Moo Deregulations


In case you live in Florida, southern California, or Hawaii, there’s a major winter storm whipping across most of the nation. It’s even hitting the southern states where snow is less welcome than Yankee agitators and instant grits. And if you live in Texas, I’m so sorry.

Texas is unique in a lot of ways, but also in how they operate power. Their power grid is not connected to other states. It’s totally independent of other states. And with this winter storm hitting the state, over four million people went without power Monday and Tuesday. Whom does Texas blame? Wind turbines. Last summer when California had this same problem during a heat wave, Texas scoffed and blamed liberals.

Texas conservatives, climate change denialists, and people who are anti-clean energy (which is most of Texas) say the wind turbines froze so four million people went without power and people died. Really? Is that what happened, Slim?

Cartoonist Antonio Branco, a staunch pro-Trump Qanon cartoonist whose work is distributed by Creators Syndicate, published a cartoon this morning blaming wind turbines. In the cartoon, the fault for Texas’ power outage is blamed on windmills, climate change believers, President Joe Biden and Vice-President Kamala Harris. Now keep in mind, and I say this with all due respect, Branco is an idiot.

The thing is, if you’re a conservative cartoonist, you don’t need facts. You don’t even need to read the story…just read the headline of your daily talking points. It’s bad enough when a stupid cartoonist in a cult doesn’t rely on facts and science, but it’s even worse when a congressman does it.

Texas Representative Dan Crenshaw (guess which party he’s in) tweeted, “This is what happens when you force the grid to rely in part on wind as a power source. When weather conditions get bad as they did this week, intermittent renewable energy like wind isn’t there when you need it.”

With all due respect, Crenshaw is an idiot. Or if he’s not an idiot and he knows wind turbines aren’t too blame, then shouldn’t he at least be honest with his constituents? I understand since he’s a Texas Republican, that a lot of his campaign money comes from oil and PACS that anti having any sort of climate, but shouldn’t a member of the United States House of Representatives put aside his personal greedy interests and focus on his constituents first? I’m sorry. I forgot we were talking about Republicans.

And honestly, Mr. Crenshaw, Danny boy, Texas did NOT run out of wind this week.

Tucker Carlson said in his usual Tucker style, “So it was all working great until the day it got cold outside. The windmills failed like the silly fashion accessories they are, and people in Texas died.” With all due respect, Tucker Carlson is an idiot. Something tells me Branco watches Tucker.

The thing is, we’re talking about Texas. Do you really believe Texas’ energy is all run by wind turbines and solar panels? Wind turbines only account for 13 percent of the state’s energy production according to ERCOT, the Electric Reliability Council of Texas. And even then, while wind turbines do freeze, they are being used in places like Maine, Canada, Scandinavia, Siberia etc. If you get a wind turbine to keep working during winter in Greenland, you should be able to keep them churning in Texas.

You can NOT blame wind for the power outage in Texas. Also, while we’re on the subject: Stop with the turbines-bird-killing argument. First off, you’re a conservative. You’re not going to convince me that you suddenly care about birds now. Also, cats kill more birds each year than wind turbines do. Fact.

Back to the power outage in Texas, what really happened? It was cats. Sorry. No. It was the inability of Texas power grids, mostly using fossil fuels, being unable to keep up with demand.

It comes down to this: Texas deregulated energy grids and power companies. Texas deregulates everything. It’s why there are occasional fertilizer plant explosions that kill 15 people in Texas.

But with power, Texas counts on the weather not getting too cold, so they can sell a lot of power cheaply. When it does get cold, like really cold, it can be very hard to produce energy. Texas decided it was worth it to sell cheap energy with the tradeoff being that every ten years or so, everybody’s power goes out and grandma freezes to death.

There are no incentives for power companies in Texas to prepare for winter. It’s all cheap. Governor Greg Abbott was screaming this week for reform to the power grids, but Abbot’s been governor since 2015. He waited six years and for a cold snap before he calls for reforms? That’s how they do it in Texas. And when that cold snap hits, you can be fucked. When it gets back to the 60s next week, Texas will forget about this. The state legislature is planning to conduct committee hearings on the problem, but by the time they get started, the hearings will be held in an Austin broom closet.

Houston saw the wholesale prices of megawatt-hours go from $22 to over $9,000. Griddy, which sounds like a fast food flapjack restaurant, but is actually a company that sells power to retail customers without locking in prices in advance, told its customers to find another source before they got “socked with tremendous bills.”

Do you know what happens when your bill goes from $22 to $9,000? You don’t have power. Edward Hirs, an energy fellow at the University of Houston, said the disinvestment in electricity production reminds him of the last years of the Soviet Union, or of the oil sector today in Venezuela. “They hate it when I say that,” he said.

And Texans would rather blame wind turbines or Kamala Harris than even look at the actual problem. And honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t blamed it on Mexicans. And a lot of people in Texas keep talking about seceding and becoming their own nation while they can barely tie their own shoelaces.

Energy is part of our infrastructure, like roads and bridges. A lot of our plants are outdated. Even one nuclear plant in Texas lost power earlier this week because of the cold. Unfortunately, to fix things, it costs money. If you own a house or a car, you know this.

What Texas needs to do is deregulate their deregulation. They’re going to have to charge higher prices to reform their energy sector. Also, maybe rely more on alternative energy like, oh…I don’t know…maybe wind turbines? How about solar energy? Contrary to fucknut beliefs, solar works on rays from the sun, not heat. Solar does work when it’s cold. Somebody go tell Congressman Crenshaw.

But, hey. It’s OK if you don’t reform your power grids in Texas as long as you accept that occasionally, you’re gonna lose power and freeze unless you sleep with the cattle. And why not? You’re already full of bullshit.

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Supreme Fail


They do like to do everything bigger in Texas. With their lawsuit trying to overturn an American election and throw out democracy, Texas got the biggest humiliation from the Supreme Court ever when they got their suit thrown out late yesterday afternoon.

Their lawsuit was the biggest fraud. It was the biggest attempt to subvert American democracy. It was the biggest vote steal attempt in American history. It was the biggest suck-up to a cult leader in history. It was the biggest grab for fascism in our nation’s history. Way to go, Texas. You are the biggest loser…other than Trump, of course.

The lawsuit wasn’t just flawed on legal grounds. It was stupid. Lawyers and legal experts lose lawsuits all the time but here, we have 19 state attorneys general who were wrong to even bring this suit, to support it, to champion it, to even believe in it. Over 120 House Republicans signed onto this. A lot of them are lawyers. They’re lawmakers. How do they explain being so wrong? How do they explain being a part of something so botched and moronic? How do they explain seeking to destroy democracy?

The Orlando Sentinel endorsed Republican Michael Waltz. This week, they retracted their endorsement stating they had no idea, no way of knowing at the time that Waltz would not be “committed to democracy.” They also attacked Waltz and the other Republican House members for joining the Trump lawsuit citing their “cowardly betrayal” and willingness to “undo 231 years of election tradition and norms so their guy, Donald Trump, can have another four years in office.”

They lost an election and they’re trying to overturn it. They’re trying to throw out the legal votes of over 20 million voters. They’re trying to steal an election. They’re trying to turn the presidency into a monarchy. They’re trying to turn our democracy into a fascist state. All of that…is wrong.

This suit was ridiculous. One argument was that no candidate has ever won the presidency without winning Ohio and Florida. That argument is as sound as no NFL team has ever won the Super Bowl with a bird logo on their helmet (that used to be true), so the Eagles, Seahawks, or Atlanta Falcons could never win a Super Bowl. That’s only true for the Falcons. The Trump argument is only a peculiar note for political analysts and political scientists to obsess over. And…it’s not even true. Richard Nixon won the White House while losing Ohio and Florida. You would think these lawyers, especially an attorney general, would fucking look that up before making it part of his lawsuit. You would think an attorney general would understand it’s NOT a legal argument.

Also, just because something’s never happened before doesn’t mean it won’t. Back in 1992, critics told Bill Clinton no one has ever won the presidency after losing the New Hampshire primary. Back in 2016, we also noted this nation has never before elected a racist Oompa-Loompa.

The lawsuit included the claim, “The probability of former Vice President Biden winning the popular vote in the four Defendant States — Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin — independently given President Trump’s early lead in those States as of 3 a.m. on November 4, 2020, is less than one in a quadrillion, or 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000.”

That spread like wildfire on Facebook and even Kayleigh McEnany, who has a history of lying, being wrong, and making stupid statements, repeated it. The fact is, it’s wrong.

The fact is: Donald Trump was never in the lead in those states. While it looked like he had the lead because officials counted same-day ballots and Trump regions first, mail-in and absentee ballots were there the entire time. You should not be surprised when mail-in, absentee, and votes from urban areas are counted last and go to the Democratic candidate. Those people tend to be educated voters. They tend to go Democratic. If you want it explained fully why the argument is wrong, go to Politifact, which does a great job summing it up.

Kayleigh McEnany may as well argue that Joe Biden only had one chance in a bazillion, frillion, schillion, kajillions, fudgezillion, walla-falla-ding-dongzillion, diggity-doggityzillion, Kelly Clarksonzillion.

Donald Trump has made a LOT of dumbass arguments since losing the election. One of my favorites is the “bookies” argument. The what?

A few days ago, Trump tweeted, “At 10 p.m. on Election Evening, we were at 97% win with the so-called ‘bookies.'” What?

This casino-failure doesn’t just think right-wing farty lawyers, Qanon fucknuts, or Vladimir Putin should decide the election. He thinks it should be given to the bookies. And, again he’s wrong.

At 10:00 p.m. on election night, oddsmakers said Trump’s chances of victory were at 74.2%., which I didn’t know was a thing until now, tweeted at Trump, “Seeing as we’re the experts in this, here’s the truth. Just after midnight your odds implied a 69% chance you’d win.”

Was Donald Trump looking at bookie websites on election night?

But let’s take Trump’s argument seriously for a second. Ha. I know. But anyway…based on his reasoning, his victory over Hillary Clinton was a fraud. Oddsmakers, political analysts, so-called experts, and even me, predicted she would win in 2016. Those same people, including me, predicted Joe Biden would win in 2020. Why bother with elections when we can just go with the oddsmakers…or me? In 2024, I predict the winner of the presidential race will be…Kelly Clarkson.

The Electoral College will meet Monday and the 538 electors will choose the next president of the United States. That will be Joe Biden. Expect some Republican shenanigans to occur. On January 6, 2021, each vote is cast in Congress. Each state is called alphabetically and that state’s Certificate of Vote is announced and recorded. When they are finished, the vice-president, Mike Pence, will announce the results and the winner. Watching Pence have to announce that Joe Biden won is going to be a money moment on TV. He’ll probably mumble it or flat-out refuse to say it. Expect Republican shenanigans and bullshit because they’re pretty much out of options at this point…other than just a simple old-fashioned third-world banana-republic military coup.

When you look at the lawsuit, you realize everyone supporting it is too stupid to be in elected office. Unfortunately, there’s a shitload of them remaining as attorneys generals in 18 states and over 100 of them in Congress. Look at Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, Gym Jordan, Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, or Marco Rubio. We elect a lot of spineless, hypocritical stupid fucks to office.

The good news is: Donald Trump, who is too stupid to hold political office, will not have one after January 20.

That’s because Donald Trump is a loser. If you don’t believe me, ask the Supreme Court.

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