Grifting

NFT Trump

Did you hear about Trump’s latest con? It’s awesome in a horrible way. I love it.

A few days ago, Trump “truthed,” in all caps, that “America needs a superhero” and he’d be making (again in all caps) a “major” announcement.

Oh, my lordy, what could this “major” announcement be? Was he going to drop out of the 2024 presidential race? Was he going to create a new political party? Was he leaving Melania for Tucker Carlson? Maybe he was going to announce Kanye as his running mate. Maybe it’s an endorsement from the Daily Stormer. Perhaps he realized he’s going to be convicted on many many many criminal counts and has decided to flee the country for Kerplakistan where he’s building a new Trump Tower in the capital city, Kerplakumongous. Nope, none of those. Kerplakumongous will have to wait.

Ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls, Trump’s MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT is…..drumroll please, Trump trading cards.

What? Trading cards? Like, baseball cards, RugRats cards, Pokemon cards, Garbage Pail Kids cards, etc? The kind of cards kids used to put into the spokes on their bikes so they’d make a “fwak fwak fwak” sound while they peddled about? No, not exactly. These are NFT cards. Again, what?

They’re NFT cards which means they’re not literal cards, as in, the card part doesn’t exist. There is no paper. What is an NFT? Great question.

According to Wikipedia, an NFT is a “non-fungible token is a unique digital identifier that cannot be copied, substituted, or subdivided, that is recorded in a blockchain, and that is used to certify authenticity and ownership.” NFT was a fad that lasted about 17 seconds last year until everyone realized it was bullshit. “Macarena” lasted longer than this shit. “Heeeeey, Trump’s a grifter.”

Going on the Wiki definition, what Trump is selling are NOT NFTs. I mean, they have the “non-fungible” part right as there is no value for these “cards” after you purchase one (or depending how stupid and gullible you are) several. After you buy a Trump NFT, you have something (in this case, literally nothing) that’s not worth Jack shit, which is not a new experience for people who have purchased Trump products in the past.

An NFT is also “unique” that it can’t be copied. Uh, but Trump is selling the same “NFTs” to customers. There’s nothing unique about them.

Donald Trump is selling JPGs of himself. You give him $99, yes, for each “card,” and he’ll email you a JPG. You can collect them all and each, as Trump describes, features “amazing art” of Trump’s “life and career.” But, I don’t recall Trump ever being a superhero, astronaut (maybe cosmonaut), cowboy, boxer, or whatever else is on these fake cards, at any time during his life or career.

If all this sounds like a grift, it gets even better…or griftier. There’s a contest. Each purchase enters you to win a dinner at Mar-a-Lago with Trump unless you’re a Nazi, then you can just catch a ride with Kanye. But if you win a dinner with Trump at Mar-a-Lago by buying one of these fake cards, you have to pay your own expenses to and from Mar-a-Lago and while staying at the resort. Trump will probably also charge you for dinner, including his meal. Don’t ya just love him? It’s shocking that Donald Trump would have to resort to such grifty measures to trick people into staying at the BedBug Inn.

This all sounds like a quick cash grab for the campaign, right? Wrong. It gets even griftier. This isn’t for the campaign. It’s solely for Trump. So now his campaign is competing against Donald Trump for dollars, but this is cutting out the middle-man since most money that’s donated to the Trump Campaign ends up in Trump’s pocket anyway. You would have to be a moron to throw money at either.

Speaking of morons, what sort of person would spend $99 on fake Trump cards that have zero value? What sort of sycophant and kisser of the MAGA ass would even want Trump cards to begin with? Who’s in this line, Tucker, Hannity, or any of the blonde bimbos on Fox News? Will Jim Jordan, Matt Gaetz, and Ronnie Jackson buy them? Maybe Trump will pay his legal fees to Giuliani with Trump NFTs. Maybe Giuliani can make an NFT showing him as a real lawyer.

Maybe you will receive a Trump NFT as a Christmas gift. I’d rather get one of George Costanza’s gifts of a donation being made in your name to the Human Fund. At least there’s a piece of paper with that one (yes, I referenced this gift yesterday). Fortunately, you probably will not receive a Trump NFT as a gift because they’re so expensive, unless you’re a personal friend of Trump and in that case, he can just email you one as soon as he learns how to use a computer. Maybe he can borrow Hunter’s laptop from Rudy.

I visited the NFT page because I research, yo. And guess what. The page says all the NFTs are sold out. How do you sell out of something that’s digital? That’s like saying you can’t download Taylor Swift’s album because it’s sold out, and believe me…people are actually purchasing that. So how has Trump sold out of something that’s not physical? It’s a grift.

I expect Trump NFTs to go the way of Trump Wine, Trump Steaks, Trump Casinos, Trump the Game, Trump Vodka (the only thing about Trump that’s not Russian), Trump Deodorant, Trump Ice (it’s water), Trump Perfumania (seriously), Trump Bedding (he was selling pillows before the MyPillow Fucker), Trump Mattresses (just kinda OK for raw dogging porn stars behind your wife’s back), Trump Glasses, Trump Coffee, Trump Keychains, Trump Menswear, and finally…. the Trump presidency.

Music note: I listened to the Moana soundtrack. Seriously, give it a spin.

Facebook Suspension note: I’m still suspended for 27 days. Someone should make a countdown clock.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Bannon Perp Walk

A Grifter’s gotta grift, and this grifter may possibly be grifting his way into a state prison.

Steve Bannon, former chairman of neo-Nazi publication Breitbart and former chief racist advisor for neo-Nazi president (sic) Donald Trump, has been indicted for the second time on a scheme to defraud stupid MAGAts to make donations to “build the wall.”

Did I say second time? Yes, I did. Bannon was previously indicted on federal charges for this scheme to defraud racist Trump-supporting stupid fuckers, but stupid fucker Trump pardoned him when he was actually president (sic), and not afterward when he was pretend president.

Bannon is also facing charges for failing to comply with a congressional subpoena.

New York prosecutors say Bannon played an integral role in an organization known as We Build the Wall Inc, which was designed to bilk Trumpers to fulfill their hero’s pledge to build a racist wall on our border with Mexico. Except, when racist Trump made that racist promise, and as the central theme of his racist presidential campaign, he told us Mexico would pay for it.

During the Trump presidency (sic), Mexico never sent one peso to pay for the wall and Congress never provided funding. Instead, Trump raided the Defense Department’s budget to build the wall. By the time Trump fled Washington with his tail between his legs on President Biden’s inauguration day, only 82 miles of the wall were constructed where there was no barrier previously. According to Customs and Border Control, 452 were built but minus that 80, all of that was funded by previous administrations (Bush and Obama) to replace existing barriers.

The irony Trumpers don’t get is that by donating money to a private source to build the wall, they’re admitting Trump failed at delivering his promise. Also, what was the plan for a private organization to start building a wall on the southern border where they have no authority? They raised $25 million on a promise to build a wall they can’t build. Did I mention MAGAts are stupid?

You don’t own the libs by allowing yourself to be grifted by racist smelly fascists.

Prosecutors claim Bannon funneled more than $100,000 in donations to the organization’s president, Brian Kolfage, who had repeatedly promised not to take a salary. State Attorney General Letitia James said Bannon also profited off the scheme.

Bannon was charged by the Manhattan district attorney, Alvin L. Bragg, with two felony counts of money laundering, two felony counts of conspiracy, and one felony count of a scheme to defraud, and could face a maximum sentence of five to 15 years on the most serious charge.

The United States Constitution says you can’t be tried twice for the same crime. While Bannon did a lot of “in your face” to liberals when Trump pardoned him, his charges in New York don’t qualify as double jeopardy because Trump pardoned him BEFORE there was a federal trial. As Nelson Muntz would say, “Ha-ha!”

James said, “Regular, everyday Americans play by these rules, and yet too often powerful political interests, they ignore these rules. They think they are above the law, and the most egregious of them take advantage.” MAGA fuckers do believe they’re above the law. Look at the Mar-a-Lago case. MAGAts are screaming that Donald Trump should be allowed to steal government secrets and sell them to Russians and Saudis. They equate Trump stealing government documents to not returning library books, which makes sense to people who have never been to a library.

Evidence in the federal trial of one of the group’s founders this year showed that $380,000 was transferred to a nonprofit controlled by Bannon in 2019. Then, hundreds of thousands went to Kolfage and to Bannon. In February and March of 2019, more than $330,000 was transferred from Bannon’s nonprofit’s bank account to Bannon’s personal bank account.

I believe the term for this is “grifting,” but if you prefer “swindling,” we can go with that.

Bannon claims it’s all a political conspiracy against him. While it is true people don’t like Nazis, this isn’t a political conspiracy against him. There are laws against grifting, despite the fact that Trump keeps escaping prison time for doing it himself (Trump charity, Trump University, Trump Organization, etc, etc.).

Bannon said he’s being targeted for building “the dominant platform in all media for grassroots participation” and that prosecutors want to take him down ahead of “the most important midterm election since 1862, since the Civil War,” when his side lost fighting to preserve slavery.

During Bannon’s perp walk, he said, “They’ll have to kill me first. I’ve not yet begun to fight”

How much do you want to bet that Bannon goes to prison without being killed? These people are cowards. They’re really good at calling for others to fight and to go to prison for their fascist causes, but them…not so much.

Just as Trump believes he’s “making America great again” by trying to steal an election, have himself installed as Oompa-Loopma dictator, and steal government documents to sell to our enemies, Steve Bannon believes he’s saving America by grifting Trumpers. Holy shit. He might be right.

If Steve Bannon grifts MAGAts out of all their money so he can buy more shirts to wear all at once, then those Trumpers won’t have any left to buy guns and gasoline for driving across the nation for insurrections and Molotov cocktails.

Bannon is a racist, fascist, Nazi crook. So is Donald Trump. Hopefully soon, these lovers of racist walls will be surrounded by walls.

Music note: I listened to The Crooked Vultures.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Grifter Recession

Republicans have spent the past three years or so worried about how much money Hunter Biden, the president’s son has made and where he’s made it. For the most part, all they have are conspiracy theories. They’ve been promoting a story about a supposed abandoned laptop of his while they can’t honestly say what’s on it that’s incriminating. They claim President Biden was in on the “corruption” as well despite the lack of any trails to it. They even complain about the money he made between 2017 and 2021, when Joe Biden wasn’t in office. But, they’re very quiet about Trump’s goon son-in-law Jared raking in $2 billion from the Saudis after his stint in Trump’s administration, where he spent most of his time cuddling with bone-saw aficionado Mohammed bin Salman.

Republicans claim that Hunter Biden never would have been put on the board of a Ukrainian gas company if he wasn’t the vice-president’s son, and they’re probably right. But, they ignore that Jared Kushner worked in the White House without any qualifications and actually took foreign bailouts for his businesses WHILE he was “serving” in the administration. It sounds like he only served himself.

Lately, Republicans have been leaving comments on my cartoons on this blog, Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, etc, claiming Hillary Clinton and her campaign were fined for creating the “Russia hoax.” The truth is, the campaign was fined, not Hillary Clinton, and not for creating any hoax. The Clinton 2016 campaign was fined for how they labeled campaign expenses. They claimed the funds that paid for the Steele Dossier were “legal” expenses when they were not, though the payment did go to a law firm. It’s an issue of semantics. But as you can tell, Republicans don’t really care about the actual facts. For that matter, Republicans don’t actually care about corruption.

It’s like when they accuse Democrats of election fraud while Donald Trump is threatening Georgia’s secretary of state to “find him the votes.” Yeah, they don’t really care about lawbreaking either. Republicans only care about “who” is doing the wrongdoing.

All during the Trump administration, Donald Trump grifted. He grifted the taxpayers and violated the Emoluments Clause. He grifted foreign nations. He grifted his own supporters. Today, he’s still grifting taxpayers by living at his resorts (who do you think pays for his protective detail’s lodging?), but he’s mostly grifting his supporters. The thing is, his supporters are so sycophantic, that they’ll deny it while continuing to give him their money. They want punishment for sloppy accounting by the Clinton Campaign but they don’t want any accounting from Trump.

And they think by giving Donald Trump their money, that he’ll swoop in and end inflation, lower gas prices, and fix the markets and supply shortages, ignoring that Donald Trump is a huge part of why we’re where we are today.

First off, gas prices and supply chain shortages are international. President Joe Biden doesn’t control fuel prices in Sweden. The economy is still recovering from the pandemic that Donald Trump ignored. And gas prices keep climbing while oil companies are raking in record profits. Republicans aren’t asking the oil companies to sacrifice, are they?

Trump supporters think Donald Trump can fix it because in 2016 he said, “Only I can fix it.” But, fix what? Donald Trump has never fixed anything. Donald Trump destroys, He doesn’t create or repair. How many of his businesses have failed? Have you been to a Trump casino lately? He also inherited a booming economy created by President Barack Obama and guess what he did after that? He fucked it up.

When Donald Trump left office, he left with three million fewer jobs than when he came into office. Jimmy Carter didn’t do that. Trump left office with the worst job numbers since Herbert Hoover, who, like Donald Trump, is also rated as one of our worst presidents. You really have to be a cultist to want the guy back who created the worst economy since Herbert Hoover.

And you really have to be a sycophant to give Donald Trump money. I mean, who buys $15 straws? People who want straws with “MAGA” on them, that’s who. Spending $15 on straws that aren’t made from paper is really owning the libs. But guess what. This lib doesn’t care how you suck because you still suck.

Now, here’s the irony: Donald Trump is stealing money on the Big Lie the election was stolen. Naturally, Trump supporters are suckers for this. They’re the only ones who don’t see the irony.

In addition to proving Donald Trump and his cohorts tried to steal an election they knew they lost, the January 6 Committee has detailed how the Grifter-in-Chief used the lie to raise over $250 million from his MAGAts. Some say it’s closer to $400 million.

The $250 million Trump raised from his supporters was supposed to go into the “Official Election Defense Fund.” You may wanna sit down for this because it’s oh so not shocking at all, but the “Official Election Defense Fund” doesn’t exist. It’s like the Trump plan to replace Obamacare, or Trump’s infrastructure plan, or the promise he made not to play golf while president. Wait, I think that last one did exist but he wiped his ass with it.

No, there is no such thing as the “Official Election Defense Fund.” Instead of spending that money to defend the election Trump lost, or reinstate him, or whatever other bullshit they claimed to be fixing, the money went to Tump’s “Save America” super PAC, which was created shortly after the election. Committee member Zoe Lofgren has referred to it as the “big rip-off.”

Since the creation of Save America up until last April, the Super PAC has spent $4 million on Republican candidates’ campaigns. I don’t know if it’s worse that the money wasn’t supposed to go there or how greedy Trump has been with it.

New York State Attorney General Letitia James tweeted, “The new details revealed tonight related to January 6 are disturbing. It’s my duty to investigate allegations of fraud or potential misconduct in New York. This incident is no exception.” And it’s just one more incident. New York state has already dismantled Trump University and the Trump Foundation (a fake charity) for being outlets for Trump’s corruption. As Trump’s former fixer Michael Cohen said, “Trump has made it very clear that he is grifting off of the American people.”

Lofgren pointed out, “If the litigation had stopped on Dec. 14, there would have been no fight to defend the election and no clear path to continue to raise millions of dollars.” The Big Lie isn’t just to steal an election and turn America into a fascist nation led by a Cheeto Potentate. It’s a money-raking scheme.

Supporters send Trump money to “defend” the election Trump knows he lost. They think that money is going into a defense fund that doesn’t actually exist, but instead goes into his Super PAC which then funnels the money into pro-Trump organizations which then spends much of it on Trump, Republican Party, and other assorted events hosted at…wait for it…Trump properties, where I’m sure they get really good rates for renting the convention rooms.

At one “Stop the Steal” rally funded by Turning Point Action, a pro-Trump group, Kimberly Guilfoyle, Don Jr’s girlfriend who’s probably best known as the screaming banshee from the 2020 GOP convention, was paid $60,000 for a three-minute speech introducing Don Jr. Turning Point is arguing that this money didn’t come from Trump’s fundraising, but from their own, while not explaining why they felt the need to give a screaming Republican banshee $60,000 for three minutes of ear-piercing banality.

Apparently, Trump corruption can be sexually transmitted.

If Donald Trump admits he lost the election or at least stops saying it was stolen, the money will stop coming in. I predict investigations into Trump’s corruption will continue through the next decade. I also think Trump corruption will continue throughout the next decade.

Music Note: I listened to Jackson Brown and Elton John while coloring this, which didn’t take very long.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Trust Fund Fairies

The last time student loan forgiveness was in the news, a very conservative friend of mine posted her opposition to it on Facebook. Several of her like-minded friends jumped in and they all had one collective reason for opposing the government wiping out student debt and providing free college: They had to pay for college so future generations should have to pay as well.

If this is your only reason to oppose free college, then you suck. What happened to working hard so our kids can have an easier life? This attitude that other people should suffer because you suffered is cruel and is another example of why Republican candidates appeal to assholes. It’s because Republicans are assholes.

Surprise! The send-them-back party and gang who loves to separate families and throw the babies into cages are opposed to free college. So, what’s wrong with free college? We already provide free education K-12. Why can’t we add four more? Or at the very least, this nation should provide free two-year community college. Conservatives argue that free college is too expensive and we don’t have the money for it. But we do have the money for it.

Free college would probably cost us around $55 billion a year. Ouch, right? But we spend over $700 billion on defense. If we pulled the funds for free college from defense alone that’d only leave defense with $645 billion. How many billions have we spent on tanks that are just sitting in storage?

At least 55 of our nation’s largest corporations didn’t pay taxes in 2020. The statutory federal tax rate for corporate profits is 21 percent, but these companies didn’t pay that, which would have added up to over $8.5 billion. If you add that up with the $3.5 billion in rebates, it comes to $12 billion. That could have gone toward free college, which is something corporate America would have recruited from.

Remember the Wall Street bailout of 2008? We initially set out to give banks over $700 billion, but it eventually came down to $426 billion. Sure, we got that money back, and with a profit of around $17 billion. This was an investment. $55 billion a year to provide free college so we can keep up with the rest of first-world nations would also be an investment.

We spend about $20 billion a year subsidizing the oil industry which does not give us a price break at the pump during a world crisis like we’re experiencing now. Chevron alone has quadrupled its profits and last Friday posted its highest quarterly profit in 10 years.

Donald Trump’s company made over $1.6 billion during the four years he was president (sic). Part of that was the $2.5 million the United States government paid to his golf resorts. If you’re one of those praising him for donating his $400,000 yearly salary back to the government while he raked in over $2.5 million from taxpayers, and additional millions from violating the emoluments clause, shut up and sit down.

We can afford free college. We can debate forgiving all the debt that’s out there, but that’s something we can wipe out too while we restructure the system. Even if we don’t wipe out loans, we should provide free four-year college. There can still be private universities if you’re too snooty for public schools, but the options should be out there. We can keep a loan system in place for those who choose to continue pursuing their education after four years.

Just like we were with health care (and still are), we’re behind the rest of the civilized world with free college. $55 billion a year is too much to spend on free college? We currently spend over $80 billion annually on prisons.

Personally, I think college is a better investment than stuff like prisons, oil companies, and Trumps.

Music Note: It took the entire length of The Foo Fighters “The Colour and the Shape” to color this cartoon.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Goodbye, Grifters

cjones01202021

If you believe the Trumps will leave the White House without stealing some shit, then I got a bridge to sell you.

Here’s a spoiler, not a prediction: In the coming weeks, we’re going to see news articles about shit the Trumps took out of the White House they weren’t supposed to take. Wait for it. It’s happening. But, I’m no miracle savant with a magic glowing orb (similar to the one Trump was fondling with leaders in Saudi Arabia on his very first official presidential trip) that can see into the future. It’s easy to predict what Trump will do because he always does the wrong thing.

What I know about the future is, Donald Trump will continue to lie about election fraud. Donald Trump will tell us he’s still the president (sic). Donald Trump will attempt to bilk the government for every cent he can get. He will continue to raise money, put it into his PAC, then spend that money at Trump resorts. His kids will continue to be trust-fund goons. And Donald Trump will steal some shit. C’mon, this is a guy who stole from his own charity and even a child’s golf ball. Donald Trump steals shit. He’s a grifter. He’s a conman and though he will not be president (sic) after noon on January 20, thank God, he will always be America’s First Conman.

In the past, he’s refused to pay contractors for work done on his resorts and casinos. He’s fought them in court then after settling for much less than he originally agreed with the contractors, he’d stiff the lawyers who fought the case for him. Even now in his last remaining days, he’s refusing to pay Rudy Giuliani’s legal fees and not just because he was charging by the farts. And that’s his friend. Do you know how you can tell a lawyer sucks? It’s when he takes on Donald Trump as a client.

As Donald Trump continues to claim he won the election, he’s packing to leave the White House. The staff is packing and they’re already taking shit out. The White House press office is totally empty and right now, Kayleigh McEnany is fabricating her resume. And some funny stuff has been spotted leaving the White House.

Often when a president and his family leaves the White House, they take some stuff with them they shouldn’t. When the Clintons left, they took a bunch of stuff they weren’t supposed to. They ended up paying the government for some of it and returned others. Was this them being corrupt or being confused? It’s hard to say. On one hand, the rules can be confusing. On the other hand, they’re the Clintons.

Presidents can keep gifts they receive from American citizens. They do have to report the value of it just like private citizens do. But, if the gift was given to the White House, not the president, then the gift belongs to the federal government. That’s where presidents are often confused. Did you give me or the White House that Persian rug?

In 1880, Queen Victoria gave President Rutherford B. Hayes (and yet another who was a better president than Trump) a really cool gift. It was a desk carved out of timber from the British ship H.M.S Resolute. Today, that desk is in the White House and has been used by nearly every president since. Why didn’t Hayes take it when he left the White House? Because gifts from foreign leaders go to the National Archives.

And presidents get some cool stuff, like jewelry, furniture, swords, puppies, pandas, and crocodile insurance. What? Richard Nixon got pandas from China which went to the National Zoo in Washington. President Obama got crocodile insurance from Australia. Donald Trump never received crocodile insurance probably because nobody gives a rat’s ass if he gets eaten by crocodiles…though I’ve been told crocodiles do have better taste.

So the rules on gifts can be confusing. Was it a gift to you or the White House, was it foreign or domestic, is it alive and can it eat you? But one thing is clear, if it was in the White House before you got there, you can’t take it.

This week, chief-of-staff Mark Meadows’ wife was seen taking out a stuffed pheasant. Maybe that was a gift directly to Mark Meadows from an American taxpayer or maybe he brought it with him when he took the job because no office is complete without a stuffed dead bird. The Meadows claim it was brought with him when he took the job and I think that’s believable as it sounds like something disgusting and tacky that a MAGAt would think spiffs up the place. If you see a Trump walking out with a painting of dogs playing poker, yeah that’s probably theirs. I half expect to see Don Jr. walking out with a leg lamp from the Italian city of Fragile.

Also seen being carted off was a bust of Abraham Lincoln, who Donald Trump taught us was a Republican. This bust belongs to the federal government and when not in the White House, is stored with the White House Collection of which the White House chief usher and the curator have responsibility for managing and accounting for in every presidency. The incoming president and his spouse choose which items they want in the White House from the official collection. My question is: Why would the Lincoln bust ever leave?

The Andrew Jackson painting? Sure. Send that back to the Collection. But the Lincoln bust? Can’t you assume the next president would want that to remain? And if not, I guess he’d say something after he assumes office and you can remove it then. But that won’t happen because everyone would want the Lincoln bust. Duh!

But, just who is the White House chief usher, the main dude responsible for keeping track of this stuff? He is Timothy Harleth and the curator of the White House Historical Association reports to him. The curator is a career professional who has been on the job for 30 years. Harleth, the usher, is a former employee of the Trump Hotel. Fuck.

There’s going to be a LOT of missing shit.

During a trip to Paris, Donald Trump was supposed to visit the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery for fallen Marines, but changed his mind when he thought it was pronounced “Asinine.” So instead of visiting war dead, who he considers suckers and losers, he went to the ambassador’s residence and stole some shit.

At the residence, he found a portrait and bust he liked of Benjamin Franklin, so he took those back to the White. He also took some Greek figurines (naked women) which was a step-up from the usual figurines he collects from Happy Meals. As it turns out, the items were not authentic and were replicas. That’s normal for Donald Trump as he has a history of purchasing copies then claiming they’re the real deal, despite the fact the authentic paintings are in museums.

The stuff from Paris was exchanged for the real deals which were in the federal archiaves, but how much do you want to bet it all accidentally lands at Mar-a-Lago? How about the Lincoln bust? How about everything in the White House?

Donald Trump is a grifter. Grifters gotta grift. If the curator was really smart, she would have anticipated this back in 2016 after the election, and had everything in the White House replaced with replicas. And the cool thing is, Donald Trump wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. He probably thinks the Las Vegas Eiffel Tower is the real one.

As for all the furniture, let’s hope the Bidens get a new mattress and additionally, fumigate the entire place. Matter of fact, the usual sanitizing and cleaning of the White House between administrations is much more intense this time. They’re saying it’s because of covid. Sure. That’s why.

I just hope somebody took a real inventory. And don’t trust that hotel guy. Count after him.

Of course, even though the Trumps will leave with stuff they don’t own, there is a positive aspect. They’re leaving. And even though they’re going to take stuff that’s not theirs, you bet there will be Trumpy stuff that’ll remain with us forever.

It’s going to take a long time to scrub all the orange funk off. But just in case, while the Trumps are leaving, check their pockets.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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