Birx

Faucigate


CNN05172020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

I love that Trump cultists complain that President Obama criticized Donald Trump’s handling of the coronavirus and threw a few subtle jabs at him during the national virtual graduation. Republicans point out that presidents rarely criticize their successors, even when their predecessors criticize them. But…no former president has EVER had his successor launch attack after attack the way Donald Trump has at Obama. No former president has EVER had his successor accuse him of a crime (even if he doesn’t name the crime). No former president has EVER had his successors create conspiracy theories about him. No former president has EVER been the source of distraction the way Trump has consistently used President Obama.

Donald Trump and his cult are the biggest whiners in the world. Donald Trump says he’s a “counter puncher.” No he’s not. He’s the first to punch…and usually below the belt. He is a child…a very stupid, racist, petty child. He’s upset he received a counter punch. He’s upset his bullshit gets called out. If anything, President Obama has exercised tremendous patience and restraint with Donald Trump.

Now, Donald Trump says President Obama is “grossly incompetent.” Yet, Donald Trump has taken credit for everything Obama left him from a strong stock market, economy, and low unemployment rates. President Obama inherited a Republican-made recession. He left Donald Trump a Democratic-made recovery. Now, Donald Trump is creating another Republican recession and all the good times he talks about in the past tense were created by President Obama.

President Obama never lost jobs to the the point over 36 million American were filing unemployment claims within weeks. He never ignored a pandemic and lost nearly 90,000 lives. There are no recordings of world leaders huddled together laughing at and mocking President Obama.

President Obama rescued our economy from the brink of disaster. He even left Donald Trump a pandemic playbook. Now, Trump claims he had his own playbook all along, but neither he or Kayleigh McEnany will show us what’s in it…kinda like the charges they accuse President Obama of committing.

After he fires Dr. Anthony Fauci, we can look forward to all the lies Donald Trump creates about him. The question is: Will Dr. Fauci exercise as much patience and restraint as President Obama has when Donald Trump trashes his legacy and reputation? I hope not.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Another Trump Cure


CNN04262020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Today’s blog is not for you. By that, I mean it’s not for those in my echo chamber or who agree with me that Donald Trump is unqualified to be president and is an idiot, racist, sexist, and narcissist who’s surrounded himself with yes men, stupid members of his family, and ass-kissing sycophants. No, today’s blog is for those ass-kissing sycophants. So, if you’re a Trump supporter, I’m talking to you. But, if you’re one of my usual readers, feel free to eavesdrop as I write a public letter to Trump supporters giving them all the respect they’re due.

Dear fucknuts,

I’ve seen a lot of you shitweasels defend Donald Trump’s latest line of bullshit that he wasn’t seriously suggesting people inject household disinfectants and UV light into their bodies.

I’ve seen a few of you on social media say it’s “fake news” to say he “suggested” the idea. It’s not. He truly suggested the idea. Some of you say it’s liberals who do stupid things like eat Tide Pods, except that wasn’t ever a liberal thing. I’ve seen one Trumplican say we shouldn’t worry about it and just let the idea of drinking Clorox get rid of stupid people…except the people who literally ingested fish tank cleaner, with one dying, were Trump supporters. They were not liberals.

While Trump said he was being sarcastic, he undercut Dr. Deborah Birx who said he was merely “musing.” While explaining he was just being sarcastic, he said to one reporter that he was looking directly at him while he was doing it…except that reporter wasn’t there during the suggestion.

As you go about your business covering for a liar and being liars yourselves in saying he’d never say something so stupid about injecting disinfectants, keep in mind, yeah he would. As a follower of mine on Twitter tweeted after seeing this cartoon, with Donald Trump, there really is no bottom.

Donald Trump has said a LOT of stupid shit. As a public service, I’ll recap some of it.

He believes in invisible airplanes. He thought Frederick Douglas was still alive. He didn’t know Puerto Rico was an island, or had a governor, or was a territory of the United States. He tweeted to the “President” of Puerto Rico when he IS the president (sic) of Puerto Rico. He didn’t know what the nuclear triad was and probably still doesn’t. He didn’t know Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and when he did find out, he shouted it from the rooftops as if all us didn’t already know.

He believes he built the great economy President Obama left, instead of inheriting a great economy that’s now lost over 26 million jobs under his “leadership.”

He thinks you need an I.D. to buy Fruit Loops. He thinks asbestos could have saved the World Trade Center from collapsing on 9/11 and it was the mafia that made us remove the stuff. And if that’s true about the mafia, thank you, mafia.

Donald Trump believes your body is like a battery and exercising uses infinite energy, as it depletes your energy and doesn’t renew. He thinks HIV and HPV are the same things. He thinks young people only pay $12 a year for health insurance.

He believes environmentally-friendly lightbulbs cause cancer and they make him look orange.

He thinks sleeping is bad and only sleeping 4 hours a night gives him a competitive edge. It also explains why he looks like he does, requires 7 pounds of makeup on his face, and has an Adderall-rattled brain that believes you need an I.D. to buy cereal.

He thinks vaccines cause autism, windpower kills millions of birds (no. Cats kill millions of birds), and the noise from wind turbines gives you “windmill cancer.”

He spent years telling us President Obama was born in Kenya.

Regarding the coronavirus, he said we had it under control, that the numbers would go down after the 15th case in the United States, it’s a Democratic hoax, it was only one person from China, it would magically disappear in April, we’re close to a vaccine, he called it the flu, said we don’t know what it is, said we have hundreds and even thousands who get better just by going to work, we could reopen the country by Easter, we’ve tested more than any other country, bragged about the ratings for his press briefings, and that anyone who needs a test gets a test.

And lastly, he was totally serious about injecting Clorox and Lyson into our bodies just like he was serious when he asked about dropping nuclear weapons on hurricanes.

Everything I just listed was defended by your stupid asses. When Donald Trump talks, we can’t believe one thing he says. When you defend his ridiculous lying and stupid bullshit, we don’t believe you either. You’re about as credible as Omarosa.

Back to my liberal friends: Some of you will say I could catch more flies with sugar. No, you catch flies with shit and why would I want to catch flies? But I get your point. Some of you believe I can reason better with Trump cultists by reasoning with them in a respectful and diplomatic manner and calling them “cultists,” “shitweasels,” “MAGAts,” and “fucknuts” is not how you reach out to them.

Have you met these people? You can’t reason with them. They are not reasonable. They are not people you can have an honest discussion with. They are not people willing to listen to facts. I’ve talked to some before who think it’s fake news that Donald Trump ever stole from a charity or that a court forced him to disband the charity, pay institutions, and blocked him from being involved with any charity for the next few years. Why reach out to people who aren’t reachable?

I give these people all the respect they are due…and they’re not due any. The truth is, while I can agree to disagree, I’m not disagreeing with people who don’t use facts. I don’t respect opinions built on lies and conspiracy theories. I don’t respect liars. I don’t respect people who use the term “fake news.” I don’t respect people for whom racism is not a deal-breaker. I don’t respect people who believe our nation should have such low standards. I don’t respect people who support ripping families apart, putting kids in jail, and forcing them into actions that kill them. I don’t respect Donald Trump’s supporters. These people have used an agenda of cruelty to help a racist reality TV host destroy our nation.

Today, they’re defending a president who suggested we inject Clorox into our bodies…and I don’t respect that.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Toughest Decision


CNN04122020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Tiger King was one of those things I had to look up to see what everyone was talking about. I had to do the same thing while watching Deadpool 2 and look up Dub Step. I still don’t know what that is. But if I had to choose between Dub Step and Tiger King being a current trend, I’m going with the dub-steppy thing.

Donald Trump said the decision to reopen the nation may be the “toughest decision” he’ll ever make. That’s a very scary prospect since Donald Trump is incapable of taking anything seriously other than himself…which ironically, isn’t a serious topic. Donald Trump’s priorities are skewed. He’ll focus on his own pocketbook and approval ratings over the danger to Americans. This is a man who refused to say states should issue stay-at-home orders who now says he’s going to decide when they’ll reopen.

Fortunately, for this grave decision which may literally be a grave decision, it’s not Donald Trump’s decision. We have a Constitution. The nation is a republic made up of states. It’s called the “United States.” Maybe you’ve heard of it. Governors will make this decision.

Pardon Tiger King? Sure, Donald Trump can do that. Tell Andrew Cuomo when to open his state? Nope! Donald Trump can’t do that.

It’s like stairs. He can’t do it.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Pandemic Priorities


cjones04022020

Did you hear the great news yesterday about the coronavirus? No, we haven’t reached the peak yet. No, the numbers of cases and deaths aren’t going down. No, we’re not going to be open and hugging each other by Easter. The great news is….drum roll please…

…Donald Trump’s stupid press conferences are getting great TV ratings. They’re terrific, outstanding, “astounding!” They’re yuge! They’re so big, Snickers wants to start sponsoring them (I made that up. Don’t call and scream at Snickers).

The New York Times published an article on whether or not networks should run Trump’s daily press conferences because of the high risk of him spreading false information, lies and in general, Trump bullshit. People dying because of Trump’s lies? Donald Trump is the new honey badger and he don’t care.

Donald Trump, shockingly (insert eye roll here), totally missed the point of the article and only noticed the details about his ratings. He tweeted about the ratings…five times. Five. Fucking. Times.

He referred to them as “astounding,” and compared his numbers to Monday Night Football and The Bachelor finale. First off, let’s point out one detail we’re all painfully aware of: Everybody is the nation is home running out of things to do. It got so bad, that last night, I nearly watched The Talking Dead, which is the same format networks use after Trump’s conferences.

The Talking Dead comes on after The Walking Dead and they spend an hour talking about the show you just watched. Yes, it’s as ridiculous as it sounds but at least they don’t have to fact check it. The networks, except for Fox News, have to fact-check everything Donald Trumps says. Also, there are more deaths after a Trump press conference than after The Walking Dead.

These press conferences are important because they do present real and accurate information. Rarely while Donald Trump is talking but it’s in there. The problem is, everything you need to know from these daily briefings can be presented in about four minutes. Unfortunately, since he can’t hit the road and conduct hate rallies in front of thousands of racists with misspelled T-Shirts about grabbing women by their pussies, Trump gets it all out in the White House press room. Donald Trump will spend about an hour, or more, taking a crap with his mouth.

Donald Trump will say things at these press conferences that have to be fact-checked, not just by the news, but by his own people. Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Deborah Birx, when they’re there, are risking catching the coronavirus by standing close to Donald Trump and sharing a microphone with him in order to clarify his bullshit. The shit Donald Trump has said isn’t just a little reckless, it’s killed people. Right now, the networks need to shut him down before he kills again.

It’s important that we get these briefings. It’s not important to hear Donald Trump talk about his greatness for an hour. I suggest the networks continue with their regular programming until they start taking questions.

Why? Because when Donald Trump takes questions, he reveals what a true idiot he is. He reveals his racism and pathetic ugliness. Yesterday, he had a microphone stripped away from a reporter for asking the wrong question. The networks should also cover when the specialists speak, just not the boy who needs special attention. After the briefings, we can get all the highlights. It’s not important that we watch Donald Trump’s diarrhea of the mouth in real-time.

Dr. Fauci told CNN yesterday that the coronavirus could kill between 100,000 and 200,000 Americans and infect millions of people. Also yesterday, more refrigerated trucks arrived in New York City to handle the expected overflow of bodies once the mortuaries are filled. Donald Trump didn’t tweet about that. He tweeted about his TV ratings.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.