CPAC

A Toon For The Deranged


cjones03092019

Sycophants of Donald Trump accuse his critics of suffering from TDS, Trump Derangement Syndrome. They claim liberals, Democrats, and Never Trumpers in the Republican party react irrationally to everything Trump says and does, paying little attention to the details, his actions, and his successes. They claim people like me hate Trump just because he’s Donald Trump. It’s as if Trump hasn’t given anyone a good reason to criticize him.

The truth is, I don’t hate Donald Trump. I do dislike the man. Before he was president, he was a racist conman with little regard for anyone except himself. He’s the kind of guy who steals from charities, refuses to pay people who work for him, and starts a campaign to delegitimize a black president because of his race. He’s the kind of guy who boasts about what a great businessman he is while bankrupting a casino. He’s the kind of guy who hangs fake Time Magazine covers of himself in his golf clubs and calls members of the press while impersonating a fictional employee bragging about Donald Trump’s dating life. He’s the kind of guy who will cheat on his wife who is at home with a newborn, and then get on a bus and brag about it to another celebrity. He’s the kind of guy who seduces porn stars by showing them pictures of himself on magazine covers and comparing them to his daughter. He’s the kind of guy who says he’d like to date his daughter. Yeah, I don’t like that guy.

Who I do hate is President Donald J. Trump. I don’t suffer from TDS because I’m not irrational about it. My criticism of him has a bit more depth to it than “orange man bad.”

I hate a president who commits campaign fraud, obstructs justice, solicits help from a foreign adversary, sells his nation out to Vladimir Putin, uses the Justice Department to punish his enemies, violates the emoluments clause, seeks to divide the nation based on his hatred, throws children into cages, vilifies the weak while throwing tax cuts at the mega-rich, and calls nations where brown people come from “shitholes.” I hate a president who is illiterate and can’t stop tweeting about how he’s being victimized. I hate a president who fills government positions with unqualified people, like members of his family. I hate that he gave a security clearance to his dimwit son-in-law. I hate a president who attacks Gold Star families and POWs. I hate a president who doesn’t stop holding campaign rallies. I hate a president who encourages his supporters to commit violent acts. I hate a president who doesn’t understand tariffs, the nuclear triad, NATO, foreign policy, the three branches of government, and the U.S. Constitution. I hate a president who wants to waste billions on a stupid, useless, racist border wall as a vanity project. I hate a president who calls black athletes “sons of bitches.” I really hate a president who smears our allies while cozying up to dictators. I hate a president who gives murderers like Kim Jong Un and Muhammad Bin Salman a pass.

Orange man is bad, but orange president is dangerous.

To me, Trump Derangement Syndrome doesn’t describe his critics. It describes the cult that is his followers who ignore all the things I mentioned. It describes the people who defend Trump, and who also criticized Obama for wearing a tan suit, putting mustard on a burger, and claimed he was born in Kenya, on an apology tour, and was going to take away everyone’s guns. These are the people who attacked his wife for trying to get kids to eat more vegetables.

Now, if you really want to see deranged behavior, go back to last weekend’s Conservative Political Action Conference (which is less about being conservative and more about being TrumpTrumpTrumpTrumpOHMYGODTrumpTrumpTrump). Even before the deranged, incoherent, two-hour-plus rant from Trump, the derangement was off the charts. I’m talking about the entire conference’s obsessions with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

If you watched the conference, then you heard how she wants to ban cows, which means no more hamburgers. They claim she wants to ban planes. They air a video of her dancing during her college years, but they darken the lighting and try to make it ominous, as though the Breakfast Club dance is equivalent to sacrificing babies, which they also accuse her of.

The point at her socialism and compare it to Venezuela, instead of places like Norway and Canada. It’s funny they compare American socialists to strongmen who prop themselves up by building their military, while American socialists always advocate for less spending on the military. But then again, these are the same idiots who claim she wants to ban cows.

Former Trump aid and super creepy guy Sebastian Gorka said she is trying to realize Stalin’s dream of taking away all our hamburgers, which is something I didn’t know Stalin was into. Mark Meadows, the Republican who has a black friend, made the same argument about taking away hamburgers…and so did Ted Cruz…and so did Donald Trump Jr, and about 50 other participants at the conference.

You would think AOC was running for president and not six years from being old enough to qualify for the job. You would think she held a leadership position in her party. You would think she wasn’t just a freshman representative. But, the CPAC crowd is so obsessed with her that they barely have time to chant “lock her up,” or cry about emails, or scream “Benghazi!”

The conference ran for four days. Four days of this hamburger nonsense. Did they actually take apart her Green New Deal on specifics or get into actual details? Nope. Did they go after the MAN who co-sponsored the non-binding legislation? Nope. Do they even know his name? Nope. But for four days, “booga, booga, booga, no more hamburgers.”

Republicans project, like Trump criticizing Obama for not releasing his school records, yet he threatens his schools not to release his. But they don’t notice their hypocrisy. A conservative who accuses you of suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome probably has 148 AOC memes on his Facebook page, the majority of them dealing with cow farts. They’re oblivious.

Trump and his sycophants are the ones who truly are deranged. Unfortunately, they’re often successful in shaping the narrative. We can’t let the deranged set the tone or the agenda going into the next presidential election.

That would be deplorable.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Advertisements

Creepy Flag Love


cjones03082019

A phony person will overly exert himself to prove he’s something he’s not. The biggest trait of a phony is they’ll find what you like and profess to love it just as much. For example, I might tell you I like Taco Bell and you might say you do as well, or not, but a phony will try to convince you that he loves Taco Bell so much, he moved into a Taco Bell and named his kid Chalupa. Maybe another example would be a Republican who has built his entire image opposing gay marriage but is later discovered in a men’s bathroom stall with six guys and a Barbra Streisand CD.

I love America but I don’t feel the need to dry hump a flag to prove it. Donald Trump, on the other hand, being the treasonous type who has displayed his love for all things Russia and Putin, feels the need to overcompensate by walking onto a stage before an audience and treat an American flag to the point he’s going to need a non-disclosure agreement.

What else can he do to convince you he loves America more than anyone else, seduce a bald eagle? Nope. That’s already happened and the eagle said “no.” Maybe he can give an apple pie the Jason Biggs treatment.

I never thought nationalism was pretty, from forcing children to pledge allegiance to political candidates attacking other candidates for not wearing a flag pin, but it doesn’t get much uglier than watching Donald Trump get flag gropy.

What was even uglier was Trump’s Saturday speech at CPAC, the Conservative Political Action Conference, which should replace “conservative” with “cult.” There’s nothing conservative about them anymore and with this change, it would be more honest and they can keep their acronym.

Trump rambled and screamed for the CPAC crowd for over two hours. He incoherently went on about tariffs, the Green New Deal, Robert Mueller, witch hunts, James Comey, Chuck Schumer, the media, reporting on his crowd sizes, his government shutdown, immigrants, food stamps, abortion, and lied about Hillary Clinton’s electoral vote number. He even dropped a few curse words.

Trump displayed his stupidity in lying about the Green New Deal. He described it as banning electricity, and that nobody will be able to watch TV if the wind’s not blowing. Seriously.

The CPAC audience, which spent most of the four-day convention attacking Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, ate it up, but they fell for this con three years ago when he started his campaign. These people have overdosed so much on the Kool-Aid that they’re going to need a twelve-step program to get off the stuff. For the rest of us, beware of flag huggers.

Nobel-Prize winning author Sinclair Lewis wrote It Can’t Happen Here, a semi-satirical political novel in 1935 about a demagogue being elected president of the United States. One reviewer of the novel describes the antagonist (if you’re a Republican, that’s the bad guy) as “less a Nazi than a con-man-plus-Rotarian, a manipulator who knows how to appeal to people’s desperation.” That description sounds like a non-fictional person we know.

Lewis is often credited with the quote, “When fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross,” probably because it sounds like something he’d write. But, there’s no evidence he ever said or wrote it. No one really knows where it came from. But there is truth in the quote.

Donald Trump waves a Bible he never read and hugs a flag he’s never loved before an audience of people he’s afraid will give him germs. Trump is a phony and proof “it can happen here.” And he’s wrapped in a flag.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

The Bald Spot


cjones02272018

Donald Trump made two very surprising acknowledgements last week. First, he finally admitted that Russia meddled in the 2016 presidential election. It’s true, he didn’t admit they sought to help him win the election, that they had any effect on the results, or that his campaign was involved in any way. It’s also true he used it to attack Obama and didn’t criticize or say anything negative about Russia or Vladimir Putin.

His second admission may have been even more shocking. Donald Trump acknowledged he has a bald spot. What’s even weirder is that he did it at CPAC. Why would he do that at CPAC, an organization that’s gone from Republicanism to Trumpism? It’s an organization that has allowed Donald Trump to define what they stand for, which is the cult of Trump. Trump could tell the goons at CPAC that he farts Skittles, and they’d believe him and want to taste the rainbow. He could have kept the lie hidden by the most ridiculous comb-over in the world before CPAC. These are people who booed a panelist who criticized Republicans for endorsing a child molester.

What will Trump reveal next? His taxes? He does have false teeth? His weight is actually way above 239? He’s shorter than Obama? He paid off porn stars? His fingers really are teeny tiny which means he has a small…

Donald Trump’s hair is the perfect metaphor to describe the man. His most prominent physical feature is a lie. It’s designed to give the impression there is substance where there is actually none.

Speaking of sloppy cover-ups that fail to conceal and a lack of substance, Trump claims the Republican memo written by Devin Nunes totally exonerates him from colluding with Russia and engaging in obstruction of justice. The memo itself is part of the obstruction, written by Trump stooges and sycophants who put party and cult worship over country.

The Democrats finally released their memo over the weekend. The Democratic Memo, written by Adam Schiff, had information redacted after their first attempt to release it. The Republican memo was released without any redactions over the objections of the FBI and Justice Department.

The Republican memo is designed to make us believe the FBI violated all sorts of procedures in obtaining a FISA warrant against Carter Page, an adviser to the Trump campaign who was suspected of being a Russian spy. The Nunes memo tries to discredit the Russia investigation by claiming the FBI and Justice Department hoodwinked the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court when it sought to monitor Page. They argue the FBI’s investigation relied heavily on the dossier written by a former MI6 agent, Christopher Steele, and financed by Democrats. The Schiff memo destroys the GOP’s arguments and talking points.

The Republican memo is four pages long. The Democratic memo is ten. It points out that the FBI was investigating Carter Page nearly two months before they were aware there was a dossier. The dossier only corroborated the FBI’s observations and was just a part of the documents in the FBI’s request for the warrants. As for it being a biased warrant, the four judges on the FISA court are Republicans. Perhaps they haven’t received the news yet that the Republican Party no longer cares about national security, treason, and law enforcement.

The Nunes Memo argues the court was unware the dossier was funded by Democrats. The Schiff memo debunks that lie.

Schiff’s memo points out that Page traveled to Moscow, had “past relationships with Russian spies,” spent time during the 2016 campaign involved in “interaction with Russian officials,” was “knowingly assisting clandestine Russian intelligence activities in the U.S.” and was “someone the FBI assessed to be an agent of the Russian government.” The Republicans are actually crying that a suspected agent for Russia had his rights violated. Other than Paul Manafort, Carter Page is the most likely person in this investigation to land in prison. It’ll be interesting to see if the GOP continues to defend him.

Speaking at CPAC, Devin Nunes said the Democrat’s memo is, “clear evidence that the Democrats are not only trying to cover this up, but they’re also colluding with parts of the government to help cover this up.”

Trump tweeted, “The Democrat memo response on government surveillance abuses is a total political and legal BUST. Just confirms all of the terrible things that were done. SO ILLEGAL!” He told Fox News that the memo was “nothing” and that Schiff is a “bad guy.”

It takes a lot of nerve for Trump and Nunes to accuse others of writing a politically-motivated memo and colluding. Trump probably hasn’t even read either memo.

If you’re bald and wear a wig or sport a comb-over, you’re still bald. Releasing a memo stating you’re not a traitor, doesn’t mean you’re not a traitor.

Here’s the video, kids. It’s a lot shorter.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

Love Mass Shootings


cjones02252018

Donald Trump said the National Rifle Association is full of good people, which puts them in exclusive company because that’s the same thing he said about Nazis. Congrats, NRA.

If you watched just a few seconds of the speeches by NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre and spokesgoon Dana Loesch, you’ll see why they might belong in the same company.

Wayne LaPierre said gun control advocates hate freedom. Loesch said the “legacy media” loves mass shootings and “crying white mothers” are ratings gold. Donald Trump said we should have a rating system for violent video games and movies, which we’ve had since 1968. Maybe the president should focus on issues occurring during this century.

Trump said the NRA is willing to work with gun advocates for gun safety. I watched some of the CPAC speeches and I didn’t detect any willingness on their part to work on actual gun safety. Instead, there was the repeated dumb solution of introducing more guns to combat the gun problem. Trump also repeated the NRA’s talking points.

The NRA tossed around a lot of blame for mass shootings. They blamed Obama, liberals, the Democratic Party, Salon, Slate, The Washington Post, The New York Times, CNN, Chris Murphy, Nancy Pelosi, the Internal Revenue Service, Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren, Chuck Schumer, the FBI, the socialist agenda, liberal college campuses, Black Lives Matter, Antifa, Mexico, China, Europeans, elites, intellectuals, George Soros, Michael Bloomberg, NFL players, Loretta Lynch, Hillary Clinton, and James Comey. It was like a game of hate bingo.

That is not a complete list, but do you see one item missing? Guns. Specifically, assault weapons. The NRA is not willing to work with anyone on gun safety if they can’t acknowledge the fact that assault weapons are the root cause of the problem.

When someone walks into a room with a gun, you don’t think “hey, an insane gun.” Your first thought is, “that guy has a gun.” It’s the guns, people. Sure, there are other contributors, but it starts with the guns.

The NRA only cares about the bottom line for gun sales. In fact, each time there’s a mass shooting, gun sales go up.

Assault weapons are not necessary for home protection. If you need an assault weapon to hit your target, you shouldn’t own a gun. But, I’m not proposing an outright ban on assault rifles. People should still be allowed to own them. They just shouldn’t be allowed to take them home. We need a law that requires assault weapons, such as the AR15, to remain at rifle ranges. That way you haven’t lost your right to own anything. You still own it. You can go to the range and bear that thing all day long, or up until closing time.

Banning bump stocks and raising the age to purchase an assault rifle to 21 is a good start, but it’s not enough. Nobody needs to shoot 30 rounds in a minute to protect their home. You still have regular rifles, shotguns, and pistols. If you’re really good with guns, you’ll only need one bullet.

The lives of children are more important than some warped interpretation of the Second Amendment. The lives of children are more important than the testosterone rush of holding a big gun.

You can still buy T-shirts that say “I have a big penis.”

Come back later for the video. 

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

No Riding With Milo


cjones02212017

Filthy, retched, disgusting, deplorable, and horrible conservatives love to quote Milo Yiannopoulos. After today, not so much.

Milo is an author, kinda-sorta journalists for scary right wing publications, rabble-rouser, public bully, and outspoken proponent for hate, bigotry, racism, and fascism. Apparently none of that was too much for Breitbart, Simon & Schuster, or the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC).

In the past Milo received a lifetime ban from Twitter for racist bullying of actress and comedian Leslie Jones for her role in Ghostbusters. Over the weekend videos, that were available for years, surfaced of Milo condoning pedophilia, joking about a teenage sexual encounter with a Catholic priest, and argues about age-of-consent laws. Charming fellow.

Over the past few weeks he has ignited protests at universities where he was scheduled to speak by people who really didn’t want him there. It’s not that they’re against free speech. They’re against providing the platform for a guy who once said “feminism is cancer” and referred to Leslie Jones as a “black dude.” Even though he is gay he’s said that being gay is “detrimental to humanity,” “gay men should get back in the closet,” “aberrant” and a “lifestyle choice guaranteed to bring gay people pain and unhappiness.”  Really charming fellow.

Milo was scheduled as the keynote speaker for the upcoming CPAC event which will also include Donald Trump, whom Milo refers to as “Daddy.” Though CPAC is totally fine with racists and fascists speakers, the pedophilia thing has crossed the line for them. Maybe because it’s a really touchy subject since so many Republicans have been caught with young boys.

Simon & Schuster was set to release his autobiography (yeah, people really wanted to read that thing), for which Milo received a $250,000 advance. That book, appropriately titled “Dangerous,” (ironically enough, also the title for a Michael Jackson album) has been cancelled. It’s more tainted than the movie The Interview.

It’s gotten so bad that even Breitbart….BREITBART…is considering axing him where he serves as one of their editors. How horrible do you have to be that Breitbart, the alt-right fake news website formerly run by Steve Bannon and magnet for racist comments, doesn’t want anything to do with you?

Over the weekend Milo appeared on the Bill Maher show where Larry Wilmore told the guy to “go f*ck himself.” And that was before the pedophilia stuff came out.

I really hope this cartoon doesn’t offend the wrong people. I really don’t have an issue with Chevrolet.

Creative note: I’m in my new house and today I brought my desk over from out of storage. It was a really big priority for me. I can’t draw on my lap or while sitting up in bed. So naturally I forgot to bring the chair for the desk. So this cartoon was drawn in a coffee shop. I tweeted out an invitation to come watch me draw but I didn’t disclose which coffee place. I’m mean like that.

There was a girl there looking for a guy named Scott she was meeting for the first time from a dating site. So if you see me out in the near future with a very attractive brunette my name is “Scott.”

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!