Hillary 2016

Tim Kaine

Just in case Tim Kaine becomes a household word tomorrow, here’s a caricature. When all the other political cartoonists in America start drawing Tim Kaine they can all look to me. I’m old school drawing Tim Kaine.

I was introduced to Tim Kaine and his eyebrow in 2001. He was mayor of Richmond and was running for Lt. Governor. He had a meeting with the editorial board of The Free Lance-Star and that’s where I met him. He, like Mark Warner before him, seemed to spend the majority of the meeting focusing on me. They acted like we were long lost friends and they were actually human beings or something. Maybe their idea was to get the guy who flings poo on their side.

I usually avoided editorial board meetings. I don’t like politicians. I don’t need to meet them or become their pal. Some cartoonists talk about how they know a politician and make themselves out to be a player in politics. I knew just about every statewide elected official in Mississippi during the 1990’s and that never did a thing for me, well…except when I needed quotes for the back of my book. I’m not bragging by saying I knew every statewide official. Everyone who worked at a newspaper in that state met every official. Mississippi is the world’s largest small town.

Despite avoiding politicians I still run into them. Al Gore almost ripped my arm off with a handshake while he was in motion. He’s strong. Eric Cantor had a very lovely staff (cute girl). The governor of Hawaii (at that time) had his wife drop into my office. Not just the newspaper…she came walking into my office my second day on the job. She was nice looking too and actually made wearing a muumuu look good. I was caught by surprise and stuttered a lot.

The best reason to avoid politicians is that you might actually like them. It’s their job to kiss your ass. I liked Tim Kaine. Hell, after meeting Eric Cantor, I liked him. Didn’t help them, but personally I liked ’em.

I digressed. This was the first time I had even heard of Tim Kaine and at the time Virginia was a pretty solid red state. I didn’t know if he had a chance to win, but I did tell him that I hoped he would just so I could draw his eyebrows. He won. It took another four years before I could draw them because lieutenant governors are never in the news. Come to Virginia and ask someone, anyone, who is our lieutenant governor. Ask the governor. He may not even know. Kaine was much more newsworthy as governor and then U.S. Senator.

After that one meeting, I never met him again.

I hope Clinton picks Kaine. He’s a solid choice. Boring. There’s no real dirt on him. There’s not much in past legislation to drag him down. He’s young. He’s had experience as a mayor of a large city, lieutenant governor, governor, and U.S. Senator. He’s the kind of guy that probably could not ever have a shot at the presidency without the profile of being veep.

I hope she does not pick Cory Booker. Cory Booker is extremely talented and can become president after a few more years in the senate. I’m afraid being Clinton’s veep can only bring him down. Booker has the personality that he doesn’t need to be veep.

For those who are about to Google the lieutenant governor of Virginia, it’s Ralph Northam. He’s a Democrat.

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Jumping For Bernie

I do like drawing the Bernie shirt. It’s just really cool and funky, like Bernie’s hair.

Bernie Sanders finally endorsed Hillary Clinton today. Many were delighted and many others cursed the sky.

The majority of Bernie’s supporters will vote for Hillary, even if they don’t like her. There are those who will never vote for Hillary. While they said they’d follow Bernie anywhere, today they found a place where they refuse to follow.

Many will vote for the Green Party nominee Jill Stein. No matter the outcome of the election, they can proudly say they didn’t vote for Hillary. If Trump is the president, they can live in denial that they played a huge part in that disaster. They don’t remember what happened when liberals voted for Ralph Nader in 2000. Hey, Nader voters….thanks for the Iraq War, huge debt, and the economic disaster. Nader voters still declare their innocence in that. If Trump wins the election then Stein voters will say they’re not to blame. Like Nader voters in 2000, they will be wrong too.

Donald Trump says Bernie’s supporters will be welcomed with open racist arms by his campaign. A few will actually go to Trump, which doesn’t make any sense. How do you declare you’re for everything Sanders preached then vote for Trump? You might find Hillary Clinton distasteful but her agenda is a lot more in line with Sanders….a LOT MORE IN LINE…than the racist Oompa Loompa.

Sanders had a great campaign. It was exciting and loud. Today it’s very quiet. He gave up his Secret Service detail today. The only large crowds in his future will be at Clinton events. The hope to retain isn’t for Sanders. It’s for his message and platform. Hopefully he’ll have influence on Clinton’s agenda. With even more hope, there will be a future presidential campaign with Bernie Sanders’ message.

Other than that, I didn’t draw one more “feel the bern” cartoon. There will be plenty out there.

No Charges For Hillary

James Comey, director of the Federal Bureau of Investigations, announced on Tuesday his agency is recommending that charges should not be pressed against Hillary Clinton for using a personal server for her emails while she was Secretary of State.

Immediately Republicans freaked out. Trump accused the system of being fixed and Attorney General Loretta Lynch of being bribed by the Clintons. He claimed Comey carried out a miscarriage of justice. So Trump believes Comey, Clinton, Lynch, Obama, and any other Democrats of being horrible, corrupt people, but he did have praise for Saddam Hussein on Tuesday who I don’t think had anything to do with this. I’ll try to figure that one out later.

Other Republicans had harsh criticism for Comey and his integrity. Never mind the fact the guy’s a Republican who donated to John McCain and Mitt Romney’s presidential campaigns.

Comey said Clinton was “extremely careless” and he didn’t exactly exonerate her, but he also said there is no proof of intention to commit a crime. In fact, he didn’t even say she broke the law.

During the conservatives’ freak out they brought up a lot of bad comparisons, showing they either don’t understand the issue, or they just like lying about it.

They compared it to Watergate by saying Nixon had to resign for 18 missing minutes on a tape recording but Clinton gets off for deleting government emails. First off, Nixon didn’t resign for the missing 18 minutes. What screwed Nixon were the saved tapes of him ordering payment of bribes. Speaking of deleting emails, conservatives conveniently forget that the Bush administration destroyed a lot of White House emails that were kept on the GOP’s server and it was all explained with a big “oops.”

They compared Clinton’s situation to Eric Snowden, who willingly and intentionally revealed government secrets then fled the country. Again, intentionally.

They also compared it to General David Petraeus, who knowingly leaked classified information to a journalist with the express intent for it to be made public. Again, knowingly leaked.

Republicans have been trying to bring down the Clintons for four decades. Their industry started in the 1980’s. It’s involved impeachment, special prosecutors, accusations of murder, mistresses, stained dressed, and millions of dollars of taxpayer money. Are we done yet? Marco Rubio doesn’t think so.

Rubio made a statement on Tuesday that the scandals won’t stop here for the Clintons. He was derided for that comment, but whether he’s out to create more scandals, expressing wishful thinking, or making a prediction, I agree with him. The scandals won’t stop.

Even if the GOP waste time and money on their anti-Clinton vendettas, it’d be nice if the Clintons wouldn’t help them out with their constant sloppiness.

You do have to look at intention here with Hillary Clinton and her server. What was she attempting to do? Subvert government information? Delete incriminating evidence? Or was she just careless while attempting to simplify her method of communication? I go with the latter.

I would also add “elitist” and “arrogant.”

Night Of The Comet

In the 1980’s one movie so bad that is was almost good was Night Of The Comet. It’s about a comet wiping out the entire planet except for two teenage girls. Mutant cannibals and other survivors with nefarious intentions show up while the girls and a guy they meet run wild shopping in Los Angeles. I’m sorry to inform you the movie totally lacked sex and gore. Your kids can watch it. If this movie was made in 2016 the two girls wouldn’t notice humanity has been obliterated because they’d be too busy taking selfies.

I’m sure if a comet did wipe out the planet then only two of the survivors would be Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. And Seth Rogen. That would suck.

A new Washington Post/ABC News poll gives Donald Trump an unfavorable rating of 51%. Things are only a little better for Clinton who is disdained at the moment by 34%. She’s two points higher in likability. Hillary Clinton’s great fortune is her opponent is Donald Trump. But still, there’s not a lot of bragging rights to being preferred just 11% higher than an egotistical, pathological lying, blowhard, ignorant, stupid racist with comical hair and an orange spray tan. These are Idi Amin numbers.

There was another poll last week asking people which would they prefer: Clinton presidency, Trump presidency, or planet destroyed by meteor. Public Policy Polling conducted the poll and 43% picked Clinton, 38% picked Trump and planet-destroying meteor got 13%. Seven percent were unsure. Maybe they wanted more details like: would it be a quick and painless death? Do I have time to make one last Facebook status? Will I at least be able to watch Seth Rogen die? I mean seriously, we don’t need Seth Rogen. We have Jonah Hill. They’re basically the same person.

I think we can call people who’d prefer death by meteor over a Trump or Clinton presidency, glass-half-empty-people. That’s some pretty negative expectations and outlook for the future.

I’m not a fan of Hillary Clinton but I still believe our nation has a great future ahead with her as president. We’re moving in a progressive direction and I don’t think she can mess that up too much. There will be aspects of it I won’t like. There will be scandals, congressional investigations, special prosecutors, and moments of cringe-worthy embarrassment. Wall Street will love it. I still prefer her over Trump.

I’m not worried about a Trump presidency because it’s never going to happen. I guess I’m a glass-half-full-person because I can’t believe my country is stupid enough to give the White House to an Oompa Loompa troll. Even if Trump does win the presidency I would probably be more concerned with his V.P pick as Trump will be impeached. Trump believes he’s above the law now. What’s he going to try to get away with as president?

I can understand the negative and hopeless outlook for people who believe Hillary Clinton is just as bad or worse than Trump. I mean, if the only options were Trump or meteor, I’d consider the meteor….if I was a normal person.

I’m not a normal person though. I’m a political cartoonist. Can you imagine the fun I would have with a Trump presidency? I mean, at least before he had me imprisoned, or accused of being Mexican and deported after someone tells him where Mexico is located.

Or he’d throw me in a cell with Seth Rogen. I’m gonna put some more thought into that meteor thing.

Hillary Gets A Head

The Associated Press reported Monday evening that Hillary Clinton has secured enough delegates to win the Democratic Party’s nomination. This has seriously burned the Berners.

Clinton now becomes the first female to win the nomination of a major American political party. That might have been the direction I should have gone in but who can resist drawing a decapitated unicorn head? Not I.

Sanders plans to stay and fight until the convention in July. His supporters are claiming this information was released the day before the last major primaries to discourage voters. Sanders’ supporters are starting to sound a lot like Republicans where they blame the messenger and become paranoid.

Discouraging the vote, especially in California, does not help Hillary Clinton. She still needs to win the state, at least for argument’s sake. She does not want to roll into Philadelphia without a California win.

Another area where Sanders’ supporters are sounding like Republicans is their trouble with reality. They’re having trouble with math. They can’t say they want the Democratic process to work and then ask the super delegates to ignore it. Hillary Clinton has won more votes and delegates than Bernie, yet his plan for the nomination relies upon the supers to switch loyalties. If Bernie really believes that is even remotely possible then he does believe in unicorns.

Bernie Sanders also argues that he polls better against Trump. That is true. But after the performance Clinton gave last week, and the trauma she caused the Trump campaign, I think she’s gonna do OK. I think Hillary can do a better job against Trump. She’s been vetted for over 20 years. She’s been dragged through the mud by the GOP for that entire time and they still don’t have anything on her. She sat through 12 hours of their grilling and came out smiling and leaving them frustrated by their own ineptness. She’s tougher than Sanders and Trump combined. I don’t love Hillary Clinton. I think she’s shady. I don’t find her entirely honest. But I also believe she’s a fighter and will totally destroy Trump better than Sanders can even dream of doing.

This doesn’t mean I think Sanders should drop out. He should keep making noise right to the convention. He has a great message that should be a part of the party’s platform. He really accomplished something historic by running a campaign largely made up of donations from individuals and not corporations or pacs. His people should not pack up, go home and sit on the couch.

The primary system is not entirely fair. But this isn’t exactly a vote by all the people in the first place. It’s a party selecting their nominee. It’s not the general election. Each party decides their process.

For example: The GOP is seriously having second thoughts and Trump is very likely to finally make a statement, or set a cross on fire and claim it’s a “T,” between now and their convention that forces them to nominate someone with more appeal, which at this point would be chlamydia.

America The Beer

Budweiser is renaming their flagship product “America.” It is to commemorate the summer, the Olympics, the elections, and all those drunk, patriotic idiots in bars who scream “Murica!”.

This means if you don’t drink that swill Budweiser sells then you hate America. If you’re a recovering alcoholic and you’ve stayed off the wagon (or is it on?), then you hate America. Get drunk, you traitor. You don’t see ISIS drinking “America.” If you’re one of those beer snobs that demands a pumpkin flavored beer, then you’re just a snooty idiot with a stick up your butt no matter what year or season it is. The only flavor in beer should be beer. Like coffee. There should only be coffee flavored coffee. And what’s up with people who put ketchup on hot dogs? Sorry, I’m getting upset and off track here. Ketchup on hot dogs…the nerve.

The brewery didn’t just change the name to “America” using the Budweiser font. They also included new text citing the Pledge of Allegiance, the Star Spangled Banner, and America the Beautiful.

“King of Beers” has been changed to “E Pluribus Unum,” “The World Renowned” changed to “Land of the Free,” and “Anheuser-Busch, Inc.” updated to read “Liberty & Justice For All.” Even legalese like “Trademark” was changed to “Indivisible,” and “Registered” changed to “Since 1776” (though Budweiser wouldn’t be available for another 100 years).

I probably shouldn’t be so cynical. Maybe it’s not just a promotional campaign to sell more beers from the corporation that’s given us the Clydesdale horses and the talking frogs. Maybe they really do feel patriotism and love for all that’s America. I wonder if the decision came down from their corporate HQ in Belgium.

Did you know that in most of Europe Budweiser can’t use the name “Budweiser?” There’s another Budweiser from Germany and it probably taste like actual beer.

I was hesitant in drawing this cartoon. It felt kinda weird to do something that might appeal to both sides of the aisle. I’ve heard some people describe the Trump phenomenon as America being drunk. There’s a lot of Democrats who aren’t particularly excited about Hillary Clinton and we’ve seen how the GOP is reacting to Trump, though he has received more primary votes than any Republican ever. At this point only 15 congressmen have come out and endorsed the Orange One.

I made one tiny mistake at the bottom of the can. I wrote “and” instead of “for” in the “liberty and justice for all” part. I noticed it right as I was finishing the coloring. It doesn’t bother me enough to change you probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway.

As for making America great again. I’m all for that, if we’re talking about the beer.

Enabler

Just in case anyone doesn’t believe Donald Trump is a truly horrible, hideous, impersonation of a human being, he’s taken to blaming Hillary Clinton for her husband’s infidelity. At a rally Trump accused Hillary Clinton of trying to “destroy the lives” of her husband’s accusers. “She was an unbelievably nasty, mean enabler, and what she did to a lot of those women is disgraceful,” he said. Of course he didn’t offer any evidence.

Where would someone get the impression that Hillary Clinton tried to destroy the lives of her husband’s accusers? From the accusers of course.

I’m not a fan of attempting to discredit those who claim sexual harassment, abuse, and rape. I support investigating the charges. But when those making the accusations are selling books, interviews and nude layouts, well…let’s take a look at these accusers attacking Hillary.

Gennifer Flowers has made the claim that Hillary enabled Bill. Flowers definitely had an affair with Clinton but can’t offer any evidence that Hillary was aware of the affair, or attempted to destroy her. Floweres profited from the affair, selling the story to Penthouse (along with a nude pictorial) and the tabloid Star Magazine. She also did the talk show circuit, wrote an autobiography, and starred in two movies and a TV show. She even put the answering machine tapes she claimed were from Bill Clinton up for auction. So hey, it’s not like there’s anything to gain and her word should totally be trusted, right?

Kathleen Willey claims Bill Clinton sexually assaulted her and that Hillary, wait for it, enabled it. That’s a very serious charge not to be taken lightly. After the alleged assault took place Willey sent 15 letters and 12 phone messages for President Clinton requesting further contact. Since then Willey also wrote a book about her and the president. Today Willey is the paid spokeswoman of an organization formed by Trump’s close friend and political adviser, Roger Stone, called Rape Pac, but it was formerly titled “Women Against Hillary.” Willey sounds credible to me (insert eye roll).

Juanita Broaddrick claims she was raped by Clinton. Guess who she says enabled that. Guess who Broaddrick is actively campaigning for? I’ll give you a hint: He has his own helicopter with his name on it, but he doesn’t sell steaks.

Paula Jones claims Clinton sexually harassed her while he was governor of Arkansas and that Hillary enabled it. She sued Clinton over it and and eventually settled out of court, after it was dismissed when Jones failed to demonstrate any damages. Later a donor paid for her to get rhinoplasty and she posed for Penthouse Magazine. She’s a vocal supporter of Donald Trump and even took a selfie with him.

What about Monica Lewinsky. She’s not campaigning for Trump and hasn’t done any nude layouts. I haven’t seen any evidence of her campaigning against Hillary. She avoided talking about her affair with Clinton for over a decade. She actually tried to hide from the public and when she finally wrote about it, for Vanity Fair, her article was more about the aftermath of the scandal and the bullying and public shaming she received. Regarding Hillary, Lewinsky wrote “I find her impulse to blame the Woman – not only me, but herself – troubling.” That doesn’t sound so much like attempting to destroy someone as much as it is about blaming. But let’s see, sleep with a man and his wife doesn’t have nice things to say about you. Go figure. You’d think Hillary would be buying her handbags.

Being betrayed can mentally abuse a person. They may lash out and even blame themselves. For another individual, an outsider, to blame the spouse is heartless and inhumane. Attempting to benefit politically is disgusting.

I suppose if the extent of your tax plan is “I’m going to tax the rich and they’ll pay much less money” then I suppose you’re going to state a lot of crap to distract. I mean, what if someone asked Trump about something specific? Even worse, what if someone asks the Donald about his own infidelities?

The Republican War On Women continues.

The Woman Card

Despite rarely using a teleprompter Donald Trump usually sticks to an unvaried script which is full of lies. Mexicans, wall, Lyin’ Ted, make America great again, huge, blah, blah, blah. Even with the same routine you never know what Trump’s going to pull out next. He was on a roll Monday calling Cruz a “pain in the ass” and insulting Kasich for the style in which he chooses to eat pancakes. I was in hysterics.

During his victory speech Tuesday night he said the only reason Hillary Clinton was doing so well is because she’s a woman and that she plays the woman card. I would totally put my money on that woman kicking Trump’s ass, figuratively and literally. She’s a lot tougher than Trump. Let’s see Donald sit through twelve hours of b.s. questions from a partisan senate panel. With that in mind it’s really bizarre that Trump says Clinton won’t make a good president because she doesn’t have “the strength and stamina.”

Trump also states that he’s doing great with women and he’ll get their vote, and women don’t like Clinton. That’s a bigger lie than Trump Steaks. This guy also believes he’ll win New York. Dude, you didn’t win Manhattan, where you live. You lost your neighborhood to John Kasich, you know him. Mr. One in 41.

I wonder if there’s an alternate universe where there is a normal Trump and we got stuck with the Bizarro version.

Jilted Democrats

I’m going to be accused, again, of being in Hillary Clinton’s camp. I’m not. In fact, there was a time I couldn’t stand her. That was back in the 1990s and to be honest, she wasn’t the only one who changed.

I like Hillary Clinton. I like Bernie Sanders too. I love there is a dialogue. Liking one does not mean you have to hate the other. Promising not to vote for the nominee because they beat your candidate is immature, childish, and extremely stupid.

Oh, you don’t trust Hillary? You question her judgement over her vote for war with Iraq? So do I. I also question Bernie’s judgement in believing the gun industry is the only American industry that shouldn’t be held liable in a court of law. So there.

Al Gore beat George W. Bush in the 2000 election. If all those Ralph Nader voters had voted for Gore then the election never would have been handed to the Supreme Court to then hand it over to the son of the guy who appointed a lot of them. We would probably still have had a recession, but we wouldn’t have doubled then tripled down on it with a war financed by tax cuts for the rich.

Keep supporting Bernie all the way to the convention. After Hillary gets the nomination, grow up. Stop being a baby. Stop whining. Get serious. Because despite the stupid and goofiness of the Republican party, they are serious. And what they have in store for this country is a hell of a lot worse than what Hillary or Bernie could ever inflict upon it.

Be smart. It’s kinda important.

Stupid People Time

There’s one really good rule for white people when it comes to telling a joke about black people. Don’t. Since this particular example is from a “black” joke, let’s not overlook that it’s probably not cool to ever make jokes about any race. Hey, while you’re at it how about cutting it out with the gay jokes? And all those conservatives sharing their favorite transgender bathroom joke on Facebook this week, you’re a clear example of why conservatives aren’t ever funny. Well not intentionally. Ted Cruz once brought a lawsuit to stop sex toys from being sold in Texas and that’s pretty funny.

You can call it political correctness not to make racists, homophobic, sexists, or misogynistic jokes. I just think it’s not being a jerk. If your sophistication and taste in humor hasn’t advanced beyond a high school sophomore then you probably shouldn’t be discussing politics…or running for the presidency.

Hillary Clinton and New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio did a little skit where he referenced “CP Time.” That’s slang for “colored people” time. He was referring to his delay in endorsing Clinton and what “CP” actually meant was “Cautious Politician.” They are catching some Hell.

Sometimes a joke is so good and you realize it’s harmless that it’s worth the risk. This was not that joke. It wasn’t a good joke. It wasn’t funny. It was cringe worthy. When I draw a cartoon that I know is going to offend people and even be somewhat dangerous, I make sure it’s making a good point…or at least really funny. Yeah, that joke didn’t do any of that. It really wasn’t worth it.

Obama made a colored people time joke once. But Obama can do that. If you don’t know why, then you are an idiot and should stop reading my blog and never return here ever again.

I don’t care if you have the black vote, black friends, black kids, a black wife, dated blacks, watched Roots 17 times, or if you’re Rachel Dolezal. White people should not tell black jokes. And I’m whiter than any of you so take my word for it.

Clinton and de Blasio are not racists. They committed the sin that most white people will commit at some point in their lives, usually more than once. They are so comfortable with African Americans that they relaxed to the point they think it’s OK to make that joke. They believe they’ll get a free pass. To that, I don’t think they actually offended anyone and instead shocked the audience at their stupidity. They made people cringe and shake their heads. Now if it had been funny and had a point, well then things might be different.

Oompa Loompas, on the other hand, have a very poor lobby so making fun of Donald Trump’s chosen skin tone is still OK.

Please try to give the coloring in this cartoon extra attention because I had to color it twice. After I finished coloring (the first time) the program crashed just as I was trying to save it. It takes me longer to color a cartoon now because I switched things up and the program is new. It is teaching me save as I work which is always a good idea with anything on a computer. I can’t count the number of times I lost a blog entry just as I was…

claytoonz

Nationally Syndicated Editorial Cartoonist