MAGAts

Wormy MAGAts


Cjones08262021

Honestly, I didn’t know about this issue until I saw a few cartoons on it. At first, it was just a couple of cartoons by the hyper-partisan guys who go more for Facebook likes than for actually being published in news outlets. I watch news all day long (it’s on right now) and I had not heard of this. Then, I saw one cartoon (just one) by a cartoonist who is very esteemed and I thought, “This might actually be a thing.” So I pulled up a story and holy shit. It is a thing. Antivaxxers are taking deworming medication designed for livestock as a vaccine against the coronavirus. Shockingly, doctors don’t think this is a keen idea.

OK, first off…if you think the vaccines are bad for you then how in the hell do you get to cattle dewormer medication? Do you have to go to a veterinarian? The drug is ivermectin and there was a tweet advising that nobody should take it to treat the coronavirus stating, “You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously, y’all. Stop it.” Do you know who tweeted that? Bill Maher? Jim Carrey? Me? No. The freakin’ Food and Drug Administration (FDA) tweeted that. Why, it reminds me of that time the FDA had to tell Americans, “DO NOT DRINK BLEACH!” There was also that time the FDA had to tell people not to drink aquarium cleaner.

Mississippi has the highest rate in the nation of deaths and hospitalizations from covid. It has the lowest vaccination rate in the country. And now, it has the highest rate of human deaths from dumb fuckers taking cow pills. I think it’s in pill form. I don’t know. I’ve never owned a cow.

Dr. Thomas Dobbs, the Mississippi’s top health official, said, ““You wouldn’t get your chemotherapy at a feed store. I mean, you wouldn’t treat your pneumonia with your animal’s medication,” he added. “It can be dangerous to get the wrong doses of medication, especially for something that’s meant for a horse or a cow.” Moo, beyotches.

The FDA warns you can overdose on ivermectin, which can cause nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, hypotension (low blood pressure), allergic reactions (itching and hives), dizziness, ataxia (problems with balance), seizures, coma, and death.” It can cause mooing, changing your name to “Bessy,” and excessive cud chewing. It’s udderly ridiculous.

To find people who may have consumed the moo juice, state health officials are now going through Mississippi ringing cow bells to see if any humans come running.

It’s especially dangerous for Trump supporters to take a worm-killing drug since they are MAGAts.

Note: I should be given a cookie for making it through this blog with only one udder joke.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Cave-To-Cave


Cjones07162021

Last Tuesday, President Biden called on local communities to become more involved as his goal of 70 percent of the nation being vaccinated by July 4th was missed by three percentage points. President Biden said, “We need to go to community by community, neighborhood by neighborhood and oftentimes door to door — literally knocking on doors — to get help to the remaining people protected from the virus.”

White House spokesperson clarified that they’re asking for volunteers on the local level and they’re NOT sending federal employees out to knock on your door. Naturally, this is the brand new outrage, crisis, and freak-out for MAGAt America and it was all the rage at last weekend’s CPAC convention in Dallas and Jacksonville Walmarts.

The convention in Dallas was the SECOND annual CPAC convention to be held this year. In case you’re a Republican, and I really fucking mean it this time, “ANNUAL,” you stupid dipshits, means ONCE A YEAR. It means “one” NOT two…or three, or seventeen, you knuckle-dragging troglodyte morons. Seriously, how many more annual CPAC conventions do you plan to conduct this year? Is there one planned for a Jacksonville Walmart parking lot?

Anyway, Republicans are really upset over this door-to-door thing. These are the same people who politicized wearing face masks, declared the shutdown and mask wearing to be attacks on their liberties, tried to “liberate” Michigan and kidnap that state’s governor, and has been on an unholy campaign of anti-vaxxing and attacking Dr. Anthony Fauci for trying to save this nation from a pandemic.

If you listen to these goons, you’d think the vaccine awareness people were going door-to-door with harpoons dipped in Pfizer.

South Carolina governor, Henry McMaster, sent a letter (probably in crayon) to the state’s Board of Health and Environmental Control on Friday requesting that it “issue direction to agency leadership and to state and local healthcare organizations prohibiting the use of the Biden Administration’s ‘targeted’ ‘door to door’ tactics in the State’s ongoing vaccination efforts.” He wrote that “enticing, coercing, intimidating, mandating, or pressuring” citizens to get vaccinated would undermine trust in the government. 

What about peer pressure? Is Joe Biden sending Fonzies out to let America know all the cool kids are being vaccinated and if you’re not one of them, then you’re a nerd? Maybe, up your nose with a rubber hose…full of Johnson & Johnson.

In Missouri, a state with the highest increase in covid cases, and like South Carolina, one of the lowest rates of vaccinations, Governor Mike Parsons warned that a door-to-door campaign isn’t welcome in his state.

It gets better, and by “better,” I mean worse. Oh, so much worse.

The House Fucknut Caucus, I mean…Freedom Caucus Chair Andy Biggs said it’s a “blatant abuse of government authority.” Marjorie Taylor Green, who recently apologized for comparing mask mandates to the Holocaust, called vaccine outreach workers, “medical brownshirts.” Never mind the fact the government is NOT keeping a list of unvaccinated Americans. That doesn’t stop Michelle Bachmann from lying about it.

Bachmann said, “There is a database. There will be a database, and everybody will be in that database. And it’s not just vaccine status, it will be your entire medical history. It will be connected to your finances. This is going to get bigger, bigger, bigger, so you stop it now, and you don’t give any information to any government questioner at your door.”

Also, while they get all your medical information and plant a chip inside you, they’re going to document your penis size, put that on a government list, and post it on a billboard outside your house. Fortunately on the billboard, the text will be as tiny as your penis so nobody’s going to be able to read it. The billboard will be less of a giveaway than your gun collection.

Republican and outed liar, Madison Cawthorn said at CPAC that if the government can go door to door to talk about vaccines, then they can also go door to door and seize your guns and bibles. No, they can’t. But Matt Gaetz asked if any of the vaccine awareness door knockers will be high school girls.

During the CPAC shitfest, one speaker gloated about the decreased numbers of vaccinations…and the audience cheered.

I counted nine cartoons by my conservative fucknut colleagues (I really shouldn’t use that word to describe them. You know…”colleagues”) on this door-to-door outrage. They’re trying to give the impression that someone knocking on your door is a violation of your civil liberties. Bachmann even said, “what they’re wanting all of us to do is to check our Bill of Rights, our civil liberties, at the door.” I saw one of these guys post on Facebook that he’s going to answer his door with a gun. One of the cartoonist claimed he’d rather open the door to Jehovah Witnesses than to vaccine advocates…which makes sense as he’s already in a cult.

Here’s the thing, kids: If someone knocks on your door, you can tell them to leave. This is America and you don’t even have to answer. Oh, I almost one crucial detail: It’s probably not going to happen. The truth is, I don’t think anyone’s eager to come to your house and try to educate you. They’d have a better chance of changing your mind through a debate on Facebook…as in, zero chance. Based on this fucknut logic. my civil liberties are violated every time someone calls to talk to me about my car’s warranty. A greater violation than someone knocking on your door to give you information that may save your life is my having the Kars-4-Kids jingle blasted from my TV. How dare that song enter my home…and my brain.

Bachmann also proposes getting “no soliciting” signs for your yard, but I don’t think that’s clear enough. What you need to do is just get rid of your door entirely. No door, no knocking. Ha-ha, that’ll own the libs!

Nobody can come to your door and force you to buy anything, not a vaccine, not a vacuum cleaner, not a bible, not a religion, and not even Girl Scout Cookies. I take that back. You can’t resist Do-Si-Dos. Or, are Tagalongs your jam? Girl Scouts scare me more than Vaccine advocates…but oddly enough, Girl Scouts knocking on his door doesn’t scare Matt Gaetz. Go figure.

Hey, is there a way we can secretly transmit the vaccine to the coronavirus into Girl Scout Cookies? Also, Girl Scouts, please don’t come after me for starting a new conspiracy theory involving your delicious cookies.

Creative note: Yes, I did this subject for CNN, but my clients can’t use my CNN cartoons and I wanted to do this subject for them too.

Second creative note: I got a very late start this morning because…you’re gonna wanna hear this: My iPad has face recognition, but every so often, it wants me to enter my pass code, you know, in case someone has stolen my iPad and my face. This morning, it asked and I had a brain fart and could not remember my code. After a few failed attempts, it locked me out for one minute. After just ONE attempt, it locked me out for five minutes. After those five minutes passed and one more attempt, it locked me out for another five minutes. After those five minutes passed and one more attempt, the motherfucker locked me out for 15. There was a lot of cursing in my apartment this morning. After those 15 minutes passed, I didn’t think and I just typed and it let me in. I have no idea what I typed.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

The Walking MAGAts


Cjones05212021

Today, supposedly, Congress will launch the National Commission to Investigate the January 6 Attack on the Capitol Complex Act at a hearing.

House Homeland Security Chairman Bennie G. Thompson and Rep. John Katko, the committee’s senior Republican have agreed to a bipartisan bill, supposedly, modeled after the commission that investigated 9/11, to investigate the attack on the United States Capitol by Donald Trump’s terrorists.

The commission will be made up of 10 supposed “outside experts” who will examine the facts and causes underlying the Jan. 6 attack and recommend corrective measures to secure the Capitol and our democratic institutions against domestic terrorism…supposedly.

The attack on the Capitol was a terrorist attack. This commission is supposedly bipartisan, but does that mean only four out of the 16 of the Republican members will recognize the terrorists as terrorists…and not protesters, patriots, or tourists as a lot of House Republicans have claimed they were?

Republicans are sitting inside the very same institution that Donald Trump’s terrorists attacked based on his election lie. The majority of these Republicans helped Trump push the lie he won the election and it was stolen from him. On the day of the terrorist attack 147 Republicans voted against certifying the election…only because they lost. They enabled the terrorists. Senator Josh Hawley went outside and gave them a fist bump. Republicans in the House removed the third-highest ranking member because she won’t push the lie. Her replacement says Donald Trump is the leader of their party, the same man who instigated a terrorist attack against her institution.

There are Republicans on the Homeland Security committee who are refusing to protect the homeland. Andrew Clyde said the terrorists were merely tourists, even though there’s a photo from January 6 showing him helping to barricade the door to the House floor so the “tourists” couldn’t break in.

Committee member Clay Higgins (Louisiana) has made claims of election fraud and voted against certifying the election.

Committee member Michael Guest (Mississippi) posed for photos with the terrorists before they made their attack. He too voted against certifying the election.

Member Dan Bishop (North Carolina) voted against certifying the election.

Jefferson Van Drew (New Jersey) voted against certifying the election.

Ralph Norman (South Carolina) also attempted to overturn the election.

Mariannette Miller-Meeks (Iowa) said no Republicans, including Trump, should be blamed for the Capitol attack until Democrats are blamed for violence that stemmed from Black Lives Matter and Antifa last summer. She also claimed no Democrat has condemned that violence.

Diana Harshbarger (Tennessee) tried to overturn the election.

Carlos Gimenez (Florida) voted against certifying the election.

Jake LaTurner (Kansas) had planned to vote against certifying the election, but a positive Covid-19 test forced him into quarantine.

Kat Cammack (Florida) voted against certifying the election and said on the House floor that the terrorist attack on the Capitol “furthermore resolved” her objection to the certification process.

August Pfluger (Texas) voted against certifying the election.

Michael McCaul voted to certify the election. Later, his district office in Texas was vandalized with “swamp traitor” spray-painted on a window.

Andrew Garbarino (New York) voted to certify the election and said, “Congress does not have the constitutional authority to overturn the election.

Peter Meijer (Michigan) voted to certify the election, recognized that Joe Biden won, and voted to impeach Donald Trump. Then, he had to stock up on body armor after receiving threats on his life from Republicans.

The ranking member, John Katko (New York) didn’t object to the election and voted to impeach Donald Trump for instigating the attack.

Twelve of the Republicans on the committee to investigate the terrorist attack that was instigated and propped by Trump’s lie that he won the election, believe in Trump’s lie that he won the election. Twelve of those on this committee oppose democracy and free elections. Twelve voted against the homeland and have sworn their devotion and loyalty to the man responsible for a terrorist attack against our country.

I don’t have faith in a bipartisan investigation when half the committee behind the investigation has already obstructed the investigation.

The House Homeland Security Committee was created in the wake of 9/11 to make this nation safer from terrorists attacks. Today, Republicans are using the committee to protect terrorists. Republicans support white nationalist terrorists.

I don’t expect Republicans to do the right thing with this investigation because Republicans don’t have brains.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: