England

Trump and Tories


If our system to choose a president was like the United Kingdom’s in selecting a prime minister, then in 2023, the Republicans would most likely install Trump as president if they retake the House this November.

In the United States, the Republican Party consists of sycophants and Donald Trump chooses who will be the nominees in most elections. In the UK, the Tories made Liz Truss grovel for their votes.

Voters don’t directly elect their prime minister in the United Kingdom (which is made up of four nations, England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland). The majority party selects the prime minister and at this time, the Tories are the majority. The Tories are the conservatives.

Another difference between is that the United Kingdom isn’t simply a two-party system like ours. While Tories and Labour (liberals) are the two largest parties, the party in control usually needs help from one of the lesser parties to form a government.

One detail that is very similar between both nations is that the systems are fucked up.

In the United States, the Electoral College makes it possible for the president to be the candidate who didn’t win the popular vote. In fact, the Republican Party has only won the popular vote once since 1988. In case you’re counting, that’s 33 years, yet the GOP has taken the White House three times since.

Since we elect United States senators by state, and not by population, Republicans often control the Senate despite millions more Americans voting for Democrats. Democratic senate candidates outperformed Republican candidates in 2018, a year of the blue wave, by over 18 million votes, yet failed to win the Senate. In fact, the GOP actually gained seats in the Senate while the House fell to Democrats who gained 41 seats.

And in the House, districts are gerrymandered in what amounts to candidates choosing their voters instead of voters choosing the candidates.

And don’t get me started on how Republicans are making it harder for non-white Americans to vote. Our democracy is at risk.

The United Kingdom just selected its next prime minister and she’s Liz Truss. Actually, the UK didn’t select her, the Tories did. And the UK’s next prime minister won the job with only 60,339 votes. There are over 47 million eligible voters in the United Kingdom but Truss was selected by just 0.4% of them.

You can argue that since the Tories are the majority, then UK voters selected them to choose their next prime minister, though I’m sure when voters last went to the polls to choose Members of Parliament (MPs), most of them had never heard of Liz Truss. So, no. UK voters did not choose their next PM. Tomorrow, Truss and current PM, Boris Johnson, will travel to the Queen’s estate in Scotland where she will invite Truss to form a new government. Hopefully, by the time they get there, someone has informed the Queen who Truss is.

Voters may not get an actual say in any of this until 2025 unless Truss calls for an election. If she really wants to keep the job, I doubt she does that. And if Donald Trump becomes president (sic) again in 2024, the United States may never have a real presidential election ever again.

Another similarity between Tories and Republicans is that they always choose wankers.

Music note: I listened to Kaiser Chiefs and Foo Fighters.

Creative note: I don’t like to give away Easter eggs, but I was talking to my padawan Alexandra Bowman while making this and asked her for one reference. So, the Doctor Who Easter egg is from her.

Also, since the cartoon has been published, I’ve gotten more grief that the Number 12 bus does not go to Chiswick and I put the driver on the wrong side.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Blotus


Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I had already used “Thems the breaks” before I drew this cartoon, but I just loved it too much. And if you don’t like it, well…thems the breaks.

Music note: I listened to something but I don’t remember what it was. Let’s say it was Nirvana.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Thems The Breaks


In a column in today’s Guardian, Gaby Hinsleff writes that England’s Conservative Party “owes this country a groveling apology.”

She writes “It should hang its head in shame for foisting on us a man so wholly unfit for office that he had to be dragged from it kicking and screaming and threatening to burn everything to the ground. It should apologize for choosing a leader it knew to be a lightweight and a liar, and propping him up for three years at our expense long after its worst fears had been realized. But most of all, it should apologize for repeatedly underestimating what he was capable of when cornered, and how hard he would be to remove. Nor should it expect, having apologized, to be forgiven.”

Boris Johnson submitted his resignation this morning in a speech in front of 10 Downing Street, and Gaby wrote, “you could almost hear the country sigh with relief. It’s goodbye to the worst prime minister any of us has ever known, and frankly, good riddance. He has brought this country to its knees, and his only legacy will be the long painful years of clearing up the damage.”

When Johnson resigned this morning, he said “thems the breaks,” as if it’s just bad luck he has to resign, as though he’s a victim of circumstance. Boris Johnson refused to accept any blame. Out of the 55 Prime Ministers the UK has had, Boris Johnson is the worst.

55 of Johnson’s ministers resigned, forcing him out of office. The plan is for him to stay on until around September after the Tories find a replacement, but it’s questionable how he’s going to lead when nobody wants to be in his cabinet.

Voters in the UK don’t directly elect their Prime Minister. He’s chosen by the party in power. It would be as if the House majority here chose the president, so if we had the same system, the GOP could put Donald Trump back in the White House if they retake Congress this November.

And, that’s exactly what they would do because unlike the Conservative Party in the United Kingdom, which finally gave up on a failed horrible leader, our conservative party still consists of boot-licking, toadying sycophantic troglodytes who have turned the party of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Eisenhower, and Reagan into a cult worshiping an orange clown.

When Donald Trump was impeached…the second time, only ten Republicans voted in favor. Only three in the Senate voted to convict. This was after he tried to overturn an election he lost by sending an angry mob of rabid white nationalist terrorists to attack Congress while it was certifying the 2020 election.

Today, he is still the party’s leader and presently the favorite to win its nomination in 2024. In fact, there’s speculation he’ll announce his presidential candidacy this month in order to distract, and maybe to stall, a prosecution.

Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have several things in common. Neither were qualified for their jobs. They’re both racists and pathological liars, neither can accept blame or fault, and they both have ridiculous hair. The two things they don’t have in common is that Boris has some sense and his party isn’t as cultish.

Another thing both “leaders” have in common is that they’re both the worst. Johnson is the worst PM in UK history and Donald Trump is the worst president (sic) in U.S. history. Some historians say he’s only the third worst, but I disagree.

The Tories actually put their nation before one person today. Even after trying to steal an election and implant himself as a fascist mango Mussolini, the GOP still worships at the altar of Trump. They’re still pushing his election lie.

Donald Trump spent his entire time in office grifting the nation and lying. He engaged in petty feuds and endorsed racists and pedophiles. He downplayed a pandemic and touted Clorox enemas as a solution. He groveled at the foot of fascist dictators while attacking our democratic allies. He had a net loss of jobs when he left office. Trump’s approval never rose above 50 percent during all four years of our national orange nightmare. We are still cleaning up after the Trump disaster and the GOP wants to hit us with it again before we’re finished.

I don’t know if the Conservative Party has any shame, but I know the GOP doesn’t. They owe this nation an apology, and they should not be forgiven.

The UK gets to say good riddance to Boris…in three months or so. In November, we should say “good riddance” to the entire Republican Party for putting a lying racist orange shitweasel before the nation.

And if voters do that, well then, thems the breaks.

Music note: I listened to The Beatles and a little Warren Zevon while drawing this.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Trumpin’ the Jubilee


It’s the Queen’s 70th year as the monarch of the United Kingdom. She is also the monarch and head of state of 14 Commonwealth realms, such as Canada, Jamaica, Belize, New Zealand, etc. Queen Elizabeth II is the longest-reigning monarch in English history. Queen Victoria is second with a 63-year reign from 1837 to 1901. We’ll never see a British monarch with a reign this long again, at least not in our lifetimes…probably.

The United Kingdom is a Constitutional monarchy, as most of the monarch’s functions are ceremonial, diplomatic, and representational. The Queen does appoint the Prime Minister and summons, prorogue, and dissolves Parliament. These duties are non-partisan and mostly ceremonial.

Prime Minister Harold Wilson (The Beatles mentioned him in “Tax Man”) requested Queen Elizabeth to dissolve Parliament in 1974 when he couldn’t form a coalition among the several parties to form a government (they are not simply a two-party government as we are). The Queen obliged and new elections were held. In theory, the Queen can dismiss the Prime Minister, but a monarch hasn’t done so since 1834 when King William IV told Lord Melbourne to get out of town (and he came back).

There are people in the United States who wish we had a monarchy, even though our Constitution strongly forbids it. Some envision a monarch who is head of state, like European monarchs who are non-partisan. Others believe we already have a monarch, a king, who’s been unjustly dismissed and robbed of his rule. These people confuse monarchy with fascism.

The people who believe Trump won the election he lost, and have zero proof to prove it, want a fascist leader who isn’t elected or even appointed, but one who takes leadership in a coup. They demand that he be reinstated, which is not Constitutional. They wanted the certification of our current president’s victory halted, which is also unconstitutional. They wanted alternative electors to appoint Donald Trump to the presidency, which is another thing that’s unconstitutional.

Donald Trump believes he is king. He believes simple acts such as not applauding for him amount to treason. Ivanka Trump believes she is a princess and the Trumps are a royal family. This family believes laws should not apply to them. Their associates use their closeness to Trump to argue that laws shouldn’t apply to them. These self-proclaimed royals believe something becomes fact when they say it is.

Donald Trump campaigns against people for being disloyal, not to the Constitution, but to him personally. The most damaging accusation against a Republican today is being deemed insufficiently loyal to Donald Trump.

Trumpers want a fascist monarchy. Have you seen those idiots at the hate rallies wearing T-shirts of the Trump line of succession? Basically, they want every Trump to have a turn at the presidency if we’re still going to call it “presidency.”

Congratulations to the Queen on her 70 years as monarch. And congratulations to us for ending our fascist monarchy at four.

Music Note: I only listened to “Her Majesty” by The Beatles while uploading the 30-second video of this to TikTok.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Trump’s Vaccine Fail


cjones12102020

Good news, everybody. Donald Trump signed an executive order commanding all American manufacturers of covid vaccine to deliver them to Americans first. We will all get the vaccine to the virus before any unworthy foreigners do from American vaccine companies, like Pfizer.

Yesterday, citizens of the United Kingdom started to receive vaccines to the coronavirus from Pfizer. Wait, what? I thought Americans, you know, people in the United States were supposed to receive the vaccine first from American companies?

George Stephanopoulos asked a guy on Good Morning America to clarify Donald Trump’s order…like how will it work? The guy said, “Frankly, I don’t know, and frankly, I’m staying out of this. I can’t comment. I literally don’t know.”

Who was that guy? Nobody very important. Just the lead scientists on Trump’s Operation Warp Speed, the effort to produce a vaccine and distribute it to Americans. George said, “But you’re the lead scientists. And the lead scientists said, “No, I’m not. It’s that guy over there.” And as George turned his head to look and saw there wasn’t a guy over there, the lead scientist ran from the room screaming.

Then, we found out that Donald Trump rejected offers from Pfizer to purchase millions of more doses of the vaccine created by them and the German company BioNTech, which is the vaccine currently being given to the Brits.

Donald Trump is a businessman yet he doesn’t seem to understand how supply and demand works. Maybe that’s because he never tried to sell a product anyone wanted. But several companies are making vaccines and they can only make them so fast. So when Donald Trump turns down an offer to purchase millions of doses, then those doses will be sold elsewhere, like in NOT America. Pfizer has already gone into contracts with other nations to deliver vaccine doses in the second half of 2021. Donald Trump should understand that when you have a contract, you have to fulfill it….except Donald Trump usually disregards contracts and cheats the people he made promises to. That’s because he’s a grifter.

Donald Trump is worried that Joe Biden will steal credit for the vaccine. But in late 2021, when we don’t have enough, I’m sure Trump will tweet from a toilet at Mar-a-Lago about what a horrible job Joe is doing with distributing the vaccine. And Geraldo wanted to name the vaccine after Trump to honor him. They should name toilets after Trump. Then we can say, “I gotta drop a Geraldo in the Trump.”

Remember during the campaign when Donald Trump promised a vaccine would be available for every American before the end of the year? Yeah, we might have 40 million doses before January 1. To be vaccinated, every American needs two doses. Do the math, Republicans. Half of 40 is…what? That’s 20 million people treated. It’s a good thing there are only 20 million people in the United States. Right? No? The United States alone is going to need at least 700 million doses. While we’re scrambling for doses, other nations will be doing the same. We’ll be competing again and dumbass Trump, when given the opportunity to purchase more doses, said, “No thanks.”

And get this, being the brilliant businessman that he is, Donald Trump did purchase 100 million doses of a cheaper vaccine that’s probably made from badger sweat and horse piss. We’re going to get the Trump Steaks of vaccines. And you question why so many are skeptical of the vaccine? Before that needle goes into my arm, I’m asking…”Is this the Trump vaccine or the Biden vaccine?”

Donald Trump did hold a party at the White House to celebrate that there will be a vaccine…and it’s a good thing the vaccine is coming because White House parties tend to be coronavirus super-spreader events. Oh, the irony. Of course, the people who will be distributing the vaccine, the Joe Biden administration, weren’t invited. Pfizer and Moderna, another vaccine manufacturer, refused to attend the party, either because they didn’t want to part of the politicization of it, didn’t want to be associated with Donald Trump, or they didn’t watch to catch the virus at another White House super spreader event.

At the event, Donald Trump said if another 1.8 millions people die, then we’ll have herd immunity and won’t even need the vaccine. Then he said, that would be “terrific.” Terrific if another 1.8 million people die? If Donald Trump manages to steal this election, I’m sure that will happen. I’m sure he’ll fuck up distributing the vaccine. He’s actually trying to make it a disaster for Biden. Donald Trump is a very evil stupid man.

Donald Trump has issued an order that American companies provide the vaccine he’s not ordering to Americans first.

And do not forget that during this entire crisis, he’s been trying to destroy our national healthcare system. Meanwhile, the UK’s national healthcare system, scary socialism, is vaccinating people.

And over 70 million of us voted to continue this Trump disaster. We are an extremely stupid country.

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Trumpet Crumpets


cjones07282020

Donald Trump is corrupt. His cult points at him donating his salary to different government agencies while ignoring his frequent trips to his own golf resorts and every foreign diplomat and Republican in Washington, D.C. booking hotel and party rooms at his hotels. Attorney General William Barr spent over $30,000 to rent a conference room at Trump’s Washington hotel for an asshole party. There are other hotels and conference rooms in Washington, D.C. Former Secretary of the Interior Scott Pruitt tried to buy a used mattress from the Trump hotel. There are better places to buy a mattress in the Washington, D.C, area, and maybe even get one at a better price that didn’t have Russian hookers doing lord-knows-what-disgusting things on it.

When Donald Trump visits his shitty golf resorts, the governments has to book rooms. That means they have to pay for them. In fact, they have to book rooms surrounding the dates for Trump’s visits for security purposes and the possibility that he’ll stay longer. We, you and I, still have to pay for those rooms. The Trump Organization isn’t cutting us any slack. Donald Trump even charges the Secret Service rent at Trump Tower and for the use of golf carts to follow him around while he cheats at golf by stealing little boys’ balls. The motherfucker literally charges the Secret Service to protect his fat orange ass.

Donald Trump promised to drain the swamp. But the mere fact he’s continued Washington’s swampy ways is that he awards ambassadorships to campaign contributors. For example, the ambassadorship to the United Kingdom is probably the most lucrative diplomatic post we have and Donald Trump gave it to a guy named Woody. Woody Johnson is a billionaire and the owner of The New York Jets. He gave over a million dollars to the Trump Inauguration Committee where millions of dollars have just vanished. It’s like nobody’s even looking into that anymore. Zip. Bye-bye, money. For his donation, Woody got London.

Now, it’s been revealed that Woody was poking around trying to get the British Open, which is a golf tournament, to be awarded to…wait for it…oh fuck it, you know where this is going…to one of Donald Trump’s shitty resorts. Shockingly enough, he was trying to get it to one of Trump’s resorts in the UK and not one in the U.S.

When Donald Trump first banned travel from Europe because of the coronavirus pandemic, he made exceptions for nations that had…wait for it…oh you know this….exceptions for nations that had Trump resorts. Why? Because Donald Trump is corrupt. We need to talk about this a lot more often.

Woody apparently brought the subject up to Scotland’s Secretary of State. Scotland is where Trump’s Turnberry resort is located. In case you’re a Republican, Scotland is a country that’s part of the United Kindom. This is something that probably confused Trump previously as he’s shown confusion over what is the United Kingdom, England, Britain, and person, woman, man, camera, TV.

Woody told several colleagues he was going to make the request and his deputy, Lewis Lukens, a holdover from the Obama administration, told him it was a really bad idea. Asking for a personal favor, basically, a bribe to the president of the United States isn’t just not diplomatic, but it’s unethical and…wait for it again…has to be illegal.

Lukens was fired. Now, there’s confusion over whether he was fired for not liking the idea of asking host nations for bribes or if he was dismissed for saying something nice about President Obama at a diplomatic function. You know what type of little titty babies these people are in the Trump administration.

Woody Johnson tweeted, “I have followed the ethical rules and requirements of my office at all times,” which was about as much a denial as Congressman Ted Yoho’s apology to congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for calling her a “fucking bitch” was an actual apology.

Donald Trump claimed he never spoke to Woody Johnson about it which is either a lie or the truth as he could have spoken to someone else to speak to Johnson about it. And, while denying that he was trying to benefit his property as president (sic), Donald Trump promoted his property from the presidency. He said, “No, I never spoke to Woody Johnson about that, about Turnberry. Turnberry’s a highly respected course, as you know, one of the best in the world. I read a story about it today, and I never spoke to Woody Johnson about doing that, no.” Also, you can probably get a really sweet deal on a used mattress from Turdberry.

Is Donald Trump the kind of guy who’d use his office to profit? Is he the kind of guy who’d ask for a major golf tournament to be hosted at one of his resorts? We do know he’s the kind of guy who’d try to host the G-7 at one of his shitty resorts.

Turdberry is a major money sucker and Trump has lost millions in it. He’s been craving for a major golf tournament to be hosted at one of his resorts for years but he’s been denied again and again. Why? Because his golf courses are crap. Several of his resorts are losing money, like Doral in Miami which is why he wanted the G-7 to be hosted there. Also, Doral is full of bedbugs so be careful if you go mattress shopping from a Trump property.

Donald Trump is corrupt. He’s raking in millions without even asking…but he’s asking too. And there’s no better way to lose respect in the international community than for our president (sic) to be asking our allies for bribes. It’s a bribe. Make no mistake about it. Bribe, bribe, bribity, bribe, bribe. It’s a fucking bribe. It’s not just unethical, it’s a crime for which Donald Trump should eventually go to fucking federal prison…among all the other multiple crimes he’s committed that he should go to fucking federal prison for.

And the new normal in Trump corruption is that this story lasted a day. It was swept aside for his canceling a convention in Jacksonville and for, “Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV.” It’s scary enough the Trump cult doesn’t care about Trump’s corruption, but that the rest of have become used to it. This is a big freaking deal. Everyone needs to freak out about it. I am. Can we all agree it’s wrong for the president (sic) to enrich himself from his office? Can we agree it’s wrong for the president (sic) to ask for bribes?

And since Republicans in Washington won’t remove Donald Trump for being corrupt, the responsibility is on us. We need to remove him in November. It’s important.

Donald Trump is corrupt and his supporters have a Woody for it.

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Trumped Up Brexit


cjones05282019.jpg

Voters in the United Kingdom can be just as poorly informed as their counterparts in the United States. They can also be just as easily manipulated by Russian troll farms.

While the European Union isn’t perfect and there are serious issues for each nation involved to resolve, it’s stupid for the United Kingdom to leave it and form an isolationist position. That’s exactly why Vladimir Putin directed the Kremlin to engage in election meddling in the UK’s EU vote. Russia does not have the UK’s best interest at heart.

Likewise, Russia wants what’s worse for the United States which is why they meddled in our election to help elect Donald Trump. I have often said that a voting primer is to vote against Vladimir Putin’s best interest. You would have to be an idiot to vote for Putin’s candidate.

Idiots in the United States gave us Donald Trump. Now, Boris Johnson is about to become Prime Minister because of a bunch of British idiots…and Welsh, Scottish, and Irish (though fewer Scots and Irish supported Brexit than people in England and Wales).

Theresa May had been struggling for a deal with the European Union on the UK’s exit. Boris Johnson is promising an exit even without a deal. Trump, who claims he’s a great negotiator, has operated the same way. The formula is to throw the baby out with the baby water and hope the other side returns the baby.

Trump left the Paris Climate Accord, the Trans-Pacific Partnership, NAFTA, and the Iran Nuclear Treaty without any replacements. He tried to end Obamacare without a replacement. He’s also threatened to leave NATO. Meanwhile in the Kremlin, Putin is smiling.

Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have much in common. While Boris isn’t as stupid as Trump (it takes a lot more political savvy to weave your way through British politics than it does  to dupe 62 million American voters with “build a wall and Mexico will pay for it”), he is an isolationist populist who puts his own self interest before his nation’s. Both use racist dog whistles. Both are Russian puppets. Both are isolationist and nation first guys. They both troll the least informed for support. Both have ridiculous yellow hair (though Boris’ looks real). They were both born in New York City. And, they both are willing to initiate maneuvers without any regard for the dangerous consequences. If England wasn’t an island, Boris would be chanting for a wall. If you’re a Trump or one of his supporters, yes. England is an island.

Both of these guys serve Russian interests. Boris was even named after a Russian.

Trump once referred third-world nations as “shithole” countries. Boris once compared infighting in his Conservative Party to “Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing.” Trump is known as a liar and loves to make shit up. Boris was once fired as a journalist for making up a quote.

Donald Trump undermined Theresa May by saying Boris would make a great Prime Minister. He also thinks he’s doing a great job as president.

Most Brits view Trump as a laughingstock. Only one in four of them believe Boris should be Prime Minister which means they’re about to get their own laughingstock. Personally, I have to find time away from laughing at our laughingstock to laugh at Britain’s. Likewise, Brits may have less focus to create Trump Babies because they’ll be making a Boris Baby.

But, the lesson for my British friends is this: Vote stupid, stupid things happen. Need an example? Baby, I can give you one.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Trump Baby


cjones07102018

 

For the first time in my life, I think I feel sorry for the Queen of England.

At some point between meeting Prime Minster Theresa May, Boris Johnson, listening to bagpipes, golf in Scotland, lots of executive time, and avoiding protesters, Donald Trump will meet Queen Elizabeth. God help the Queen.

It’s the protests that may be the most interesting. Over one million people signed a petition to ban Trump from visiting the United Kingdom. It worked for a while as Trump canceled a previously planned trip. He blamed the excessive cost of the American embassy and blamed Obama, despite the embassy being planned during the second Bush administration.

Street protests against America’s wannabe fascist are expected to draw over 100,000 people in London, which Trump plans to mostly avoid. The mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, who Trump has feuded with, says Trump is not welcome in his city. He’s even gone so far as to approve a permit for a giant Trump baby balloon to float above the Palace of Westminster.

Trump Baby is a cartoonish depiction of Trump as an infant (about the same age as migrant children he’s been throwing into baby prisons). The floating caricature looks angry, is wearing diapers, and holding a cell phone. Organizers set a fundraising goal of $20,000 for the Trump Baby, which they surpassed. Apparently, more people in London want to see Trump Baby than the real man baby.

Some people in the UK don’t like it. UKIP leader Nigel Farage said the plan was “the biggest insult to a sitting US President ever.” Maybe he’s not a history buff and is unaware of the time Britain literally burned down the White House.

Though Trump Baby has been approved by the mayor’s office, it still needs permits from the National Air Traffic Service and the Metropolitan Police.

According to people close to Trump who like to leak embarrassing details about their boss, he really hates being called or treated like a baby, which is really odd because he expects to be coddled everywhere he goes. He’s even planning some alone coddling time with Vladimir Putin during their summit in Finland next week. Maybe they can get a honeymoon suite at the Helsinki Hilton.

Since the organizers exceeded their fundraising goal, they plan to send Trump Baby on a world tour. The plan is to have the balloon haunt Trump wherever he goes. I think Tom Steyer, the impeach Trump guy, should spend his billions on funding Trump Baby’s journey. It’d be a more effective way of trolling Trump than those commercials, and funnier too.  Perhaps your city could float its own Trump Baby as a Trump deterrent.

It may also keep scarecrows out of your cornfields.

Watch me draw.

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Toodle Pip, EU


cjones06252016

I’m a fan of British humor. From Monty Python to The Young Ones to The Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy to the first two Beatles movies. One of the biggest aspects of the humor, or “humour” to me is the slang. American slang sucks compared to the English, especially when it comes to insults.

Donald Trump might have learned that Friday if he had the capability to comprehend and learn stuff.

On Friday after the Brexit vote Trump sent out a tweet while he was promoting his failing golf club in Scotland. There’s no larger evidence that Trump’s presidential campaign is more about his brand than policies than him taking a break to promote a failing golf club overseas.

I digress. Trump celebrated the United Kingdom leaving the European Union, even though he probably doesn’t understand it. He had it explained to him a few weeks ago on live television. Now he thinks it’s a great development. His tweet stated “Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!”

The most ignorant thing about Trump’s tweet is that Scotland voted 62% to 38% to stay in the EU. One clever twitter user replied to Trump’s tweet with “Scotland voted Remain, you weapons-grade plum.”

It didn’t stop there. Please forgive the not safe for family newspaper language here but further insults were:

Delete your golf course.

Scotland voted Remain you muppet.

Scotland voted to stay you numpty.

Scotland voted to remain, you tit.

Oi, buttplug face, Scotland are pro-EU.

Scotland voted overwhelmingly to stay in Europe you toupéd fucktrumpet

SCOTLAND VOTED TO STAY, YOU WITLESS FUCKING COCKSPLAT!

No, they aren’t you cockwomble.

Scotland voted remain  you incomprehensible jizztrumpet.

Scotland voted stay & plan on a second referendum, you tiny fingered, Chetto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon.

Scotland hates both Brexit and you, you mangled apricot hellbeast.

They voted remain you spoon.

To top his day off, one Scottish protester dropped golf balls all around him at his press conference. The golf balls were emblazoned with Swastikas. Too bad Corey Lewandowski had been fired and wasn’t there to rough the Scot up.

Trump is a spoon. A great big touped, Chetto-faced spoon.

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