Cartoon Bully

Ron De Santis is a bully. Republicans LOVE bullies. It’s why they love Donald Trump so much. Republicans believe bullying people weaker than you is a sign of strength. It’s also why they love Putin. But, bullying is just like it was in school. The bullies are cowards. They only pick on whom they believe they can beat up.

Remember when Donald Trump tried to bully Nancy Pelosi? Remember him crawling up his own bunghole when they were in the same room together and then Pelosi walked out of the White House putting on her shades like a boss? Remember when Donald Trump shut down the government until Congress would fund his racist border wall? Remember when Pelosi kicked his ass so hard that he reopened the government and the great dealmaker walked away with less than he started with? Remember when he tried to bully Hillary Clinton at the debate and she called him “Putin’s puppet” and his only retort was that of a child, repeating her attack? Remember when the entire Republicans Party bullied Hillary Clinton on Benghazi, but she showed up for the hearing and answered questions for 11 hours without the GOP landing a finger on her?

Bullies eventually get what’s coming to them. Mickey Mouse is going to kick Ron DeSantis’ ass.

Republicans will believe that DeSantis beat up the mouse…while they’re paying higher taxes to cover the fees DeSantis and the Florida legislature saved Disney from paying. According to Florida law, the state has to pick up the tab on public debt before it can revoke a self-governing status as it did with Disney last week. The law doesn’t take effect for a year but if they don’t back down, dumbass DeSantis and the stupid Republican Party of Florida will cost the state’s taxpayers over a billion dollars. Remember when conservatives were supposed to be fiscal? They haven’t been fiscal since Eisenhower.

Obviously, Ron DeSantis isn’t actually doing anything to benefit Florida. All he’s doing is throwing red meat at the base. He’s lied and gaslighted over COVID, vaccines, and face masks. He’s bullied students for wearing face masks. He’s banning teachers from teaching kids about homosexuality and transgenders, a thing that’s not actually happening. He’s banned math books that he claims are anti-white (learn how to read the dog whistles). He’s even signed legislation making it legal to run over people protesting for Black Lives Matter. None of this helps Florida. What DeSantis is doing is building his profile to run for president. To do that, he’ll have to beat the fattest cartoon character of all time, Donald Trump.

Donald Trump is a cartoon. He’s fat and dumb like Homer. He paints himself like Crusty the Clown. His hair’s crazier than Marge Simpson’s. His fingers are tinier than Maggie Simpson’s. He’s as evil as Mr. Burns. And he eats more hamburgers than Wimpy while also wanting other people to pay for them (sorry, I lost The Simpons’ theme). He’s gropier than Pepe le Pew. And, he’s more racist than all those old Tom and Jerry cartoons (Mammy Two Shoes with her dice and straight razor). My biggest challenge with cartooning the guy was that he’s already a cartoon. Ron DeSantis is on his way to becoming one as well.

DeSantis became governor by joining the Trump cult. He promised his state he’d govern just as stupidly as Trump governed as president (sic). DeSantis kept his promise. In his campaign commercials, DeSantis was teaching his child how to “build the wall” with Legos. His message was: Vote for me. I’m a bad father teaching my child how to be a racist. Florida made him its governor.

As we’ve seen from Republicans, they’re worms. DeSantis used Trump to get what he wanted. Now that he has it, he’s going to turn on Trump. We have a few questions.

Who will attack who first? Trump will attack DeSantis as the governor becomes a larger threat. DeSantis will avoid going after Trump directly, then he’ll start to tip-toe around it until eventually, he opens fire and war is declared.

Who will voters choose? That depends on if you want the cult or the guy who was really effective with the stupid racist bullshit. Donald Trump never did build his wall. He never got Mexico to pay for it. He never truly got his ban on Muslims entering the nation. He never successfully “sent them back.” DeSantis has made it harder for black people to vote. He’s gerrymandered his state so Republicans may increase their congressional representation by at least four. DeSantis has enacted laws against gays, blacks, Hispanics, trans people, math books, COVID, and cartoon mice. He’s making Florida a place racists throughout the nation want to move to. Voters will see these as accomplishments. To dog whistle that you hate minorities is one thing. Putting the screws to them is another. DeSantis is more effective than Donald Trump. But, Donald Trump is a better salesman for the bullshit.

Who will win? Trump will be older and slower but he still has the base. DeSantis is probably quicker and lighter on his feet, though not by much. I believe DeSantis is smarter and more manipulative than Donald Trump, but he doesn’t have the gameshow host shine. DeSantis hasn’t spent the past 40 years marketing himself to stupid people. They’re both bullies and cowards so they may be afraid of each other once they’re in the same room. I want to hear your prediction and your reasonings for it.

Who do I predict to win? It’s hard to choose because it’ll be so much fun to see either one lose. Personally, I hope Trump wins as we know Biden can beat him as he’s already done it. I think DeSantis will be a much more difficult opponent because DeSantis can learn. Trump does not learn. I just hope that on the way to the general election, these two really beat the shit out of each other.

How much popcorn will we need for the fight? Lots. You may have to get one of those Amazon subscriptions for popcorn so you don’t even have to get out of your chair and it just keeps coming.

Music Note: B-52’s, but I never listen to “Love Shack.” I hate “Love Shack.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Woke Math

Some days, I just can’t make this shit up.

Florida banned teachers from discussing sexual orientation and gender identity. Then Florida banned abortion after 15 weeks, even in the case of rape or incest. Now, they’re banning woke math. Seriously.

Republicans really hate when you refer to the homophobic legislation as the “Don’t say gay” bill, but it’s not like they ever called the Affordable Healthcare Act by its rightful name. Republicans point out that the term “don’t say gay” isn’t in the legislation, but that’s what it amounts to. To prove it doesn’t say gay, goons will post this test from the legislation: Classroom instruction by school personnel or third parties on sexual orientation or gender identity may not occur in kindergarten through grade 3 or in a manner that is not age-appropriate or developmentally appropriate for students in accordance with state standards.

That text screams “don’t say gay.” Now, if you disagree with this legislation that’s extremely ambiguous, its troglodyte supporters will accuse you of being a pedophile. Believing that children should be educated about people different than themselves and taught to accept them on their own terms doesn’t mean you’re a pedophile. Not wanting to raise a generation of goose-stepping Floridian bigots doesn’t make you a “groomer.” Florida Republicans are grooming the next generation to be haters. By the way, they’re OK if a teacher says “straight.”

Then, Ron DeSantis signed the new abortion ban that copies Mississippi’s abortion ban. The only things that should be copied from Mississippi are food, music, literature, and Marshall Ramsey’s sunny and positive attitude. He’s like Soup for Souls in jogging shorts (because he jogs). What you don’t copy from the state that just recently stopped flying the Confederate hater flag against its will is its legislation.

Florida House Representative Dana Trabulsy, a Republican, said she voted against the bill because she had an abortion years ago and is ashamed. But legal abortion didn’t make Rep. Trabulsy get an abortion. She chose to get the abortion. She had that right but now after she got to choose, she wants to take that right, that decision, away from other women. That’s a classic white Republican position. They can have it but you can’t. If you’re a woman in Florida, Republican Dana Trabulsy just took away your ability to make the decision she made.

She explained her vote to ban abortion in Florida with the statement, “This is the right to life and to give up life is unconscionable to me.” It wasn’t unconscionable to you when you wanted to exercise your “right” to abort a fetus, Rep. Hypocrite. And finding it “unconscionable” isn’t a legal argument against abortion. Abortion being a constitutional right doesn’t force you to have an abortion.

I find it unconscionable to put ketchup on a hot dog but I don’t think it should be illegal based on my morals and hot dog ethics. It’s not like I believe we should send people who desecrate perfectly good hot dogs with ketchup to a hidden island off the coast of Brunei for hot dog reeducation.
OK, I lied. I do think putting ketchup on a hot dog should be illegal and offenders proven guilty should be sent to an island off the coast of Brunei for hot dog reeducation.

What should be unconscionable to every Florida Republican is forcing a teenager to have her uncle’s baby…or her brother’s or her father’s. Now, they’re going to force poor women and girls to leave the state to exercise their constitutional rights…or force them to stay and have a baby. Perhaps the worst thing is that baby will have to grow up in backwater Florida and probably without the proper mustard/hot dog curriculum. The horror!

Now, Ron DeSantis is banning math. The Education Commissioner has banned 54 math books on the argument they will “indoctrinate” children. The banned books accounted for 71 percent of all math books for grades K-5. The Florida Department of Education said the books were rejected for not being “appropriately aligned” with Florida’s standards, as well as including prohibited topics and unsolicited strategies.

The department’s announcement said, “Florida Rejects Publishers’ Attempts to Indoctrinate Students.”

I know “indoctrinate” is a bad word, and using it without being specific is a great way to get dumbfucks riles up and outraged, but wouldn’t you want your kids “indoctrinated” to add and subtract, and not indoctrinated with putting ketchup on hot dogs? Nobody does that naturally. They were raised that way.

DeSantis said, “It seems that some publishers attempted to slap a coat of paint on an old house built on the foundation of Common Core, and indoctrinating concepts like race essentialism, especially, bizarrely, for elementary school students.” Maybe someone should slap…I better not finish that sentence.

And, what? “Race essentialism”? They are banning math books for containing what they’ve determined to be “Critical Race Theory.” Did the Department of Education provide any examples of CRT in Florida math books? No. But, fortunately for you, you have me here to speculate. Oh, good.

If Florida math books consist of math equations glazed with a touch of Critical Race Theory, I imagine the questions would go something like this:

Ken and Mark are hired for the same job on the same day. Ken and Mark have the exact same education and work experience. Ken and Mark are the exact same age. Ken’s new salary is $75,000 and Mark’s is $67,000. Ken is white and Mark is black. Thanks to America’s systemic racism, what is the percentage between both men’s salaries?

Another Critical Racy Theory question in the banned books might be this: If police shoot the same number of white people as they shoot black people, but black people only make up 13 percent of the U.S. population, what ratio is the discriminatory discrepancy? I’ll help you out. It’s 38 per million for blacks and 15 per million for whites.

Maybe a question for a future Florida math book can be: Suzy has two mommies. They live in a house they bought in Bradenton for $430,000. If the Bradenton real estate market increases by seven percent, how much will Suzy’s two mommies get for selling the house when they flee to a more enlightened state that doesn’t have a bigoted education system making Suzy feel ashamed for having two mommies? The answer is $461,100 and a mentally well-balanced Suzy who doesn’t grow up cutting herself in a closet.

Here’s another: If you’re a black person in Florida, how many whites screaming at you about Critical Race Theory does it take for you to say to yourself, “That’s some serious dog-whistling shit”?

And another: If you’re black, how many Karens saying they don’t believe white privilege is a thing does it take for you to roll your eyes so hard that you get a serious migraine?

Some questions may have to be simplified for Republicans. Let’s try one of those: If Jack has two daddies and they go to Disney World but are stopped by an angry mob who then murders one of Jack’s two daddies and feeds the corpse to alligators and manatees, how many daddies does Jack have left? It’s a trick question as a manatee would never eat one of Jack’s gay daddies because manatees aren’t hateful troglodyte homophobic Republicans. Did you know some manatees swim all the way to Cape Cod? Now we know why. Jack and his two daddies should probably move to Cape Cod as well.

Another simple one for Republicans: If Ron DeSantis and Donald Trump are in a boat off the coast of Mar-a-Lago, how many racist dumbasses are in that boat?

Another question with less math: If you live in Florida, WHY? For the love of God, why are you still in Florida? And, with Republicans all across the nation praising Ron DeSantis and saying, “Now that’s my kind of governor. Yee-Haw!,” there will be more MAGAt Yee-Haw fuckers moving to that state. Get out! Get out! Get the fuck out!

I’m a cartoonist. Cartoonists are notorious for being bad at math, but I can do simple multiplication.
For example: One racist dog-whistling homophobic governor plus one orange racist Ooomp-Loompa golf-ball stealing pussy-grabbing loser-president (sic) in Florida equals get the fuck out of Florida.

Personally, I’d rather live in a state where an apple and two bananas can get it on without being judged. Hold the ketchup.

Music note: I listened to a mix today while drawing this cartoon that included Sugar Ray, Incubus, and 311. I guess my player wanted me to listen to bands with DJs, which is something I’m not super fond of.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Jesus Has Two Daddies

As I was scrolling through my news feeds yesterday, I came across a cartoon by one of my conservative colleagues. It was his annual Easter cartoon. It was smart of him to post it a few days early so his clients will have time to put it on their Easter Sunday opinion pages. Their Christian readers will be so pleased. But I have an issue with it.

I’ve explained this before but I’ll repeat it. I’m agnostic. I don’t consider myself a full-fledged atheist because we don’t know anything about what happens after we die. Neither the Pope nor Neil DeGrasse Tyson are experts on life after death. I believe claiming you know what happens after this mortal life kinda makes a person an obnoxious asshole. You can say, “I believe,” but when you say that you know, you’re teaching something you don’t know anything about. We are all ignorant about this. So, I’m agnostic.

I don’t have an issue with the Easter cartoons because I don’t agree with them. I disagree with a lot of things that get published by news outlets but that doesn’t mean I don’t think they should be published. Part of my disagreement is the Christian fundamentalism being spread by newspapers. I hate to see journalistic institutions treat myths as established facts. Also, it discriminates against non-Christian readers. Are the Christians the only readers editors want? I did have a Catholic editor at my last employer tell me once that Catholics should receive special treatment from our newspaper, which he told me after the newspaper published an apology for a cartoon of mine that really pissed off Catholics.

While I don’t know what happens after we die, I am pretty positive there never was a Jesus Christ. By that, I’m open to the idea there may have been a non-white guy running around in a robe about 600 years ago preaching peace and love and was murdered for it. But I don’t believe he was the son of a god. I don’t believe he rose from the grave three days later. Who wrote the Bible, George Romero? I don’t believe anything in the Bible is true. Keep in mind that I’ve read a lot of the Bible (not the entire thing because the prose is ridiculous). I grew up as a Christian and even attended a private Baptist school for a year in Georgia against my will. It was horrible. But, I know where these people are coming from. I know the culture. I know what they preach. Little did I know as a child that I was doing research for my future career.

So, while I am not a Christian or believe in Jesus, I believe in the message of peace, tolerance, being nice to people, and not judging or looking down on others (not that I’m good at following the message because I look down on a lot of people). I’m with Jesus’ anti-hate agenda. So, this is why I have a problem with these Easter cartoons.

My right-wing colleagues spend the entire year pushing a hate agenda. They support the racism of Donald Trump and Tucker Carlson. They’re on board with the hate and discrimination of Greg Abbott and Ron DeSantis. They defend the white nationalists who tried to destroy our democracy and install an unelected orange racist potentate. Now, if you disagree with them on their hate agenda, they’ll accuse you of being a pedophile. A pedophile. Where did this shit come from? Why is this allowed? They get upset if you call them a racist when they do racist shit but can accuse us of raping children because we don’t like their legislation? I call bullshit on this. Anyone who calls another person a “groomer” on social media should have their accounts deleted and be banned from the platform. Over the past week, I’ve been called “groomer” on Truth Social and Instagram repeatedly for pointing out their hate. I’ll be called that again for this cartoon.

So, after spending an entire year hating on people, these right-wing goosestepping talking point fascist-loving racist assholes wanna preach Jesus to us. They pause from shaming children to tell us “He has risen.” Screw you and the white horse you rode in on.

First off, they’re bad political cartoonists. This is opinion journalism that should be used to punch up, not down. We’re supposed to go after those in power, not the weak who they attack. When I first got into this business, Dick Locher, a Pulitzer-Prize-winning cartoonist who also drew Dick Tracy, told me that political cartoonists watch the battle and when it’s over, go down and shoot the wounded. It’s a good line and Dick Locher was a great guy, but he was wrong. We shoot the winners. Right-wing cartoonists go after the victims. When Donald Trump says “Send them back” or Ron DeSantis points his bony racist finger at kids and scolds them for wearing face masks while calling them “ridiculous,” my right-wing colleagues yee-haw over it.

Second, they’re hypocrites. They don’t see their own hypocrisy by teaching and supporting hate all year then drawing a cartoon about Jesus. Do they believe when they spread hate that they’re spreading love? Do they believe Jesus would support bullying children or throwing them into cages? Maybe their inability to understand love comes from their love of hate. They support legislation banning schools from talking about having two daddies while going to Sunday school where they preach about their savior who had two daddies. What would Jesus do? He probably wouldn’t force a 13-year-old girl to have her rapist uncle’s baby.

So, to all those right-wing hypocrites drawing Easter cartoons praising a guy who doesn’t support their hate agenda, this cartoon is for you. If you can use Jesus for your hate, I can use him to take you and your hate down. The bad thing is most newspapers would rather publish their religious zealotry than my cartoon attacking hate.

You MAGAts have and always will be on the wrong side of history. If you were alive in the early 1860s, you would have fought to preserve slavery and divide our nation. If you were around during the 1940s, you would have been Nazis. If you were around in the 1950s and 1960s, you would have fought against the Civil Rights movement. You were here when Russia offered you a racist stupid orange shitgibbon as president, and you took it.

And if you were around 2,000 years ago, you wouldn’t have been following Jesus. You would have been the Romans nailing him to a cross.

Music note: I listened to The Black Keys while drawing this cartoon because I’m a lonely boy.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Tucker Loves The Fetus, Hates The Child


Forget seeing Jon Gruden’s emails for a minute. I want to see Tucker Carlson’s emails. I mean, if this guy is flagrantly exhibiting his hate and homophobia to the world on primetime television, I wanna see the stuff he’s secretly saying to his closest confidantes.

Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg and his husband Chasten have adopted premature infant newborn twins. Buttigieg, formerly “Mayor Pete,” had taken paternity, or parental, leave to help care for the newborns. Of course, a guy who works so hard at things that he would learn Norwegian just to read one book is the kind of guy who would suck at taking a leave, because he kept working. But, there is an outrage. What is that outrage? Well, I’m not sure. Let’s listen to Tucker Carlson.

Tucker had a huge problem with Buttigieg taking paternity leave, saying on his show that’s rated number-one with white nationalists, “Pete Buttigieg has been on leave from his job since August after adopting a child. Paternity leave, they call it, trying to figure out how to breastfeed. No word on how that went.”

Apparently, it went pretty well. Pete responded, “I guess he just doesn’t understand the concept of bottle feeding, let alone the concept of paternity leave.” By the way, has Tucker ever actually seen a breast? Maybe he lies about it like in the movie, “40-Year-Old Virgin.” It feels like a bag of sand.

Later, Pete told Jake Tapper on his show popular with people who want facts, “I’m not going to apologize to Tucker Carlson or anyone else for taking care of my premature newborn infant twins. The work that we are doing is joyful, fulfilling, wonderful work. It’s important work, and it’s work that every American ought to be able to do when they welcome a new child into their family. I campaigned on that.”

Pete pointed out, “What is really strange is that, you know, this is from a side of the aisle that used to claim the mantle of being pro-family. What we have right now is an administration that’s actually pro-family.”

Yeah. What happened to that pro-family stuff Republicans always claimed to champion? Did it go out the window when they made the leader of their party the pussy-grabbing thrice-married father of five with three different women who’s been accused of sexual assault, including rape, over 25 times? Did they chuck their family values out the window with their platforms of patriotism, defense of America from Russia, anti-terrorism, and love of conservative fiscal policies?

Gay marriage is the law of the land now and legal in every state, even Utah. Is Tucker’s attack on Buttigieg’s paternity leave a veiled swipe at gay marriage? But then again, abortion is the law of the land too and Republicans are trying to overturn that, so maybe they’ll do the same with gay marriage. Republicans love trying to control other people’s lives. While screaming about vaccine mandates, they’re mandating what women can and can’t do with their own bodies. But just like some stranger’s abortion isn’t Tucker’s business, either is Pete and Chaz’s marriage…or their adoption of twins.

And what is this business of demanding that every fetus be delivered then abandoning when it becomes a child? People like Tucker demand the birth of a baby, even if it’s the result of a rape, then demand we don’t help through government funds to feed it, educate it, or give it any care. They’re against school lunches. They demand parents to be drug tested before they can receive any assistance. And if the parent tests positive for a little weed, then the child should starve. They also don’t want the child to have any healthcare. No healthcare. No prenatal. No nothing. But, yay it’s born.

Tucker is obtuse and he lacks self-awareness. His outlook is from a rich-privileged-white-kid boarding school education. He did attempt to apologize for his homophobic attack after getting owned by Buttigieg. He replied to Buttigieg, “Last night on this show we made a brief, offhand joke about the Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg, and this morning we discovered our error. It turns out that Buttigieg is not a dwarfish fraud whose utter mediocrity indicts the class that produced him. No, not at all. Pete Buttigieg was once the mayor of South Bend, Indiana. So understandably, going forward, we are. And of course we will. Our mistake.”

That’s an apology? I bet Tucker thinks that funny. I bet his audience believes it’s hilarious. But then again, these are the same idiots who believe the hashtag, #LetsGoBrandon is witty and hilarious. Pssst, Republicans. I don’t need a code to say, “Fuck Trump.”

But what sort of audience does Tucker have, I mean, other than white nationalists? OK, they’re all white nationalists, but let’s take a look at how they feel about Pete Buttigieg taking paternity leave. For this, we’re going to scroll through one of my former friend’s Facebook page. My former friend is an alt-right racist Nazi-supporting former Never-Trump who now attacks Never-Trumpers. He is the perfect example of the vileness of the Trump Cult and is up to date on current bigoted and Fox News talking points. He made two posts about Buttigieg’s adoption and paternity leave. Let’s see what he said and how his racist fucknut friends replied.

His first post on Buttigieg is: Transportation secretary, Pete Buttigieg, tonight referred to the two babies he just adopted as, “my new kids”. I’ve never heard a new parent refer to their recently born infants as “my new kids”. It’s Iike he’s referring to a just-purchased turtleneck or badminton racket.

His quibble is with the reference, “My new kids.” Well, you gotta quibble when you don’t have anything, like outrage over Joe Biden liking ice cream. That sonofabitch likes chunky monkey. I digress. Let’s check out a few replies to the post.

They are: “He’s insufferable. Two months paid vacation on the taxpayers dime. Wow.” How many days was Trump at his golf courses?

“It makes no sense on purpose. They are gay men pretending to be “\’parents’. And it’s our shortcomings if we cannot make fantasy into reality.”

“For a NY MinuteI thought you said Pete’s buttplug.”

“Those kids are now positioned, in my opinion, to be the recipients of some major Child Abuse. I feel sorry for those children. They don’t deserve that.” Actually, most child abuse is committed by heterosexuals.

“Please, you deluded gay narcissists, hire a compassionate competent nanny.It’s their only hope.” Maybe they can get Obi Wan Kenobi…he’s their only hope.

My first two takeaways are that these goons are really homophobic and sure know a lot about butt plugs. Then, just as you were wondering about their butt plug obsession, another post was made that drew new homophobic comments. Let’s take another gander if we have the stomach for it.

The second post on Buttigieg is: “I hope Mayor Pete is healing well during his maternity leave.” The guy doesn’t understand the difference between “maternity” and “paternity,” so maybe he shouldn’t be telling women what to do with their bodies, hmm?

Some of those replies are: “I wonder how they did the episiotomy was performed.” Hey, I’m not correcting their grammar.

“I just looked it up and his husband is a drama teacher. So, do they both get maternity leave?” This person complained her maternity leave was shorter than Pete’s paternity leave, so you’d think she’d understand the difference.

“Heard he had difficulty with the lactation Department.”

“Wonder did he have an episiotomy….” An obsession with episiotomies and butt plugs. Nice.

“Pete knows more about umbilical cords, than supply chains.”

There were a lot more, like the comparison that Kayleigh McEnany only took two weeks off compared to Buttigieg’s two months (when he kept working). But maybe Kayleigh doesn’t love her baby as much as Pete loves his twins. The real big takeaway here is, these people are homophobic and ignorant. They don’t know what they’re talking about despite having a lot of opinions on the subject.

The reason these people are so ignorant is because they’re the people Tucker Carlson is talking to. It’s also partly why they’re so racist because Tucker’s show is the highest-rated show among white nationalists.

If your argument is Buttigieg shouldn’t be able to take a paternity leave for so long because other people can’t, then stop opposing it. We’re trying to make parental leave more available to everyone. As Buttigieg said, “It’s important work, and it’s work that every American ought to be able to do when they welcome a new child into their family. I campaigned on that.”

Conservatives always argue that if they didn’t get something good, or things were hard on them, then it should be hard on everyone else. They argue against free tuition because they didn’t get it. I thought we wanted better for our children. Conservatives do not. They don’t want paternity leave or the children they forced to be born to be adopted to people who will provide loving homes and become great parents.

For conservatives, it’s love the fetus, hate the child. It’s like what the late and great George Carlin said.

“Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t want to know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re preborn, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FOUR copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Racist Raider


Jon Gruden said, “I never had a blade of racism in me.” No, Jon Gruden, you have an entire pasture of racism in you and you’re going to need some woke goats unleashed on it to mow it down.

Jon Gruden, a Super Bowl-winning head coach in the National Football League is a racist, homophobic, sexist, intolerant bigot.

An investigation by The Wall Street Journal (no link because I don’t subscribe) and The New York Times (I do subscribe) detail that emails from Jon Gruden to friends in the league from 2011 to 2018 don’t just reveal Gruden is a vile bigot, but that a hateful culture remains in the NFL.

The NFL has tried to be a bit more progressive over the past few decades. There is now a rule that at least one black candidate has to be interviewed for each open head coach position. The league has tried to be more inclusive over the concerns of black players. The league has denounced sexism and racism. By the way, what team does Colin Kaepernick play for now? It’s not the Raiders.

Gruden’s emails were uncovered during a separate investigation of sexism, bullying, harassment, and a hostile work environment at the Washington Football Team, formerly the “Redskins,” which is also racist. Gruden’s emails were to Bruce Allen, who was the general manager at the time.

Interesting tidbit: Bruce Allen is the son of George Allen who was the coach of the Washington Football Team, and the brother of George Allen, a former governor and United States senator in Virginia who used to keep a noose in his office as a memento, which is also racist.

Another interesting tidbit: The Washington Football Team was the last NFL team to integrate.

There were several other coaches and administration officials from NFL teams in these emails. It was like a CC of bigotry. Some of those people are Ed Droste, the co-founder of Hooters; Jim McVay, an executive who has run the Outback Bowl, and Nick Reader, the founder of PDQ fried chicken Restaurants. According to the Times, these guys weren’t just receiving Gruden’s emails and reading them. They were also offering their own bigoted comments. These racists were willful participants and were yukking it up. Who would have expected willful participation in misogyny from the Hooters guy?

Jon Gruden coached the Raiders in the late 90s and into the early 2000s. He quit to take the head coach position in Tampa Bay, who had just fired Tony Dungy (who is black) for not advancing in the playoffs (after making the playoffs). Gruden took the Buccaneers to the Super Bowl and won in his first season, with a team built by Dungy. Gruden was fortunate that the opponent in that game were the Raiders, who were still using Gruden’s playbook. Gruden remained with the Bucs for six more years and only made the playoffs twice without ever winning another playoff game. He then became an NFL analyst for ESPN and and acquired lucrative endorsement contracts.

By the way, Tony Dungy went to Indianapolis where he inherited a horrible team like he did in Tampa. But also like he did in Tampa, he built that team into a Super Bowl team. It didn’t hurt that he also inherited Peyton Manning.

Jon Gruden was viewed by the league and fans as a brilliant one-of-a-kind football coach even though he was mediocre at best. Daniel Snyder could have coached that Dungy team to the Super Bowl. Jon Gruden left ESPN in 2018 to return to the Raiders, who had been pursuing him for six years, gave him a ten-year contract worth over $100 million, and partial ownership of the team. It was the richest contract in the league. In return, Gruden gave them a record of 22-31. His best season was 8-8. Gruden might be a fun analyst but he’s a mediocre football coach. He’s also a racist, sexist, homophobe, and in general, an all-around bigot.

What were in these seven years of emails that were so horrible? Surely, they couldn’t have been that bad, right? Well, in one he referred to DeMaurice Smith, the black leader of the NFL Players Association, as “Dumboriss Smith,” and said he “has lips the size of Michelin tires.” OK. Case closed. He’s a bigot. But, Gruden didn’t just specialize in racism. As I said, he’s an all-around bigot.

Gruden unleashed his bigotry casually in misogynistic and homophobic language over several years to denigrate people around the game and to mock some of the league’s most momentous changes, like adding female referees. Yeah, Gruden didn’t like that.

In the emails to Allen, Gruden called the league’s commissioner, Roger Goodell, a “faggot” and a “clueless anti football pussy” and said Goodell should not have pressured Jeff Fisher, then the coach of the Rams, to draft “queers,” a reference to Michael Sam, a gay player chosen by the team in 2014. If he returns to making commercials for Corona beer, where he’s on a beach answering a help line and telling callers to drink Corona, I wonder if they’ll allow him to use those words. Sure, it’s a Mexican beer, but Gruden’s endorsement will probably help sales with the Proud Boy crowd.

Gruden also criticized Goodell with homophobic language for trying to reduce concussions in the league. Yeah, because everyone knows it’s gay to care about concussions. Just play football. Gruden also used this type of language to go after other coaches, team owners, and journalists.

Gruden, like Donald Trump, wanted players fired for protesting during the national anthem. I wonder if he wrote, “Fire that sonofabitch”? Do you know what’s worse than protesting during the national anthem? Racism.

Gruden said he only used an “expletive” for Goodell because he was upset about team owners’ lockout of the players in 2011. He was also upset over safety measures in the league and that they were scaring parents from letting their sons play football. But, Gruden wasn’t a racist sexist homophobe just during 2011. Also, nobody only goes back to racist tropes while they’re angry. If a person calls you a racist or uses a gay slur, that person is racist and homophobic. He’s not just racist for one minute. Plus, Gruden must have been very comfortable writing down these comments with the people he was sending these racist homophobic sexist emails to, like the Hooters guy and Bruce Allen, the brother of former racist governor/senator George Allen who kept a noose in his office.

Gruden also liked to share photos of naked women with these NFL dudes, including two Washington cheerleaders. Speaking as a man, a lot of us don’t do that. I don’t and no, I’m not gay. If I did share those kind of photos, I think it would really weird my friends out. But then again, I don’t have friends like Jon Gruden, Bruce Allen, and the Hooters guy. I’m having a hard time getting over he was emailing the Hooters guy. Was Gruden emailing black jokes to the Uncle Ben guy and Paula Deen?

The cherry on top of all of this, for now, is that Gruden went after President Obama and Vice-President Biden in 2012. I don’t know what words he used for Obama, but he called Biden a “nervous clueless pussy.” I wonder what he thinks of Biden now.

Gruden claims he doesn’t remember any of these emails he was writing for seven years.

Stay tuned because we haven’t seen or heard all the words Gruden used in these emails but I’m certain more will be revealed. Maybe this is why he resigned last night in the middle of Monday Night Football.

Mark Davis, the owner of the Raiders, was aware of these emails before Sunday’s game…but Davis allowed Gruden to stick around. Then, more were revealed yesterday and Gruden resigned. If he hadn’t resigned yet, would he still be the head coach of the Raiders this morning?

This is the end for Jon Gruden as a coach, analyst, and Mexican beer spokesperson. At least it should be. There is no place in this nation for people who think the way Jon Gruden does….except in the Republican Party.

How much do you wanna bet that Donald Trump issues a statement defending Jon Gruden? And if the Michelin tires lips comment doesn’t prove you’re a racist, the Trump endorsement will.

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Booty Judge


Maybe Rush Limbaugh is conducting a social experiment to see if the world can feel sorry for a lump of crap afflicted with cancer.

During Donald Trump’s racist State of the Union address, he turned it into a game show by having his wife, Melania, place the Presidential Medal of Freedom around Rush Limbaugh’s neck. It had been recently announced that Limbaugh, a cigar smoker who denies smoking contributes to lung cancer, has lung cancer. Rush, who has a long history of racism, sexism, homophobia, and just outright hatred, was a special guest at the event along with retired 100-year-old brigadier General Charles McGee, a Tuskegee airman and veteran of three wars. Of course of the two, it was Rush leaving with the Medal of Freedom.

There’s been a lot of hatred expressed toward Rush with many liberals wishing death and suffering on the guy. But most liberals have put aside their animosity and wished him well and people who have survived cancer have said they don’t wish it on anybody. Well, Rush is testing their limits.

Rush returned to hate radio this week and he attacked Pete Buttigieg, former mayor of South Bend, Indiana and current presidential candidate. Rush didn’t attack his plans on healthcare, social security, foreign policy, ending government debt, immigration, etc. Nope. Instead, Rush’s focus was all on the fact that Mayor Pete is gay and he kissed his husband on a stage at a campaign event.

Buttigieg has wondered aloud in the past about how parents can explain President (sic) Trump to their children. I wonder how conservatives do that and how historians will explain it to students in the future. Rush turned it around and wondered how parents will explain Pete kissing his husband. I don’t know, Rush. How do you explain anybody kissing anybody? They’re in love? They’re together? They’re a couple? They’re married? It’s 2020 and we don’t explain this kind of stuff a lot anymore.

Rush said most Americans wouldn’t be willing to elect a gay man president. It is a legitimate question. No, not if a gay man can be a good president but if America will elect one. I like to think most Americans, especially Democrats would take at issue his experience, positions, and even his age before his sexual orientation. When I talk to fellow liberals about Buttigieg and the other candidates in the primary, him being gay rarely comes up…if ever. But then again, we’re not troglodytes like Rush Limbaugh. Even Donald Trump doesn’t think it will be that much of a factor.

But Rush didn’t just ask the question about this nation being willing to elect a gay man to the presidency. He had to go all-in with his homophobia.

Limbaugh said, “How’s this going to look, 37-year-old gay guy kissing his husband on stage next to Mr. Man, Donald Trump.” Donald Trump is “Mr. Man?” Again, Trump supporters see Trump in a way reality doesn’t. For them, Donald Trump is the epitome of masculinity. For me, I see an obese guy wearing too much makeup who’s afraid of rain and stairs. But I digress.

Rush continued with, “There may be some Democrats who think, ‘That’s exactly what we need, Rush. Get a gay guy kissing his husband on stage, ram it down Trump’s throat, and beat him in the general election.’ Really. Have fun envisioning that.”

I think Rush may be envisioning Pete kissing his husband, Chasten, a little too much.

Rush isn’t a fan of gay marriage. In the past, he said on the subject, “Marriage is a union of a man and a woman… This is about destroying an institution.” He also said about heterosexuals, “They’re under assault. You say, ‘Heterosexuality may be 95, 98 percent of the population.’ They’re under assault by the two to five percent that are homosexual.” He once said Barney Frank “spends most of his time living around Uranus.” He’s compared homosexuality to pedophilia and beastiality.

Rush, the great defender of the sacred tradition of marriage, has been married…wait for it…four times which is one more than Donald Trump (in case you’re a Republican, Trump has been married three times). Pete Buttigieg seems to be content to destroy marriage by doing it only once. How many hetero marriages does it take to cause as much destruction as one gay marriage? Has there been a study yet?

Pete Buttigieg marrying a man doesn’t destroy the tradition of marriage any more than Rush Limbaugh having sex destroys sex, though the image in your head might.

While ranting about Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Rush pronounced his name as “booty judge.” Yeah, that’s clever. It’s like Rush took a course on juvenile nicknames at Trump University. Trump himself has tweeted it as “Bootedgeedge,” which appears to be how it’s pronounced which tells me someone was writing it down for him before a rally where he mangled the pronunciation.

I don’t think Rush Limbaugh or Donald Trump, who are both fans of mocking people’s appearances, should talk about booty judges, less one appears and starts judging their asses.

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Peter On Pence


Mike Pence was upset. He said Pete Buttigieg, mayor of South Bend, Indiana and promising presidential candidate had attacked his religion and accused him of discrimination. Pence said, “He said some things that are critical of my Christian faith and about me personally.” Actually, he didn’t attack Pence’s faith. Pence is doing what old, white, conservative men do best and that is pretend to be victimized.

Mayor Pete said, “That’s the thing I wish the Mike Pences of the world would understand. If you got a problem with who I am, your problem is not with me. Your quarrel, sir, is with my creator.” The closest he came to criticizing Pence’s faith was when he wondered out loud when the pious veep stopped “believing in scripture when he started believing Donald Trump.” He also asked, “How would he allow himself to become the cheerleader for the porn star presidency?”

Surprising no one, Pence didn’t answer those questions. Pence is like all Republicans now. They spent decades fashioning themselves as being closer to God than Democrats only to turn around and get into bed with a man who never goes to church, says “Two Corinthians,” and pays hush money to porn stars. There’s also that constant lying and attacking people thing. Republicans spent years telling us they are the party of family values. As it turns out, they were lying.

In response to Buttigieg’s criticism, Pence defended himself by saying, “I don’t believe in discrimination against anybody.” Oh really?

As governor of Indiana, Pence fought to prevent same-sex couples from obtaining equal parenting rights, supported a measure to ban same-sex marriage in the state, and signed the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, which allowed business owners to refuse service to LGBTQ customers. He’s just as homophobic as vice president as he was as governor. In January, Pence defended his wife’s decision to take a job teaching at a school that bars LGBTQ students and faculty and said people who criticized that were “offensive.”

Additionally, Mike Pence once supported federal funding for gay conversion therapy, which is designed to change “sexual behavior.” No word yet where he stands on Trump-sycophant conversion therapy, but maybe he was just born that way.

Mike Pence is a champion of discrimination. He is almost as good at discrimination as he is at kissing Trump’s ass.

Also, take note that Pence hasn’t criticized the homophobic hecklers who have been following Buttigieg from rally to rally.

Mike Pence’s faith in God may be solid as a rock. His faith in everything else, along with his principles and dignity are for sale.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Hater Cakes


A baker in Colorado is so homophobic that he refuses to take money from gay couples. He was sued by a couple after refusing to bake them a cake, citing his religious beliefs as justification for denying their business. The couple sued over the discrimination. The state’s civil rights commission ruled against the baker.

The baker, supported by conservative religious fundamentalists and fellow homophobes, took the case all the way to the Supreme Court. The Supremes narrowly ruled in the baker’s favor. Narrowly, as in, they left a lot of questions to be answered.

The Court said the cake man was a victim of religious bias by the civil rights commission. So, the baker can’t be a victim of bias but the gay couple can?

The court said it wasn’t changing laws and this doesn’t open the door for future discrimination, just that this one baker had the right to discriminate in this case because they didn’t like the way the commission treated him. But, conservatives are rejoicing and will use this for future discrimination.

Conservatives are not good with facts and will skip the court’s statement, “these disputes must be resolved with tolerance, without undue disrespect to sincere religious beliefs, and without subjecting gay persons to indignities when they seek goods and services in an open market.” That sounds less like a legal ruling and more like “I hope you kids play nice. Good luck out there.” Have the Supremes never watched a political debate on Facebook?

I like to start these arguments with; why do you care what’s on the cake? You make cakes for a living. Someone orders a cake. You make them a cake. They pay for the cake. You take money for the cake. Everyone wins. Who cares if the writing on top reads, “congrats, Jack and Diane,” or “congrats, Chuck and Larry?”

I was married once. There was a wedding. We even had a cake. It never did occur to me that we needed the baker’s approval of our nuptials. What if the baker thought my spouse could do a lot better than me? He could have thought, “that guy’s a shiftless cartoonist, plus, he’s kinda goofy looking. And, on your wedding night, he’s going to insist on watching Harry and the Hendersons.” I wouldn’t have lost any sleep over that, and it was 1988 and Harry and the Hendersons weren’t on HBO every night.

But, the baker has his own issues for why he won’t make the cake. What’s important to him isn’t important to me. That brings us to the legal arguments. Can someone refuse service, whether it’s a cake, flowers, or photography if it’s a mixed-race couple? Can Wal-Mart start refusing to allow certain couples from entering their stores their relationship violates their religious beliefs?

I respect religious beliefs and freedom. You can be in your forties and still believe in Santa for all I care. But I do not respect using your beliefs to discriminate. Everyone deserves the same treatment. You’re not being victimized by providing the same service equally. Can you be a Santa believer and refuse service to Jews despite the fact you still carry latkes in your store?

How is a gay cake different from a straight cake? Can’t you just bake a cake and don’t ask if it is gay or not? Can the cake stay in the closet of your mind until the wedding? Are the figurines the problem? How do you know both figurines are gay and that one isn’t being forced into a shotgun-gay-figurine wedding? How do you know the figurines even like each other? Or, is it the idea that the cake is going to be consumed at a celebration for gay people? Aren’t all weddings kinda gay anyway? Will making a gay cake tempt you to be gay? What if someone has some leftover gay wedding cake, and they don’t discover it’s gay until later? If you’re against gay marriage, would you make a cake celebrating a gay divorce? Are you afraid of taking gay money? Are you afraid the gayness will rub off the money while it’s in your wallet near your butt? Are these questions stupid? Because I tend to pose stupid questions to stupid people.

If I was in the marriage business, I would have been ecstatic about gay marriage becoming legal. Who doesn’t want more business? But, maybe the homophobic baker has the legal right to be a dumbass. He could always make the cake and do what Chick-fil-A does, give the money to a hate group.

The one good thing is as customers, we still have the freedom of choosing where we want to shop. This baker will soon discover that a lot of people have strongly held beliefs against doing business with an asshole.

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