Inauguration

Horny For The Inauguration


cjones01132021

Months ago, I was wondering if Donald Trump would attend the inauguration if he lost the election. I even brought it up to an editor who replied, “Who cares?”. This was before the election. Now, a lot of people do seem to care.

When I was thinking about it months ago, I didn’t factor in Trump refusing to accept the election results and spending months fighting in courts and lying about it. And while I have been worried over the past four years of Trump violence, and even violence if he lost the election, I definitely did not predict that Donald Trump would send terrorists to attack the capitol building of our government.

Donald Trump is not attending the 59th inauguration of an American president because he’s a whiny baby. But his attendance WAS important in that it would be a public display of a transfer of power…a willing transfer of power. Even though Donald Trump has finally conceded he won’t be president after January 20, he hasn’t conceded that he lost. His presence, even though awkward, uncomfortable, and totally unpleasant for everyone else attending, was kinda required. If nothing else, it would have been a display for the MAGA mob that this is how our government is supposed to work, even after the worst presidency in the history of all presidencies.

Now after the events of the past week, Donald Trump is not welcome. His announcement on Twitter, before he was banned, that he’s not attending was welcomed. Joe Biden doesn’t want him there. Nobody wants him there. In fact, he doesn’t deserve to be in attendance anymore than he deserves to be on Twitter. Donald Trump doesn’t deserve to be on that podium anymore than Osama bin Laden deserves to be on that podium, because they’re both terrorists.

Osama bin Laden sent terrorists to attack Capitol Hill…and so did Donald Trump. Only difference is, patriots thwarted bin Laden’s terrorists but Trump’s made it.

Trump also doesn’t deserve to be in OUR White House and the sooner he gets out, the better for the nation.

As for the horny guy who crashed into the capitol building, the Trump Cult initially claimed he was a member of Antifa breaking and entering into the building to make the MAGA mob look bad. It was part of their confusing messaging of it wasn’t them and they’d never do such a horrible thing while saying it was patriotic. Trying to understand MAGAt reasoning can give you a brain injury.

Of course, the guy is not a member of Antifa (nobody is because Antifa doesn’t exist). What he is is a right-wing terrorist and a member of the Qanon conspiracy cult. He’s from Arizona and his name is Jake Angeli. He’s an actor you will never see in anything. He is sometimes referred to as the “Qanon Shaman,” whatever the hell that’s supposed to be. Despite the lie being spread by the likes of Sarah Palin and Matt Gaetz that he was a member of Antifa and Black Lives Matter, he’s been spotted at several Trump rallies, once with a sign reading, “Q sent me.” There’s also a photo of him with Rudy Giuliani.

Someone on social media posted, “We spend over $750 billion annually on defense, and the center of American government fell in two hours to Duck Dynasty and the guy in the Chewbacca bikini.”

Note: I’m going to be asked why I didn’t include the sippy cup. Sometimes I forget and others times, it doesn’t fit. This time, I didn’t include it because I liked the posture in the cartoon and having his arm in another position would have messed that up. The sippy cup has become such a thing now that I felt I needed to make a note about why it’s not there.

Update: Jacob Anthony Chansley is the Qanon Shaman, Jake Angeli. He was arrested yesterday and charged with entering restricted grounds and disrupting Capitol business in Washington. As more witnesses come forward, his charges will probably increase. The idiot was identified by his tattoos and pictures of the attack he posted on social media. Even the al Qaida hijackers didn’t take selfies on the planes. He told the FBI he came as a part of a group effort with other “patriots” from Arizona at the request of the President (sic) that all “patriots” come to D.C. on January 6, 2021. So, he just made himself a witness in Trump’s prosecution.

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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Watch me draw:

Grifty Inauguration


CNN12062020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Once again, I forgot to blog my CNN cartoon. This ran in last week’s newsletter. But, this particular cartoon will remain topical until Joe Biden’s inauguration. You know, it’ll be Joe Biden’s inauguration because he won the election…and Donald Trump lost.

Weeks before the election, I asked a colleague, “What if Trump doesn’t attend the inauguration?” My colleague said, “Who cares?”

And that’s it. Who cares? It doesn’t matter, or at least it shouldn’t, that Trump won’t attend the inauguration and will probably conduct a fundraiser at the exact same time. It shouldn’t matter to the rule of law if Donald Trump never concedes and claims until the end of time he won when he didn’t. It shouldn’t even matter if Donald Trump hasn’t started packing yet.

The only thing that matters is that Donald Trump and Republicans are continuing to incite division, and in a lot of cases to come, violence. Donald Trump tried to invalidate his predecessor and now he’s doing it to his successor.

Donald Trump ran a campaign on hate. His political career started with hate by championing the birther movement, that President Obama was born in Kenya and was ineligible for the presidency. He started his presidential campaign on hate with his “build the wall” bullshit and calling Mexicans “rapists and murderers.” He conducted his entire presidency on hate, defending and retweeting Nazis and throwing brown babies in jail when his policies weren’t killing them. Now, he’ll continue to fundraise on hate…and lies.

Donald Trump lost. That’s the truth. The courts know it. You do too. But Donald Trump will continue to use the lie he won and that he’s the most persecuted person in the history of people to grift.

Creative note: I first drew the crowd without facemasks. And even though this is for CNN, I sometimes shoot these to my two daily proofreaders, Hillary and Laura. And it was Laura who said, “shouldn’t they be wearing facemasks. I could have gotten away with not redrawing every face and letting it fly as is, but it would’ve haunted me. And at that moment early into a Friday evening, I was so glad to be done and could have dinner while watching the Mandalorian. It’s all I wanted to do…but I had to go back and redraw all the faces. And ya’ know, I like the way it turned out much better than the non-facemasks version. All that blue works for me.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

American Carnage


cjones01222017

I did not have a great Friday. I woke up with a cold. Someone clogged the toilet in the worst way and ignored it…again (when they close the lid they know what they did, right? Surprise!). Oh yeah. A fascist human Cheeto became president of the United States.

What many of us thought was impossible has happened. Donald Trump is actually the president. The reality TV show host. The man obsessed with himself and revenge. The man who assaults women and ogles teenage girls. The guy who refuses to pay people who work for him. The one who uses a charity to buy himself gifts. That guy who ran a scam university. Yes. The racist Twitter junkie is leader of the free world and he’s about to go all Leatherface and treat America like a teenage B-flick scream queen.

The presidential Twitter account now belongs to Trump. The Oval Office has been painted gold. Melania’s jewelry products are on the White House website. The Lincoln room has been covered in plastic wrap.

The inauguration was unique. For starters Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama had to sit through a Donald Trump rally (the didn’t have the luxury I had when I attended one which was the freedom to walk out when the heiling started). The crowd was much smaller than Trump had promised. His supporters were tweeting out photos of crowd at sporting events in other cities and claimed they were shots from noon on Friday at the National Mall. Unfortunately for them they posted the photos before the sun came up that morning.

There were protests and over 200 people were arrested. In contrast nine people were arrested in 2001 during George W. Bush’s inaugural. There was property damage but I’m not sure it was conducted by actual Democrats. Liberals would never torch a Starbucks.

The oddest thing at Trump’s inaugural was Donald Trump. Well, he wasn’t odd for his usual self. It was odd for an inauguration. Usually inauguration speeches are uplifting, all-encompassing, and usually filled of rhetoric about America being great with better days ahead and how dedicated the new president will be, blah, blah, blah. No one can really disagree with an inauguration speech. Well not until Trump gave one. Even some Republicans were cringing and these are people who laugh when a 69-year-old woman falls down from a heat stroke.

Trump conducted his speech like one of his Nazi rallies. Someone even shouted “lock her up.” In Trump’s speech he described a nation full of crime and poverty (all of which is only in inner cities). We’re all stalked by gangs (black people). He described our schools as “an education system flush with cash, but which leaves our young and beautiful students deprived of knowledge.” I guess only the ugly students advance. Nerds. It was the first inauguration speech to contain the words “carnage,” “depletion,” “disrepair,” “sad” and “tombstone.” He couldn’t work in “troglodytes” and “pestilence?” Trump shouted “This American carnage stops right here and stops right now.” Much of his speech was exactly the same as Bane’s from the Batman movie. That’s the one where Bane holds Gotham City hostage, ravages it and plans to blow it up with a nuclear weapon.

Trump’s speech was not a speech for everyone in America. It wasn’t presidential or unifying. He was not interested in healing the nation’s wounds from the long and bitter presidential campaign. It was a speech for the Trump partisans. The uneducated and deplorable types. Trump never mentioned Congress or even the Republican party in the speech. He mostly focused on himself and how he’s the only one who can rebuild America from all this carnage. He also said that he would follow two simple rules: Buy American and Hire American.” All the white men sporting made-in-China “Make America Great Again” caps roared their approval.

Trump’s speech had a very nationalistic tone as he used the phrase “America first” which was also the name of a group full of Nazi sympathizers in the late 1930s who didn’t want America to go to war against Hitler. David Duke tweeted out his approval. The speech sounded like something Steve Bannon, Trump’s chief white nationalist would write. In fact, Bannon called it “an unvarnished declaration of the basic principles of his populist and kind of nationalist movement.” Even he threw in the word “nationalist.” The only good thing about Trump’s speech is that it only lasted 20 minutes.

It was a scary speech. I’m surprised it wasn’t delivered in its original German. Did it make me optimistic for our nation’s future? Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein! 

Fortunately we can probably save our national freak out until Monday. Trump is taking the weekend off. He discovered all that walking in front of empty bleachers was grueling. Donald and his entire flock of silver-spoon kids and the First Lady, who definitely never worked as a prostitute, are all off to his country club in Florida.

The carnage begins Monday. I’m afraid our nation will soon be in the same state as my toilet.

Creative notes: Sometimes when I create a cartoon I have to dig up images on Google. Today it was hockey masks and chainsaws. Someday the FBI is gonna pay me a visit. THIS was my favorite of all the chainsaw pics I viewed. Also, I know I mixed up Jason from the Friday the 13th movies and the Texas Chainsaw hillbillies. But Jason had to have used a chainsaw at least once, right? They made about 48 of those movies so a chainsaw had to be in one.

Also, I was going to rework a brand name on the chainsaw and I had it in mind until I did a little more research. That’s when I discovered Evinrude never made chainsaws. I don’t know why I thought they did. I couldn’t think of anything on “Poulan,” “Stihl,” or “Husqvarna.”

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Inaugural Pay For Play


cjones12222016

There are reports that Donald Trump is having a difficult time getting major names to play his inaugural. In the past such A-list musicians as Frank Sinatra, Ethel Merman, Barbra Streisand, Bob Dylan, Fleetwood Mac, Jessica Simpson, Aretha Franklin, James Taylor, Kelly Clarkson, and Beyoncé. So far Donald Trump only has Jackie Evancho booked to sing the national anthem.

I’m getting to that age where I’ll see a headline about a celebrity I’ve never heard of and I’m assuming that’s why I’ve never heard of Evancho until now. Her claim to fame is that she was a runner-up on America’s Got Talent five years ago. Most of America’s talent doesn’t want a damn thing to do with Donald Trump.

Italian opera singer Andrea Bocelli was booked but has pulled out after receiving backlash from Trump haters on the internet. Evancho has also claimed to be receiving hate for her willingness to sing for Trump. There’s no word on whether Kanye will use the event to stage his comeback.

There was another story last week that the people booking performers were told they could get whatever they want from the Trump administration if they could land some big names. Even ambassadorships. Ambassadorships often go to people who financially supported a candidate and they’re plum posts. I think Ted Nugent would make a great Ambassador to Turkey.

They could always go with the open mic format. Build a stage, stick a microphone on it and see who shows up.

I used to host an open mic. It was a lot of fun in addition to being a lot of work. You would have great performers most nights. The kind of people who enjoyed playing a few songs in front of a crowd for free. A lot of times the accomplished performers would use the open mic to work out new material or to showcase a cover they had been working on. They were usually very easy to work with as they had played a lot of shows and knew how it worked.

Then you had the people who only knew “Brown Eyed Girl,” or “Margaritaville,” or “Sweet Home Alabama.” That’s some brutal stuff. You’d also have the folks who’d show up every single week and play the same songs they had played the week before. These people were the quickest to complain and the biggest divas as nothing would be to their liking and they’d swear they were being persecuted against because everyone was jealous of their talent. The sound wasn’t right, their spot in the order discriminated against them, they weren’t allowed to play more songs than everyone else, or you just looked at them funny.

We’d get the rappers. Some of these guys were pretty good but often they’d show up without any music and just wanted to rap. You’d never know when to stop them as you weren’t sure how long the rap was supposed to go. We’d also get the comedians and I never heard a good comedian at an open mic. But those guys weren’t as bad as the “spoken word” freaks.

Ugh, “spoken word.” What’s spoken word? I asked that same question when this guy, who had once told me he was writing an autobiography about himself” signed up and told me he was doing spoken word. He told me it was him reciting his thoughts and words he had written on paper. So it’s poetry then, right? No, it’s not poetry, it’s words I’m speaking. Aren’t all words coming out of your mouth “spoken words?” Do we really need a pretentious term for bohemians and hipsters to refer to poetry? Apparently we do.

The worst was the woman who wanted to deliver a political rant on stage (Republican who got angry at a liberal singer) and in the process ended up wetting herself and getting it all over my microphone. From then on I reserved that mic for the “spoken word” guys. You’re welcome, Thelonius.

In the spirit of healing and coming together I’m willing to donate that microphone to the Trump Inaugural committee. Let the Nuge use it.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!