Marco Rubio

Wanna Buy A Watch?


cjones02262016

Did you watch the latest Republican debate? The final debate before Super Tuesday as every debate is the final debate before something. I did and it was a slobberknocker. Basically it was Ted and Marco versus The Donald. It couldn’t have been much worse than if Trump was caught between the Pope, Vicente Fox, and Mitt Romney.

First impression I got was how sad it was to see President George H.W. Bush and former First Lady Barbara at the debate after Jeb had dropped out. It’s like your parents going to your little league game after you were kicked off the team.

The high point of the debate that will be talked about Friday was when Marco Rubio stated that if Donald Trump hadn’t inherited $200 million, he’d be selling watches in Manhattan. That was a good one. It was so prepared that Marco is pretend selling broken Trump watches at his site. You don’t actually get a watch but you get the privilege of giving Marco $10.00. The remark was as prepared as the audience because Rubio’s people had planted screamers to react to everything Marco said. It was annoying. This was supposed to be a debate, not Beatlemania.

But Marco came out swinging at Trump. He attacked him for his fortune, his taxes, his hiring illegals, his fake university, his lawsuits, donating to Democrats and charities (Republicans are so terrible that donating to charitable causes will be used agaist you), his bankruptcies,, his lack of specifics, and I’m kinda surprised he didn’t squeeze a “your mama is so ugly” in there somewhere. He hit Trump on issues that aren’t new, some out there for over a decade. Someone discovered Google.

Cruz was more than happy to join the pile-on. The thing is, where was this before? Why did they wait until the tenth debate to go hard against Trump? Rubio has yet to win a primary or a caucus and he’s behind Trump by double digits in his home state of Florida. Cruz is barely leading Trump in his state of Texas and has a lead in Arkansas, but that’s it. Did they do a Christie and hurt Trump without helping themselves? Quite possible. If Rubio loses Florida, it’s over for him. If he wins Florida, which is over two weeks from now and several primaries away, and half the delegates are already gone…it’s still probably over. Rubio might actually working on Campaign 2020 at this point.

For Trump, who states he can shoot a guy and his supporters will still love him, will any attack hurt him? Plus, people may not really interpret anything that was said as it was mostly inaudible as all three guys were talking over each other most of the night. Trump’s defense against his rivals were that Cruz is a liar and a basketcase and Rubio suffers from meltdowns.

Oh yeah, John Kasich and Dr. Ben Carson were also on the stage. Kasich, who is NOT a moderate, is the most qualified and prepared for the presidency out of all these guys. Carson, desperate for time, begged for someone to attack him. Seriously.

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Republican Fun With Photoshop


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We all know Ted Cruz is sleazy and is running the dirtiest campaign of anyone currently seeking the presidency. That’s in addition to his general all around creepiness and unlikeability. On the day of the Iowa caucus he told supporters that Ben Carson had dropped out, and he hadn’t. This week his campaign circulated a fake photo of Marco Rubio shaking hands with President Obama. Rubio freaked out.

Is that what it’s come to? Being seen with the president of the United States can be used against you? Marco Rubio is a sitting United States senator, as is Ted Cruz. It would seem you wouldn’t have a hard time finding a photo of a senator and the president together, even of Rubio despite his rare trips to do his job in Washington. But no. Being seen with Obama can be used against you (ask Chris Christie). And they say the president is the divisive one.

I’m also amazed the media has focused more on the photoshopping of the picture and not on the absurdity of  the fear of an Obama connection. Yeah, being seen with Obama can tarnish your reputation with conservatives but Ted Cruz can hang out with the Duck Dynasty dude and pastors who advocate killing homosexuals. I don’t know if I’m freaked out more by the candidates, or people who consider voting for them.

I don’t see what’s so scandalous about being seen with the president of the United States. Any president. I can definitely see people not wanting to be seen or associated with Ted Cruz.

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Republican Road Rage


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I hate the Clown Car analogy that’s been tossed around to describe the Republican candidates for president. It’s not that I disagree with the description. It’s that it’s a lazy analogy and not creative at all. If Chris Matthews uses it then you shouldn’t (and it’s an analogy he repeats every day). So I may be the only American editorial cartoonist (who’s not a conservative hacker) who has not used that analogy. But after seeing the last Republican debate (I didn’t watch all of it, just the hightlights), it did remind me of family road trips from Hell.

Sorry if this brings up bad memories. I was raised the youngest and had an older brother and sister so I probably can’t complain about them being the pain in the butt…it was me. I also have a younger sister and brother but I wasn’t raised with them. Long story.

I never intended to insert Kasich into this cartoon. As I was lettering the text I thought how funny it would be if he was left at a rest stop (probably in Ohio). There’s always that kid without any charisma that you forget, sometimes because the other kids are competing for attention. At the debate before the New Hampshire primary Kasich was forgotten. It took Chris Christie to remind the moderators that they forgot to introduce Governor Blah.

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Chatty Marco


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Chatty Cathys haven’t been made since the 1950’s but everyone knows what they are. It’s a pretty good insult for someone who won’t get off the phone…or shut up. The Rubio campaign should love this comparison.

Marco Rubio is a very talented politician. Of course being a talented politician doesn’t always mean you’re talented at accomplishments. You may only be talented at running for office. For years people in politics, members of both parties, have made accusations that Rubio is a talking points kind of guy. He’s good in a debate, giving a speech, conducting an interview, but he’s not good if he has to stray from the talking points, or if he runs out of them.

Chris Christie has been harping about this for a while but nobody’s been listening because he’s Chris Christie. He finally got his chance during Saturday’s GOP debate. Rubio went into his talking point about “Obama knowing what he’s doing and he’s transforming the country, blah blah blah.” Christie said “there it is. That’s his “memorized 25-second speech.” Marco responded by repeating the same talking point and Christie nailed him with an interruption and pointing out he was doing the speech again. Shortly after this exchange Rubio gave the same talking points again. Yikes. It as like going to see Skynyrd and they play “Free Bird” for two hours.

It’s the kind of thing that could be damaging. This could be hurtful on a Howard Dean Scream level.

This will probably hurt Rubio Tuesday night in the New Hampshire primary and not help Christie at all. Christie doesn’t get points because Rubio sucks. He’s just really good at being a bully and fun to watch while doing so.

Update and correction: A sharp reader of mine pointed out that Chatty Cathys were sold during the 1960’s, not the 1950’s as I had written. I actually went to the Wikipedia site for Chatty Cathy looking for information on it and still messed it up. I was born in the 1960’s but I don’t remember them (most people can’t remember that decade for other reasons). Plus, I never played with dolls for girls. I swear. I had superheroes, GI Joes, a Fonzie and even the Sweat Hogs from Welcome Back Kotter.

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Until Sand Glows In The Dark


cjones12182015

Ted Cruz says if he’s elected president, he’ll carpet bomb ISIS until sand glows in the dark. I know Senator Cruz loves portraits of himself, but does he own carpet? Does he know how it works? He says he’ll avoid bombing cities with his carpet bombing as he’ll only bomb where ISIS is located. If he can take his own head out of the sand (or a certain part of his anatomy) then maybe he’ll realize ISIS is in Mosul, Ramadi, Raqqa, Fallujah, and Hawija. Those, Senator Cruz, are cities.

Donald Trump promises he’ll “bomb the bleep out of them” and plans to put hits on terrorists’ families.  Marco Rubio wants to insert ground troops. Chris Christie says we’re in World War III, and in case war with ISIS doesn’t bring Armageddon fast enough, he’ll take pot shots at Russian planes. Lindsey Graham says he misses George W. Bush and wishes he was still president. On top of all that they’re waging a campaign that we’re at war with Islam. This is the kind of stuff that’s music to the ears of ISIS and they use it to recruit new fighters.

The funny and scary thing is all of these candidates’ solutions to destroy ISIS are the very things that created ISIS.

These candidates claim they want to defeat ISIS. Maybe they’ll actually help with that after providing recruiting material for future ISIS newsletters.

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Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Debate Terms


cjones11042015

The Republicans have submitted debate demands to the networks. These include:

No “gotcha” questions. Basically any question a candidate can’t answer, like how their math doesn’t add up, is a gotcha question.

Nobody can bring props which really disappoints me. I was really hoping to see Ted Cruz make balloon animals.

They want a ten minute break. Apparently none of the candidates has a strong bladder. They’re not Hillary Clinton who can be grilled for 11 hours.

Each candidate will get a 30-second opening statement which was negotiated down from Ben Carson’s plan of 30-minute opening statements.

No lightning rounds which is sad because I was hoping candidates would get struck by lightning for each fib.

The temperature has to be kept at 67 degrees. I think this was a Rubio demand since they won’t let him bring a cooler on stage.

Donald Trump has said screw the Republican Party’s negotiations and he’ll negotiate separately. Does that mean the room will be like a fancy car’s air system where the area over Trump’s podium will be kept at a different temperature? Will Trump negotiate a lifeline?

I think I drew the candidates in bikinis a couple of months ago. I can’t remember when or what point I was making (I just looked it up. I drew them as transgenders and it was published June 2). I usually can’t remember what I drew yesterday. However I do remember that yesterday I drew soldiers in women’s heels. I don’t know why I like drawing guys in drag. I’m not right. I’m going to blame it on watching too many Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid. I also like the idea that somewhere soon someone will gag on their Cheerios while reading their morning paper. I also get small pleasure when someone informs me I made them spit coffee on their keyboard.

You read these cartoons at your own risk. You know how warped my mind is.

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Jeb Punches Down


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Did you witness the verbal smack down Marco Rubio laid on Jeb Bush during the last debate? The funny thing is, Rubio didn’t go after Bush. Bush went after him but Marco was ready. And sure, Rubio is full of all sorts of crap but he really did well on style, plus tearing into Jeb is pretty easy.

The oddest part is is why did Jebby go after Marco? Marco isn’t leading in the polls. If anything Jeb needs to take down Trump and Carson. He needs to punch up, not down. Of course each time Bush got into a tiff with Trump he’s come out for the worse and you can’t really go after Carson because that’s like bullying the paste-eating kid everyone feels sorry for. So that left Rubio. Maybe Jeb should stop picking fights. He’s not good at it.

I think if Jeb wants to start a fight he should go after Bobby Jindal. Sure, nobody cares about Jindal and most people forget he’s even in the race. However I think Bush can take him. Probably. Maybe.

Here’s the thing, Jeb. You’re not ever going to be president so now might be a good time to focus on one of those other “cool things” you could be doing right now. But hey, you might be able to help select the Republican nominee by sacrificing yourself to them in another tiff.