Chinese Spies

Spy-a-Lago


cjones04102019

It’s not just for the president’s safety that his security is of the utmost importance. You may be saying, “But, Clay…what’s the point of keeping freaks away from Trump when he chooses to surround himself with freaks and is himself, an Adderall-riddled lunatic?” True, Trump keeps company and appoints a consortium of slimeballs, grifters, fucknuts, and shitweasels. But, we have to take national security seriously, even if the president doesn’t and even sells it to the highest bidder.

The Secret Service needs to do everything in its power to protect Donald Trump from physical harm. Do you really want the man to become a martyr and spend the rest of your life listening to sycophants’ conspiracy theories? You know they’d say Obama did it. The other thing is where Donald Trump goes, so does national security. For the Secret Service, he makes their extremely difficult job even harder by lounging at a resort.

Last weekend, during Donald Trump’s 77th presidential golf trip, a Chinese woman carrying four cellphones, a hard drive, a laptop, and a malware-infected thumb drive was arrested at Trump’s pompous Florida golf resort, Mar-a-Lago. She got through the Secret Service by claiming she was there to swim and attend an event that was not happening. She didn’t even have a swimsuit but she was loaded with recording devices like a Russian photographer invited into the Oval Office. It was a staffer of the club who caught her. The most shocking revelation out of this is that Trump actually hired someone smart enough to catch it.

Trump blew off the incident by calling it a fluke because the fault of this doesn’t just lie with the Secret Service. It falls on him too. First, he doesn’t vacation at a home, compound, or ranch like previous presidents. He has to visit a club so hundreds of people can fawn over him, tell him his hands aren’t really that small, and listen to him talk about how smart he is. He likes to crash weddings at his club.

The second problem is, he invites access to him. The club sells memberships by winking to members that they’ll have access to the president and his family. This is selling access. The club doubled their membership fees after Trump was elected. If you’re a Russian, Chinese, or Saudi Arabian spy, part of your budget will be purchasing a membership to one of his clubs.

The third problem is, Trump is careless with national security. He doesn’t follow guidelines for using secure phones as he thinks that’s too much of a hassle. He hands out security clearances to grifters and family members (I know. Redundant) like they’re Skittles. His son-in-law, who got a security clearance from Trump after being rejected by the FBI, talks to the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia through WhatsApp. Trump hands over classified information to Russians in the Oval Office that we received from allies. He even held a meeting on strikes on Syria at Mar-a-Lago in front of guests while they were looking over his shoulders, taking photos with their cellphones, and tweeting those photos. Once, he allowed guests to pose with the nuclear football.

Donald Trump is a national security risk.

People who negotiate with Trump understand he’s a flake who surrenders. He surrendered on the shutdown, his threat to end Obamacare, and his threat to close the border. Just like negotiators, spies know all they have to do to run surveillance on the president is to go after his phones and buy a club membership. He’ll even take a selfie with the spy. This is a man whose campaign invited Russians into their headquarters. They don’t tell spies to go away and they don’t call the FBI when they show up.

It helps our foreign adversaries that the president of the United States is an idiot who’s a sucker for ego gratification. Everyone knows how to play him which is through parades, sword dances, and fake blondes who look like his daughter.

The Secret Service needs to protect Trump from spies by protecting Trump from himself. When they protect Trump, they’re protecting us. Now, if only they’d protect us from Trump.

Confession: My biggest influences are the work of Sergio Aragones and Don Martin from Mad Magazine. But, Spy vs Spy, which is a very famous feature of Mad, never did anything for me. If you don’t hate me yet you will after I tell you that I never dug the fold-in back cover either.

However, I do enjoy drawing the Spies from Spy vs Spy. They’re easy.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Hack Of The Penguins


cjones11012018

Republicans love to chant “lock her up” about Hillary Clinton. They really want to send her to prison. Perhaps they’ve been chanting the chant for so long that they’ve forgotten why they want to “lock her up.”

During her tenure as Secretary of State, Clinton used a private server for her government emails. Many people feel this server was vulnerable to hacking by foreign governments. The FBI investigated then declined to press charges. They made a big deal about it days before the election. Despite this, Republicans and Trump sycophants still want to see her in a prison jumpsuit. Why? Because they’re assholes. It’s definitely not because they take the security of government secrets seriously.

If they did take it seriously, they’d be outraged that Donald Trump has continued to expose himself to foreign spies after being warned time and time again. Why? Because he’s too damn lazy to follow protocol.

The government supplies Trump with secure phones which they replace about every thirty days. Obama complained about the phones because there’s not much you can do with them. He joked that they were like toy phones you would give to a child. Now, the child in the White House refuses to use those phones or the secure landline provided to him in the White House. He insists on using his own iPhone.

For a guy who hasn’t figured out how to close an umbrella, new technology can be challenging. But, how difficult can it be to use the landline when calling your rich jerkwad buddies and Sean Hannity for late-night gossip sessions? Oh yeah. Because he doesn’t want records on whom he’s talking to. Frankly, I wouldn’t want anyone to know I was watching Hannity less enough talking to him.

But, since he is using an unsecured phone, it’s not just likely that he’s being spied on by foreign governments. He is being spied on by foreign governments. According to The New York Times, by the Russians and the Chinese. The Russians are spying to check in on their investment and the Chinese are using it to manipulate him as they have financial interests in many of the people Trump chooses to talk to.

The only silver lining in all of this is that Donald Trump may be too stupid to retain national security secrets for long periods of time. So, what the spies are mostly hearing is what we’re hearing. They’re getting a lot of conspiracy theories, bigotry, and Trump talking about how great Trump is. They’re probably also getting a lot of “the entire world is mean to me.” I kinda feel sorry for the spies on the Trump iPhone detail. I learned English for this?

Trump tweeted out a denial stating, “The so-called experts on Trump over at the New York Times wrote a long and boring article on my cellphone usage that is so incorrect I do not have time here to correct it. I only use Government Phones, and have only one seldom used government cell phone. Story is soooo wrong!” Naturally, the tweet was sent from an iPhone.

The Chinese didn’t even bother to deny the report and instead, offered some advice. Their foreign minister said, “If they are worrying about iPhones being tapped, they can use Huawei.” Huawei is a Chinese-made cell phone.

As for the penguins, who are further south than South America? Trump stated there were people in the caravan from South America and further south. Huh? Someone should show him a map and explain that big white area at the bottom below South America is Antarctica.

I know it’s really hard to keep track of the lies about the caravan. They’re full of gang bangers and Islamic terrorists invading us by slowing walking over 2,000 miles toward our border to give each of us leprosy. Never mind the fact most won’t make it, or that this is a small drop in the immigration bucket if they do actually make through the border.

Another little factoid the sycophants are overlooking is that the people in the caravan actually have the right to come to our border and request asylum. Personally, if someone is willing to leave their home and walk over 2,000 miles to give their children a slight chance of living in the United States, we should hear them out. I think that’s a greater character trait than sitting on a Gab hate forum all day talking about shooting up synagogues or mailing pipe bombs to Trump’s critics.

We don’t need protection from an immigrant caravan that poses no risks to this nation. We need protection from Trump.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.