Beer

I Like Beer


cjones10062018

Did you know Brett Kavanaugh likes beer?

You would be forgiven if you didn’t catch Kavanaugh’s like for beer during last Thursday’s confirmation hearing before the Senate Judicial Committee because he only said “I like beer” about 87 times.

Kavanaugh likes beer. He doesn’t like being questioned about liking beer, but when it does happen, he’ll answer, “I like beer.” He’ll also answer with “What do you like to drink?” and when asked if he’s ever blacked out from drinking, he may answer with, “Have you ever blacked out from drinking?” He even refused to answer “How many beers are too many?” He answered that too many were “Whatever the blood-alcohol chart says,” never mind that there is not a blood alcohol chart. I’m kinda shocked he didn’t say, “When the bartender cuts you off,” or “When the cops arrive to stop the bar fight.”

He screamed answers. He cried answers. He belittled United States senators. He deflected and dodged answers. He gave lies as answers. He changed publicly known definitions for some answers. He even changed the term for a disgusting sex act into a term for drinking beer. He likes beer.

Keep in mind; this was during a job interview. I think if there has to be another hearing for him to explain further sexual assault allegations, a 1985 New York City bar fight, and his inconsistent answers and lies from previous sessions before the Senate; they may want to make him take a breathalyzer test.

It’s understandable that Kavanaugh would be defensive about his beer drinking since many of the accusations against him claim he was excessively drunk when they happened. Kavanaugh says he may have drunk “too many” in the past, but he never blacked out, got smashed, totally tossed, obliterated, sloshed, sizzled, plastered, blotto, or schnockered. He claims he never passed out from drinking, and that he just went to sleep afterward. Maybe they should have asked if after sleeping from drinking, if he’s ever woken up in a ditch, with his face in a public urinal, or with the word “balls” written across his forehead.

Brett Kavanaugh likes beer. Just be careful when you ask him about it.

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America The Beer


cjones05122016

Budweiser is renaming their flagship product “America.” It is to commemorate the summer, the Olympics, the elections, and all those drunk, patriotic idiots in bars who scream “Murica!”.

This means if you don’t drink that swill Budweiser sells then you hate America. If you’re a recovering alcoholic and you’ve stayed off the wagon (or is it on?), then you hate America. Get drunk, you traitor. You don’t see ISIS drinking “America.” If you’re one of those beer snobs that demands a pumpkin flavored beer, then you’re just a snooty idiot with a stick up your butt no matter what year or season it is. The only flavor in beer should be beer. Like coffee. There should only be coffee flavored coffee. And what’s up with people who put ketchup on hot dogs? Sorry, I’m getting upset and off track here. Ketchup on hot dogs…the nerve.

The brewery didn’t just change the name to “America” using the Budweiser font. They also included new text citing the Pledge of Allegiance, the Star Spangled Banner, and America the Beautiful.

“King of Beers” has been changed to “E Pluribus Unum,” “The World Renowned” changed to “Land of the Free,” and “Anheuser-Busch, Inc.” updated to read “Liberty & Justice For All.” Even legalese like “Trademark” was changed to “Indivisible,” and “Registered” changed to “Since 1776” (though Budweiser wouldn’t be available for another 100 years).

I probably shouldn’t be so cynical. Maybe it’s not just a promotional campaign to sell more beers from the corporation that’s given us the Clydesdale horses and the talking frogs. Maybe they really do feel patriotism and love for all that’s America. I wonder if the decision came down from their corporate HQ in Belgium.

Did you know that in most of Europe Budweiser can’t use the name “Budweiser?” There’s another Budweiser from Germany and it probably taste like actual beer.

I was hesitant in drawing this cartoon. It felt kinda weird to do something that might appeal to both sides of the aisle. I’ve heard some people describe the Trump phenomenon as America being drunk. There’s a lot of Democrats who aren’t particularly excited about Hillary Clinton and we’ve seen how the GOP is reacting to Trump, though he has received more primary votes than any Republican ever. At this point only 15 congressmen have come out and endorsed the Orange One.

I made one tiny mistake at the bottom of the can. I wrote “and” instead of “for” in the “liberty and justice for all” part. I noticed it right as I was finishing the coloring. It doesn’t bother me enough to change you probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway.

As for making America great again. I’m all for that, if we’re talking about the beer.

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