European Union

Stupid American


CNN06282020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

Europeans often look down on Americans and make fun of us. That in itself may be more of a stereotype and a joke than it is real…or at least it was before Donald Trump became president.

The idea of Donald Trump being president was a joke. The Simpsons had it as a joke in one episode because it was so ridiculous. Lisa Simpson was president, who is a cartoon and not a real person, and that’s less ridiculous than a Trump presidency. Though in that episode, Lisa had to rebuild the nation after a Trump presidency.

But yeah, Donald Trump is a joke. But Europe, like American liberals and the few Republicans who put their nation before a cult, recognize he’s more than a joke. He’s dangerous. However, as dangerous as he is, gatherings of world leaders are still caught on hot mics mocking the guy who claims he’s restored international respect to our nation.

Europe has done a much better job with the coronavirus than our nation. While we have 4 percent of the world’s population, we have 25% of coronavirus cases. The virus is spiking in the deep south and our more liberal states in the northeast are enacting quarantines for visitors from those states. Europe may take it one step further.

Europe looks at us and they see our president, the ultimate ugly, stupid, arrogant American. And what do they see now? They see an ugly American denying a virus isn’t as bad as it is. They see a stupid American telling people to drink bleach and take a medication that can kill them (Hey, if Europe is afraid of a drug, you don’t wanna go near it). They see an arrogant American mock people for wearing facemasks. They see an incredibly ugly, stupid, arrogant American president (sic) say we have fewer cases of coronavirus when we have fewer tests. They see an idiot who believes tests create cases.

And now, the entire continent is considering banning each of us from entering. What’s next? Stiffed by Canada? Will Mexico build a wall and make us pay for it (probably)?

Europe may not like us very much but they love our money and for us to come over and eat their snails. But when they see our leader (sic) exhibit the very worst of us, Europe is all like, “Nope!” They don’t want dirty Americans to re-contaminate their nations where people actually believe in science.

I don’t blame them.

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Toodle Pip, EU


cjones06252016

I’m a fan of British humor. From Monty Python to The Young Ones to The Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy to the first two Beatles movies. One of the biggest aspects of the humor, or “humour” to me is the slang. American slang sucks compared to the English, especially when it comes to insults.

Donald Trump might have learned that Friday if he had the capability to comprehend and learn stuff.

On Friday after the Brexit vote Trump sent out a tweet while he was promoting his failing golf club in Scotland. There’s no larger evidence that Trump’s presidential campaign is more about his brand than policies than him taking a break to promote a failing golf club overseas.

I digress. Trump celebrated the United Kingdom leaving the European Union, even though he probably doesn’t understand it. He had it explained to him a few weeks ago on live television. Now he thinks it’s a great development. His tweet stated “Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!”

The most ignorant thing about Trump’s tweet is that Scotland voted 62% to 38% to stay in the EU. One clever twitter user replied to Trump’s tweet with “Scotland voted Remain, you weapons-grade plum.”

It didn’t stop there. Please forgive the not safe for family newspaper language here but further insults were:

Delete your golf course.

Scotland voted Remain you muppet.

Scotland voted to stay you numpty.

Scotland voted to remain, you tit.

Oi, buttplug face, Scotland are pro-EU.

Scotland voted overwhelmingly to stay in Europe you toupéd fucktrumpet

SCOTLAND VOTED TO STAY, YOU WITLESS FUCKING COCKSPLAT!

No, they aren’t you cockwomble.

Scotland voted remain  you incomprehensible jizztrumpet.

Scotland voted stay & plan on a second referendum, you tiny fingered, Chetto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon.

Scotland hates both Brexit and you, you mangled apricot hellbeast.

They voted remain you spoon.

To top his day off, one Scottish protester dropped golf balls all around him at his press conference. The golf balls were emblazoned with Swastikas. Too bad Corey Lewandowski had been fired and wasn’t there to rough the Scot up.

Trump is a spoon. A great big touped, Chetto-faced spoon.

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Great Reason To Leave The EU


cjones02232016

Have you ever turned on BBC and watched a debate in the UK’s House Of Commons? I don’t recommend it for Americans because it will make you sad. It’s pretty civil and intelligent compared to our Congress. While the Brits are expounding their positions in great relevant detail, we have congressmen throwing snowballs on the House floor to debunk Climate Change.

I apologize to all my British friends for the over use of stereotypical slang from England in this cartoon. Also, how often can I put the term “wanker” into an editorial cartoon? That might scare off my editors but let me defend it. From the Urban Dictionary (there’s a trusted source!), “While to ‘wank’ means ‘to masturbate, the term “wanker” is seldom if ever used in British slang to denote “one who wanks”. It is quite wrong to infer from somebody’s being a wanker that they in fact wank (and vice versa), but of course, fair to assume they do in any case. Herein lies the genius of the insult: if you call someone a wanker, it’s probably true, but only literally.

So there you go. “Wanker” is OK. And I seriously doubt anyone but MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough is wanking off Donald Trump.

There’s a lot of people threatening to leave the United States if Donald Trump becomes president. Cape Breton is an island in the Canadian province (that’s like a state, you wanker) of Nova Scotia inviting Americans to immigrate if the horror of a Trump presidency actually happens. Meanwhile, we’re still waiting on Rush Limbaugh to move to Costa Rica, which he promised to years ago if Obamacare ever became law. Why is he still here?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!