Infrastructure

Yee-Haw On The Grid


Cjones08162021

Here’s a fact: Country folks are stupid. If you live outside of a city, you’re probably a moron. I’m just kidding.

I am from the south. I have lived in Texas, Louisiana, Georgia, and Mississippi. My son was born in Mississippi and he lives there today. My career started in that state and was trained in the newspaper business by some of the smartest and most talented people I have ever met, who were all southerners. That isn’t surprising when you realize some of America’s greatest writers are from the south. Dumb people don’t write.

I see myself as a mixed breed. I’m a southerner and a Yankee. When I crack on the south, it’s the same as when I crack on white people.

I have lived in cities, a suburb of Chicago, on a Pacific island, and in the deep south. In the south, I have lived in towns and in the country. I have lived in houses, condos, and trailers. While I love fried chicken and banana pudding, I would rather eat a pastrami sandwich with Swiss cheese and dark mustard from a Jewish deli than be forced to eat grits, dumplings, or collard greens. I’m a weird mix. And as you know, I’m also very liberal. Like myself, the south is very complicated.

But it is a fact that education in southern states is not as good as it is in the north. There are exceptions to this. There are people in the south who are very educated and enlightened. They are called liberals. There are left-wingers with twangs in their accents. But they are the minority in the south.

A recent study by WalletHub finds the most educated states are in the north. From one to ten, these are Massachusetts, Maryland, Connecticut, Vermont, Colorado, Virginia, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Minnesota, and Washington. These are all northern states with the exception of Virginia, which has seen an influx of northern immigrants over the past two decades and is now a blue state.

The study says the worst educated states, 50 to 41, are West Virginia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Arkansas, Alabama, Kentucky, Oklahoma, Nevada, South Carolina, and New Mexico. With the exception of New Mexico, all of these states are red. They have Republican senators, legislatures, and with exception of Louisiana, governors. They are also the poorest states with a higher percentage of their citizens receiving welfare benefits. It’s also the Bible Belt.

Stupidity, religion, and Republicanism go hand-in-hand.

Right now in the south, people are screaming at educators who are trying to educate and protect students from the coronavirus. In the south, teachers, doctors, and nurses are being vilified. Education is looked on in the south as a bad thing. People with degrees are often accused of being elitists. A family member of mine with a degree is constantly criticized for it by her own mother and brothers. They actually think it’s an insult to mention her degree and education. By the way, her degree is from a southern university.

President Biden wants to increase broadband in rural America. This is great. The internet provides access to more information. As the population grows smarter, a nation progresses. Smarter people tend to vote for better ideas and better people. Colleges don’t teach you how to be liberal. Colleges teach critical thinking. When you think critically, you use more facts. Using facts tends to make people liberal. So, Republicans are not excited about bringing more information to more Americans.

Republicans prosper with stupidity. Instead of having new ideas and telling the truth to their voters, they would rather make it harder for non-Republicans (black people) to vote and campaign on lies. Democrats tend to tell the truth. According to Gallup, Democrats have a 13 point advantage over Republicans with college educated voters.

But lies do work depending on who you’re talking to and where you’re talking. If you’re talking to a white person in the south, your lies have a better chance of becoming gospel. And by increasing internet access to rural Americans, the immediate impact will probably be a greater spread of Qanon bullshit.

A greater access of the internet to rural whites will help spread lies about Jewish space lasers, Trump being reinstated, deep-state lizard people, microchips in the vaccines, Hugo Chavez rigged voting machines, and there’s a national crisis of demon sperm. An American Qanon follower murdered his two children with a spear gun last week in Mexico. Why? He claimed he was “enlightened by QAnon and Illuminati conspiracy theories.” He told police he was “receiving visions and signs revealing that his wife possessed serpent DNA and had passed it onto his children” and by killing them, he was “saving the world from monsters.”

This man and Qanon are the monsters. Republicans feed these monsters. Spreading these lies is dangerous. That was proven by the Trump insurrection at the Capitol which was based on the lie he won and had the election stolen from him. In 2016, a Qanon follower shot up a Washington, DC pizza parlor over an internet rumor the restaurant was a hub of a satanic child sex abuse ring operated by Hillary Clinton and other Democrats. I’ll have my pizza without the pineapple and demon sperm, please.

At this very moment, we are the only nation in the world pleading with its population to be vaccinated. We are the only nation that has vaccines expiring because people are refusing to take them. We’re also the same nation that was outraged when its first lady tried to introduce more vegetables to school lunches.

While you might think it’s hilarious that 33 percent of Irish believe in leprechauns and 54 percent of Icelanders believe in elves, over 55 percent of U.S. citizens believe in angels.

U.S. citizens always see themselves as the most enlightened, modernized, and most educated. We are none of those. We may be the dumbest first-world nation despite having the third most internet users in the world. Over 312 million people in this nation are on the grid. How many are on 4chan vs. how many are using Wikipedia? A lot of people are weaponizing the internet, like Donald Trump. Not everyone is sharing cat pictures and what they had for lunch. Right now, I bet you’re looking up that Iceland/Elf thing.

President Biden wants to give rural America more internet access. I actually think that’s good while also thinking it can be dangerous. While the internet shouldn’t be regulated by the government, it should be monitored. You can’t spread demon sperm without a router.

I have fun picking on the south and rural America, but it’s really Republican country I have a problem with. Republican America is Land of the Duh.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Woof Woof, Meow Meow, Spend Spend


Cjones09142021

Nineteen Senate Republicans joined with Democrats to pass a $1.2 trillion infrastructure bill despite Donald Trump loudly screaming against it.

Typically, Republicans are scared to death of Donald Trump and his cult. This is because Republicans are spineless cowards. But they may not have much to fear this time from the Trump cult over this massive spending bill.

One reason they don’t have to worry so much is that spending on infrastructure is good. How dare you repair bridges, fill potholes, and create jobs in my community. Even Republicans who voted against this will receive infrastructure money in their states. And since they are Republicans, they’ll still take credit for it.

But a better reason Republicans who opposed Trump on this don’t have to fear is because this legislation is nuts-and-bolts stuff. Trump supporters don’t understand gritty details. Half of Republicans in Congress don’t understand gritty details and nuts and bolts of legislation. Do you honestly believe Lauren Boebert is doing math? Do you think Marjorie Taylor Green is shouting through a mail slot about a sewage system in Akron? Matt Gaetz won’t even look at the bill unless you draw a pair of teenage boobies on it.

Trump supporters don’t know this shit. They’re idiots who believe he’s going to be reinstated. They only get fired up over wedge issues and three-syllable chants (“lock her up,” “send them back,” “drain the swamp,” “stop the steal,” and a two syllable one as a bonus, “space force”). They don’t even understand the stuff they do get upset about but those things are much easier to get all sweaty over. They want red meat, not deets.

Republicans are not going to get upset over spending on infrastructure. If you really want them upset over spending, tell them it was for allowing trans to play on female sports teams and use public restrooms. Tell them it was for making Cat in the Hat a crossdresser. Tell them it was to remove Mr. Potato Head’s penis and sticking it in his trunk.

Tell them we’re spending $1.2 trillion to rename the Washington Monument “Black Lives Matter Monument.” Tell them it was for Obama’s birthday party (Pearl Jam and balloons aren’t cheap). Tell them it was to put more broccoli and cauliflower into school lunches. Tell them we spent a trillion bucks on public face masks and mandated sleeveless shirts from the Michelle Obama Collection.

Tell them the $1.2 trillion infrastructure is code for repairing Jewish space lasers. Tell them the money is for straight conversion to make daycare students gay. Tell them it’s for microchips in the coronavirus vaccines to track everybody’s porn consumption. Tell them it’s for creating a chemical to place inside school face masks that’ll turn your children into godless socialists and vegans. Tell them the money is ban cow farts. For some weird reason, the GOP is horny for cow farts. Tell them the $1.2 trillion is to tear down Trump’s racist border wall and build open bridges from El Paso to Caracas. Then, tell them were Caracas is.

Donald Trump was all in favor of infrastructure spending when he was president (sic). But now he’s against it. That would be like him being in opposition to us spending $1.2 trillion to buy Greenland.

Donald Trump doesn’t understand infrastructure. He only understands tax cuts for himself and racist dog whistles. The only reason he’s opposed to this legislation is because it’s a win for President Joe Biden.

Now, this legislation is going to the House where Republicans are even shittier and more cowardice than they are in the Senate.

Cats and dogs didn’t really get married. It was just a one-night stand. Today, they’re back at fighting over other infrastructure spending, like creating more internet for rural America where they’re more likely to believe in shit like Trump winning the election, George Soros-funded caravans, deep-state lizard people, and Jewish space lasers. Come to think of it, maybe we should oppose creating more internet for rural fucknuts.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: here are SIX copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Biden Tax Hike


Cjones04082021

Fox News, Rupert Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal, and other Republican outlets are playing Chicken Little over President Biden’s $2 trillion infrastructure plan and proposed tax hikes.

Oh my god! We knew it. Elect a socialist commie-hugging tax-and-spend liberal like Joe Biden, and taxes are going to go up. We told you so. Now, we’re all going to rue the day! “Rue” means you look back on the past and it’s often used with regret. For example: I rue the day I contributed to the Trump Campaign because they keep those donations recurring and all my shit bounced.

But if we’re going to rue, let’s rue on tax cuts. Ronald Reagan gave huge tax cuts to corporations and rich bastards. The idea was that giving rich people tax cuts would make them spend more. They’d hire more poor people. The rich would take that extra income and invest it into their businesses. They screamed it allowed hard workers and earners to keep more of their own money and it got government out of their pockets. Rich people having more money meant more people would have more money. They called it “trickle down.”

As we rue on that, we wonder, were Republicans merely wrong or were they lying? “Trickle down” never happened. Shockingly, greedy rich bastards didn’t trickle shit. They would normally take that money and put it into stocks, their savings, or into off-shore bank accounts. It didn’t make them hire more.

In 2017, Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell told us their tax cuts for billionaire assholes would trickle down and rich bastards’ investments into the economy wouldn’t hurt the federal budget because they would pay for themselves; we knew they were lying. We knew they were lying when George W. Bush tried to finance two wars with tax cuts for billionaire assholes.

When Donald Trump gave tax cuts to you and corporations, only those to corporations were permanent. The tax cuts he gave you expire. But all the Republican mofos giving out dire warnings about what this will do to the federal debt were silent on that shit when they were giving billionaires tax cuts. They were silent about the deficit when Donald Trump gave himself a tax cut. They were silent when they eliminated the inheritance tax for trust-fund babies like Ivanka, Tiffany, Don Jr, and Eric. There should be a fucking tax for naming your kid “Ivanka.”

Republicans are good at convincing poor whites tax cuts for billionaires will help them, even though we’ve had over 40 years of that not happening. President Obama gave the poor and middle class tax cuts, but most of the white people who received the Obama tax cuts don’t recall them, despite the fact they were bigger cuts for them than the ones Trump gave them. That’s a fact. Now, they’re going to freak out because President Joe Biden is going to raise taxes.

Except, President Biden is not raising their taxes. Unless you are a big corporation or an individual making over $400,000 a year, you’re going to be OK. But honestly, if you are a big corporation or making over $400,000 a year, you’re still going to be OK.

Here are the facts: President Biden is NOT raising your taxes. He’s raising the top individual tax rate from 37 percent to the pre-Trump rate of 39.6 percent. That’s a 2.6 percent increase for people who make an obscene amount of money. The corporate rate would rise from 21 percent to 28 percent. A 15 percent alternative minimum tax would apply to corporate book income of $100 million and higher. If you don’t know what “corporate book income” means, you’re going to be OK from this tax hike. I’ll tell you what it means though: All those corporations making profits but find ways not to pay any federal taxes, like Amazon, will be forced to pay taxes. Go, Joe Biden!!!!

People making over $400,000 will pay additional payroll taxes. The estate tax exemption would drop by about 50 percent. Taxpayers whose income exceeds $1 million would pay the same rate on investment income as applies to wages. The carried interest “loophole,” claimed by many private-equity and hedge-fund managers, would be eliminated.

Also, the maximum Child and Dependent Tax Credit would rise from $3,000 to $8,000 ($16,000 for more than one dependent). Tax relief would be offered for student debt forgiveness and the first-time homebuyers credit would be restored.

I’ve heard it explained before that the reason poor people vote for Republican policies is because they believe they’re also rich. They just haven’t gotten their money yet. That investment is going to happen, or an inheritance will hit, or they’ll win the lottery, or maybe win a major liability lawsuit after slipping in the KY-jelly aisle at Walmart. Stop wearing your fucking house slippers to Walmart, assholes.

The majority of people receiving welfare benefits are white. Most of them vote Republican. I doubt a lot of them are reading Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal, or any newspaper, but they’re watching his network that’s scaring them over tax cuts that won’t hit them. If anything, their paychecks are going to increase. Here’s another fact: President Joe Biden just gave each of them an additional $1,400. There is a fine art to screaming about the federal debt while cashing in $1,400 from the government. By the way, Rupert Murdoch is worth somewhere between $13 and $19 billion. If you’re crying for Rupert, come over here so I can hit you in the face with nunchakus.

With Joe Biden’s tax hikes, you’re going to be OK. Rupert Murdoch will be OK. He will not have to pawn any of his private jets, so don’t lose any sleep over that.

Don’t get angry over tax hikes on the rich. What should have been making you angry are the corporations that don’t just get huge tax cuts, but often receive their own welfare checks from the government. Our government spends double on corporate welfare for companies like Exxon than it spends on social welfare that provides milk to babies.

I have an entirely separate angry rant over motherfuckers who scream about social welfare but are silent over corporate welfare. If you are one of them, you might be a racist.

What should make you angry is that 91 corporations paid zero in federal taxes in 2018. Companies like Netflix, Amazon, Delta, Chevron, Gannett (motherfuckers!), IBM, Haliburton, General Motors, Good Year, Jetblue, Whirlpool, Honeywell, Coors, etc, etc.

IBM made $500 million and got a tax rebate of $342 million. Coors made $1.3 billion and got a rebate of $22.9 million. What about Amazon? They made over $11 billion. That’s “billion” with a “B.” They got a rebate of $129 million. My question: How can I get one of their tax lawyers to do my taxes? These companies are reporting millions and billions in profits and getting rebates.

If you’re getting angry over President Biden forcing these corporations to actually pay taxes, then you’re probably never going to be a millionaire because you are too stupid. The only way stupid people become millionaires is if it’s given to them. Look at Donald Trump, who by the way, has had years where he paid less than $700 in income tax.

I’m a freelancer which means I don’t get a tax refund. Even though I don’t make much, I send the United States Treasury money every year. When I’m sending money and see that Amazon is getting a rebate and a guy boasting he’s worth over $5 billion only paying a few hundred, I get angry.

I haven’t done my taxes for 2020 yet. Why? Partly because I procrastinate, it’s a lot of work, and I know I’m going to get angry.

Stop getting angry at the wrong people.

Note on trailers: I don’t mean to be an elitist snob to people who live in trailers. Who am I to be a snob when I live in a studio apartment over a taco restaurant? I do not make a lot of money. I’m poor. Plus, I have lived in trailers, as a kid and a young adult. But, I seriously doubt there’s anyone living in a mobile home making over $400,000 a year. Sorry to play the stereotype of lower-income white Republicans in trailer parks but I thought it was the best way for me to make my point. I do know some liberals who live in trailers and it’s for them I’m writing this note.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have THREE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Shake It For Trump


cjones05262019

Donald Trump is the boy who cried, “Infrastructure Week” as in, he never had any intention of working on infrastructure with Speaker Nancy Pelosi or Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer.

The Democrats went to the White House to work with Trump on infrastructure, something he claims he’d be very good at because he lives in a structure, but instead, he used it as a ploy to explode over Congressional investigations.

Trump is refusing to work with Democrats on infrastructure or any bipartisan measures until they “get these phony investigations over with,” as he said in a Rose Garden tempter tantrum complete with pre-planned props.

Trump claims he was planning on a legitimate meeting with his Democratic colleagues until Pelosi accused him of engaging in a cover-up. He then said he “doesn’t do coverups,” as he has refused to release his taxes and continues to fight subpoenas and order underlings not to testify before Congress. Don’t get me started on that dead ferret on his head.

Donald Trump does not do infrastructure. Donald Trump does coverups.

Do you remember when Obama held the nation hostage and refused to do his job when Republicans conducted one investigation after another on Benghazi? How about when Bill Clinton was investigated repeatedly from the day he walked into the Oval Office? Donald Trump doesn’t multitask. Trump can’t even walk and chew gum at the same time.

The president is supposed to do his job, not hold the nation hostage because he’s butthurt. If you don’t want to be investigated, then don’t be a crook. Trump is upset because the Justice Department reached a deal with Congress to provide some secret material related to the Mueller Report, and a second federal judge ruled against Trump’s efforts to block Congress from gaining access to his financial information.

In Britain, protesters have decided to throw milkshakes at conservative lawmakers. It’s gotten so bad, the police have asked some McDonalds to stop selling them when conservative assholes are nearby.

If you don’t want to be investigated or covered in delicious milkshakes, don’t be a conservative asshole.

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What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Blow-up Air Traffic Control


cjones06092017

Trump’s grand initiative to invest in America’s infrastructure begins with his desire to privatize the Federal Aviation Administration. What does that mean for me and you? For starters, it means that now you’ll spend the entire flight with your head between your knees which is reasonable since Trump plans to spend his entire term with his head up his ass.

Don’t worry too much about it because Trump is a great businessman and dealmaker. He’s told us that himself. I’m sure it’ll soar as well as Trump casinos (crapped out), or Trump Water (Tijuana water was safer), Trump Steaks (sold through Sharper Image. For some reason wildly expensive meat wouldn’t sell through a novelty electronic chain), Trump University (not an actual university that sold worthless degrees for $35,000), Trump Vodka/Trump Wine (from a man who doesn’t drink. Personally, if you want to sell me liquor then you better be a raging alcoholic), Trump Mortgage (which he started right before the housing market burst), Trump The Game (a contest of strategy and fuckery with Trump’s face on it), the New Jersey Generals (a football team that made red-blooded Americans hate football), Tour de Trump (a ripoff of the Tour de France which should have been called the “Tour duh Trump”), Trump On The Ocean (a huge restaurant Trump put in the path of Hurricane Sandy), The Trump Network (a vitamin supplement you insert up your ass. A vitamin pyramid scheme is still available called “Plexus”), Trumped! (a radio show for a market where there’s already too many right-wing assholes), Trump New Media (an internet providing service but the yutz couldn’t compete with Yahoo), Trump Magazine (not even yacht-owning douchebags wanted to buy something with Eric Trump on the cover), GoTrump.com (a travel search engine that showed you the quickest routes to take it up the ass).

Then there was Trump Airlines. What happened with that venture? Like most Trump businesses it went into a tail dive and all that was left in the flaming wreckage were defaulted loans and a bunch of pissed-off creditors. Captain Sully couldn’t have landed that disaster. And now Trump wants to take his experience as an airline owner and restructure how American air travel works. We’re not going to need a Muslim ban because ain’t nobody gonna wanna fly here.

To enact this grand plan Trump held another signing. No, it wasn’t an executive order. It was a memo. Yes, a memo. Like his executive order signings, Trump surrounded himself with boot-licking sycophants who applauded obediently. Trump then handed out the pens he used to sign the memo, which is about as meaningful and significant as handing out toilet paper from his last bowel movement. But you know, Trump sycophants would line up for that.

Quite frankly, I think Otto would make a better president. There’s not as much hot air in his head.

Creative Notes: Most cartoonists go through several ideas before they stumble stupidly upon the one that’s going to work for them. With my first stupid idea, I needed to consult an expert in air traffic control. Fortunately for me, I know one. My ex-wife’s husband.

Kenny is an air traffic controller so he knows a lot about the subject and he gave me some great information for the cartoon idea I didn’t use. As it turns out, that idea was kinda stupid and the info Kenny provided made it clear that it didn’t work at all. Not even a little.

I really liked this idea after it came to me. Longtime readers of this blog know I love Blazing Saddles, The Jerk, and Airplane and will use them in cartoons. I’ve used each of those in some context fairly recently. I gotta find a way to work in Young Frankenstein.

I also enjoyed not putting any dialogue into this cartoon. Other than the label (which I had to do twice), I didn’t have to waste any time on lettering which was a relief after all the busy words in my last cartoon.

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