Mr Potato Head

Republican Head


cjones03172021

One of the funny things about the great cancel culture distraction when it comes to the Republican fear of trans potatoes, is the Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head are the same toys. I’m sure Hasbro has huge boxes of plastic potatoes somewhere in Taiwan and at some point along an assembly line, someone earning 43 cents an hour makes the crucial call for each potato whether it’ll have a mustache or a wig.

Technically, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head are both anatomically correct as potatoes don’t have penises and vaginas. I’m not a farmer but I’m still pretty sure of this. But, what the fuckers at Fox News are up in their plastic arms about is that Hasbro has dropped the “Mr” and “Mrs” from the toy line. But, they have not from the individual characters. I know. It’s weird. Let’s hope Sean Hannity never removes the camo pants off his GI Joes or he’s going to have an on-air freak-out. That may not be fair as it’s possible he’s removed the pants from his GI Joes lots and lots of times.

At some point, I expect these bags of dicks to show up at Hasbro with literal bags of dicks.

These things are just distractions. “Cancel culture” does not exist. I mean, if “cancel culture” did exist, then it has to be the description for all things canceled, like Colin Kaepernick from the National Football League or Rob Rogers, this year’s Herblock Award winner, from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Rob was fired because he refused to stop drawing cartoons about Donald Trump. He was literally fired for doing his job. But don’t worry. His right-wing replacement has drawn numerous cartoons about liberals and their “cancel culture.” Conservatives do not get irony.

Here’s the thing, kids: It’s not “cancel culture” to be removed from a social media platform by a private corporation because you retweeted Nazis or used the platform to organize terrorists. Was ISIS “canceled” by Twitter? I haven’t heard anyone on Fox News crying for the free-speech rights of al Qaida.

It’s also not “cancel culture” when the owner of the product decides to make changes. 

It’s not “cancel culture” when Disney decides to put a warning label on The Muppet Show. Are the shows gone? No. If nothing else, it’s easier to find them now. If you really love the Muppets, you can go watch the Muppets. Nobody is stopping you. Not even those two old guys in the balcony who hate everything. Even they’re more optimistic than the Fox fuckers. “Hey, Fox News isn’t half bad.” “I know. It’s all bad!”

It’s not “cancel culture” because the Dr. Seuss company decides to pull six books that you never read from their line of over 80 books. Nobody forced them. No government came down on them. The company that owns the titles is the one to make the decision on how Dr. Seuss’s legacy will be represented. It’s not up to you or anyone on Fox News. And let’s face facts. You’re not rushing out to purchase these Dr. Seuss titles any more than you’re out buying up all the Goya products. You Republicans don’t do spicy and you don’t do reading.

It’s not “cancel culture” when Warner Bros. decides to remove Pepe Le Pew from an upcoming film and all future projects. You can disagree and believe they’re overreacting, but it’s their skunk. Nancy Pelosi did not make this happen. The only skunk who contributed to rape culture that the public has removed was Donald Trump, who by the way, probably hasn’t seen his penis in years without the aid of a mirror on the floor.

Why are Republicans distracting right now? Because they don’t have anything else. Joe Biden’s approval ratings are sky high. The popularity of the covid-relief package, the American Rescue Plan, is astronomically high even with Republicans. So what can Republicans in Washington and on Trump TV bitch about? I know. Let’s make up some shit.

Look at the border. Sure, we can criticize the detainment of unaccompanied minors, but Republicans have made up lies about immigrants bringing coronavirus with them and have blamed President Biden for the fact they’re coming here. They are literally blaming Biden for being such a good president, that more people want to come to this nation. The distraction also helps to deflect from the fact that this was built up during the Trump regime as they would turn away immigrants who were seeking asylum..

George W. Bush tanked the economy. President Barack Obama rescued our economy and made it grow. What did Republicans have to complain about? They literally said it was the “worst recovery in American history.” That would be like all those Trump terrorists crapping in the Capitol during their insurrection, which they literally did, and then blaming Democrats for how slow they were to clean it up. Hey, you missed a spot!

I would half expect Republicans to gripe that they could have beaten the Nazis better than FDR did, but you know…if they didn’t love Nazis so much.

How dishonest are Republicans? I saw a meme this morning comparing the economic numbers in Obama’s first year, 2009, to the wonderful economic numbers in 2019 under Trump. The meme is dishonest. It ignores that Obama’s first year was his inheritance of Bush’s economy. It ignored that Trump inherited Obama’s great economy. And then, it totally ignores Trump’s last year when he tanked the economy. And all the comments under the meme were comments about the greatness of Trump and the nightmare of Obama. This shit works on Republicans? Why? Because they don’t have dicks.

No, it doesn’t work because they don’t have dicks. It works because they’re stupid…and they don’t have dicks.

So, don’t believe all the crap you’re hearing about Mr. Potato Head being trans and whether or not he has a tater telewacker from some Republican so fat that he hasn’t seen his own penis since the first Bush presidency…or from Tucker Carlson who hasn’t seen his penis ever, not because he’s overweight, but because he doesn’t have one.

Quite frankly, I think it’s a little concerning how consumed Republicans are thinking about penises.

Creative note: I put details into my cartoon characters that I see in actual people. Two weeks ago, I was at my dentist and his assistant has the hair style seen on the child in this cartoon. I loved her hair and knew I’d be adding it to a cartoon soon. I don’t know if she’d be flattered or insulted so I’m not sending it to her. I don’t want to piss off people who put sharp things in my mouth.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Duckets For Russets


cjones03132021

Yesterday, the House of Representatives voted to pass the $1.9 trillion stimulus package. The Senate had already passed it last week. You’re probably going to get another stimulus check.

Mississippi Senator Roger Wicker, a Republican, tweeted out praise for the $28.6 billion included for “targeted relief” for restaurants.

Wicker tweeted, “Independent restaurant operators have won $28.6 billion worth of targeted relief. This funding will ensure small businesses can survive the pandemic by helping to adapt their operations and keep their employees on the payroll.”

Wow. It sure sounds like Wicker is excited about this money that’ll help restaurants stay afloat. Members of Congress typically boast about their votes and how much they’re doing for their constituents. Wicker really wants small restaurant owners in Mississippi to appreciate him for this stimulus they’re about to receive. But Wicker did leave out one tiny little maybe important detail. It’s a detail that everyone in Mississippi who needs this money should realize and remember when Wicker is up for reelection in four years.

Roger Wicker, Republican, left out the part that he…wait for it…DIDN’T VOTE FOR THE BILL.

Roger Wicker voted no. Roger Wicker voted against small businesses and independent restaurants in Mississippi receiving a stimulus check. He voted against every person in Mississippi and the rest of the nation making less than $80,000 a year from receiving a $1,400 check. With the average income in Mississippi at just a little over $24,000, a lot of Mississippians will be receiving checks. So, Mississippians, when you get your check, remember that BOTH of your Senators (the other being Cindy Hyde-Smith) voted against you receiving it.

In fact, every Republican in Congress voted against the stimulus. Every Republican in the House and every Republican in the Senate voted against it. Even Mitt Romney, who has occasional hot flashes of not being a total butt stick, voted against it. If Republicans had just one more seat in the United States Senate, you would not be receiving a check. None of us would be receiving a check.

Republicans don’t care about you. Republicans care more about saving Mr. Potato Head from becoming a trans potato head than they care about you. They voted against this bill that would help farmers who grow real actual potatoes. By the way, with Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head both being plastic toys, neither of them has wee-wees and hoo-haas. Fortunately, neither do real potatoes because that’d be totally unappetizing.

In the first stimulus, Donald Trump (who many also assume doesn’t come with a wee-wee) made sure his name was printed on the physical checks voters received. His only involvement with that was he didn’t block it. If anything, Nancy Pelosi should have had her name on it. But for dumb Americans, you know, Trump supporters, they were all like, “Praise Trump for this check. Ya, Trump! Will my check be bigger than black people’s checks?”. Now, will they notice they’re receiving checks without one Republican vote? In the note section of these checks, it should say, “No thanks to Republicans.” That was actually my first idea but it would have been less fun to draw.

Washington is extremely partisan right now. It’s so partisan, that not one Republican could reach across the aisle to help Americans during this pandemic. They know this package, the American Rescue Plan, is a success for President Joe Biden. They would rather hurt Americans than give Biden a win. And right now, they’re working in 43 states to change election laws to give Republicans an advantage, so next time Americans need help, they’ll have the votes to say, “Go suck it, America.”

This stimulus is to help people who need help. Republicans are screaming about the cost which is something they only do when a Democrat is in the White House. When they jacked up the deficit to give billionaires and trust-fund babies a tax cut, they didn’t express any concern about the spending. And that action didn’t help people who needed help. Sure, Donald Trump Jr. probably needs help (and a sponsor), but not financially.

Despite voting against this stimulus, you can expect Republicans to try to take credit for it passing. During the 2018 midterms, Republicans literally ran on saving Obamacare. The same goons, where not one voted for it and then made over 50 attempts to repeal it, was telling Americans that if they lost Congress, that people would lose their health coverage. In 2022, you’ll see Republicans campaign on the stimulus. And they will run on it like it was their invention because this stimulus is even popular with Republican voters, coming in at over 60% approval. Fortunately for Republican office holders, Republican voters be stupid.

And in Mississippi, restaurant owners whose businesses were saved by this bill, will turn around and reelect Roger Wicker…the man who voted against their survival. Republican voters are also forgetful unless it’s something to do with Hillary Clinton.

In 2024, when Wicker is campaigning in his state and is visiting all those catfish and BBQ restaurants, the owners should tell him to get lost. He didn’t help them. What they should do is take a Mr. Potato Head to Mr. Wicker and see if he’s anatomically correct. Am I being too subtle?

Anyway, enjoy your stimulus…no thanks to Republicans.

Update: I knew this and forgot it. Roger Wicker added the amendment to the bill that gave the stimulus to restaurants (with Democratic Senator Kyrsten Sinema) and still voted against it. Thanks, Mike Marturello, for that note.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

CPAC Cult


cjones03032021

Speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), Donald Trump Jr told the cult that maybe the organization should now be called “TPAC.” In case you’re slower than Donald Trump Jr, the “T” is for Trump. The should keep it as “CPAC,” but with the first “C” standing for “Cult.”

The Republican Party isn’t about conservatism anymore. It’s not about policy. It’s not even about Republicans. It’s about Donald Trump. His entire strategy to retake the White House is to run on his grievances because it’s all about him. The only policy is subservience to Donald Trump. This is not a party anymore. It’s a cult. And in case you had any doubts, just take one look at the golden statue, seriously, that was wheeled into the convention. They literally brought a golden statue of Donald Trump. Some in attendance at CPAC literally bowed down before it.

Saddam Hussein had statues made of him while he was still alive. He even named Baghdad’s airport after himself. By the way, there’s a movement by the Trump cult to rename a Florida airport after Donald Trump. Typically, leaders die before statues are built in their honor. You know, leaders much greater than Donald Trump like Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and Ronald McDonald.

Will Republicans soon be required to build shrines inside their homes to Donald Trump, like what’s required North Koreans for Kim Jong Un, his father, and grandfather?

This is what’s become of the GOP, the Grand Old Party. It’s a cult to Donald Trump and after four more years of this shit, worshipping a racist reality TV show host who was this nation’s worst president, who lost the popular vote twice, lost the House and Senate for his party, who continues the Big Lie of the stolen election, who instigates terrorists to attack the government in bloody coup attempts, and refuses a peaceful transfer of power to the president who defeated him in a democratic and free election, there will be nothing left of the Republican Party.

Even Mitch McConnell, who blamed Donald Trump for the attack on the Capitol and suggested he’ll be held accountable in a court of law on criminal charges, said he’ll support Donald Trump if he’s the nominee in 2024.

What’s left of the Republican Party is outrage over a stolen election that wasn’t stolen and Mr. Potato Head maybe not being Mr. anymore.

“The people at CPAC are living in an alternate reality in which facts don’t matter, the Constitution doesn’t matter. They have no principle except whatever their leader says.” Who said that? The former leader of CPAC, Mickey Edwards.

Edwards, who is also a former Oklahoma Congressman said, “The Republican Party really no longer stands for any kind of principles, conservative or otherwise. They’re no different than they are in Hungary…whatever the Great Leader says, they do.”

He also said, “The party seems now to be completely following the lead of one man wherever he goes, which is the definition of a cult. All that matters is ‘Trump is for this, we’re for this.’ And that includes denying truth, denying facts, denying reality.”

Edwards quit the Republican Party after the attack on the Capitol. Speakers at this year’s conference, appropriately being held in Florida, include Senators Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz, who helped instigate the terrorist attack. Edwards said the current leader, Matt Schlapp, doesn’t have his job because when Edwards was the head of CPAC, “it was a group that was based on conservative principles. We were strong supporters of the Constitution. We believed in free elections. We believed in democracy. These people don’t believe in any of those things.” Schlapp does not push conservative issues anymore. Instead, he has pushed Donald Trump’s bogus stolen election lie. Removing yourself from reality is now a requirement to be a member of the Republican Party.

The entire conference has been one of lie after lie followed by conspiracy theory followed by conspiracy theory. I can’t wait to hear what policies Trump focuses on during his speech later today.

Are you a still a Republican after the leader of your party has tried to undermine our constitution and encouraged terrorists to attack the government in a bloody coup attempt? Are you still a Republican after it has been co-opted by Qanon?

If you’re still a Republican, congratulations. You’re in a cult.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: