Marcomentum

Hasta La Vista, Marco

cjones03162016

Marco Rubio has dropped out of the presidential race and it’s a tragedy that makes me very sad. I was just starting to enjoy drawing the religious zealot. The only candidate left promising to rule us all by the hand of God now is Ted Cruz. Did I just get a chill?

Rubio lost in his home state of Florida to Donald Trump. He didn’t just lose. He lost big. He only won one county, his home of Miami-Dade. It’s as if nobody in Florida had ever heard of their Senator…or in his case, they were very familiar with him and didn’t like what he had to offer, or his performance as Senator. Rubio started running for the presidency as soon as he won his senate seat.

I worked in Batesville, Mississippi for five years and in that time I probably talked in person to then Senator Trent Lott seven times. The mayor of Tampa said he never met Marco Rubio.

Now Rubio can spend the next four years running for the presidency in 2020, but not on the taxpayer’s dime. I’m sure he’ll get plenty of job offers from think tanks and consulting firms.

I am going to miss his bottles of water and platform heels. I won’t miss his condescending tone of speech. Being humbled may be good for Marco. Let’s hope it’s a lesson his rival Ted Cruz learns very soon…and after that Donald Trump. Who am I kidding? These people don’t have the ability of understanding reality to be humbled.

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The Incredible Shrinking Rubio

cjones03092016

You’re not going to get much of a column today. I have a tiny cold and it’s really hard to care about much when you feel like giant rat turds. At one point I actually drooled on the drawing paper for this cartoon. As bad as I feel I’m sure Marco Rubio feels worse.

Marco had a bad night. Correction: Marco had ANOTHER bad night. The only primaries he’s won has been Minnesota and Puerto Rico. He didn’t just lose on Tuesday night. He lost big. There were four states holding Republican primaries which included Michigan, Idaho, Hawaii and Mississippi (where my career started) where Rubio was coming in fifth behind Ben Carson. FIFTH BEHIND BEN CARSON who’s not even in the race anymore. Rubio came in fourth in Michigan and Mississippi. At this writing Hawaii’s returns haven’t come in yet, but you really don’t want to be clinging all your hopes on Hawaii (where my career went after Mississippi).

Next Tuesday the race goes to Ohio and Florida. Rubio should be fighting for Ohio since he’s been endorsed by almost every establishment figure in the party. Instead he’s fighting desperately for his home state of Florida. That tells us a lot about his tenure as Florida’s senator since the voters of that state aren’t impressed enough by his service to give him more votes than Donald Trump. If Florida, who knows him, doesn’t want him then why should the rest of the country? Quite frankly, can anyone name an accomplishment of Rubio’s…other than finding great deals on heels?

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Your Mama

cjones03012016

Donald Trump’s penchant for being vulgar and slinging very uncreative personal insults is one of the reasons many believe he isn’t presidential. To take him down Marco Rubio has decided he too does not have to present himself in a presidential manner.

After saying he didn’t want to attack his fellow Republican candidates Rubio has made fun of Trump’s “spray tan,” his spelling, for wearing makeup, for having a “sweat mustache” and insinuated that Donald Trump wet his pants and has a small penis.

Two questions regarding Rubio’s new tactic are: Is it too late for him to take Trump down, and is this diminishing Rubio? Yes and yes.

Do we want a comedian as president? Minnesota elected one to the U.S. Senate. Presidents can tell jokes and Obama has displayed a natural skill at comedic delivery. Rubio, not so much. While Rubio and Obama probably aren’t writing their material, I don’t think anyone in the world wants to take credit for Trump’s set list. Though making fun of the handicapped goes over really well with the Trump crowd.

While Trump isn’t intentionally funny, he’s very entertaining. Entertaining much the same way a train wreck can entertain. Especially if that train is full of Republicans.

And the mama joke in this cartoon: I can’t take credit for it. I found it on the internet on a mama joke site. Most of the jokes weren’t suitable for family newspapers.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Chatty Marco

cjones02082016

Chatty Cathys haven’t been made since the 1950’s but everyone knows what they are. It’s a pretty good insult for someone who won’t get off the phone…or shut up. The Rubio campaign should love this comparison.

Marco Rubio is a very talented politician. Of course being a talented politician doesn’t always mean you’re talented at accomplishments. You may only be talented at running for office. For years people in politics, members of both parties, have made accusations that Rubio is a talking points kind of guy. He’s good in a debate, giving a speech, conducting an interview, but he’s not good if he has to stray from the talking points, or if he runs out of them.

Chris Christie has been harping about this for a while but nobody’s been listening because he’s Chris Christie. He finally got his chance during Saturday’s GOP debate. Rubio went into his talking point about “Obama knowing what he’s doing and he’s transforming the country, blah blah blah.” Christie said “there it is. That’s his “memorized 25-second speech.” Marco responded by repeating the same talking point and Christie nailed him with an interruption and pointing out he was doing the speech again. Shortly after this exchange Rubio gave the same talking points again. Yikes. It as like going to see Skynyrd and they play “Free Bird” for two hours.

It’s the kind of thing that could be damaging. This could be hurtful on a Howard Dean Scream level.

This will probably hurt Rubio Tuesday night in the New Hampshire primary and not help Christie at all. Christie doesn’t get points because Rubio sucks. He’s just really good at being a bully and fun to watch while doing so.

Update and correction: A sharp reader of mine pointed out that Chatty Cathys were sold during the 1960’s, not the 1950’s as I had written. I actually went to the Wikipedia site for Chatty Cathy looking for information on it and still messed it up. I was born in the 1960’s but I don’t remember them (most people can’t remember that decade for other reasons). Plus, I never played with dolls for girls. I swear. I had superheroes, GI Joes, a Fonzie and even the Sweat Hogs from Welcome Back Kotter.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!