Hamburglar

The Pardon Burlgar


cjones12262020

The Twelve Days of Pardons

On the first day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the second day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, two Trump goons…and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the third day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, three crooked congressmen…two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the fourth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, four child killers…three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the fifth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, five Russian henchmen…four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the sixth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, six campaign perjurers…five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the seventh day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, seven racist troglodytes…six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the eighth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, eight junk bond kings…seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the ninth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, nine assorted extorters…eight junk bond kings, seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the tenth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, ten guilty tax dodgers…nine assorted extorters, eight junk bond kings, seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, eleven Fox News heroes…ten guilty tax dodgers, nine assorted extorters, eight junk bond kings, seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons, and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, he pardoned for thee, twelve sycophants…eleven Fox News heroes, ten guilty tax dodgers, nine assorted extorters, eight junk bond kings, seven racist troglodytes, six campaign perjurers, five Russian henchmen, four child killers, three crooked congressmen, two Trump goons…

…and Jared Kushner’s daddy.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Goodbye, Turkeys


cjones11272020

I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

McRevenge


cjones01082020

Even when it comes to war, Donald Trump fails at being presidential or even at maturity.

He threatened Iran by saying he has 52 targets. That’s the number of hostages taken by Iran in 1979. He also threatened to hit Iranian cultural sites, which would be a war crime. But his hit of Soleimani may be a war crime already, so what the hell?

Being a troll has made Iran call for more revenge…and to troll Trump right back by posting photos of large protests in Iran and asking Trump (who loves to boast and lie about his large crowds) if he’s ever seen a crowd so large.

If Trump is going to destroy Iranian cultural sites and be in the same class as the Taliban, he’ll need someone to tell him which sites are cultural. You see, Donald Trump isn’t just a man without class, taste, ethics, principles, or manners. He’s also devoid of all culture. This is a guy who believes McDonald’s is great food. He’s a guy who enjoys a burnt steak slobbered in ketchup. This is a guy who catered campaign strategy sessions with hot dogs. Eating with Donald Trump has been described as like eating at an eight-year-old’s birthday party.

Let’s hope the military can refuse to follow a presidential directive if the president is directing them to break the law. But then again, he may have already done that and they complied.

Trump has been fortunate in that he hasn’t had a real crisis during his presidency. But he’s going to change that.  Trump created this crisis with Iran, a nation who our history didn’t start with Trump tearing up the nuclear agreement or even in 1979.

So maybe when staffers are pointing out Iranian cultural sites to Donald Trump, they will also provide him with a history lesson. Just don’t forget the hot dogs.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Rabble Rabble


CNN09292019

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Now, there’s news that Trump pressed Australia’s Prime Minister to help Attorney General William Barr to investigate the Mueller probe’s origins. What?

Donald Trump asked Russia to help his 2016 campaign. He read documents hacked by Wikileaks at campaign events. His campaign chairman was sharing polling data with people connected to Russian intelligence. He’s asked Ukraine’s president to help dig up conspiracy theories against his opponent. He’s sent his private lawyer to work on this. He’s involved the attorney general. He hid records of his phone call with the Ukrainian president. He used taxpayer money to pressure Ukraine, who needs financial assistance in battling Russia. He’s threatening the whistleblower, witnesses, and warning there will be a “civil war” if he’s impeached. He’s also demanding to know the whistleblower’s identity, which is illegal.

How many other world leaders has Trump asked to help his personal agenda?

At what point do Republicans stop and say that any of this isn’t right? At what point do Republicans realize they need to put the nation first and remove Donald Trump? A lot of Republicans want to fight to save Donald Trump. What boggles my mind is that anyone thinks a treasonous, racist, xenophobic, narcissistic dumbass is worth fighting for.

When I sent this cartoon to my editor at CNN, he replied with “I can’t unsee that.” Yeah, I figured we weren’t going with it for the newsletter, but I was OK with that. I knew I was still going to draw it and there were plenty of other ideas on the issue. I tweeted out his “can’t unsee” comment on Thursday and since then, readers have been asking to see it. I made them wait until Monday. Be careful what you wish for.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.