Michigan

Blue State, Red State, Corrupt State


cjones05242020

A couple days ago, I wrote Donald Trump and his administration of goons aren’t even trying to hide his corruption anymore. In firing Inspectors General in the midst of investigations, they don’t even give good reasons. Donald Trump said he fired the guy investigating his Secretary of State Mike Pompeo because he lost the guy’s confidence. Pompeo only defended it by saying he should have been fired long ago and that he didn’t know he was under investigation. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. When it’s the fifth IG fired in five weeks, yeah.

That’s some morbidly obese bullshit.

Now, Donald Trump is threatening to stop all federal funding being sent to states that may not vote for him. That’s not exactly what he said but he’s doing a terrible job of hiding his corrupt intentions.

Michigan and Nevada are upping their plans for mail-in voting in order to decrease the risk of exposing their voters’ lives to the coronavirus. Well, Donald Trump doesn’t give a lick about anyone’s safety and like all Republicans, he realizes the more voters who participate in an election, the worst Republicans fare. The majority of people in this nation vote for Democrats. That’s a fact. Republicans don’t like that fact so they work to prevent people from voting except for the most racist and whitest of us.

Donald Trump tweeted his outrage at Michigan for mailing ballots to all their voters. Dumbass tweeted, “This was done illegally and without authorization by a rogue Secretary of State. I will ask to hold up funding to Michigan if they want to go down this Voter Fraud path!”

Except, that was some morbidly obese lying. Michigan’s Secretary of State mailed “applications” to voters, not ballots. Donald Trump claims what Michigan did is illegal. It’s not. So, two lies in one tweet. Good job, Donald. While explaining this to the press, he dropped another lie in that he was once Man of the Year in Michigan. He was never Man of the Year in Michigan. Maybe he’s confused because he resembles the Michelin Man.

What Donald Trump is doing is threatening to hold a state hostage by denying federal funding…during a pandemic. It’s kinda like holding Ukraine hostage by denying military aid during a war.

He went after Nevada in another tweet saying, “State of Nevada ‘thinks’ that they can send out illegal vote by mail ballots, creating a great Voter Fraud scenario for the State and the U.S. They can’t! If they do, ‘I think’ I can hold up funds to the State. Sorry, but you must not cheat in elections.”

The man who solicited election help from Russia and Ukraine is concerned about cheating in elections.

Trump is very upset over mail-in voting and keeps screaming about voter fraud, even though there isn’t any evidence to support it.

Trump told reporters, “I think just common sense would tell you that massive manipulation can take place. And you do have cases of fraudulent ballots where they actually print them and they give them to people to sign, maybe the same person signs them with different writing, different pens. I don’t know. It’s a lot of things can happen.”

Where, when, what? Where have there been “fraudulent” ballots that were “actually printed” then “given to people to sign?” This guy also claimed once that you need an I.D. to purchase cereal.

Donald Trump himself actually voted by mail, sending his ballot to Florida. Maybe he cheated so that’s how he knows it happens. His argument is that he’s “allowed to do it.” His spokesgoon, Kayleigh McEnany, defended his voting my mail by arguing how tough it was for him to leave the White House and go to Florida. I know she’s new on the job but you think she’d have noticed that Donald Trump, before the pandemic, was in Florida playing golf and bilking the government for it every other weekend since he became president (sic). Somebody, please give her the Cliff Notes.

Funny thing, Republican officeholders in at least 16 states that do not have all-mail elections have encouraged people to vote absentee during the coronavirus pandemic. You haven’t heard Donald Trump go after them yet. But maybe he should.

Donald Trump won Michigan, barely, in 2016. He’s going to lose it in 2020 and he knows it. But, he’s also trailing Joe Biden in other states he won, like Pennsylvania, Ohio, Arizona, Georgia, and his brand new home state, Florida. And you’re going to love this, but he’s only leading Biden by one point in….wait for it….TEXAS!!!! Yeehaw!

Even if Donald Trump doesn’t lose states like Georgia, Florida, Arizona, North Carolina, and Texas, his campaign will have to do some morbidly obese spending in those states.

This is some morbidly obese corruption and they’re not even trying to hide it. The good news is, Trump probably can’t withhold spending to those states, but I’m sure conservative courts and the Republican Senate will do all they can to help him.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about free and fair elections any more than he cares about the health of Americans during a global pandemic. His only focus with both is on himself. Donald Trump solicited help during the 2016 election from Russia and he got it. He even invited Russians into his campaign HQ. He placed suspected Russian spies on his campaign staff, then cried that the government was watching the suspected spies. Now, he’s doing it again, asking foreign governments to meddle in the 2020 election.

A president should want every American eligible to vote casting votes, even those who won’t vote for him. But Donald Trump and Republicans work to gerrymander and suppress. The people who cry that their rights are being robbed because they have to wear a mask don’t give a flying fig about non-white Americans being denied their right to vote. Cry me a morbidly obese river.

Donald Trump is corrupt and Donald Trump lies. At last count, which was in April, Donald Trump had told over 18,000 lies since he became president (sic). That’s a morbidly obese number.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

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Michigan Freeedumb


cjones05062020

OK, kids. Let’s go over it one more time. Flying a Confederate flag isn’t about your heritage, especially if you’re in Michigan. Unless…maybe you consider hate your heritage. If you’re at a rally supposedly to protest lockdown orders in your state, and your brought Swastikas, hate is your heritage. Your parents taught it to you and you’re probably teaching it to your kids.

Greg Gutfeld, one of the idiots at Fox News and an example of conservative humor was being serious when he argued…you’re gonna love this…that just because someone’s waving a flag with a Swastika on it, doesn’t mean they’re a Nazi.

I always thought that if you wave a flag, you believed in what it stood for. When a flag is waved, you look to see who salutes. Apparently, Republicans salute Swastikas. What’s the deal with Republicans apologizing and defending Nazis?

When you see a sticker for a sports team on a vehicle, say the Dallas Cowboys, then you’re probably pretty safe to assume the owner of the vehicle is a Cowboys fan and someone to avoid. If I see you flying Hitler’s flag, I’m going to assume you’re a Nazi. From my experience, most people who aren’t Nazis don’t want to be associated with or mistaken for Nazis…or the Dallas Cowboys.

Donald Trump defended the Michigan protesters by saying there were “very good people” among them. When Nazis marched in Charlottesville chanting “Jews will not replace us,” and “Blood and soil,” he said there were “very fine people” among them.

These people in Michigan protesting for their rights to go outside, wave guns, eat at the Cheesecake Factory, are faking it. Their rights aren’t being violated. It’s not about those rights when you wave Confederate and Nazis flags. It’s not about your rights when you bring a noose made for lynching. It’s not about your rights when you bring Trump signs. And, it’s not about your rights when you bring guns. There’s been a larger effort to take away Cheesecake than your guns. You still have a constitutional right to own guns compensating for your tiny laughable excuse for a penis.

Seriously, what do Confederate flags, Swastikas, Trump signs, and nooses have to do with being told to stay home so we can protect each other from the coronavirus? There are some things that aren’t just about you. This is one of them and it’s pretty important. Get over yourself, you tiny-dicked Nazis.

These people are all about respecting the police and law enforcement…until you see a picture of an armed protester in Michigan’s capitol building shouting and spraying spittle in the face of a police officer. They’re all about your right to protest unless you’re a black football player kneeling during the national anthem. Colin Kaepernick never endangered anyone’s life by protesting. He only endangered his career.

Not only are these people hypocrites and haters, they’re selfish. They don’t believe the virus is as bad as the doctors, who work for Donald Trump, say it is. They believe the death count, that’s currently over 64,000, is embellished. And they don’t believe we need to abide by the guidelines the White House has put out…so they protest these stay-at-home guidelines endorsed by Donald Trump while waving signs supporting Donald Trump.

If you think this all-white crowd of Trump cultists and Nazis (I know. Redundant) are idiots, their “freeedom” sign confirms it. They didn’t just wave it at the protest. They hung it on the capitol building in Lansing above the protest. Was Mein Kampf full of typos? I don’t know because I never read it but I do know that American Nazis can’t spell. Have you seen Trump’s twitter account?

Maybe Gutfeld is right that waving a flag doesn’t mean you actually believe in what it stands for. These guys keep waving American flags but I don’t see anything American about them.

I hate Michigan Nazis.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Maga Monkeys


cjones04232020

As I’m sure you’re aware of now, the MAGAt teabagger gang is at it again.

Trump cultists are protesting the government’s stay-at-home orders in several states. They’re anxious to get the economy rolling again, to get back to work, to resume earning a living, and to just get out of the house. We all have that frustration. We all want to earn a living, feed our families, and pay our bills. That’s not partisan.

But, there’s something else to these protests. They’re partisan. Wanting to restart the economy shouldn’t be partisan or red versus blue. But you kinda think it is when they’re flying Confederate flags with their protests. You kinda think it is when they’re carrying guns. You kinda think it is when they’re calling their Democratic governor a Nazi and a fascist. Mostly, you kinda get the impression it’s partisan when they’re wearing and flying pro-Trump signs.

I think my favorite sign has been one that said “Make American Great Again” and “Keep America Great.” Well, which is it? How do we make America great again if it’s already great? How do we keep it great when we haven’t made it great yet?

But then again, these are Trump cultists and there’s not a lot they do that makes sense. For example: They’re protesting for Donald Trump and against his recommendations. The White House issued the recommendation for Americans to self-isolate and quarantine themselves. That’s what they’re protesting while waving MAGA signs. Of course, being a hypocrite and contradiction has always been the hallmark of being a MAGAt shitweasel fucknut. They’re all patriots who ignore Russia attacking our election. They support our troops while supporting Donald Trump’s attacks on Gold Star families, his statement that POWs are “only war heroes because they got captured,” and he only likes people who “aren’t captured.”

These protests aren’t organic. They’ve been organized by right-wing Facebook groups, InfoWars, Fox News, 4chan, and…wait for it…Donald Fucking Trump. Trump advisor Stephen Moore compared them to Rosa Parks. Rosa Parks stood against discrimination. These fruit loops don’t get that they’re not being discriminated against as we’re ALL being told to stay at home. Also, this is a group that’s 99% white. If they’re Rosa Parks then I’m Gandhi, which I’m not because I had two BLT sandwiches last night. Plus, I’m not bald and I don’t walk around wearing nothing except for one of Dr. Birx’s tablecloths.

The biggest instigator for this is Donald Trump. If he was a true leader, he’d tell them to go home and stay home. But no. While arguing that Nancy Pelosi is playing “partisan politics,” he’s sending tweets encouraging attacks against Democratic governors. While everyone is being told to stay home, in states with Democratic and Republican governors, Trump only focused on those with Democrats. He tweeted, “Liberate Michigan” which is governed by Democrat Gretchen Whitmer. He tweeted, “Liberate Minnesota” which is governed by Democrat Tom Walz. “He tweeted, “Liberate Virginia” which is governed by Ralph Northum. The other thing these states have in common is that they’re viewed as swing states.

In addition to tweeting out those attacks, Trump is calling for “liberating” Virginia because of new gun measures…none of which has anything to do with the pandemic (other than indoor gun ranges being deemed “unessential”). Also, I don’t think Virginia is a swing state anymore. While I do believe a Republican can win here statewide, not in the era of Trump. The Republican who has the longest shot of winning Virginia is Donald Trump. No thank you, Mr. Trump, but please, go ahead and waste a lot of money and time here.

Donald Trump could not tell you how the gun laws in Virginia violate the Second Amendment, but he likes to say it does. He also says many of the governors have gone “too far” and that they’ve been “tough” on their people, but he couldn’t tell you how.

Donald Trump refused to tell the protesters to go home. He even said they look responsible and they were social distancing. If you’ve seen photos of the protests, that’s a lie. They are not social distancing and most aren’t wearing masks. Some of my favorites are the guys holding signs saying the coronavirus is a hoax while wearing face masks. If it’s a hoax, then why are you wearing a mask? Again…Trump cultists.

If Donald Trump really wants to support these covidiots, then he needs to go out there and mingle with them. Just stay six feet apart. I’m sure he’ll be fine. But better yet, work on testing.

Donald Trump said, “everyone who needs a test gets a test.” That’s not true and we’re only testing about 50,000 a day. We need to test 50 million a day. Now Trump says it’s the states’ job to test and to acquire the tests. He’s not “responsible.” But, it’s obviously easier to divide the nation with tweets of  “liberation” than doing your job. It’s easier to hold daily mini-MAGA rallies with no real updates other than Donald Trump explaining the difference between a cotton swab and a Q-tip.

There are two sets of people working to get us back out there and reopen the economy. Those are essential workers, who are risking their lives, and those who are staying home. Staying home is working and it’s flattening the curve. These people who are going out and protesting, they’re working against us being able to go out and work and spend money. What they’re doing is a slap in the face to everyone who’s trying to end this.

While people are risking their lives so you can buy groceries, these idiots are risking all of our lives to promote their Dear Leader. They are a disgrace to America and everyone who’s doing their part to end this pandemic.

If you’re out there protesting, I respect your right to protest but I don’t respect you or what you’re doing. But then again, you already disrespected everything this nation stands for by voting for Donald Trump. You are all bad Americans.

If you wanna stop staying home, then stay home. And if you really want to get this nation rolling again, stop being Donald Trump’s flying monkeys. Or more specifically in your case, stop being Donald Trump’s flying fucknuts.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Covid Darwin Winners


cjones04212020

Do you know when the Confederate flag definitely isn’t about heritage? When it’s in Michigan. I stole that from somewhere I can’t remember.

A bunch of Michigan yokels gathered tightly together to protest Governor Grethen Whitmer’s coronavirus restrictions. Call me a cynic, but I think it’s less to do with public safety and personal liberty and has more to do with partisan fucknut politics. You’re not using science or even economic indicators when you’re flying Confederate flags and MAGA signs. Or in a lot of cases, when they’re carrying semi-automatic rifles.

In case you’re a Republican, Michigan is in the northern United States and fought FOR the United States AGAINST the Confederacy. These Covidiots have more in common with Jefferson Davis than Abraham Lincoln.

There were also protests in North Carolina. While a lot of these people are wearing masks, they’re not social distancing. Forget whether they’re breaking laws. They’re endangering, not just themselves, but all of society. There were several children present at these protests. While people are arguing over whether or not to open schools, taking your kid to a MAGA rally is definitely a bad idea. To be fair, that’s a bad idea even when there’s not a pandemic.

The protests in Michigan started in cars but participants soon got out and began chants of  “lock her up” and “we will not comply.” In the process, they blocked traffic, including an ambulance. They proudly named their ambulance-blocking protest “Operation Gridlock.” Here’s a free tip: Good guys don’t block ambulances or expose their children to a virus that’s killed over 33,000 people.

Michigan has been hit hard by the coronavirus. They’ve had over 28,000 cases, third-worst in the nation.

These protests are being encouraged by Fox News and other right-wing outlets that cater to shitweasels and MAGAts. While protesters are waving Trump signs and downplaying the seriousness of the pandemic, they’re ignoring that Donald Trump has acknowledged the pandemic is serious and real…after initially calling it a hoax himself. Maybe they think Donald Trump is winking at them as he keeps arguing about opening the country. I think he is too.

These protesters and other conservatives don’t care about lives lost. They are willing to kill you for their dogma and political agenda. Hell, they’re risking their children’s lives for their bullshit. Will Donald Trump attend their child’s funeral?

Take Knutt Wittkowski, a doctor who has argued against stay-at-home orders or any intervention with the coronavirus. He’s the fucknut brigade’s newest champion. He argues that we should have just ignored the virus and let it kill people. That way we’d develop what’s called “herd immunity” and the virus wouldn’t have had a prolonged duration. He said only the elderly should have been isolated as the virus doesn’t affect children or young adults that bad.

Remember, his name is “nut.” We have prolonged the duration of the virus. We did that because cycling it through our system quickly would have overwhelmed our medical community and it would have killed a lot more people. That right there tells you conservatives will kill you for their agenda. Knutt originally predicted only 10,000 people would die in the United States from the virus. He and other conservatives believe 10,000 deaths is an acceptable price to pay for the economy and oh yeah…he was wrong.

Knutt said WITHOUT stay-at-home orders or any intervention there would only be 10,000 deaths. So far with the stay-at-home orders, we’ve had over 33,000. Remember, back in February and even early March, these idiots were comparing it to the flu and arguing that H1N1 was worse as that virus killed over 12,000 people. You don’t hear them making that argument anymore. H1N1 killed 12,000 people in the United States in the span of a year. In three months, coronavirus has killed over 33,000. And, we’re still in the first wave.

Here’s a free tip: Don’t take medical advice from Republicans. Don’t listen to people who have been wrong this entire time. People like Sean Hannity or anyone else on Fox News. People like the president (sic) of the United States who called it a hoax and is now hawking medicine most doctors say will kill you.

Since Donald Trump calls this a war and likes to sign shit, he should be required to hand-write a letter for each family who has lost someone to this virus. I’d accept that the letters wouldn’t be legible and written in crayon, but at least it’d be some effort from him.

Nobody likes these stay-at-home orders. We all agree they suck. We all want to go outside and frolic. But conservatives are making it worse. Governor Whitmer said, “The sad irony here is that the protest was that they don’t like being in this stay-at-home order, and they may have just created a need to lengthen it, which is something we’re trying to avoid at all costs.”

Exactly. They’ll keep spinning around in circles and breathing on each other until they each win a Darwin Award. I’d be fine if they only took each other out. Unfortunately, we’re sharing a planet and environment with them. They shop at the same grocery stores we do (OK, we all don’t go to Walmart). Their kids go to school with your kids. They’re not good at logic or at putting two and two together. If you want these stay-at-home orders to end, then stay at home.

Not only are they endangering our nation but so are the people and right-wing conspiracy outlets egging them on. Will Donald Trump issue a public statement telling his followers to stop? If he was responsible, he would have already done it.

It just comes down to the ugly truth that Republicans will kill you for their agenda. Stay home and do what most Trump supporters do. Bitch and spread bullshit and conspiracy theories on the internet.

Watch: Did you know chemtrails created the coronavirus?

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Flailing In Flint


cjones01222016

I have been intending to draw on this issue for over a week. I admit, I have drawn less important issues while putting this on the back burner, but the less important stuff was just more fun. More fun until I drew tentacle boy here. He kinda has a Bill The Cat vibe going there. Tentacles are almost as much fun to draw as sharks. Nothing is more fun than sharks.

If anyone deserves to be flailed and tossed around on mutant tentacles it’s Michigan governor Rick Snyder.

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Football Loyalty


cjones12302014

Jim Harbaugh, who just resigned as coach of the San Francisco 49ers, isn’t the worst but he joins a long line of coaches who constantly leave a job for greener pasture after making promises to recruits.

When a college coach recruits a player he’s asking for a four (sometimes five) year commitment. After the player commits under promises sold by the coach the coach may leave for a better job.

Bobby Petrino left Louisville in 2006, coached the Atlanta Falcons for less than a year before he quit to return to college coaching at Arkansas. After a couple of seasons he was fired after wrecking a motorcycle with his girlfriend (he was also married at the time), sat around for a while then coached Western Kentucky for a year before returning to coach at Louisville, again.

During Petrino’s first year as head coach of Louisville he secretly interviewed for the head coaching job of Auburn (before Auburn’s coach was fired). When he left the Atlanta Falcons, before his first year was over, he left a four-sentence laminated note on each players’ locker informing them he was leaving.

How does a guy like this convince a high school student to trust him?

Petrino is just an example. There are a lot of coaches who jump ship year after year (those who aren’t fired) and with each new job asking players for commitments.

Wouldn’t it be nice if the coaches doing the recruiting could make the same commitment?