GOP Primary

Trump, The Republican Nominee


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Ted Cruz had a bad week. He was chewed out by a ten-year-old, lost a debate with hecklers, was accused of being the Zodiac Killer, his father was accused of killing JFK, he elbowed his wife in the face, his veep selection fell off a stage, and he lost the Republican nomination to an Oompa Loompa reality TV star. It was a really bad week.

Cruz said he needed to face Donald Trump one-on-one, and he’d win. He didn’t. He said Trump wouldn’t be able to secure the delegates needed to win the nomination. He was wrong. He said he’d be the next president of the United States. He was wrong. He said Carly Fiorina would be the next vice president of the United States. He was really wrong.

By next week he’ll be endorsing Trump, if not by Wednesday afternoon. Ted Cruz is just that kind of guy. Watch.

Now the GOP, the establishment, and the Stop Trump Movement are in the freak-out stage before they finally fall into acceptance. They could support John Kasich but that’s more ridiculous that Fiorina being the veep nominee.

Donald Trump will be the Republican nominee for the presidency of the United States. Donald Trump. The reality TV guy. The pathological liar. The philanderer. The man who insults minorities, women, and veterans. Donald Trump.

As much as Hillary Clinton may be detested and suspicious, she is going to be our next president. The electoral college doesn’t work out for the Republicans, even if their nominee wasn’t Mr. Bad Combover. You can’t win the presidency when the only majority you win are white guys.

The GOP has to decide to fight for a Trump presidency, or distance themselves so they don’t lose the House and Senate.

Some Republicans are actually jumping to Hillary. Hell froze over with Trump winning the nomination. Republicans supporting Hillary will bring a second layer of ice.

I’m saddened to see Cruz knocked out before the convention. I’m disappointed there won’t be a brokered convention. Yes, I still have Trump taking on Clinton in the general election and that should be fun. Maybe Kasich will enter a pie eating contest. Maybe Trump’s veep pick will be Sarah Palin. Maybe it’ll be Bristol Palin!

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The Woman Card


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Despite rarely using a teleprompter Donald Trump usually sticks to an unvaried script which is full of lies. Mexicans, wall, Lyin’ Ted, make America great again, huge, blah, blah, blah. Even with the same routine you never know what Trump’s going to pull out next. He was on a roll Monday calling Cruz a “pain in the ass” and insulting Kasich for the style in which he chooses to eat pancakes. I was in hysterics.

During his victory speech Tuesday night he said the only reason Hillary Clinton was doing so well is because she’s a woman and that she plays the woman card. I would totally put my money on that woman kicking Trump’s ass, figuratively and literally. She’s a lot tougher than Trump. Let’s see Donald sit through twelve hours of b.s. questions from a partisan senate panel. With that in mind it’s really bizarre that Trump says Clinton won’t make a good president because she doesn’t have “the strength and stamina.”

Trump also states that he’s doing great with women and he’ll get their vote, and women don’t like Clinton. That’s a bigger lie than Trump Steaks. This guy also believes he’ll win New York. Dude, you didn’t win Manhattan, where you live. You lost your neighborhood to John Kasich, you know him. Mr. One in 41.

I wonder if there’s an alternate universe where there is a normal Trump and we got stuck with the Bizarro version.

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Hasta La Vista, Marco


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Marco Rubio has dropped out of the presidential race and it’s a tragedy that makes me very sad. I was just starting to enjoy drawing the religious zealot. The only candidate left promising to rule us all by the hand of God now is Ted Cruz. Did I just get a chill?

Rubio lost in his home state of Florida to Donald Trump. He didn’t just lose. He lost big. He only won one county, his home of Miami-Dade. It’s as if nobody in Florida had ever heard of their Senator…or in his case, they were very familiar with him and didn’t like what he had to offer, or his performance as Senator. Rubio started running for the presidency as soon as he won his senate seat.

I worked in Batesville, Mississippi for five years and in that time I probably talked in person to then Senator Trent Lott seven times. The mayor of Tampa said he never met Marco Rubio.

Now Rubio can spend the next four years running for the presidency in 2020, but not on the taxpayer’s dime. I’m sure he’ll get plenty of job offers from think tanks and consulting firms.

I am going to miss his bottles of water and platform heels. I won’t miss his condescending tone of speech. Being humbled may be good for Marco. Let’s hope it’s a lesson his rival Ted Cruz learns very soon…and after that Donald Trump. Who am I kidding? These people don’t have the ability of understanding reality to be humbled.

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The Incredible Shrinking Rubio


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You’re not going to get much of a column today. I have a tiny cold and it’s really hard to care about much when you feel like giant rat turds. At one point I actually drooled on the drawing paper for this cartoon. As bad as I feel I’m sure Marco Rubio feels worse.

Marco had a bad night. Correction: Marco had ANOTHER bad night. The only primaries he’s won has been Minnesota and Puerto Rico. He didn’t just lose on Tuesday night. He lost big. There were four states holding Republican primaries which included Michigan, Idaho, Hawaii and Mississippi (where my career started) where Rubio was coming in fifth behind Ben Carson. FIFTH BEHIND BEN CARSON who’s not even in the race anymore. Rubio came in fourth in Michigan and Mississippi. At this writing Hawaii’s returns haven’t come in yet, but you really don’t want to be clinging all your hopes on Hawaii (where my career went after Mississippi).

Next Tuesday the race goes to Ohio and Florida. Rubio should be fighting for Ohio since he’s been endorsed by almost every establishment figure in the party. Instead he’s fighting desperately for his home state of Florida. That tells us a lot about his tenure as Florida’s senator since the voters of that state aren’t impressed enough by his service to give him more votes than Donald Trump. If Florida, who knows him, doesn’t want him then why should the rest of the country? Quite frankly, can anyone name an accomplishment of Rubio’s…other than finding great deals on heels?

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Poorly Educated


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The Republican party has been cultivating a base of poorly informed supporters for years. It increased drastically after Obama was elected president. This is the party that gave rise to the Tea Party, the slogan “I want my country back,” and birtherism. Republicans dumbed down and appealed to stupid, hateful people.

Along comes Donald Trump who says stupid things stupid people want to hear. He says we’ll build a wall and make Mexico pay for it. We’ll get rid of Obamacare and replace it with something better. We’ll tag Muslims and not let anymore enter the country. Mexico is sending us rapists and murderers. Make America Great again. Ted Cruz is a pussy. OK, that last one may not be so stupid, but I digress.

Trump has not been specific about any of his plans, yet his supporters love him and he’s killing his GOP rivals. Even the hateful, rhetorical Ted Cruz is on his last leg as a presidential candidate and Marco Rubio is in serious danger of losing his home state of Florida to Trump.

People support him because he’s “so honest.” How is he honest? He’ll support our vets. OK, how will he support our vets? How will he convince Mexico to pay for a wall? How much is this wall? What does “make American great again” even mean? Great compared to what? Segregation? White only lunch counters? Maybe he just wants to bring back Full House and 8-track tapes.

Some of his supporters say they don’t believe he’ll attempt to do the crazy stuff he says, but he’ll do a good job in the stuff they want done, like “make America great again.” They love that he’s not “politically correct” which is another way of excusing being offensive, insulting, and yes…again, racist. Seriously, I think poorly educated people just favor loud jerks.

During his victory speech in Nevada Trump mentioned how he won the votes of Evangelicals, Hispanics (what?) moderates, the more conservatives, and pretty much every demographic of Republicans. I was expecting him to say he won among kids with chicken pox. He also stated that he won the votes of the “highly educated” and the “poorly educated” then stated he “loves the poorly educated.” Trump can say anything and he’s proven that to be true. He said he can commit murder and his supporters will still love him. That’s probably true depending upon the color of his victim. OJ’s bloody glove could be found on Trump and his supporters wouldn’t bail on him.

I do love that the GOP is in full downward spiral over Trump. They’re actually confused how this happened after they created him. A conservative friend of mine, who is not stupid but takes stupid positions, says it’s Obama’s fault. Of course he’s in the Obama bashing industry so you gotta take that into account.

I share president Obama’s faith that our nation won’t elect Trump president. I did think the Carolina Panthers were going to win the Super Bowl so I could be wrong on this. But seriously, Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, nutless monkey, I can’t see the general population choosing Trump over any of those choices.

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Good Bye, Jeb


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I spent Saturday knowing Jeb Bush would drop out of the campaign later in the evening and I was still considering taking the night off. I thought about putting a Jeb cartoon off until Sunday (published Monday morning). What happened was I ended up drawing two cartoons.

I had an idea I was OK with and I was almost done drawing when I got another idea. An idea I liked better. So I scrapped the cartoon I was drawing and started all over again…around 3:00 AM. I liked the second idea better because it included half the reason Jeb Bush failed. That reason is Donald Trump. The second reason is Jeb Bush. He’s boring and nobody wants another Bush presidency except for people with the last name “Bush.”

Jeb is a nice guy. I think he is. But he’s that nice guy where you leave the conversation early swearing your phone rang and he didn’t hear it because it was on vibrate. Jeb is boring. His brother, for being a nation destroying idiot, is not boring. His father, well he rode on Reagan’s coattails.

The question now isn’t so much as who do his future voters go to, but where does his money go? It goes to Rubio. Yeah, John Kasich is the other chief executive establishment guy, but the primary and delegate map doesn’t work out for him. Rubio is the establishment guy who’s actually placed at least third (maybe 2nd in South Carolina). Jeb’s donors will now flock to Marco. I’m sure he’ll enjoy looking up to them.

This is now a three-man race. Trump is the man for the stupid angry people. Cruz is the guy for the ultra-right wing, crazy religious zealots who want a theocracy. Rubio is for the establishment folks who like the way he talks. Kasich is out of the loop and Ben Carson is Dr. Delusional for even hanging around this long.

With Bush gone the person who will miss him most will be Donald Trump. Now who is he going to call “low energy?” Trump is going to miss Jeb like I miss drawing W. Jeb, you didn’t give me much of a chance.

And that other cartoon I started drawing? Come back for an update. I plan to finish it and share with the world and I’ll offer it to my clients who are afraid  of”shut the bleep up.” It won’t be on GoComics.

Update: Here’s the first cartoon. Maybe you’ll like it better than the plane cartoon. I don’t but I did enjoy drawing the Georges.

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Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!