In The Big Lebowski, The Stranger played by Sam Elliott says to The Dude, “Sometimes you bite the bar…and sometimes the bar bites you.” In the Trump era…and the post-Trump era, sometimes the Barr gives you bullshit.
As Oliver Sykes said, “The only person to blame is the person making up the bullshit.” William Barr can’t blame Trump for his own bullshit.
On December, 20, William Barr, who was at that time still Trump’s Attorney General, issued a public statement saying, “to date, we have not seen fraud on a scale that could have effected a different outcome in the election.” He used, “To date,” as if some fraud might turn up. Two days later, he resigned.
Now, Barr believes all of Trump’s election fraud claims were “bullshit.” William Barr is absolutely correct. Donald Trump’s election fraud claims, and the Big Lie he won, or that he’ll be reinstated in August, are total and compete bullshit. What William Barr is leaving out during these attempts to rehabilitate his image, like Javanka, is that he was complicit. William Barr was the chief shoveler of Trump bullshit. And in the process, he shit out a lot of shit himself. Barr was a walking, OK, weebling, human fertilizer factory.
Shortly after the election Trump lost, Barr authorized the Justice Department to open election fraud investigations, even though the election hadn’t been certified yet. And before the election, he helped Trump build doubt and suspicion that the election would be full of fraud.
The reason Donald Trump wanted everyone to have doubts on the election was because he expected to lose. He even refused to say if he’d cooperate with a peaceful transfer of power if he lost. He expected to lose in 2016 and cast doubts before that election as well.
The weeks before the 2020 election, Trump conducted a Twitter blitz of bullshit. He tweeted, “Tremendous potential for voter fraud,” “RIPE for FRAUD”, and, “Shouldn’t be allowed,” “Mail in ballots substantially increases the risk of crime and VOTER FRAUD!,” and. “No mail ballots, they cheat.” At a press conference, he said, “People cheat. Mail ballots are a very dangerous thing for this country because they are cheaters.” Are the voters cheaters or are the ballots the ones cheating?
You can’t trust those mail ballots. They vape, will impregnate your daughter, feed your cat the cheap dry food, clog your toilet, etc.
Barr, being more of Trump’s hatchet goon than the Attorney General, picked up on Trump’s bullshit. He warned mail-in ballots present “so many occasions for fraud there that cannot be policed. I think it would be very bad.” He also raised the “possibility of counterfeiting.” When asked if he had proof of this, he said, “No, but it’s obvious.”
Well, if it’s obvious, you should have some proof. Right?
Will Smith said in “iRobot,” “Sorry, I’m allergic to bullshit.” William Barr is not allergic to bullshit.
During a House hearing, he warned that foreign nations, except for Russia, could possibly tamper with mail-in ballots and produce counterfeit ballots. Democratic representative Mary Gay Scanlon of Pennsylvania said to Barr, “But, in fact, you have no evidence that foreign countries can successfully sway our elections with counterfeit ballots, do you?” Barr replied, “I do not, but I have common sense.” Do you, Willy? Do you have common sense? How about any sense?
In 2019, which would have included any voter fraud committed during the 2018 midterms, Barr’s Justice Department charged more than 69,000 federal criminal cases against over 87,000 total defendants. None of those cases involved fraud relating to mail-in ballots. Not one.
But, while talking to Wolf Blitzer on CNN, Barr claimed, “We indicted someone in Texas, 1,700 ballots collected from people who could vote, he made them out and voted for the person he wanted to.”
Wolf asked Barr, “”During your tenure as attorney general of the United States, how many indictments have you brought against people committing voter fraud?” Barr replied, “I couldn’t tell you off the top of my head, but several I know of.” So, how can Barr know of several but can’t tell you off the top of his head? Usually, when you know something, you know it. It’s not like Led Zeppelin songs. Nobody can name a Led Zeppein song except…..shit.
But as it turns out, his claims of 1,700 ballots being corrupted, and his department charging someone, was bullshit. His department didn’t charge anyone. The state of Texas did. And those 1,700 turned out to be only one. Barr is full of bullshit. As Sarah Marshall said in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.”
Later, The Department of Justice under Barr screamed about nine missing ballots in Pennsylvania that were all marked for Trump. First, if they were messed with, who they were marked for is less important than the fact they were tampered with. Second, if they’re missing, how do you know they were marked for Trump? Normally, the Justice Department doesn’t comment on ongoing cases, but this one seemed to favor the Trump narrative, so they commented. Then, those nine ballots for the orange shitweasel turned into seven. And then, we learned those ballots weren’t discarded…but placed in the wrong envelopes…which canceled them out per election laws. They were placed in ballot application envelopes by stupid voters. Maybe they were all Trump voters. But, nine votes wouldn’t overturn the Pennsylvania presidential election for Donald Trump. President Joe Biden won that state by more than 80,000 votes. In case you’re a Republican, 80,000 is more than seven. It’s even more than nine.
Then, Barr’s Justice Department announced that a postal carrier in New Jersey did a Newman and stashed 99 ballots in a locker someplace instead of delivering them. Where were they supposed to be delivered? To election officials after being cast? No. They were blank ballots on their way to voters. But, Barr gave Trump a narrative of election fraud in New Jersey that favored Biden…like Trump ever had a chance of winning New Jersey. Fuhgeddaboudit.
Barr didn’t just carry Trump’s water and act as his Roy Cohn (another corrupt lawyer) or his Rudy Giuliani (corrupt, drippy, farty lawyer). He blasted Trump bullshit to get the job heading DOJ, then continued after.
Barr went on TV and talked about how the Mueller Investigation was illegal, which got him the DOJ job. After Mueller finished his investigation, Barr sat on Mueller’s summary and issued his own…which was total bullshit saying Trump had been exonerated. Bullshit!
Barr also minimized and tried to drop cases against fellow Trump goons Roger Stone and Michael Flynn. It was weird he was getting personally involved in cases with Trump goons. Several prosecutors quit DOJ after that bullshit. As Elizabeth Taylor said, “I don’t have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.”
Barr sat before Congress and echoed Trump’s lie that the FBI “spied” on him.
Barr claimed Black Lives Matter was full of “Bolsheviks” and had the tactics of “fascists.”
And who can forget the teargassing of protesters at Lafayette Square so Donald Trump could do his photo-op in front of St. John’s Church with an upside-down borrowed Bible.
Now, William Barr is trying to cultivate his image. Was that his plan all along, to carry Trump bullshit until it was over? What was his agenda?
It’s too late Willy. We’re not buying your bullshit. Go sit in the corner with Javanka and sulk. You did everything in your power to serve a cult of stupid racist personality and to destroy this nation. You enabled a national security risk. Now, you want a medal for saying it was all “bullshit?”
I call bullshit on your bullshit. As Stephen King once said, “Money talks, bullshit walks.”
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