Dogs

Goodbye Granny


cjones03302020

In case you haven’t noticed by now, Republicans are in a contest with each other to see who can be the vilest, most despicable, horrid person in their party. Keep in mind, this is the party that lied and said President Obama was creating death panels as part of Obamacare. The story here, whose biggest advocate was Sarah Palin, was that there would be panels deciding which old people to kill off.

The irony is that the GOP can stomach a lot of death. They value semi-automatic weapons over the lives of children. Kim Jong Un kills an American college student and the best Donald Trump can say is that the communist dictator “feels bad about it.” They don’t care about immigrant children dying in the desert or in the custody of Border Patrol. They don’t care if people in this nation die because they can’t afford medical treatment and are uninsured. Now, the Lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick (not the ESPN guy), has advocated that old people should be willing to die in order to get the economy going.

Patrick is a Texan and a proud member of the party of “if you’re not rich, fuck you.” Now, the position is becoming “fuck off and die.”

Donald Trump wants everyone filling churches by Easter Sunday, which is April 12. He said “we can’t let the cure be worse than the problem.” Patrick is taking that to heart and has gone on television to endorse old people risking their lives for the economy. Patrick, who is 70, said to Tucker Carlson, “No one reached out to me and said, ‘as a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’ And if that’s the exchange, I’m all in.”

He carried on with his nonsense and said, “And that doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that. I just think there are lots of grandparents out there in this country like me… that what we care about and what we love more than anything are those children.”

Republicans are not taking this seriously. Texas is a state without a stay-at-home order from the governor. There are other states too that aren’t taking the pandemic seriously, such as Mississippi, where the governor’s answer to the virus is that they’ll pray really hard.

As the pandemic was rising across the globe, Donald Trump thought denial and lies were the cure. He called it a hoax and yesterday, he still claimed the media was using it to defeat him. He uses it himself politically in calling it the “Chinese virus.” And, he still thinks it’s the flu.

It gets worse.

In Pennsylvania, Republican state Representative Stephanie Borowicz introduced legislation (I swear I’m not making this up) calling for “A State Day of Humiliation, Fasting, and Prayer” in response to the coronavirus crisis. The legislation states, “We know that, by His divine law, nations like individuals are subjected to punishments and chastisement in this world” and the current pandemic may be “punishment inflicted upon us for our presumptuous sins.” It claims Pennsylvanians “have forgotten God” and thus need to “confess our national sins and to pray for clemency and forgiveness.” Why do I hear that in my head with a heavy southern accent? If anything, some Pennsylvanians have sinned by electing stupid fuckers to represent them.

Louisiana, which is becoming the next epicenter for the virus, has Senator John Kennedy, who downplayed the pandemic by claiming “poverty, hunger, and losing the entire economy” could also kill people. Likewise, Trump says suicides over the economy will outnumber deaths from the virus.

TV preacher Jim Bakker is hawking a fake coronavirus cure which I’m sure involves sending him money. Texas-based Evangelical preacher Kenneth Copeland claims he can cure the virus if you watch him preach on TV, which also probably involves money.

A Miami megachurch preacher, Guillermo Maldonado, has told his followers to pack his church and that fear of the virus is a “demonic spirit.” He asked the few people at his megachurch last Sunday, “Do you believe God would bring his people to his house to be contagious with the virus? Of course not.” So, if you’re afraid enough of the virus to stay home and not attend his sermon, you’re going to Hell.

Baton Rouge pastor Tony Spell is refusing to comply with a state order banning gatherings of over 50 people and said, “The virus, we believe, is politically motivated.” He passed out anointed handkerchiefs which are probably a lot easier to get now than Purell.

A pastor in Indiana, Paul Begley, believes the virus is a sign of the “end times.” A pastor in Pennsylvania (who probably voted for that nutjob state rep) says the virus is “demonic” and if you have it, then you are “healed in Jesus’ name.”

These politicians and preachers are willing to risk your life for their benefit. In the preachers’ case, it’s more revenue. In Trump and other GOP politicians, it’s their political hide. Donald Trump knows a recession hurts his chances of being reelected. What’s he going to say after people go over 30 days without a paycheck? Is he going to blame Obama, China, and the media? Probably. And the deeper we’re in a recession the harder it will be for a dumbass like Donald Trump to pull us out, and the majority of the nation knows that.

The most vulnerable to dying from the coronavirus are the elderly. The real irony in their willingness to sacrifice seniors for cheeseburgers, sermons, baseball games, and Trump rallies is that seniors, specifically the white ones, vote for Donald Trump (I’m not beating up on you if you’re a senior and you don’t vote for Trump. I’m a 53-year-old white male and my demographic is strongly pro-Trump. I’m the minority). But other than killing off their base, they’re putting themselves in extreme danger.

Donald Trump is 73. He can say he feels like a 30-year-old all day long but he’s still 73. He wants to relax the federal recommendations on social distancing and he doesn’t care if it kills people as long as it helps him. And people in his cult, like Dan Patrick (not the ESPN guy), they don’t care either.

The Republican Party doesn’t care if you die as long as it helps the economy. If you’re old, maybe you can help them even further by booking a cruise before you die.

But if you wanna stick around a bit longer, take some advice from your friendly neighborhood ink-slinging cartoonist: Don’t get into a car with a Republican. You may not come back.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

A Summit For Mutts


cjones03022019

There are two certainties of the second summit with North Korea. Kim Jong Un will win the Dinner For Schmucks contest and Donald Trump will not bring up human rights abuses to the dictator.

North Korea’s dictator solidifies his power internationally by developing nuclear weapons, and internally by mass purges and executions. A study by a Seoul-based North Korean Strategy Center, led by a North Korean defector, says the communist regime has purged 421 people since Kim Jong Un came to power in 2011. They collected accounts by 14 North Korean elite group defectors, six North Korean officials in China, and five other defectors who witnessed executions. These accounts are just from people who have escaped North Korea, so the number of killed is surely higher than 421.

Kim had his brother murdered by poison in a Malaysian airport. One defecting witness says Kim executed eleven musicians with anti-aircraft guns in front of a crowd of 10,000 people in a stadium (this is why Nickelback never does North Korea stadium tours). He has killed senior officers in his own government, military and the ruling Korean Worker’s Party. He killed one for having a “bad attitude” and another for slouching in a meeting.

Former presidents condemned Kim’s brutal behavior. Our current president says he and Kim see “eye to eye.”

Like Kim, Trump doesn’t like anyone, not just challenging his authority, but challenging him in any manner whatsoever. After Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats said it’s unlikely that North Korea will give up its nuclear weapons, Trump had a hissy fit, and office pools were created on how much longer Coats will last in the administration.

Why wouldn’t Trump want to copy the way Kim deals with his critics, rivals and, perceived threats? He already copies his style of propaganda. Trump lies about the weather. His natural orangeness comes from good genes. He’s 6 foot three. The White House manipulates his photos so his waist is slimmer and his hands are larger. He’s even speculated on the presidency being a lifetime job.

Trump has warned there could be violence if he’s impeached (which is telling his supporters to start something if he’s impeached). He wants news outlets regulated so they don’t report his lies. He wondered aloud why there isn’t retribution for the way he’s treated by Alec Baldwin’s impersonation on Saturday Night Live. He’s floated innuendoes about how his former attorney/fixer Michael Cohen’s family might be punished if he testifies before Congress. What’s his attitude going to be like when he comes back from a love summit with Kim Jong Un?

Trump doesn’t like dogs, probably because dogs don’t like assholes and phonies (dogs are smarter and have better senses than his sycophants). But after hearing that Kim Jong Un has conducted executions by having dogs rip the victims apart, Trump might reconsider.

Most people would rather hang out with dogs than the likes of Donald Trump. Donald Trump would rather hang out with a dictator.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.