G7 Summit

G7 Pardon


cjones06132018

Before he stepped on Obama’s airplane to head to the G7 summit in Canada, Trump took questions from a few reporters and said that Russian President Vladimir Putin really wanted Hillary Clinton to win the election, and he, Trump, was his worst nightmare.

I don’t know about you but my nightmares consist of stuff, like spiders, finding myself naked in high school, falling off a cliff, Nickelback dressed as clowns, a hotdog with ketchup, you know….real terrifying stuff. Nightmares are not dreams of getting everything you want.

For Putin, that’s an American president who undermines democratic institutions like a free press while destabilizing NATO and our alliances in addition to spilling classified information to Russian spies in the Oval Office. Now, Trump is at the G7 campaigning for Russia to be invited back, which kicked Putin out for annexing Crimea.

What in the world could Hillary Clinton have given Putin to make him happier? Neck massages? Scratch that, because Trump may have already done that.

Trump was very eager to fight with leaders of our allies, like Canada’s Justin Trudeau and France’s Emmanuel Macron…on Twitter and through the press. Now that he’s actually face to face, he arrived late, and he’s leaving early. That’s because Donald Trump is a coward.

What does it say about our nation’s president who’s afraid of our allies but eager to get on a plane and arrive early for a date with the dictator of North Korea?

If Trump has prepared very little for meeting Kim Jong Un (who we hope is as dumb as Trump), the only thoughts he put into his trip to the G7 was how to get out of it. Reportedly, he asked aides if his presence was absolutely necessary and asked if he could cancel at the last minute.

Trump is now showing the entire world he belongs to Putin. At this rate, he may have to register as a foreign lobbyist. If Putin really wanted Clinton to win the presidency, he would have sent spies to her campaign HQ to dish dirt and had Wikileaks hack Trump. The only problem would have been Clinton’s refusal to collude with Russia because some people don’t want to commit treason.

You have to ask yourself what exactly does Putin have on Trump? That pee tape must be really nasty.

Watch me draw.

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How To Lose Friends And Alienate People


cjones05312017

Trump went from the protective bosom of autocracies where protests are banned, women are oppressed, and tyrants dance with swords, to liberal democracies where they don’t buy bullshit.

Trump’s Eurotrip included a summit with our NATO allies and the G7 Summit. Trump was antisocial and stood alone in corners while the rest of world leaders talked to each other. He was the party guest nobody wanted at the party, which is like every party Ted Cruz has ever attended.

Trump scolded the member states of NATO about how they weren’t spending enough on their military, which is easy to say when your nation has 20 aircraft carriers. Trump broke the tradition set by Harry Truman in 1949 and continued by every president since of publicly supporting Article 5. This article affirms that every member of NATO will come to the defense of any member that is under attack. The ironic thing is that the only time Article 5 has been used was after 9/11 when NATO supported the United States in its fight against terrorism.

Also, during the summit it was revealed that British police are withholding classified information from the United States after leaks to the media about the Manchester bombing. This just weeks after Trump shared classified information, from an ally, with the Russians.

And while in Brussels, Belgium Trump said Germany was “very bad, very bad” for the amount of cars it sells in the U.S. Never mind the fact most of the cars are actually built in the U.S. Along with that, Trump still hasn’t learned that he can’t negotiate individually with members of the European Union.

The most memorable moment occurred when Trump physically shoved Dusko Markovic, Prime Minister of Montenegro out of his way so he could be in the front for a group photo. Roughing people up is apparently cool for Republicans this week, whether in Brussels or Montana. Maybe Trump mistook him for a journalist.

During the G7 Summit Trump refused to make a decision on whether or not the United States will stay in the Paris Climate Agreement. Each of the other members, the United Kingdom, Germany, Italy, Canada, France, and Japan reaffirmed their commitment to the agreement and to combat climate change. Trump said he’ll make a decision later in the week when he won’t have to look the other leaders in the eye when he says he’s abandoning the United States’ commitment.

The G7 Summit was held in Sicily and at one point the leaders took a 700 yard walk through Taormina to take a photo together at a piazza. Not Trump. He waited to get a golf cart as his orange skinny legs couldn’t handle the exertion of physically walking. The other members had to wait for the “high energy” Trump before the photo could be taken.

Before the two summits, European leaders and diplomats were coached to keep details to the minimum for Trump’s short attention span, compliment him on his electoral victory, and compare him favorably to President Obama. Trump still had to assert himself as an alpha male bully.

Later, German Chancellor Angela Merkel stated that Europe can’t rely on the United States anymore. German magazine Der Spiegel published a highly-read article titled “It’s time to get rid of Donald Trump.” The article says that Trump is transforming the U.S. into a laughingstock, is a danger to the world, and must be removed from the Oval Office before he does more harm. It also called him a “liar,” a “racist,” and a “cheat,” among other things.

When your dog poops in a friend’s house you apologize, clean it up, and die of embarrassment. Europe, We’re sorry. We’re trying to clean it. We’re embarrassed.

Creative notes: I teased this cartoon on social media by stating I was doing serious research for it. My readers probably assumed I was doing some intensive investigating. I was actually looking up the photos of the G7 members and insults in their native languages…and to spell them correctly. OK, it was kinda intense.

I think I did everything correctly but if not, sorry. I checked each insult with more than one source. I had to ditch a few that I couldn’t be sure of by my sources.

Since you’re probably curious, I’ll run down each insult for you (and to save you from Googling).

Justin Trudeau, Canada:Hoser.” That’s an easy one. It means you’re foolish and uncultivated.

Emmanuel Macron, France:Vous avez le cervau d’un sandwich au fromage,” which means “you have the brains of a cheese sandwich.”

Angela Merkel, Germany: “Arsch mit ohren,” which means “ass with ears.”

Paolo Gentiloni, Italy: “Li mortacci tua,” which is an insult to your dead relatives. It’s really bad if you’re Italian.

Shinzo Abe, Japan: “Sekai de ichiban daikirai,” which means “I hate you more than anyone.”

Theresa May, United Kingdom: “Wanker” is just the best way to finish any political cartoon. I don’t think I have to tell you what it means.

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