Carson

Dr. Sleepy Tackles Foreign Policy

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I love listening to Ben Carson explain foreign policy, or any issue really. It’s like listening to a three-year-old child explain trigonometry. It’s cute.

Word comes out now that Dr. Crazy McSleepy Pants doesn’t understand what his foreign policy advisers have been telling him.

Duane Clarridge, a former CIA agent (who was involved in Iran-Contra and now runs his own private spy company), told The New York Times that Carson doesn’t get foreign policy.

“Nobody has been able to sit down with him and have him get one iota of intelligent information about the Middle East.” He also said Mr. Carson needed weekly conference calls briefing him on foreign policy so “we can make him smart.”

If it’s Mr. Clarridge’s job to make him smart, then he better be the Michelangelo of making people smart because Ben Carson is his Sistine Chapel.

Carson later explained that Mr. Clarridge is not one of his advisers. He’s just someone who gives him advice on foreign policy. His campaign suggested that Clarridge is an old codger who’s losing his mental capacity. That sounds more like a description of their candidate.

Carson has stumbled on foreign policy. Actually it’s less of a stumble and more of a fall down an elevator shaft. Carson thinks the Chinese are in Syria. He can’t name one U.S. ally, though the United States has lots. You can just pick a name and it’ll probably be a U.S. ally. His campaign released a map this week and screwed up the location of several New England states. He’s ignorant that the three Baltic states are members of NATO. He thinks we can slip all the Palestinians into Egypt (more fun with maps?). He also doesn’t know the role of the Knesset, Israel’s parliament. This is all after his theory that the Egyptian pyramids were built to store grain and would be ideal for holding Palestinians.

A day or so later Carson compared Syrian refugees to rabid dogs. You know, we can’t let them in as a few might be rabid and you don’t want your children around something as dangerous as a rabid dog…or a Republican candidate for president. He’s also a fan of putting every Muslim in the U.S. into a database.

Dr. Dumbass cites traveling abroad as equipping him for foreign policy. He’s also eaten at Taco Bell which has made him an expert on Latin America.

Carson was matching Trump in the polls, and even topping him in some of them. He’s starting to fall. Go figure. Even Republican voters would like a candidate who could locate Vermont on a map if you asked him. If he wants to stop the bleeding he better hurry up the smarting process.

Arriba! Arriba!

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Lies! Lies! Lies! Yeah!

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How ridiculous is it that a candidate’s argument that he’s an honest man, is that he’s telling the truth when he says he really attacked his mother with a hammer? Let’s take him at his word on that one and believe he really did attack his mother with a hammer. OK, Dr. Carson. I believe you. You attacked your mom with a hammer. You say you’ve changed. I’ll believe that. But I’m still not voting for a psychopath who attacked his mother with a hammer.

Ben Carson has said some stupid things like people turn gay in prison, or the pyramids were build to store grain, or Muslims can’t be president, people should rush shooters, Evolution was created by Satan, armed Jews would have prevented the Holocaust, Noah’s amateur built Ark versus professionally built Titanic, or the Founding Fathers didn’t have political experience. Those aren’t lies. Those are just examples of him being bat-crap crazy. Well that Founding Father thing is either a lie or sheer stupidity and ignorance.

Ben Carson has a bigger problem. He’s pathological when it comes to lying. You can defend him by saying all candidates lie. That’s not a defense. Yes, most candidates lie. Most do it to pad their resume and they usually come clean when caught. Not Ben Carson. Ben Carson doesn’t have a fabrication or two. He’s habitual. And he doubles down. Who does he think is? Bill O’Reilly?

One of Carson’s defenses is using a clipping from a parody. He claims there was a fake test while he was at Yale. All the other students walked out and then he was told there wasn’t a test, it was a hoax, here’s a $10 reward and let’s take your photo for the school newspaper. The Wall Street Journal, a conservative publication, can’t find proof. He offers proof with an article from the Yale Record, and it’s labeled at the top “PARODY.” Next the guy’s going to cite The Onion as basis of proof, or even worse….Fox News, The Daily Caller, Brietbart, etc. No wonder these guys can’t tell the difference between news and satire.

Carson has now lashed out at the media and has even said the burden is not on him to prove everything he says is true. Who gave him a liar get out of jail free card? Republicans get mad when what they say is looked into to.

He also deflects by saying Obama’s background wasn’t vetted this way. On that point: Hey, Crazy Ben, can we see your college transcripts and birth certificate?

It’s hard to keep track of Carson’s lies at this point. It’s to the point where I’m trying to go a day without drawing on Ben Carson. Whether Carson is making up stories about a fake test at Yale, receiving scholarship offers, meeting dead Generals, attacking family members with hammers and knives, attacking others with rocks, bricks and baseball bats, telling a gunman he wants the guy behind the counter, or hiding white students from black students during a riot. I wonder what new Carson lie will make news tomorrow.

You would think a candidate who lies like this would be damaged goods. With 13 other candidates to choose from you can find a Republican to support without the insanity baggage. So why are Republicans circling the wagons around Carson? It’s because when a candidate lies it damages their support. With Carson his lies are the reason he’s supported. Every qualification this man has offered as his requirement to be president has been proven a lie. Being a great surgeon is not a qualification to be president (it can be a positive). Each thing a supporter can give to support Carson, is a Carson lie.

Guess what happens when you tie yourself to an anchor? Hillary Clinton is elected president, that’s what happens.

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Debate Demands

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Donald Trump and Ben Carson wrote a letter together. That way they could put their heads together and include a lot of big and hard-to-spell words. The letter was for CNBC, which is hosting the next debate. CarsonTrump is threatening to ditch the debate and go bowling if their demands are not met. They don’t want another three hour debate and opening/closing statements are to be excluded. CNBC, after wetting themselves, has reportedly met their demands. I think CNBC should have called their bluff. Trump folds for Fox News breaking his weekly vows of never appearing on their network ever again. CNBC should have stood their ground just so CarsonTrump can’t succeed at being bullies. The risk to CNBC is that CarsonTrump won’t show up and their ratings dive into a cellar and resembles their usual nightly ratings. The risk for CarsonTrump is that there’s a bunch of cameras on their opponents and they’re not there to soak up the attention. Now that that’s out of the way, CarsonTrump is right. A three hour debate, which might be necessary when you have eleven candidates, is too long. I’m sure it’s brutal for the candidates but it’s a special unique form of torture to the viewers. While the top tier candidates receive most of the air time, half of it’s wasted on people we forgot were in the race. We don’t need opening and closing statements either. Candidates usually avoid most of the questions anyway and that’s where they can put insert their life stories. Brown M&M’s. What’s that about? I did this for myself. I’m sure it’s going to fly over most heads, unless the reader is wise to rock and roll folklore. When bands play a concert (and other appearance), they have a rider which is a list of requirements the promoter has to meet. There can be some crazy stuff in a rider, which a lot of gets ignored. Johnny Cash included an American flag in view of every audience member. Marilyn Manson demanded Haribo gummi bears and a toothless hooker. Seriously. Motley Crue required a 12-foot Boa Constrictor and Grey Poupon mustard. The Rolling Stones demands a snooker table. What the Hell is Snooker? Hank Williams III demanded a Great White shark and the Bloodhound Gang always wanted a Rhesus monkey. Axl Rose demanded a melon and an Italian leather sofa where he would sit to eat the melon. Britney Spears needed a photo of Princess Diana and McDonald’s hamburgers without buns. Queen Latifah wanted condoms and a bucket of KFC. Katy Perry demands that no one make eye contact with her. Most would require types of food, water, drinks, scented candles, type of rugs, etc. Some bands have recently demanded that all leftover food to be given to a homeless shelter. That’s nice. Right now some homeless guy in Akron might be eating an unfinished sandwich left by the Goo Goo Dolls. The band that started it all was Van Halen. Van Halen had serious pull during the late 70’s and 80’s as well they should. They rocked with a swagger other bands could only copy. Their most famous demand was no brown M&M’s. Why would they make that strange weird demand? Should we debate whether or not all M&M’s taste the same, no matter which colored candy shell you get? These riders could get really thick. So thick most promoters didn’t bother reading them all. Tell Marilyn Manson to find his own toothless hooker. But in addition to Boas, monkeys, Eminem’s Koi Gold fish, and Prince’s sandwiches wrapped in clear plastic that only he could unwrap, there were actually some serious stuff in these riders. A lot dealt with safety requirements so a roadie wouldn’t get electrocuted, get hurt loading in or fall of a rafter. So Van Halen included the no Brown M&M’s clause. If they found Brown in their candy then they knew the promoter didn’t read the entire rider and may have ignored a more serious demand. Or the promoter didn’t give a rat’s ass about their M&M’s demand. Anyway, the more you know, right? Now I really want some M&M’s. Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. The starving cartoonist appreciates it.

More Logic From Dr. Carson

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Dr. Ben Carson is making some people think that maybe brain surgery really isn’t that difficult.

Earlier in the week he said he wouldn’t have cooperated with the shooter responsible for the carnage in Oregon. He said he would have said “c’mon, everybody. He can’t shoot us all. Let’s rush him.” Never mind the fact that guns are now manufactured where the user can shoot everybody and the shooter may not have waited while Carson formed a committee to rush him.

Carson spoke of a time when he did have a gun stuck in his ribs. He was at a Popeye’s when a robber came in, stuck the gun at him and Dr. Carson replied, probably in his calm and sleepy demeanor, “you don’t want me. You want the guy behind the counter.” To which the gunman replied “Oh OK.” Sounds like Dr. Carson cooperated. He could have rushed the robber or even squirted Louisiana Hot Sauce in his eyes (which is available at Popeye’s). Instead he pointed the gunman in the direction of the person behind the counter selling fried chicken and that stuff that’s an insult to jumbalaya.

Just in case anyone had any confidence in Carson’s intelligence, he doubled down later when he said the Holocaust could have been prevented if the Jews had guns. I think the doctor should crack open a history book and not one of those Texas history books. Germany only controlled Germany before the war. The death of over 6 million Jews did not include only Jews from Germany. Perhaps someone should inform him of the Warsaw uprising.

He also said if he was president he would enact a no-fly zone over Turkey to keep Russia from flying over that nation’s airspace. You can’t enact a no-fly zone over a sovereign nation by yourself. In addition to that, you don’t need one over Turkey. Turkey is a sovereign nation. Russia is not supposed to fly into their airspace now.

Dr. Carson also talked about the debt ceiling. He said if he is elected president he won’t have any problems with the debt ceiling. For once he’s right. He won’t have any problems with the debt ceiling if he’s president because Republicans in Congress have never refused to raise the debt ceiling while they had a Republican president. They never question it. Then Carson said he wouldn’t raise the debt limit because he wouldn’t authorize new spending. When he’s done with that history book he should probably read one on civics. Raising the debt limit does not authorize new spending. It does not increase the budget and if you don’t sign it then the United States defaults.

Republicans seriously think this man is qualified to be president. He’s not qualified to tutor anyone on government or foreign policy. He may not be qualified to order for himself from the menu at Ihop.

Anyone who wants Dr. Ben Carson elected to the presidency probably needs brain surgery.

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Ben Wambo Carson

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Ben Carson says he wouldn’t have cooperated with a shooter and would have attacked him instead. That’s some very tough talk for someone who’s not in a violent situation. Maybe he plays too many video games.

When you say something like that you’re insulting the victims. Why didn’t you do something? Why didn’t you man up? I’m better than you.

Carson also says the shooter can only shoot one at a time. I think that’s a statement even gun lovers will back away from. Wambo, the shooter wasn’t using a sling shot.

Ben Carson is a surgeon. He has read books. I think he may be the smartest dumb person in existence.

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