Fake President

Fun With Fake Privilege


Cjones10132021

Today’s cartoon is partly based on something you probably don’t know anything about. I hate to have to explain a cartoon, or even part of it, but I feel I must with this one.

President Biden has used a set of the White House for a few speeches, instead of doing them in the actual White House. It’s a sound stage located in the Eisenhower Executive Building which is a part of the White House grounds. It’s the kind of place you’ve seen without knowing you’re seeing it. When Al Gore gave his concession speech in 2000, it was from this building, perhaps in the same room as the one containing the sound stage. Ever watch the TV show Veep? Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ character’s office is in this building. Even Donald Trump has used it for signing documents in front of cameras. When President Biden got his first vaccine on camera, he did it in this room. Trump took his vaccine in a closet.

Why do they use this set instead of the White House? I’m not sure. Maybe you can get more people into it. Maybe the lighting is better. Baby Goebbels Steven Miller claims Biden uses it because he can use a monitor there that won’t reflect on his glasses or something like that, that can’t be used in the White House for some reason. But, Republicans are freaking out about this because President Biden has used it with a set that looks like it’s from the White House. There’s a fake Rose Garden behind him. For Republicans, this is as much of an outrage as mustard on a burger or a president in a grey suit. The reason you have not heard of this outrage is because it’s a fake outrage.

While people on Fox News are outraged, Qanon has used it as evidence that President Joe Biden is not president and Donald Trump is still in charge and in the actual White House. Never mind all the events, speeches, and videos of President Biden in the White House, or the fact Trump hasn’t been in the capital since inauguration day when he fled to Mar-a-Lago with his tail between his legs.

This is fake outrage over a fake White House set by a bunch of fake patriots who believe in a fake president. Their fake president believes he has fake authority, like executive privilege.

The January 6 Committee investigating Trump’s coup attempt and attack on the Capitol have subpoenaed individuals from the Trump administration and documents. Trump has claimed executive privilege over the documents and is telling his subpoenaed goons not to cooperate. Goons like Steve Bannon, who already did so much gooning for Trump that he had to get a Trump pardon.

Trump is trying to assert privilege over 45 specific documents identified by the National Archives as responsive to the committee’s request. Those documents, Trump said in a two-page letter to Archivist of the United States David Ferriero, included protected “presidential communications,” as well as deliberative process materials and attorney-client privileged materials.

Trump also wants to preemptively declare future requests by the panel, “potentially numbering in the millions,” as presumptively barred from release. He wrote, or some lawyer for him, “Should the committee persist in seeking other privileged information, I will take all necessary and appropriate steps to defend the Office of the Presidency.”

It’s funny to hear someone claim they’re “protecting the presidency” after he tried to replace it with a fascist dictatorship.

A lawyer for Steve Bannon told the House committee that Bannon would refuse to comply with any subpoenas or investigation because of Trump’s claim he can invoke executive privilege to block Bannon’s testimony. Even if Trump can invoke executive privilege, Bannon was years removed from the White House, was not a part of the Trump administration at the time of the election or attack on the Capitol, and is not Trump’s lawyer. Trump, even if was still president, cannot claim every conversation he has is privileged. Also, you don’t have attorney-client privilege when your attorney was a partner in your criminal activities. Ask Michael Cohen.

Here’s the fun part, kids: President Biden, the actual president, is not going to allow Trump to invoke executive privilege over the documents the committee seeks. White House counsel Dana Remus wrote the National Archive, where these documents are being preserved, “After my consultations with the Office of Legal Counsel at the Department of Justice, President Biden has determined than an assertion of executive privilege is not in the best interests of the United States, and therefore is not justified as to any of the Documents.”

Trump has 30 days to challenge this in court, which will also be an acknowledgement that Biden won the election. But, I expect this court challenge to fail like most Trump challenges in courts fail. Maybe he should get Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani to argue the case. Oops, that’s right. Rudy can’t practice law in New York City or Washington, D.C. right now because he’s been cited for lying in court. Lawyers aren’t supposed to do that. Plus, Rudy may be a witness. Also, Sidney should be a witness. But, it’s going to be fun to watch a former president (sic) challenge the authority of a current president.

What the House needs to do is charge every Trump goon who refuses to comply with criminal contempt. They refused to charge non-complying witnesses during the Trump administration, like when John Bolton didn’t want to testify and give out information he was saving for his crappy book.

House Democrats, the Biden/Garland Justice Department, and Joe Biden, the real president, need to come down hard in this investigation. The people they are seeking to testify aided and abetted a criminal act. These people tried to destroy our democracy and overturn an election through violence. There needs to be accountability.

And the final accountability will be Trump going to prison. And I’m talking about a real prison, not a fake one.

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Buy Five Copies For Your Mother


cjones06302017

Newsflash! Donald Trump is an extremely insecure narcissist and touts accomplishments he doesn’t actually have. Surprise!

Trump has been on the cover of Time Magazine a lot. He’s proud of this and loves to make the claim during speeches that he’s been on the cover more than anyone else….ever. He’s so proud of it that a copy of the magazine with him on the cover is hanging at one of his golf clubs. Problem is, that copy is fake.

What’s up with that? Why would he put a fake cover on his walls for tourists and snotty golfers to ogle over? Maybe one of his over-eager employees framed it and put it on the wall to kiss the boss’ ass. Perhaps…..except the same cover is hanging on the wall at not just one club, but at least five Trump clubs from Florida to Scotland. That sounds less like the actions of one eager beaver and more like a mandate.

How do we know it’s fake? The borders of the fake version are unlike the genuine magazine. The fake version also contains exclamation points which Time Magazine doesn’t do. Time doesn’t shout. Trump shouts.

Another reason we know this version is a phony: Time Magazine says so. They didn’t publish an edition during the week that are dated on the Trump fakery, which is what they told The Washington Post. Time has asked the Trump organization to remove the forgeries from their walls.

The fake magazine is praising Trump. “Donald Trump: The ‘Apprentice’ is a television smash!” There’s another headline on the same cover which reads: “TRUMP IS HITTING ON ALL FRONTS . . . EVEN TV!” That sounds like a headline someone would write about themselves. Time has put entertainers of noteworthy accomplishments on their cover. Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam for instance, but what Vedder and Pearl Jam with their debut album was part of a nationwide movement. Trump just ran a crappy TV show with b-list celebrities.

While Trump blasts the media repeatedly over fake news, he loves to boasts of fake accomplishments. Business success, charitable givings, crowd sizes, electoral wins, great hair, etc. His spokes-sycophant, Sarah Huckabee Sanders wouldn’t comment on the matter, and neither has anyone else from the Trump administration. They have too many other lies to cover for.

Why would Trump need to lie about being on the cover for Time? He’s actually been on the cover, though not every headline is complimentary. Why is he trying to impress people with these forgeries at his golf clubs? Isn’t owning a golf club, or seventeen, impressive enough?

And for the record, Trump has not been on the cover of Time more than anyone else. That honor belongs to another dick, Richard Nixon. Nixon has been on the cover of Time 55 times. Maybe if Trump keeps screwing the nation over he’ll catch up to Tricky Dick. I’m sure his impeachment will make a lot of magazine covers. Trump has been named Times’ Man of the Year, just like Hitler.

About the covers in this cartoon:

GQ: I don’t know much about that magazine but I have the impression it’s read by douche bags who don’t know how to dress themselves and go to nightclubs while wearing too much cologne.

Time: I love political magazines. That should be obvious since I’m in the news business and I’m a politics and news geek. Do they still publish Newsweek? I’m gonna look that up later.

People: My mom had a subscription when I was a kid. It’s a magazine about celebrities and it takes their subject seriously. They’re no National Enquirer. But still, it’s a magazine about shit that’s not important, unless your life can’t move forward without knowing the most recent undertakings of Matthew McConaughey-hey-hey-hey (I got that wrong. He says “alright, alright, alright”). Unless I’m declared the Sexiest Man Alive, I don’t really care.

Sports Illustrated: A great read when you’re in the lobby of a doctor’s office or waiting for your car to be repaired. If you’re lucky, the issue available will be up to date for the 2012 NFL season (I predict a long career for rookie RGIII). Even then, finding an outdated copy of SI is a total score among the stacks of Good Housekeeping and Cosmopolitan unless you’re really interested in why wet kisses make men horny.

Cat Fancy: That is the perfect title for a magazine that’s dedicated to a creature as ridiculous and useless as cats. I had to look up “Abyssinian.” Like I’m gonna know that off the top of my head. I don’t understand why anyone thinks cats are like dogs and that they are interesting…or even matter.

High Times: How can you tell that someone is a vegetarian? They will tell you. They don’t shut up about it and neither do people who smoke weed. Smoking weed to them is a hobby and they talk about it nonstop. It’s boring. So boring. If you’re bothered by me saying it’s “boring” then you smoke too much weed.  I’m fine with other people smoking pot and even told a very ill friend recently that he should give it a try. I personally don’t like it. It should be legal, but it’s boring.

I don’t understand how a magazine can publish every month on the subject of smoking weed. I bet Snoop Dog has been on their cover 55 times. Don’t feel too insulted. Cigar Aficionado is a ridiculous publication too.

I do remember looking at a copy of High Times once in a friend’s bathroom. Frances McDormand was on the cover wearing a sleeveless T-shirt while braless. I can’t remember any articles, but I remember that T-shirt.

Rolling Stone: Not in the cartoon but where I took the title for this blog. It’s from the song “Cover Of The Rolling Stone” by Dr. Hook. Great song that’s really funny with the worst/best guitar solo in history. You’d think it was from the Muppets house band. Also, check out their tune “Sharing The Night.” It’s very 70s cheesy and great with the pervyish “sharing the night together, ah yeah, aw right.”

It’s really hard being a one-man syndicate when editors (who receive death threats from Trump supporters) are afraid of cartoons with opinions, while I’m also competing against other syndicates with dozens of cartoonists (who offer lots of right-wing cartoons and the kind without any opinions). So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.