Beer

Absolut Biden


Cjones04162021

I love that people who identify themselves as Constitutionalists don’t know shit fuck about the Constitution.

Usually, when a “Constitutionalist” screams about the Constitution and the rights it guarantees, it is really only talking about one Amendment, and that’s the Second. In case you don’t know what that Amendment guarantees, ask a “Constitutionalist.” The other thing I love about “Constitutionalists” is that they’ll tell you only part of what’s in the Second Amendment. Not only will they NOT tell you what the entire Amendment says, but when they tell you the part, “the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed,” they won’t even tell you the entire sentence.

What does the rest of that sentence say? It says, “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State…” and then it gives you, ” the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

When you talk to a “Constitutionalist,” especially the white male Christian ones, they believe they’re all infringed. They’re the most infringed people in world history.

The other thing I love about these wingnuts is that they don’t know history and they don’t know civics. Take Fox News fucknut Steve Doocy as an example. This asstwat goes on national TV every weekday morning, talks about the Constitution, and doesn’t know dick for shit what he’s talking about.

While introducing measures to curb gun violence, President Joe Biden said, “No amendment to the Constitution is absolute.” With that, conservatives lost their minds.

How dare the president say something so factual and historically accurate!!! How dare he know what he’s talking about!!!

Spoiler alert: None of the Amendments to the United States Constitution are absolute. They are not set in stone. The Constitution is a living document, as in it can be changed. But don’t take my word for it. I’m just a cartoonist. Let’s take Thomas Jefferson’s word.

Jefferson said, “I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions, but laws and institutions must go hand in hand with the progress of the human mind. As that becomes more developed, more enlightened, as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances, institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times. We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.”

Here’s your first history lesson for the day, conservatives: Thomas Jefferson was one of the framers of the Constitution. Ouch. That one stings. Walk it off. It’s about to get worse.

Steve Doocy, who is NOT Thomas Jefferson, went off the rails on his morning show for numbnuts. Doocy said, “The part that is really shocking is where the President just said no amendment to the Constitution is absolute. He’s talking about the Second Amendment, which he does not regard as, you know, giving everybody the right to do whatever they want to with guns, we know that we know his talking point.” It’s nice that he believes the Second Amendment gives everyone the right to do whatever they want with guns.

When talking about the Constitution, would you rather take the word from a guy named Jefferson or a turd named Doocy? I’d listen to George Jefferson before I’d listen to Steve Doocy.

This is where Doocy displays his ignorance. He rhetorically asked, “But what about if no Amendment is absolute? What about how does he feel about the First Amendment? How does he feel about the freedom of religion, how does he feel about freedom of speech?” I say he asked “rhetorically” because he ignored that Biden gave a civics and history lesson in his speech.

President Biden said, “You can’t yell ‘fire’ in a crowded movie theater and call it freedom of speech. From the very beginning, you couldn’t own any weapon you wanted to own. From the very beginning that the Second Amendment existed, certain people weren’t allowed to have weapons. So the idea is just bizarre to suggest that some of the things we’re recommending are contrary to the Constitution.”

The First Amendment gives you the freedom of speech, but it doesn’t give you the freedom to say anything you want. Courts have ruled you don’t have the right to libel someone. You don’t have the right to speak and cause a panic or a riot. I can call Steve Doocy a butt muncher but I can’t make a public claim that he literally munches on butts.

As Jefferson said, ” We might as well require a man to wear still the coat which fitted him when a boy as civilized society to remain ever under the regimen of their barbarous ancestors.” Jefferson probably anticipated slavery would eventually be outlawed…and banning it would become a Constitutional amendment. See? We outgrew out childish pants and outgrew the regimen of our “barbarous ancestors.” And the Constitution changed from the first ten amendments our founding fathers created, and written by James Madison, which is the Bill of Rights. Also, Madison was another slave owner, but you know what he didn’t own? A fucking AR-15.

We have added 27 amendments to the Constitution. We’ve added stuff like allowing women to vote, banning slavery, electing the president and vice-president on the same ticket, electing senators by popular vote, and banning the sale of alcohol. Wait. Selling and buying alcohol is legal today. If amendments to the Constitution are absolute, then why is the sale of alcohol legal? Because Amendments…wait for it….ARE NOT ABSOLUTE.

In 1919, the 18th Amendment was ratified by the required number of states and added to the United States Constitution. This Amendment made the sale and purchase of alcohol illegal in the United States. There were no exceptions. Being that this nation does like to drink and the government couldn’t stop people from drinking, or the organized crime from it, the Amendment was repealed 24 years later. And this was done without a serious liquor lobby behind it.

In 1933, the required numbers of states said, “Get the fuck out of here,” to the 18th Amendment and the 21st was born, which repealed the 18th. On a side note, I still think it’s funny that marijuana is federally outlawed and there’s nothing in the Constitution about it. We need a weed Amendment because alcohol is much worse than weed.

We have only changed one Amendment but that proves no Amendment is absolute. What will it take to repeal an Amendment?

To change the Constitution, Congress has to call a Constitutional Convention for proposing amendments upon application of the legislatures of two-thirds of the states. That means 34 states have to agree to the convention, to even discuss it. Then, any Amendments proposed by Congress or the Convention only becomes valid when three-fourths of states’ legislatures or state conventions ratify the proposed Amendment. It would take 38 states to add a new Amendment to the Constitution.

Now it’s my turn to ask a rhetorical question: Can we get 38 states to do anything to change the Second Amendment? Hell no. We’ll never get Congress to even propose such a change.

But no Amendment is absolute. We can fight for change in courts. The Second Amendment doesn’t give you the right to own a semi-automatic rifle or unlimited ammunition.

Don’t act like President Joe Biden doesn’t know what he’s talking about when he says, “No Amendment to the Constitution is absolute,” because he’s right. You may not like that he wants to change gun laws, but don’t act like he’s the one who doesn’t know his shit. When you do, you only prove you’re an idiot.

The Constitution is not infallible. It was written by slave owners. Our first five presidents were slave owners with a total of 12 presidents owning slaves. These are men who wrote, “All men are created equal” who also held slaves and didn’t believe women should have the right to vote. We can’t live by the standards of our “barbarous ancestors” who wrote the Constitution in 1787.

It’s time to move on and stop living by standards that was the norm 233 years ago. I can drink to that.

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Tipsy For Trump


cjones10312020

There is nothing in the Constitution that says every vote must be counted on Election Day. In fact, there’s nothing in the Constitution that says every vote must be delivered by Election Day.

For years, military and mail-in ballots have arrived AFTER Election Day. Now, late ballots are an issue. Now, every vote won’t count. Why? Because once again, the Republicans are trying to steal an election. Again, Republicans are cheating.

Mitch McConnell said new Supreme Court justice Amy Coney Barrett will be a “political asset” during the election. So are the other two Trump appointees. The Supreme Court voted this week to reject ballots if they don’t arrive at a time that’s convenient for Donald Trump.

The vote wasn’t about being late or election security. It wasn’t about democracy. It wasn’t about every vote counting. It was about rejecting votes that will go against Donald Trump.

For months, Donald Trump has been screaming that we should stop counting after Election Day. He’s wailed that any votes arriving after shouldn’t be counted. He’s even said it should be illegal. Since when?

The Supreme Court ruled that late-arriving ballots in Wisconsin are not to be accepted. Why? Because it would be inconvenient to “flip” an election. This majority opinion, representing FIVE Supreme Court justices, was written by Trump appointee Brett Kavanaugh who’s totally trying to rape this election.

Kavanaugh wrote wrote that Election Day mail-in deadlines were devised “to avoid the chaos and suspicions of impropriety that can ensue if thousands of absentee ballots flow in after Election Day and potentially flip the results of an election.”

The Constitution does not guarantee a chaos-free election. So basically, we shouldn’t give the election to the rightful winner if it causes “chaos.” We should give the election to the person who received fewer votes because giving it to the rightful winner may cause some anxiety. Someone may get a rumbly tummy.

Dumbass with the bad haircut also wrote, “Those states also want to be able to definitively announce the results of the election on election night, or as soon as possible thereafter.” That sounds familiar. It’s like I’ve heard that stupid-ass argument before, but louder and shouted at a super-spreader event.

Hours before the ruling, Donald Trump tweeted election officials “must have final total on November 3rd,” alleging without evidence that there are “big problems” with mail-in ballots. Twitter later labeled that tweet bullshit, but Brett Kavanaugh didn’t.

Kavanaugh let Trump’s idiotic tweet guide his writing hand. If you don’t have all the ballots, then you don’t call the election. How can you “flip” an election that hasn’t been called yet? And this was the argument for the majority…the smartest legal minds in the nation? I call bullshit on that too.

There is another case involving late ballots in Pennsylvania that will be ruled on by this Republican “political asset” we call the “Supreme Court.” And Donald Trump said he wants a nine-member court for when he challenges the election, pretty much admitting he expects to lose.

Donald Trump will rightly lose this election but he may not leave the White House…ever. Not if Brett Kavanaugh and the other Trump flunkies have any say about it.

It should also be noted this shitty ruling was BEFORE Amy Coney Barrett was placed on the bench.

Justice Elena Kagan wrote the dissenting opinion saying, “There are no results to ‘flip’ until all valid votes are counted.”

She also wrote, “Nothing could be more suspicious or improper than refusing to tally votes once the clock strikes 12 on election night. To suggest otherwise, especially in these fractious times, is to disserve the electoral process.”

Kagan is right but Republicans, the Conservative majority, and Donald Trump doesn’t care about “disserving” the electoral process. It’s their very intention.

Over 70 million people have already voted with a large majority of them being Democratic voters. How many will be thrown out because of this corrupt Supreme Court?

Kavanaugh, Barrett, Gorsuch and the rest of the majority will disservice the electoral process because they’re all in service to Donald Trump.

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I Like Beer


cjones10062018

Did you know Brett Kavanaugh likes beer?

You would be forgiven if you didn’t catch Kavanaugh’s like for beer during last Thursday’s confirmation hearing before the Senate Judicial Committee because he only said “I like beer” about 87 times.

Kavanaugh likes beer. He doesn’t like being questioned about liking beer, but when it does happen, he’ll answer, “I like beer.” He’ll also answer with “What do you like to drink?” and when asked if he’s ever blacked out from drinking, he may answer with, “Have you ever blacked out from drinking?” He even refused to answer “How many beers are too many?” He answered that too many were “Whatever the blood-alcohol chart says,” never mind that there is not a blood alcohol chart. I’m kinda shocked he didn’t say, “When the bartender cuts you off,” or “When the cops arrive to stop the bar fight.”

He screamed answers. He cried answers. He belittled United States senators. He deflected and dodged answers. He gave lies as answers. He changed publicly known definitions for some answers. He even changed the term for a disgusting sex act into a term for drinking beer. He likes beer.

Keep in mind; this was during a job interview. I think if there has to be another hearing for him to explain further sexual assault allegations, a 1985 New York City bar fight, and his inconsistent answers and lies from previous sessions before the Senate; they may want to make him take a breathalyzer test.

It’s understandable that Kavanaugh would be defensive about his beer drinking since many of the accusations against him claim he was excessively drunk when they happened. Kavanaugh says he may have drunk “too many” in the past, but he never blacked out, got smashed, totally tossed, obliterated, sloshed, sizzled, plastered, blotto, or schnockered. He claims he never passed out from drinking, and that he just went to sleep afterward. Maybe they should have asked if after sleeping from drinking, if he’s ever woken up in a ditch, with his face in a public urinal, or with the word “balls” written across his forehead.

Brett Kavanaugh likes beer. Just be careful when you ask him about it.

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America The Beer


cjones05122016

Budweiser is renaming their flagship product “America.” It is to commemorate the summer, the Olympics, the elections, and all those drunk, patriotic idiots in bars who scream “Murica!”.

This means if you don’t drink that swill Budweiser sells then you hate America. If you’re a recovering alcoholic and you’ve stayed off the wagon (or is it on?), then you hate America. Get drunk, you traitor. You don’t see ISIS drinking “America.” If you’re one of those beer snobs that demands a pumpkin flavored beer, then you’re just a snooty idiot with a stick up your butt no matter what year or season it is. The only flavor in beer should be beer. Like coffee. There should only be coffee flavored coffee. And what’s up with people who put ketchup on hot dogs? Sorry, I’m getting upset and off track here. Ketchup on hot dogs…the nerve.

The brewery didn’t just change the name to “America” using the Budweiser font. They also included new text citing the Pledge of Allegiance, the Star Spangled Banner, and America the Beautiful.

“King of Beers” has been changed to “E Pluribus Unum,” “The World Renowned” changed to “Land of the Free,” and “Anheuser-Busch, Inc.” updated to read “Liberty & Justice For All.” Even legalese like “Trademark” was changed to “Indivisible,” and “Registered” changed to “Since 1776” (though Budweiser wouldn’t be available for another 100 years).

I probably shouldn’t be so cynical. Maybe it’s not just a promotional campaign to sell more beers from the corporation that’s given us the Clydesdale horses and the talking frogs. Maybe they really do feel patriotism and love for all that’s America. I wonder if the decision came down from their corporate HQ in Belgium.

Did you know that in most of Europe Budweiser can’t use the name “Budweiser?” There’s another Budweiser from Germany and it probably taste like actual beer.

I was hesitant in drawing this cartoon. It felt kinda weird to do something that might appeal to both sides of the aisle. I’ve heard some people describe the Trump phenomenon as America being drunk. There’s a lot of Democrats who aren’t particularly excited about Hillary Clinton and we’ve seen how the GOP is reacting to Trump, though he has received more primary votes than any Republican ever. At this point only 15 congressmen have come out and endorsed the Orange One.

I made one tiny mistake at the bottom of the can. I wrote “and” instead of “for” in the “liberty and justice for all” part. I noticed it right as I was finishing the coloring. It doesn’t bother me enough to change you probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway.

As for making America great again. I’m all for that, if we’re talking about the beer.

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