Mitch McConnell

Moscow Mitch


cjones08052019

The owner of one of the online news sites who subscribes to my cartoons emailed asking if I was going to draw a cartoon about Mitch McConnell. He mentioned that “MoscowMitch” was trending on Twitter and that the Senate Majority Leader was upset over this, which meant the editor was going to run every single anti-McConnell cartoon and the least flattering photos he can find of McConnell from now on.

I was aware of the #MoscowMitch thing trending and that McConnell was unhappy over it, but I thought piling on would be too much like trolling. Then, I saw how upset Mitch was. I changed my mind. Adding to anything that might even slightly upset McConnell’s mellow has to be a good cause.

McConnell, like most politicians who aren’t Donald Trump, are usually impervious to criticism, nicknames, and satire. Ted Cruz actually enjoys being the most disliked slug that has ever oozed its way into the United States Senate, and even seems to be aware he has a very punchable face. But this time, McConnell’s feelings have been hurt, and not because he doesn’t have a punchable face like Ted. Trust me, Mitch. You do.

He’s upset at being accused of being a Russian asset. Why are people accusing him of being a spawn of Putin? Because, right after the former special counsel Robert Mueller testified that Russians were still hacking us, even “as we sit here,” McConnell single-handledly blocked stronger election security measures.

McConnell even blocked a bill that would have made it a requirement for campaigns to report to the FBI if a foreign government was trying to give them assistance. McConnell felt the bills were “partisan” and would give Democrats an advantage at the polls. He’s right in that a fair and free election would give Democrats an advantage because most Republican ideas are greedy, evil, racist, stupid, and only seem to benefit billionaires and assholes. The majority of Americans vote against Republicans like they did in 2016 and 2018. Most Americans will vote against Republicans again in 2020.

McConnell was upset because not only is #MoscowMitch trending, but so is #MoscowMitchMcTraitor. This is a guy who, after an ad referred to him as “Cocaine Mitch,” started answering his phone with that title.

McConnell even took to the Senate floor to defend himself, seemingly unaware that if you feed trolls, that like cats, they don’t go away. Mitch called his critics “hyperventilating hacks,” and compared his treatment to “modern-day McCarthyism.” McConnell said, “Over the last several days I was called unpatriotic, un-American, and essentially treasonous by a couple of left-wing pundits on the basis of bald-faced lies. I was accused of aiding and abetting the very man I singled out as an adversary and opposed for nearly 20 years, Vladimir Putin.”

Yet, McConnell is blocking efforts to protect our elections from attacks by Russia because he wants to aid and abet Vladimir Putin. McConnell, like Trump, is welcoming the Russians help in 2020. It’s not like McConnell has ethics. He freaking stole a Supreme Court seat.

In 2016, Obama asked McConnell to speak out against Russia’s attack on our election so that defending the integrity of our democratic process would be bipartisan. Obama wanted Democratic and Republican leaders to stand shoulder-to-shoulder. McConnell refused because he didn’t want to discourage Putin or Americans from realizing that all the erroneous information they were being fed to help Donald Trump was created by Russian trolls. McConnell refused to defend America, just like he’s refusing to defend it now. Just like Donald Trump has refused to defend the nation he swore an oath to protect.

Trump came to McConnell’s defense while referring to himself, again, in the third person saying, “Mitch McConnell is a man that knows less about Russia and Russian interference than even Donald Trump. And I know nothing.” I’m sure we can all agree that Donald Trump “knows nothing.”

Mitch McConnel is upset people are calling him a Russia asset. If you don’t want to be accused of being a Russian asset then maybe stop acting like Vladimir Putin has a hand up your ass.

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As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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Transparent President?


cjones05102019

For Donald Trump, claiming he’s the “most transparent president ever,” would be like saying you’re honest while stealing from a charity.

It’d be like saying you’re a great businessman and writing a book called “Art of the Deal” during a decade of losing over a billion dollars.

It’d be like saying, “I’m the least racist person ever” while building a racist vanity project to keep out brown people.”

It’d be like attacking a Congresswoman for antisemitism after you’ve retweeted Nazis.

It’d be like complaining about undocumented workers after you’ve hired undocumented workers.

It’d be like attacking Democrats for sexual scandals after you’ve paid women to keep quiet about your diddling them.

It’d be like complaining about antisemitism after you’ve called for a ban on Muslims, called someone “Pocahontas,” accused Black Lives Matter of being thugs, referred to nations where brown people come from as “shithole countries,” called Mexicans “rapists” and “murderers,” accused black women of being dumb, said a judge is unfit because he’s of Mexican lineage, referred to immigrants as “animals,” engaged in birtherism, or praised Nazis.

It’d be like saying you’ll only hire the best people then hiring your daughter, your son-in-law, Betsy Devos, Ben Carson, Rick Perry, Omarosa, William Barr, Jeff Sessions, Sean Spicer, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Stephen Miller, Steve Bannon, etc.

It’d be like saying, “I know more than the generals” while believing there are invisible airplanes.

It’d be like claiming you’re a great negotiator then after receiving an offer, negotiating yourself down to receiving nothing.

It’s like giving your opponents nicknames like “Crooked Hillary” and “Lyin’ Ted” then telling over 10,000 lies.

It’d be like saying you love America and you’re a patriot while ignoring that Russia meddled in our last election and is planning to do it again in the next one.

It’d be like saying, “I’ll own the shutdown,” then later saying, “They did it.”

It’d be like saying, “No one understands science more than I do” while believing noise from windmills causes cancer.

It’d be like complaining that Facebook’s bans on racists are a threat to the First Amendment while declaring there should be laws restricting a free press.

It’d be like complaining about “fake news” while retweeting conspiracy theories.

It’d be like saying you’re a “young and vibrant man” while looking like THAT.

It’d be like making fun of someone else’s hair while wearing a bleached mongoose on your head.

It’d be like questioning if Obama was born in the United States while lying where your father was born.

It’d be like complaining about someone not releasing their college transcripts while hiding your college transcripts.

It’d be like complaining about someone staging a hate crime after you’ve encouraged your rally attendants to assault black people.

It’d be like saying, “no one respects women more than I do” while grabbing them by the pussy.

It’d be like complaining about Antifa when your supporters are mailing bombs to Democrats and journalists.

It’d be like saying, “No one’s more presidential than I am” while you’re dry humping a flag.

It’d be like “writing” a book when you’re illiterate.

It’d be like saying you support our troops after you’ve said a POW is not a war hero and feuded with Gold Star families.

It’d like accusing Joe Biden of being creepy after you’ve stated that if you two weren’t related, you’d be dating your daughter.

It’d be like accusing Democrats of colluding with Russia after you invited Russians into your campaign headquarters.

It’d be like claiming you’re a family man after you had three divorces and children from three different women.

It’d be like saying you don’t support Nazis after you hired Stephen Miller.

Yeah, it’d be like that.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Holiday Power Grab


cjones02052019

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has no shame. The man isn’t afraid of exhibiting blatant hypocrisy. He’s not ashamed of stealing power. He’s not ashamed of preventing bills from being voted on. He’s not ashamed of changing the rules to put the least acceptable people on the Supreme Court. He’s not ashamed of stealing a Supreme Court seat. Most of all, He’s not ashamed of being the leader of the United States Senate while doing all he can to suppress the people’s choice that puts the leader in place. This is why people yell at him in restaurants. Plus, he looks like a tortoise and those things shouldn’t be allowed in restaurants.

This week, he accused Democrats of a “power grab” when they presented a bill to make Election Day a paid federal holiday.

Voting on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November is a United States tradition. It’s also a relic of a bygone era, like the Electoral College. You would have thought we’d have gotten rid of one of those things when we got rid of slavery. Most developed nations hold elections on weekends or have made them national holidays. Most developed nations encourage as many eligible voters to vote as possible. Republicans hate that. Republicans prefer lower turnouts on Election Day. Most Republicans are still in a plantation-state-of-mind.

McConnell is right. It is a “power grab.” But, Election Day is supposed to be a power grab by the people. Our leaders should be elected by the majority vote, not by acreage which is what the Electoral College does. It’s also how we’re represented in the Senate which is why Republicans control it.

McConnell is not opposed to all “power grabs.” He’s not opposed to gerrymandering. He’s not opposed to voters being purged, like what happened in Georgia for the last election. He’s not opposed to wanky new rules preventing Native Americans from voting, like what happened in North Dakota in the last election. He’s not opposed to towns like Dodge City, Kansas moving their voting precinct outside the city limits. He’s not opposed to African-American students at Prairie View A&M being given the wrong information on where to vote. He’s not even opposed to Russian meddling to help elect a Republican president. He’s not opposed to that Republican candidate colluding with the Russians.

McConnell and Republicans fear a large turnout on Election Day because more Americans vote Democratic, that is when they bother to vote. According to a 2014 Pew Survey, 51 percent of non-voters lean toward Democrats.

Since 2000, Democrats have only won the House when they won a majority of the vote nationwide. In 2018, they won over 53 percent of the House vote. In 2012, Republicans got fewer votes for the House than Democrats, but they still retained the chamber. When Republicans made massive gains in 1994 and 2010, they got more seats than Democrats did in 2018, though with a smaller percentage of the vote.

Republicans actually gained seats in the Senate while losing the vote to Democrats by over 12 million. They even control the White House despite receiving fewer votes than the Democratic candidate thanks to the Electoral College and Vladimir Putin.

Republicans fear an equal playing field. I’ve actually heard Republicans argue that they should receive more representation since more people vote Democratic. They love to display maps showing how Red the country is, ignoring that the majority of that red space is lowly-populated areas, like Kansas and Nebraska. Republicans think grass should have more representation than black people.

When every citizen of this nation has an equal vote, Republicans will lose. The majority of this nation is tired of Republicans and their bullshit. They’re tired of a party that only cares about white, male, Christian, and rich greedy bastards. They’re tired of a party that has more deference to Russia than to patriotism.

Most of all, they’re afraid of what they screamed about during the Obama era, people taking their country back.

McConnell and Republicans should be making voting easier, not harder. But they won’t do that because their ideas can’t compete with those of Democrats. We won’t have a nation for the people by the people until we get rid of the old guys who favor representation by corporations and lobbies that don’t care if your toddler gets shot at preschool.

Democracy could be a beautiful thing if we ever try it. So would kicking Mitch McConnell to the curb, which would be much more beneficial than screaming at him in a restaurant.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

A Blank In West Virginia


cjones05102018

I am no fan of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. But I don’t need to lie or connect him to something horrible he has a very loose connection with to criticize the guy. I can just use his record and the positions he advocates. If nothing else, I can just point out his total appeasement to Donald Trump. At the very least, you don’t have to take a racist position to go after him.

Foremost Group is a shipping company out of New York and it was founded by James S.C. Chao, who is the father of Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao, who is the wife of McConnell. In 2014, the Ping May, a bulk carrier ship docked in Columbia loaded with coal destined for the Netherlands also contained 40 packages totaling 90 pounds of cocaine. The drugs were found in a chain locker, a forward part of the ship that contains the anchor chain when the anchor is up. Since the authorities couldn’t pin ownership of the drugs on anyone, no arrests were made or were any charges ever filed.

Mitch McConnell’s degrees of separation to this drug bust are probably less than what he has with Kevin Bacon. Despite that fact, Don Blankenship has dubbed McConnell “Cocaine Mitch.”

Don Blankenship is a crazy racist running for the Republican nomination for the U.S. Senate from West Virginia. Blankenship is running an ad accusing McConnell of having “extensive” ties to China that he’s receiving millions of dollars from the “Chinese” shipping company, and uses the insult “Cocaine Mitch.” Since Blankenship says he’s trumpier than Trump, you can see where the stupid and childish nickname comes into play. And like Trump, it’s off base.

The shipping company is an American company and the “millions” he refers to is an inheritance his wife received when her mother died. And did I mention the racism?

Blankenship referred to Chao’s father as a “wealthy China-person.” In his ad, he says McConnell has created millions of jobs for “China people.”

He later defended his use of the term by saying, “We’re confused on our staff as to how it can be racist when there’s no mention of a race. There’s no race. Races are Negro, white Caucasian, Hispanic, Asian. There’s no mention of a race. I’ve never used a race word.” He equated it with “West Virginia person,” and to a reporter, a “MSNBC person,” as though West Virginian and MSNBC is a race. Though, a lot of racist Republicans may be just as hateful toward journalists as they are to people who don’t look like them.

Trying to explain why “China Person” is racist feels like a stupid endeavor. A person like Don Blankenship who professes his confusion as to how it can be racist probably would never understand.

But just as Roy Moore should have been disqualified before it was discovered he liked to pick up teenage girls at the mall when he was in his 30s, Blankenship should be discarded before you get to the racism.

In addition to the racism and stupidity, Blankenship is a convicted criminal, and he’s currently on probation. In 2010, an explosion at a West Virginia coal mine owned by Massey Energy where Blankenship was chief executive killed 29 workers. A state investigation found that Massey Energy’s negligence was the main reason for “the faulty ventilation system, the inadequate application of rock dust and the equipment failures” that caused the blast.

A federal grand jury found him guilty of conspiracy to violate mandatory federal mine safety and health standards, conspiracy to impede federal mine safety officials, security fraud, and making false statements to the Securities and Exchange Commission. Facing thirty years in prison, Blankenship only served one.

You would think a guy deemed responsible for the deaths of 29 coal miners wouldn’t stand a chance of being elected to anything in West Virginia. It takes a lot of gall that he even stepped foot back in the state. Yet, some polls have Blankenship surging in the days leading up to the primary election. Blankenship is facing two mainstream Republicans, and their defeat will surely guarantee the reelection of Democratic Senator Joe Manchin.

Donald Trump Jr. tweeted opposition to Blankenship and a Nazi Republican running in Illinois (they’re always Republicans) and wrote, “no more Alabama like losses due to bad candidates. No unforced errors.” I guess he’s referring to his father’s endorsement of the Alabama pedophile.

And, what has Trump Sr. to say about Blankenship? Not surprising, the man who once praised Nazis after they killed a woman is as silent as he was about an unarmed black man stopping a white shooter.

We’ll see on Tuesday if West Virginians show us what they are, just like Alabama Republicans did with Roy Moore. Hopefully, they won’t vote for any stupid persons.

Here is the video.

 

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

A Senate Upchuck


cjones01242018

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer looked Mitch McConnell in the eye, and he blinked. Despite having public support behind him, agreeing with his stance on DACA and blaming the GOP for the shutdown, Schumer caved.

Did Trump, the master of the Art of the Deal, out negotiate Schumer? No. Though the White House will claim victory and give credit to Trump, he sat on the sidelines. His only contribution was submitting confusion, releasing a commercial blaming Democrats for murders committed by illegal immigrants, and creating an outgoing voicemail from the White House insulting Democrats. But, for the most part, the GOP put Grandpa Trump in a corner. Trump had as much input into these negotiations as he did formulating the Eagle’s offensive game plan against the Vikings.

The reason the GOP won this showdown is that Chuck trusts Mitch. Schumer believes McConnell’s promise that he’ll bring a vote on DACA by February 17. This rosy scenario leaves Dreamers with many options, like, do I allow myself to be deported to a strange nation or do I find a place to hide from ICE agents?

This is the same Mitch McConnell who refused to bring a vote or a hearing on Supreme Court nominee Merrick Garland. This is the same Mitch McConnell who promised Senator Susan Collins that Republicans would extend the Obamacare subsidies in exchange for her vote on the tax cut. This is the same Mitch McConnell who got Senator Jeff Flake’s vote on the tax cut bill in exchange for action on DACA, which is where we are today.

The Republicans claim they’re not holding Dreamers hostage, yet they held back on funding CHIP (Children’s health insurance) until they could use it as a pawn in this budget battle.

Schumer made a deal with a slimy turtle man without securing any guarantees from the House of Representatives, which is inhabited by immigrant-hating xenophobic white nationalists. Within hours of ending the shutdown, McConnell was referring to the Dreamers as “illegals.” Senators John Kennedy of Louisiana said the only way they’ll get a vote on DACA is if it’s tied to other immigration issues, like chain migration, the immigration lottery system, more security for our border, including funding for Trump’s border wall.

These people have betrayed their base with the lie that Mexico will pay for the wall. What makes Schumer think they’ll keep a promise to him?

And of course, you can’t trust Donald Trump. This guy made promises during negotiations only to back out of them later.

It seemed Trump adviser Stephen Miller was the only survivor from Trump’s creepy coalition of white nationalist xenophobes after the departures of Steve Bannon (for pissing everybody off) and Sebastian Gorka (who never got a security clearance and is a fugitive wanted in Hungary). Now it seems Miller has company as Chief of Staff John Kelly has turned out to be an immigrant hater. These two guys are formulating Trump’s America First policy, and they’re not open-minded toward allowing the 800,000 DACA recipients to stay in this nation.

There will be another budget showdown in two weeks. Kennedy has stated it will have to be resolved before they even talk about DACA. That means they will continue to hold it hostage, and if there is a vote, it won’t be a clean bill. Other immigration issues will have to be tied into it. Why? Because these guys are lying bastards.

Elected Republicans profess concern for DACA. Trump said he wants a “bill of love” to settle the situation. This is the same guy who has put the gun to the Dreamers’ foreheads. If you scroll through social media and read feeds from conservative voters, you’ll see that they refer to Dreamers as “illegals” (they’re not), and they would prefer they’re all kicked out of the nation. And, when they do vote on DACA, most of these Republicans are going to vote no.

Chuck Schumer has good intentions, but he’s a fool to trust Republicans. We already know Trump is a liar and a conman. McConnell will make promises he never intends to keep. Paul Ryan, who has to placate the most extreme of the far right in his caucus, isn’t even in on this deal. At the top of all this is the White House. Schumer may have put the future of Dreamers in the hands of Stephen Baby Goebbels Miller.

Leaving Dreamers with Stephen Miller is a dumber idea than hiring Michael Myers as your babysitter on Halloween. It’s not going to end well.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Slut Shaming


cjones12162017

Donald Trump has a serious issue with women. He likes them enough to grab ’em without permission, marry them, breed with them, divorce them, marry another one, repeat, and squeeze them in an awkwardly uncomfortable way if they’re his daughter. But, he does not respect women at all.

I would say he especially doesn’t like women who are smarter than him, but basically anyone who can walk upright and read at a fourth-grade level is smarter than Trump. But, he just loses his shit when a smart woman criticizes him.

Taking on a critic is one thing, but when you look at the list of women Trump has gone after, and usually for their looks, shows the guy truly is a sexist pig.

Trump has gone after the looks and health of Supreme Court Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sonia Sotomayor. His list of celebrities includes Rosie O’Donnell, Angelina Jolie, Katarina Witt, Anne Hathaway, Cher, Heidi Klum, and Arianna Huffington.

Women in the press tend to be extremely intelligent and since they work with facts, Trump hates them too. He’s attacked Katy Tur (even tried to sic his crowds on her), Megyn Kelly, Mika Brzezinski, Gail Collins, Maureen Dowd, and Jennifer Lin.

And then, there are the politicians and their wives. He’s attacked Heidi Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Frederica Wilson, Hillary Clinton, and Elizabeth Warren. Now we can add New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand to the list.

Gillibrand called for Trump to resign over the multiple accusations of his sexual harassment. You know, all that stuff he bragged about doing. Trump got his tighty-whities into a twist over her comments. He responded in his favorite medium, which was Twitter, of course.

He tweeted, “Lightweight Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, a total flunky for Chuck Schumer and someone who would come to my office “begging” for campaign contributions not so long ago (and would do anything for them), is now in the ring fighting against Trump. Very disloyal to Bill & Crooked-USED!”

Did Trump insinuate that the Senator would perform sexual favors for money? Yes, yes he did. Sarah Huckabee Sanders engaged in some huckstering by saying only people with their “minds in the gutter” would take something sexual from Trump’s tweet. I wonder how much money she’s making spinning this B.S. for. Oh, wait. That’s public information. She earns $176,461 a year lying for Trump. To be fair, I’m sure she’d do it for a lot less because, let’s be honest, she enjoys lying and she’s worth a lot less. Since Trump is intimidated by intelligent women, it’s safe to say he feels very safe and secure around Huckabee Sanders.

The defense that Trump wasn’t accusing Gillibrand of being a whore reminds me when he said he didn’t make fun of a handicapped person, or make a reference to Megyn Kelly menstruating, or that he was only joking when he asked Russia to interfere in our election while they were interfering in our election, or imply that people with guns should shoot Hillary Clinton if she won the election.

Senator Elizabeth Warren, who Trump has racially attacked as “Pocahontas,” because she scares the holy bejeezus out of him, went after Trump for his vile assault on Gillibrand. Warren tweeted, “Are you really trying to bully, intimidate and slut-shame?”

And, guess how a lot of stupid right-wingers interpreted that tweet. They’re spinning that Warren was calling Gillibrand a slut. It’s generally recognized that calling out “slut-shaming” is not the equivalent of calling the subject of said shaming a slut. But, remember that fourth-grade reading level thing I mentioned earlier? Well, yeah.

Back to Trump. Trump is such a vile, disgusting, stupid, repugnant, despicable, horrible, stupid person (I know I wrote “stupid” twice), that even USA Today has an opinion about him. USA Today isn’t known for their hard-hitting editorials. They don’t like to publish something that someone somewhere in an airport or a hotel will disagree with. They don’t endorse candidates. But, last year, while not endorsing Hillary Clinton, they did endorse that you should not vote for Trump. The only other time in the paper’s history when they “disendorsed” a candidate was in 1991, when former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke was the Republican nominee for governor of Louisiana.

This week, they published another opinion about Trump. They wrote, “a president who would all but call Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand a whore is not fit to clean the toilets in the Barack Obama Presidential Library or to shine the shoes of George W. Bush.”

DAMN, USA Today! Tells us how you really feel. That reads like something you would find in Mother Jones, Rolling Stone, your favorite aunt’s Twitter feed, or…this blog. Let me say it again. DAMN!

But, USA Today is correct. In addition to being unfit doing janitorial work in a presidential library or working as Bush’s shoeshine boy, he’s also not fit for the Oval Office. However, I do believe Trump is fit to clean the toilets in the “Supermax” facility in Florence, Colorado.

Creative notes: I wanted to cover this issue yesterday, but I had to cover Alabama. Nearly every single one of my clients has run my “Sassy” cartoon.

I have a hard time drawing Mitch McConnell which is odd because I enjoy drawing turtles.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Kickin’ It With Chuck And Nancy


cjones09112017

To help set the proper mood, THIS is the music for the first panel, and THIS is the music for the second.

An expression I’m sick and tired of is “nothing burger.” It’s popular with conservatives, who also love “fake news.” Both terms are often used together, as in “this Russian collusion story is a nothing burger and fake news.” Leave it to Republicans to muck up their metaphors since neither can actually exist. Technically, if it’s fake then it’s not news, and if there’s nothing on that burger then how can it be a burger? You can’t give me two slices of bread and tell me that’s a sandwich.

When someone describes something as a “nothing burger,” that just means there’s a lot of shit on that burger. Or, when they say “fake news,” you might wanna check to make sure we’re not at Defcon Five. It’s kinda like when George W. Bush said the Keystone Pipeline was a “no brainer,” when it was actually something that you might want to apply some brains to….or Donald Trump’s use of “believe me” is his way of saying “I’m lying my ass off and I should probably go to prison for this shit.”

The great deal maker that is Donald Trump totally caved into Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi. He did it on his own turf, the Oval Office, and in front of Majority Leaders Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell. I think Anthony Scaramucci must have left his “front-stabbing” knife in the White House because Trump took it and cut Ryan and McConnell’s guts out.

But you know, maybe if you had to choose between making a deal with Democrats or guys who look like Eddie Munster and a turtle, you’d deal with the Democrats too.

Trump’s deal with Chuck and Nancy was to kick the can of the debt ceiling down the road for three months which will keep the government running and to provide disaster relief for the hurricanes. While Republicans are howling in protest, it might be the first smart thing Trump has done and is in the best interest of the country.

Why? For starters, Democrats round up their votes. Republicans are herding cats. Really stupid cats. The other reason it was a smart deal is that over 100 Republicans voted against disaster relief…including several from Texas and Florida. I told you them cats be stupid. They also have back-stabbing knives they use on their constituents.

Republicans are surprised that Trump sold them out. It’s kinda like being surprised that Donald Trump is a Nazi-hugging bigot after he just spent the last two years attacking Mexicans, Muslims, women, transgenders, etc.

The guy who had to eat the most poo was Paul Ryan. Mitch McConnell has been eating it for a while. But, Ryan really had to master some spin on this deal. Before the deal was made Ryan described the Democrats’ proposal as “ridiculous.” The day after he was spinning it as Trump wanting a “bipartisan response and not a food fight on the timing of the debt limit.” Paul, there is a food fight but it’s not food your party is throwing.

Paul Ryan had a reputation for being intelligent, and he was known as a policy wonk. Now he’s coming off like that kid you knew in high school who required seven attempts to get his learners permit. Ryan’s driving into trees and snow banks.

Every Republican exposed their backside to Trump’s treachery when they got in bed with him, and they’re all dumbasses, but Ryan was supposed to be the smart one. Since Ryan can’t legislate or lead his party then he’s no different or better than say, a Mitch McConnell. Mitch can’t accomplish shit either. How’s that Obamacare repeal working out? Are you tired of winning yet?

Trump wanted to win, and to win he had to play with Democrats. Maybe he is learning on the job. Making deals with the opposition party worked for Reagan, Clinton, Bush I, and Bush II. The Republicans problem is that they’re just not as smart as the Democrats…and that’s not exactly a high bar for comparison.

Now if only Republicans could be as upset about Trump’s collusion with Putin as they are for his dancing with Chuck and Nancy.

Creative notes: I had to Google some weird stuff for this cartoon. I’m not alone in this house and I had my door open so cats could run in and out and not sit outside my shut door meowing to come in. So, I was afraid someone would walk by or visit just as I was looking up outfits for Vladimir and Trump. There are two ladies in this house and I’m not sure they’d buy the “researching for work” excuse.

Another concern was “boogers” and “cat poop.” I know some editors are skittish and that could kill this cartoon, but then I realized, if they get past the feather duster then I probably don’t have to worry about the boogers or cat poop.

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