General Kelly, Meet Captain Chaos


“Oh and you know the thing about chaos, it’s fair.” – The Joker, The Dark Knight, 2008

Not every individual in the Trump administration is regarded as an incompetent loon, like Rick Perry, Betsy Devos, Ben Carson, Kellyanne Conway, etc. Rex Tillerson, General James “Mad Dog” Mattis, and H.R. McMaster have entered with respect and dignity in Washington only to see it all erode under the presidency of Trump.

Tillerson has a smaller staff than Jared Kushner and the man has stood by Trump’s side when he cuddled up to Putin. Mattis has trouble explaining an administration’s policies on defense when that administration dictates those policies by tweets. H.R. McMaster has gone before the press assuring the nation that Trump didn’t spill secrets to Russians in the Oval Office, only to have Trump undercut him by confirming that he gave secrets to the Russians.

Now General John Kelly is leaving his position as Secretary of Homeland Security to replace Reince Priebus as Chief of Staff. The idea here is that the White House staff will now actually report to the Chief of Staff. What a novel concept.

Kelly’s first act on his very first day on the job was to cut out one of the many cancers in the White House and fire Anthony Scaramucci. The Mooch was shit-canned ten days after being hired for a job he had not technically even started yet.

Trump loved The Mooch’s bombastic style as it resembles Trump’s own art of fuckery and self-destruction. Trump even endorsed the chaos and infighting Moochy brought to the team and told the guy that he wouldn’t report to the Chief of Staff, and would be supervised only by Trump. With the hiring of Mooch, out went Sean Spicer and a few days later, Priebus.

According to anonymous sources within the White House, one of Kelly’s terms of taking the job was to get rid of Scaramucci. The general did not want to run an organization full of infighting and backstabbing. The White House says Trump, the “pussy grabber,” couldn’t condone the language The Mooch used in a New Yorker interview. It probably didn’t help The Mooch’s standing with Trump that he was getting more attention.

Within the last ten days, Scaramucci was hired, attacked colleagues publicly, his wife filed for divorce and then gave birth while Scaramucci was traveling with Trump. That was just a little too much Page Six for The Donald.

Now Kelly is controlling the White House staff and everyone will report to him instead of having direct access to the president….except Ivanka, Jared, probably Stephen Bannon, Stephen Miller, and Putin.

But how will Kelly control the chaos when the commander and chief of chaos is in the Oval Office? Will he uninstall the Twitter app from Trump’s phone, explain to Trump the Nuclear Triad, prevent him from endorsing police brutality, make him stop lying about crowd sizes and wiretaps, or get him to cease from obstructing justice? How will Kelly help Trump stop obsessing over Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton? What sort of shiny objects will he use to distract Trump from Robert Mueller? Can he prevent Trump from writing press releases for Don Jr. that lie about his meetings with Russians? How will Kelly reply when asked to substantiate typical Donald Trump bullshit? Will the general refuse to back up lies or will he become less prestigious than that cartoon general who sells car insurance?

General Kelly commanded troops in Iraq, which is less of a quagmire than Trump’s hair or the chaotic gunk he sprays on his face.

Now The Mooch is out and the general can conduct a White House of substance and rationality…until Kellyanne Conway takes over as Communications Director. Good luck, General!

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Fine-Tuned Chaos


Yesterday was a WTF moment for the entire nation. Maybe not for Trump’s more ardent supporters as they wanted the madman from the campaign trail to be president. But this nation can’t afford candidate madman to be president. We need a president.

I’m not just talking about a president who acts presidential. I want a president who is at the very least coherent and stable. At this point it’s not that we need a conservative or liberal government. We need a functioning government. Republicans love to say that government doesn’t work. Donald Trump is working really hard to prove them right.

After the press conference it was reported that vice admiral Robert Hayward was offered the job to replace Michael Flynn as national security adviser, and he turned Trump down. A friend of Hayward’s said he was unwilling to take the job and said it was a “shit sandwich.” Filling this administration with competent people is like finding a head coach for the San Francisco 49ers. Nobody rational wants that job.

Highlights of the press conference:

He complained that the press doesn’t tell the truth. He said the leaks are real but the news is fake. He continued to lie about his electoral victory being the largest since Ronald Reagan. When pressed on this he said it’s what others are telling him. Like the guy can’t Google the information.

He continued to defend Michael Flynn and said he didn’t do anything wrong other than lying to the vice president.

He claimed drugs are as cheap at candy bars.

He claimed he’s the least anti-semitic person you’ll ever see, and the least racist. He took personal offense when a reporter asked him about anti-semitism since his victory and accused the reporter of lying. He claimed the anti-semitism is coming from his opponents disguised as his supporters.

He said if he doesn’t get along with Russia then we could have a nuclear holocaust. He knows this because he gets briefings which tells him Russia has nuclear weapons. He also said he’d love to shoot a Russian spy ship off the east coast out of the water, but that wouldn’t be a good thing.

When asked by a black reporter about meeting with the CBC (Congressional Black Caucus) he didn’t seem to know what “CBC” was. He then asked the reporter if she knew them, as if every black person knows every other black person. He said she can set the meeting up, as if that’s a reporter’s job and he doesn’t have a phone. He’s probably too busy using it to call Putin and sending tweets.

He said Congressman Elijah Cummings was to meet with him but cancelled, probably due to pressure from Chuck Schumer. Cummings later stated that they’ve never had a meeting scheduled and that he’d love to meet with the president. Which of the two do you believe?

He explained what Uranium is.

He continued to attack Hillary Clinton and said he inherited a mess.

He said the Muslim ban had a smooth rollout.

He didn’t deny his staff had been in contact with Russia before the election, but said he doesn’t know of anyone who had.

He said there’s no chaos in his White House and it’s running like a fine-tuned machine.

Trump created more scandals this week by Wednesday than Obama did in eights years. He raised the bar even higher on Thursday.

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