Mike Huckabee

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Debate Terms


cjones11042015

The Republicans have submitted debate demands to the networks. These include:

No “gotcha” questions. Basically any question a candidate can’t answer, like how their math doesn’t add up, is a gotcha question.

Nobody can bring props which really disappoints me. I was really hoping to see Ted Cruz make balloon animals.

They want a ten minute break. Apparently none of the candidates has a strong bladder. They’re not Hillary Clinton who can be grilled for 11 hours.

Each candidate will get a 30-second opening statement which was negotiated down from Ben Carson’s plan of 30-minute opening statements.

No lightning rounds which is sad because I was hoping candidates would get struck by lightning for each fib.

The temperature has to be kept at 67 degrees. I think this was a Rubio demand since they won’t let him bring a cooler on stage.

Donald Trump has said screw the Republican Party’s negotiations and he’ll negotiate separately. Does that mean the room will be like a fancy car’s air system where the area over Trump’s podium will be kept at a different temperature? Will Trump negotiate a lifeline?

I think I drew the candidates in bikinis a couple of months ago. I can’t remember when or what point I was making (I just looked it up. I drew them as transgenders and it was published June 2). I usually can’t remember what I drew yesterday. However I do remember that yesterday I drew soldiers in women’s heels. I don’t know why I like drawing guys in drag. I’m not right. I’m going to blame it on watching too many Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid. I also like the idea that somewhere soon someone will gag on their Cheerios while reading their morning paper. I also get small pleasure when someone informs me I made them spit coffee on their keyboard.

You read these cartoons at your own risk. You know how warped my mind is.

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Ain’t No Biden


cjones10262015

This is kind of a an industry insider cartoon.

Before Biden made his announcement I predicted cartoonists would draw cartoons of happy or sad cartoonists. You would think they’d prove me wrong. I saw at least three cartoons and they’re sure to get big play in reprints and syndication. Yawn.

I don’t know if the bad and lazy idea bothers me as much as the stupidity of the argument. You’re going to miss making fun of Biden because he’s the only one that says things wild and crazy?

I took the worst of the Republican lineup. You can throw all of them in there but these are my favorites.

Huckabee thinks rape is OK. For some reason he wants rapists breeding.

The fact Bobby Jindal even thinks he could be elected president is insane. He probably wants to be elected president so he can leave Louisiana. They really hate him in my home state. I’m not too fond of him here in Virginia either.

Donald Trump. Yeah.

Carly Fiorina says Hillary Clinton lied about Benghazi. The woman who lies about a video, claiming a stillborn death was an abortion…and sticks to that lie, is calling someone else a liar. Just be glad you’re not working on her campaign because you would be left without payment until she decides to run for office again.

Ben Carson is the man that makes people think brain surgery probably isn’t that hard. His latest is that the Constitution is at an 8th grade reading level. He probably thinks that because he read a portion of it.

Ted Cruz is even being dissed by president George W. Bush and I think Grandpa Munster wants his style back.

Update: A friend of mine pointed out that I labeled Carly Fiorina by only her first name. I was aware of that when I was drawing this. She’s right. We tend to identify woman by their first name. We also do that with world leaders we don’t like, Saddam being a fine example. I’m sure there’s no correlation there.

I’m guilty of propping the sexism in today’s society. I labeled “Carly” by her first name for two reasons: People do recognize her by her first name and it fit better with the space I had. Now if I had labeled the other candidates “Mike, Bobby, Donald, Ben, and Ted” the only one readers would recognize by their first name would be The Donald. They might recognize Jeb Bush by first name only as even he’s using it as his logo, plus too many people recognize his last name.

I’ll continue to use first names of individuals in my cartoons if I think readers will recognize that better than their last name. Hillary Clinton is a great example. We all know Hillary. Plus, using just “Clinton” might confuse people with that other Clinton.

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The Kim Davis Rally For Bigotry


cjones09092015

Sorry if I put that song in your head. You’re lucky I can’t really express “dum! dumdumdum! dumdumdum! dumdumduuuuuuuum! into the cartoon. Reportedly, the band Survivor is upset Kim Davis’s Rally For Bigotry use their tune. I’m upset too because now it’s in my head.

People say you should respect beliefs you disagree with. I don’t respect that belief. If your beliefs and core convictions make you a spiteful-intolerant bigot then I’m not going to respect that either. You have to really be committed to your bigotry to be willing to go to jail for your backward positions. Mike Huckabee is such a bigot he’s willing to go to jail for other people’s bigotry.

Here’s the thing, bigots. You’re not being persecuted. Your religion is not being suppressed. No one is denying your freedom of religion. You’re upset because you can’t use your religion to deny other people their freedom.

On top of all that, it’s not as much about your religious freedom and convictions when it turns into a not so humble political rally for a presidential candidate most people forgot was even in the race. And let’s not forget poor Ted Cruz who actually had to photo bomb for anyone to notice he was even there.

Kim Davis was put in jail on a contempt of court charge for denying marriage licenses to gay couples. Now that her office is issuing the licenses the judge released her. Davis says she hasn’t changed her mind. She didn’t talk about her job or the law at the rally. The only topic she mentioned was God which is further proof she doesn’t give two squats about the Constitution, the law or the separation of church and state. We’ll see what happens next.

Davis is willing to deny people their Constitutional rights for her convictions. She’s willing to go to jail for them. About the only thing she’s not willing to do for her beliefs is quit her $80,000+ a year job.

I couldn’t draw this cartoon without inserting Farmer Fran (Davis’ fourth husband), who showed up to the rally and on stage in overalls embarrassing hillbillies and scarecrows nationwide.

More Republican Crazy Talk


cjones07292015

 

My friend and fellow cartoonist Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution drew a great cartoon on GOP presidential candidate Mike Huckabee’s “oven door remark.” He drew Huckabee making the statement on Donald Trump’s The Apprentice. It was the kind of idea I wish I had thought of except there’s one problem.

Huckabee is not an apprentice when it comes to stupid statements. He made a comment recently about transgenders saying he wishes he could have used that excuse in high school to shower with girls. Hang in there, Huckster. Maybe someday a girl will want to shower with you.

He once compared his weight loss to being in a concentration camp.

Continuing on the Holocaust theme he once compared it to abortion.

He once asked if Mormons believe Jesus and the Devil are brothers.

He congratulated Canada on their National Igloo (Canada doesn’t have a national igloo).

Then there was the time he compared being gay to bestiality and pedophilia and said “I think the radical view is to say that we’re going to change the definition of marriage so that it can mean two men, two women, a man and three women, a man and a child, a man and animal.”

Did you hear about the time he claimed that the Newtown shooting was because “we systematically removed God from our schools.”

When it comes to crazy, stupid and just odd statements, Mike Huckabee is no apprentice.

 

 

Trump!!!


cjones06182015

I’m really excited Donald Trump is actually in the race. He’s not pretending this time. He’s not teasing the nation’s cartoonists and comedians. He’s actually running. This is going to be good.

I’m also surprised he’s actually running. I felt he wouldn’t for a few reasons. One being that he wouldn’t invest his own money into such a horrible endeavor, stock, product, item, etc. The other reason is I figured he wouldn’t want to actually lose. Will what stock he has as a viable commentator on politics be diminished by his losing? Maybe not as several candidates get Fox News gigs after losing.

This will be fun. He’s going to throw bomb after bomb embarrassing his party. He’s already started. He’s ostracized every Mexican on the planet by saying they’re rapists. He’s attacked Jeb Bush for not wearing a tie. He’s pissed off Neil Young by using his song (he’s now using a Bachman Turner Overdrive song which makes me wonder why he’s only using music made by Canadians). To pack the room at his announcement he paid actors to attend and cheer. The entrance on the escalator was awesome. He’s also stated he wants Oprah Winfrey as his running mate. Unfortunately he’ll have to win the nomination before naming a running mate. Oh my God. Can you imagine a Trump/Palin ticket? I would run out of ink.

Thank you, Donald Trump. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Say something else!

Know what’s funnier than Trump running? A lot of people want to vote for him. We have a lot of stupid in this country.

I actually had a hard time coming up with an idea. I rejected a lot of ideas. It seemed everything was obvious and being done. I am not going to make any clown references, especially a clown car reference. I try to say something in my cartoons that nobody else is saying, or find a different way to say it. Trump actually made that hard because he’s too easy. I decided to focus on the damage he’s bringing to the Republican party.

I didn’t get a birthday gift from anyone this year except Donald Trump.

Republicans With Some Jiggle


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A lot of readers make comments about the way I draw boobs. I can’t wait to see what they say after seeing this.

Yes, I have a demented sense of humor. But I’d rather have this demented sense of humor than draw a cartoon about how the stage isn’t big enough for the number of candidates or draw a clown car.

I’m really getting sick of the clown car analogy and this time I can’t blame conservatives. If you’re a political analyst and use the clown car analogy, then you should stop being an analyst and just post memes on Facebook.

I don’t post political memes on social media. I draw cartoons.