for martial law. Never forget that after the terrorist attack, Donald Trump entertained more people inside the White House arguing for further coup attempts and terrorist attacks.

Don’t forget these people. Don’t forget what they did. Don’t watch their shows. Don’t buy their products. Don’t buy their bullshit. Don’t hire them.

And if you do hire these people, people like me won’t let it go. You know why? Because most Americans don’t like terrorists.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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MyTerrorist


cjones11252020

Remember when that underage terrorist twerp Kyle Rittenhouse went across state lines to shoot at people protesting for racial justice in Kenosha, Wisconsin and ended up killing two of them? He just made bail. You may be asking yourself, “How did an unemployed 16-year-old right-wing militia wannabe terrorist come up with $2 million for bail?”. You can thank the MyPillow guy and actor Ricky Schroder.

Rittenhouse’s lawyer tweeted, “KYLE RITTENHOUSE IS OUT OF JAIL! God bless ALL who donated to help #FightBack raise required $2M cash bail. Special thanks to Actor Ricky Schroder @rickyshroder1 & Mike Lindell @realMikeLindell for putting us over the top. Kyle is SAFE. Thanks to ALL who helped this boy.”

I know all this time you’ve been as concerned as I have about the safety of Kyle Motherfucking Rittenhouse. Oh, I hope jail treated him nicely. I hope the food wasn’t too horrible. I’m sure the pillow wasn’t as comfy as an $80 MyPillow…or from what I’ve gathered from online reviews…maybe it was.

Anyway, this underage terrorist who somehow illegally gained access to an assault rifle and killed people is out on bail and the child actor to thank, or blame, isn’t Chachi. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa’at? Scott Baio’s stupid racist ass didn’t do it? Of course not. Chachi doesn’t have money. Have you seen him in anything lately? Fact: Scott Baio has had three sitcoms and I never watched one episode. I did watch Happy Days but that wasn’t HIS sitcom. And I know what you’re thinking. Scott Baio has had THREE sitcoms? I mean, he’s had as many TV shows as Matt LeBlanc who as far as I can tell, is NOT a Nazi.

In case you’re concerned that Ricky Schroder has gone over to the dark side…he only confirmed the information on…wait for it…Parler, the brand new online social media destination for racists and Qanon fucknuts claiming they’re leaving Facebook and Twitter because their conspiracy theories are being censored. Perhaps acting on Silver Spoons as a child left a permanent soft spot in Ricky for billionaire assholes. So what’s the MyPillow guy’s excuse? He’s a racist billionaire asshole. That’s not fair. Maybe he’s just a millionaire.

Mike Lindell overcame a crack problem and found Jesus. He also found Trump. What is it with born-again Christians being so supportive of anti-Jesus principles? Why are Christians so horny for racist policies that put brown babies in jail? Why are they so hot for policies that drug test welfare recipients, so if daddy did weed, his baby can’t eat? If you figure that one out, let me know.

I’m very supportive of Mike Lindell’s recovery from crack, but I think he’s still an addict. He’s addicted to orange Kool-Aid and like Chachi and Silver Spoons bastard who was in The Champ with MAGAt Jon Voight (I spent some time on Wikipedia this morning), he’s a cultist. And when Mike Lindell’s not pushing pillows full of bullshit, he’s pushing bullshit cures for the coronavirus. Lindell pushes treatment for Covid-19 that’s so stupid, only Ben Carson tries it.

People who go out and point guns at protesters are championed by Trump and his MAGAts. Case in point: Those scummy lawyers in St. Louis who were so threatened by Black Lives Matter protesters walking down their street, that that they interrupted margarita time to point guns at them…were championed at the Republican National Convention.

Make no mistake about it. Trump and MAGAts aren’t celebrating rich-asshole lawyers for wearing shirts with mustard stains. It’s the pointing guns at black people they like. Trump and Republicans encourage white domestic terrorism. Kyle Rittenhouse gained an automatic weapon illegally and crossed state lines to kill two people…and you haven’t heard one word from the president (sic) of the United States disavowing that. Donald Trump has actually argued that Rittenhouse was practicing self defense when he crossed state lines to kill people. I’m sure Ben Carson bought that bullshit.

Republicans argue that people should take up automatic weapons and defend their homes from black people walking in front of it, but Rittenhouse wasn’t even in his own state, less enough his “home.”

Kyle Rittenhouse, who was too young to possess an automatic weapon, took an automatic weapon across state lines, joined militia goobers in parading around Kenosha pretending to defend businesses, where not one person stopped to say, “Hey…is that kid old enough to be stomping around here with an automatic weapon?”. Instead, cops gave him bottles of water. Instead, after shooting people and walking toward police cars with his hands up, the cops drove past him. No worried that kid with a smoking automatic weapon…he’s white.

In contrast, cops shot Jacob Blake in the back four times (they shot seven times but missed with three of them), paralyzing him…after tasing him…twice. Oh yeah. Jacob Blake is black.

The shooting of Jacob Blake is what the protests were over in Kenosha. Estimates put the property damage at around…wait for it…$2 million. MyPillow and Silver Spoons could have helped the community out more by donating to rebuild it instead of giving that money to a domestic Trumper terrorist. But no. They would rather make a martyr out of a killer.

I think giving money to a terrorist fuck like Kyle Rittenhouse, who’s probably going to be found guilty of murder by a jury, is almost as much of a waste as spending $80 on a shitty pillow.

Either way, it’ll probably be hard to sleep at nights.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Demon Pillows


cjones08212020

We have to stop treating these people like they’re normal.

Donald Trump is not a normal person. Donald Trump is a conspiracy theorist totally devoid of ethics and a fraud. And if someone else happens to come along pushing bogus conspiracy theories and talking fruit loops out of their ass, Donald Trump will support their message as long as there’s praise for him in it.

Take Dr. Demon Sperm. That crazy lady in Houston claimed she had treated and cured over 300 people with Hydroxychloroquine. Never mind we still haven’t seen any evidence of that. Perhaps we were distracted by her claims of deep state lizard people, Alien DNA being used to cure people, and sex dreams with demons causing havoc in vaginas. But, because she promoted Hydroxychloroquine, Donald Trump said she’s “very impressive.”

Thankfully, there are still journalists who will call out bullshit. Journalists like CNN’s Anderson Cooper, who may have had too much fun with Mike Lindell yesterday.

You can argue that by giving someone like Mike Lindell a platform on CNN legitimizes the guy. But Donald Trump has already brought the dude up at one of his fake coronavirus briefings, so bring him on…and use the platform to expose him for the fraud he is. After what we saw yesterday, he’s less credible than the Doctor Demon Sperm. Hey, at least she had the good sense not to allow Anderson Cooper to expose her.

You know who Mike Lindell is. He’s the MyPillow guy selling shit pillows on Fox News. His pillows are totally propping up Tucker Carlson’s shows as other advertisers flee over his racism. MyPillow doesn’t have a problem with racists. In fact, I hear 4 out of 5 tiki-torch Nazis prefer MyPillow over non-Nazi pillows. OK. I made that up but as Mark Meadows would argue, there’s no evidence that it’s not true. No word yet on the pillow preference of sex demons.

Now, the MyPillow guy is touting a cure for the coronavirus. Wow! A cure you say? Lindell is pushing oleandrin as a potential therapeutic for COVID-19. oleandrin actually comes from a plant that is toxic. What is the MyPillow guy’s medical expertise? He has none. What’s his experience with drugs? He did a lot of cocaine. What’s his connection to this new miracle drug? He’s on the board of the company selling it which gives him a financial stake. But you know, Lindell says Jesus sent him.

Fortunately, Anderson Cooper destroyed Lindell yesterday for the entire world to see.

Lindell does not like the media and he’s referred to it in the past, usually while appearing on Fox News, as evil. But for some reason, he took his chances with Anderson Cooper.

Anderson Cooper pointed out Lindell had no medical expertise, was going to financially benefit, and that he had been exposed as a fraud in the past. Lindell used to run commercials claiming MyPillow cured various diseases. He later settled a lawsuit with several counties in California over the bogus claim. His business has an F rating from the Better Business Bureau for offering a buy-one-get-one-free campaign where if you paid double for one pillow, then you got a second.

Yesterday, Mike Lindell said he wouldn’t stake his great reputation on this cure if it didn’t work. Anderson Cooper pointed out that Lindell doesn’t have a great reputation. That’s about where I lost it and laughed for about two hours straight. The look on Lindell’s face was priceless. Perhaps what’s also hurting his reputation is using these appearances to also claim Donald Trump is the greatest president ever.

Lindell also pointed out that Ben Carson was behind this new cure. Oy! In the past, Ben Carson promoted a drug for a company that was paying him to give speeches, donating to his scholarship fund, and underwrote a TV special for him. But hey, let’s trust HUD Secretary Ben Carson, who doesn’t know the difference between REO and Oreo cookies.

Mike Lindell argued this drug has passed several tests yet wouldn’t provide proof or details. As someone else who I forget pointed out recently, legitimate medical studies are usually published in medical journals, not YouTube, and they’re definitely not reserved to be promoted by the MyPillow guy.

The MyPillow guy claimed the Food and Drug Administration has had the results of the tests since April, but there’s been no acknowledgement of that.

Last March, at one of Trump’s bogus coronavirus briefings, he brought Lindell out who promised his company would use its resources to produce 50,000 face masks a day for hospitals. I did a little research to see how that went and all I can find is that they definitely made face masks. In fact, at his MyPillow website, you can purchase 10 of them for $20.00. And in a great deal, you can purchase 20 for $40. I don’t know why he didn’t promote 10 for $40 and you get 10 more for free.

Yesterday, Lindell said, “I do what Jesus has me do.” Beware of people who say they’re doing God’s work while making a profit. It’s like a president donating his salary while forcing the government to pay for shitty hotel rooms and golf cart rentals at his resort. Or you know, using the presidency to force events like the G7 Summit and the British Open to be held at his shitty resorts. Do they use MyPillows in prisons?

Lindell claims he gave this new miracle cure to friends and family members and again, without proof.

Anderson summed it up best and to Lindell’s face when he said, “You really are like a snake oil salesman.” This entire administration and their friends are snake oil salesmen. Usually, they come with lines like, “Make America great again.”

I wouldn’t trust Lindell with any of his products. I wouldn’t put my head on his crappy pillows. I wouldn’t put one of his face masks on my face. And I definitely wouldn’t trust him with medication from a poisonous plant.

Mike Lindell is insane and a total fraud. He’s a conman and a grifter just like the man he’s a sycophant for. And in addition to selling snake oil, he’s selling bullshit.

And if you’re ever unsure if someone is legit or a total fraud, look for the signs. The first sign is they’re a Trump supporter.

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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