Did you hear about Trump’s latest con? It’s awesome in a horrible way. I love it.
A few days ago, Trump “truthed,” in all caps, that “America needs a superhero” and he’d be making (again in all caps) a “major” announcement.
Oh, my lordy, what could this “major” announcement be? Was he going to drop out of the 2024 presidential race? Was he going to create a new political party? Was he leaving Melania for Tucker Carlson? Maybe he was going to announce Kanye as his running mate. Maybe it’s an endorsement from the Daily Stormer. Perhaps he realized he’s going to be convicted on many many many criminal counts and has decided to flee the country for Kerplakistan where he’s building a new Trump Tower in the capital city, Kerplakumongous. Nope, none of those. Kerplakumongous will have to wait.
Ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls, Trump’s MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT is…..drumroll please, Trump trading cards.
What? Trading cards? Like, baseball cards, RugRats cards, Pokemon cards, Garbage Pail Kids cards, etc? The kind of cards kids used to put into the spokes on their bikes so they’d make a “fwak fwak fwak” sound while they peddled about? No, not exactly. These are NFT cards. Again, what?
They’re NFT cards which means they’re not literal cards, as in, the card part doesn’t exist. There is no paper. What is an NFT? Great question.
According to Wikipedia, an NFT is a “non-fungible token is a unique digital identifier that cannot be copied, substituted, or subdivided, that is recorded in a blockchain, and that is used to certify authenticity and ownership.” NFT was a fad that lasted about 17 seconds last year until everyone realized it was bullshit. “Macarena” lasted longer than this shit. “Heeeeey, Trump’s a grifter.”
Going on the Wiki definition, what Trump is selling are NOT NFTs. I mean, they have the “non-fungible” part right as there is no value for these “cards” after you purchase one (or depending how stupid and gullible you are) several. After you buy a Trump NFT, you have something (in this case, literally nothing) that’s not worth Jack shit, which is not a new experience for people who have purchased Trump products in the past.
An NFT is also “unique” that it can’t be copied. Uh, but Trump is selling the same “NFTs” to customers. There’s nothing unique about them.
Donald Trump is selling JPGs of himself. You give him $99, yes, for each “card,” and he’ll email you a JPG. You can collect them all and each, as Trump describes, features “amazing art” of Trump’s “life and career.” But, I don’t recall Trump ever being a superhero, astronaut (maybe cosmonaut), cowboy, boxer, or whatever else is on these fake cards, at any time during his life or career.
If all this sounds like a grift, it gets even better…or griftier. There’s a contest. Each purchase enters you to win a dinner at Mar-a-Lago with Trump unless you’re a Nazi, then you can just catch a ride with Kanye. But if you win a dinner with Trump at Mar-a-Lago by buying one of these fake cards, you have to pay your own expenses to and from Mar-a-Lago and while staying at the resort. Trump will probably also charge you for dinner, including his meal. Don’t ya just love him? It’s shocking that Donald Trump would have to resort to such grifty measures to trick people into staying at the BedBug Inn.
This all sounds like a quick cash grab for the campaign, right? Wrong. It gets even griftier. This isn’t for the campaign. It’s solely for Trump. So now his campaign is competing against Donald Trump for dollars, but this is cutting out the middle-man since most money that’s donated to the Trump Campaign ends up in Trump’s pocket anyway. You would have to be a moron to throw money at either.
Speaking of morons, what sort of person would spend $99 on fake Trump cards that have zero value? What sort of sycophant and kisser of the MAGA ass would even want Trump cards to begin with? Who’s in this line, Tucker, Hannity, or any of the blonde bimbos on Fox News? Will Jim Jordan, Matt Gaetz, and Ronnie Jackson buy them? Maybe Trump will pay his legal fees to Giuliani with Trump NFTs. Maybe Giuliani can make an NFT showing him as a real lawyer.
Maybe you will receive a Trump NFT as a Christmas gift. I’d rather get one of George Costanza’s gifts of a donation being made in your name to the Human Fund. At least there’s a piece of paper with that one (yes, I referenced this gift yesterday). Fortunately, you probably will not receive a Trump NFT as a gift because they’re so expensive, unless you’re a personal friend of Trump and in that case, he can just email you one as soon as he learns how to use a computer. Maybe he can borrow Hunter’s laptop from Rudy.
I visited the NFT page because I research, yo. And guess what. The page says all the NFTs are sold out. How do you sell out of something that’s digital? That’s like saying you can’t download Taylor Swift’s album because it’s sold out, and believe me…people are actually purchasing that. So how has Trump sold out of something that’s not physical? It’s a grift.
I expect Trump NFTs to go the way of Trump Wine, Trump Steaks, Trump Casinos, Trump the Game, Trump Vodka (the only thing about Trump that’s not Russian), Trump Deodorant, Trump Ice (it’s water), Trump Perfumania (seriously), Trump Bedding (he was selling pillows before the MyPillow Fucker), Trump Mattresses (just kinda OK for raw dogging porn stars behind your wife’s back), Trump Glasses, Trump Coffee, Trump Keychains, Trump Menswear, and finally…. the Trump presidency.
Music note: I listened to the Moana soundtrack. Seriously, give it a spin.
Facebook Suspension note: I’m still suspended for 27 days. Someone should make a countdown clock.
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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.
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