Emmanuel Macron

G7 Pardon


cjones06132018

Before he stepped on Obama’s airplane to head to the G7 summit in Canada, Trump took questions from a few reporters and said that Russian President Vladimir Putin really wanted Hillary Clinton to win the election, and he, Trump, was his worst nightmare.

I don’t know about you but my nightmares consist of stuff, like spiders, finding myself naked in high school, falling off a cliff, Nickelback dressed as clowns, a hotdog with ketchup, you know….real terrifying stuff. Nightmares are not dreams of getting everything you want.

For Putin, that’s an American president who undermines democratic institutions like a free press while destabilizing NATO and our alliances in addition to spilling classified information to Russian spies in the Oval Office. Now, Trump is at the G7 campaigning for Russia to be invited back, which kicked Putin out for annexing Crimea.

What in the world could Hillary Clinton have given Putin to make him happier? Neck massages? Scratch that, because Trump may have already done that.

Trump was very eager to fight with leaders of our allies, like Canada’s Justin Trudeau and France’s Emmanuel Macron…on Twitter and through the press. Now that he’s actually face to face, he arrived late, and he’s leaving early. That’s because Donald Trump is a coward.

What does it say about our nation’s president who’s afraid of our allies but eager to get on a plane and arrive early for a date with the dictator of North Korea?

If Trump has prepared very little for meeting Kim Jong Un (who we hope is as dumb as Trump), the only thoughts he put into his trip to the G7 was how to get out of it. Reportedly, he asked aides if his presence was absolutely necessary and asked if he could cancel at the last minute.

Trump is now showing the entire world he belongs to Putin. At this rate, he may have to register as a foreign lobbyist. If Putin really wanted Clinton to win the presidency, he would have sent spies to her campaign HQ to dish dirt and had Wikileaks hack Trump. The only problem would have been Clinton’s refusal to collude with Russia because some people don’t want to commit treason.

You have to ask yourself what exactly does Putin have on Trump? That pee tape must be really nasty.

Watch me draw.

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Primitive Diplomacy


cjones04282018

Yesterday, pundits in the news were asking, how can Donald Trump say nice things about Kim Jong Un? Trump said the guy, who had his uncle shot and his brother murdered, was behaving honorably.  But, saying nice things about someone is Trump’s way of coaxing. He believes it works on other people because it works on him. Because, at that moment sitting next to him was the President of France saying nice things about him.  I’m sure in France a lot of people are asking Emmanuel Macron how can he say nice things about Trump.

You’d think the leader buddying up with Trump, hugging, holding hands, cheek-kissing, and being all sorts of awkward would be from Russia, Turkey, the Philippines, China, or Texas. Right? Not France, where Trump’s likability rating is probably lower than it is in Boston.

But, Macron is willing to be nice to Trump in order to get what he wants, which is American troops staying in Syria, the U.S. back in the Paris Climate Agreement, and to retain the treaty with Iran that prevents them from acquiring nukes. Macron must be better than most people because he even allowed Trump to pretend to brush dandruff off his shoulder. Most people would have slapped his tiny orange fingers. Even Melania, who sleeps in a separate bedroom and an entirely different state when she can, won’t let him hold her hand.

And what was up with that dandruff thing? Trump brushed Macron’s shoulder and said “We have to make him perfect.” It wasn’t just awkward but another internationally embarrassing moment where they keep accumulating.

The Washington Post’s Ashley Parker interviewed body language expert Patti Wood on that moment. Wood said, “The interactions throughout the visit largely fall under a category known as gamesmanship.” According to Wood, Trump did something called “primate grooming.” Yeah, that sounds about right.

Wood added “It said, ‘We have an intimate relationship, but I’m dominant, I’m the alpha gorilla, I’m going to groom you. But I’m going to criticize you by saying you have dandruff, and I’m going to do that on the world stage and see how you handle that.”

Well, Shit. I didn’t need a body language expert to tell you that Trump was acting like an ape. Quite frankly, would it astonish anyone at this point if he started flinging poo?

I am concerned about the embarrassment Trump brought to our nation, France, and gorillas.

Here’s the extremely short video.

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