It’s not just for the president’s safety that his security is of the utmost importance. You may be saying, “But, Clay…what’s the point of keeping freaks away from Trump when he chooses to surround himself with freaks and is himself, an Adderall-riddled lunatic?” True, Trump keeps company and appoints a consortium of slimeballs, grifters, fucknuts, and shitweasels. But, we have to take national security seriously, even if the president doesn’t and even sells it to the highest bidder.

The Secret Service needs to do everything in its power to protect Donald Trump from physical harm. Do you really want the man to become a martyr and spend the rest of your life listening to sycophants’ conspiracy theories? You know they’d say Obama did it. The other thing is where Donald Trump goes, so does national security. For the Secret Service, he makes their extremely difficult job even harder by lounging at a resort.

Last weekend, during Donald Trump’s 77th presidential golf trip, a Chinese woman carrying four cellphones, a hard drive, a laptop, and a malware-infected thumb drive was arrested at Trump’s pompous Florida golf resort, Mar-a-Lago. She got through the Secret Service by claiming she was there to swim and attend an event that was not happening. She didn’t even have a swimsuit but she was loaded with recording devices like a Russian photographer invited into the Oval Office. It was a staffer of the club who caught her. The most shocking revelation out of this is that Trump actually hired someone smart enough to catch it.

Trump blew off the incident by calling it a fluke because the fault of this doesn’t just lie with the Secret Service. It falls on him too. First, he doesn’t vacation at a home, compound, or ranch like previous presidents. He has to visit a club so hundreds of people can fawn over him, tell him his hands aren’t really that small, and listen to him talk about how smart he is. He likes to crash weddings at his club.

The second problem is, he invites access to him. The club sells memberships by winking to members that they’ll have access to the president and his family. This is selling access. The club doubled their membership fees after Trump was elected. If you’re a Russian, Chinese, or Saudi Arabian spy, part of your budget will be purchasing a membership to one of his clubs.

The third problem is, Trump is careless with national security. He doesn’t follow guidelines for using secure phones as he thinks that’s too much of a hassle. He hands out security clearances to grifters and family members (I know. Redundant) like they’re Skittles. His son-in-law, who got a security clearance from Trump after being rejected by the FBI, talks to the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia through WhatsApp. Trump hands over classified information to Russians in the Oval Office that we received from allies. He even held a meeting on strikes on Syria at Mar-a-Lago in front of guests while they were looking over his shoulders, taking photos with their cellphones, and tweeting those photos. Once, he allowed guests to pose with the nuclear football.

Donald Trump is a national security risk.

People who negotiate with Trump understand he’s a flake who surrenders. He surrendered on the shutdown, his threat to end Obamacare, and his threat to close the border. Just like negotiators, spies know all they have to do to run surveillance on the president is to go after his phones and buy a club membership. He’ll even take a selfie with the spy. This is a man whose campaign invited Russians into their headquarters. They don’t tell spies to go away and they don’t call the FBI when they show up.

It helps our foreign adversaries that the president of the United States is an idiot who’s a sucker for ego gratification. Everyone knows how to play him which is through parades, sword dances, and fake blondes who look like his daughter.

The Secret Service needs to protect Trump from spies by protecting Trump from himself. When they protect Trump, they’re protecting us. Now, if only they’d protect us from Trump.

Confession: My biggest influences are the work of Sergio Aragones and Don Martin from Mad Magazine. But, Spy vs Spy, which is a very famous feature of Mad, never did anything for me. If you don’t hate me yet you will after I tell you that I never dug the fold-in back cover either.

However, I do enjoy drawing the Spies from Spy vs Spy. They’re easy.

Be Complicit

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