Apple Watching You

Full disclosure: This cartoon was drawn on an iPad. All of my cartoons have been drawn on an iPad since June 2021, and I believe I only have 11 payments left until I officially own my Ipad.

I love my iPad and my iPhone. I love how easily they make everything. I love how they sync together. I love that when I bought my very-outdated AirPods, I didn’t have to sync them to my devices. They automatically knew each other. I like that when I take a photo, it knows where I took the photo and will later present me with a gallery of the photos taken at that location. Hey, here’s your trip to Las Vegas or your trip to New York City. To me, that’s some fun tracking.

Apple unveiled the latest versions of its iPhone and watches last Wednesday. It’s the iPhone 14 and Apple Watch Series 8. I never buy the latest newest most up-to-date tech, but I did last year when I got my iPhone 12 and iPad pro 12.8. For about seven minutes, I was up to date with the latest technology. I don’t see any reason to update again for a while. But, there are people who bought the iPhone 13 and will now rush to own the 14, and in a few months the 15, then the 16…yeah, get out of here.

And while I do like Apple stuff, I realize they screw over the people who are loyal to them. You would think that someone who spends $2,000 on an iPad wouldn’t have to shell out another $130 for the Apple Pencil (and in my case, you’d expect the pencil to actually work and not crap-out and force you to wait several days for Apple to send you a new one). Microsoft’s first few versions of its Surface Pro included its Surface Pen until they got smart and started selling it separately. The iPhone used to come with EarBuds you could plug into your device. Now, not only do they not include the free EarBuds, but the newer iPhones don’t even include the input for your old EarBuds, forcing you to purchase AirPods if you want to listen to music privately. Nobody wants anyone else to know they’re listening to Cold Play.

As usual, there are new features to these products with one for the watch being a fertility tracker. The thing tracks women’s periods and fertility and will tell her when she’s ovulating. This feature can be very cool or very scary. Some people haven’t been this upset with Apple since that time they hid a U2 album on iPhones.

I think a watch that tracks your steps can be very cool. And it’s cool that it can track your heartbeat and warn you of palpitations and stuff like that. I’m not afraid of this stuff because I’m concerned about being tracked, but because I kinda get the feeling the watch will be like, “Are you sure you want to be eating all that pork?” But some people are concerned about how Apple is tracking them and where and how they’re storing the data. Hopefully, it’s better than the system of hiding shit in a basement at Mar-a-Lago.

It’s like when the vaccines came out and a lot of people were afraid of being vaccinated by the government. White people with concerns were mostly lying conspiracy-driven fucks believing the vax contained itty-bitty tracking chips, but black Americans had a better right to be concerned about what was in the vaccines and how it’d affect them. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google “Tuskegee Syphilis Study.”

You might think we shouldn’t be too concerned about Apple storing data about us or Alexa sending all our personal deets back to her masters at Amazon, or another device tracking your sleep farts, though it does sound kinda Orwellian that not only are corporations tracking us, they’re selling us the products used to do the tracking.

That’s kinda like Nike selling you a shirt that advertises their product, and don’t get me started on my beef with YouTube showing me a commercial before I can watch a trailer to a movie. They’re forcing me to watch a commercial before I can watch a commercial. You motherfuckers, you.

But women have every right to be concerned with a corporation tracking their fertility after Republicans have wiped out abortion in nearly half the nation and working on banning legal abortion in the rest of it. And now, Apple will know when you’re ovulating and Amazon will know what tampons you’re buying. Getting ahold of this information is a Republican’s wet dream. Also, “Republican Wet Dreams” would be the worst-selling erotic novel on Amazon. Others would be “Ted Cruz comes into Bloom,” “Lindsey’s Night of Georgian Passion,” “Rand Paul: Just a Gigolo,” and “Trump’s Moist Misadventure in Moscow.” By the way, which word do women find the most disturbing? “Moist” or “Ted Cruz?”

So maybe when the government is doing all it can to erase privacy, and the Supreme Court saying the Constitution doesn’t guarantee a right to privacy except for where they live, it might be a rotten time for a corporation that’s worth over $2 trillion to sell a product made to stalk your periods.

What’s next? Is Apple going to charge us to name our children after them? Actually, Cold Play’s Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow did name one of their kids “Apple.”

I love my Apple stuff. I love my iPhone, iPad, and Air Pods, but they need to be careful about what they force upon their customers. If the new stuff includes an ebook titled, “a Moist Ted Cruz,” I’m throwing my shit out the window.

Creative note: This is from the batch drawn up before the Queen’s passing, which put everything else on hold. The rough for this was drawn up Wednesday evening after Apple released the new series. I wasn’t sure I was going to make a real cartoon out of this.

Music note: I listened to some Coheed and Cambria.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Surface Pro Vs. iPad Pro

After several weeks of use, I’m finally ready to write a review and comparison of Microsoft’s Surface Pro to Apple’s iPad. Several of my readers have asked for my opinions between the two, so here we go.

To be specific, my review is of a Surface Pro 6 (16 GB) and an iPad Pro 12.9 (1 TB) as for how they apply for drawing political cartoons and suit my other needs. To be even more specific, the art programs also being compared are Corel Painter Essentials 6 (Surface Pro) and Procreate (iPad). First off, when you purchase a tablet or computer to draw in, get as much memory/speed/ram as you can afford. Trust me on this. It makes a huge difference. Also, keep in mind that I’m not a techie person. I can be a real moron with this kind of stuff. Also, cartoonists, well, older cartoonists HATE changing and learning new stuff. But here I am.


In case you don’t want to read this entire review (it’s long. I wrote it over three days), I’ll cut to the chase and give you a spoiler. When it comes to drawing, the iPad wins and it’s not even close. And if you want to keep reading, neither come off perfect or entirely terrible. I’m still using both tablets for my work.

Also, keep in mind that one is a tablet/computer hybrid and the other is a tablet.

Let’s start with some background: As you probably know, I’m a nationally syndicated political cartoonist (I’m mentioning this in case this review is published somewhere other than my site for my political cartoons). My work goes out to dozens of newspapers and news sites daily. You can also find me in The Week, GoComics, and occasionally in The Washington Post. I also draw a weekly cartoon for CNN Opinion’s weekly newsletter. I’ve been drawing digitally since May, 2016.

When I first started coloring my cartoons, I drew on paper and colored in Photoshop. In case you’re a total dimwit, Photoshop is on a computer. I would scan my cartoon (on a scanner) and then color in Photoshop. In 2016, I bought a Samsung tablet that came with a stylus. It was just for fun but I did draw a few cartoons on it even though it couldn’t compete in quality with cartoons drawn on paper. I also bought a very cheap Wacom tablet thingy that came with a stylus, and I used it to color my cartoons in Photoshop. It was basically a mouse but in pen form. All this made me take the leap into going full-on digital without turning back.

Before I pulled the trigger, I did a lot of research. And while most reviewers in 2016 felt the two systems were close, it seemed at that time all of them gave the Surface Pro higher grades for drawing. I also went with the Surface Pro at that time because I wanted it to be more than just a machine to draw on and still believe it covers more everyday territory than the iPad. But like with drawing, I may change my mind on that too sometime in the future.

I don’t have a lot of money so it’s a big deal when I purchase a big ticket item. Over the past decade, most big purchases have been for my work. Even the trips I’ve taken have been for work. I usually don’t make purchases on a whim, but I bought my first Surface Pro while drunk in a bar. It cost a thousand bucks and it was a Surface Pro 4 with maybe 4 GB. The next morning when I remembered the purchase, I was all like, “What have I done?” I surfed Microsoft’s site and bought a Surface with my phone…in a bar. To be fair and as I already said, it was something I had been researching and at that drunk moment, it was a “fuck-it” moment. But, it was probably the only good decision I ever made while drinking and probably the best thing I ever took home from a bar. I then bought a version of Corel’s Painter (while sober) for around $35 for the Surface. I learned the system and got used to drawing on glass fast. I like to hit the ground running. As soon as I got the device, my very next cartoon was drawn on it. About a year later, I bought Corel’s Video Studio which allowed me to record my screen and make videos of my cartoons. I kept it for about four years. I actually still have it. I was going to sell it but it’s not worth very much now and it came through as a backup in a crisis. More on that in a bit.

A couple of big benefits of going digital with either of these systems is that you can paint without the mess. Corel and Procreate are both much better for coloring than Photoshop. I said older cartoonists don’t like change and most of them will never leave Photoshop. Too bad for them. Also, when submitting ideas to editors, it’s so much simpler to drag your file, or cutting and pasting, into the body of an email. No scanning shit. Also, if you have to make a change to your cartoon after it’s done, it’s so much easier digitally than on paper.

Have you ever met an atheist, member of any religion, or vegan who tried to convert you? Yeah, I’m not trying to convert you. When I started in this business in 1990, cartoonists made jokes about the question, “What do you draw with?”. It was usually a question for newbies. Now, even the old guys want to know what you’re drawing with. But I’m not trying to change minds or talk anyone into doing it the way I do it. Each artist should work with what works best for them, whether it’s on paper or glass. We used to debate pens Vs. brushes and some really old dudes would argue that it was cheating if you used a pencil. Really.

I will make the argument that if you do have to send multiple ideas through email, you should go digital just for that. And if that’s the only use for it, you can use any system…even a very cheap one. Then after your cartoon is approved, you can go back to paper and watercolors. Just a suggestion, dudes and dudettes.

After I went fully digital on the Surface Pro, I didn’t tell anyone. This included friends and readers. I wanted to see if anyone would notice a difference. Nobody said anything until I came clean about a month and a half later. Then, some people were like, “Oh, I could see the difference, blah, blah, blah.” I told the entire world I was switching to the iPad before I even got the thing. I was pissed.

The biggest thing I had to get used to drawing on a Surface and glass was lettering. Cartoonists don’t write letters. We draw them. Usually when you see a typo, the cartoonist knows how to spell the word. But since he or she is drawing the letters, not a lot of attention is being given to the actual spelling. I don’t listen to anything when I’m lettering as I’m prone to “drawing” a word I hear. I once drew “skater boi” while an Avril Lavigne song was playing. Now I mute my TV and don’t listen to any music until the lettering is done. But my greatest challenge with lettering on the Surface was keeping the lines in conformity. One line would be larger than the next. Usually, I’d start smallish and each succeeding line would be larger….or maybe smaller. It probably took me a few months to even notice I was doing that…and probably a year to get out of the habit…mostly.

The reason you make one line larger than the next is because you’re not working on paper. When you letter on paper, you’re looking at the entire page. The only way to zoom in is to put your face closer to the drawing, which is something I did my entire life. On a tablet, you do zoom in and then you’re not seeing the entire drawing or more importantly, the letters you just drew. So it can be a little wonky. Also, lettering is the thing cartoonists hate doing the most…that and drawing grass and crowds.


Another great reason to go digital is for when you travel.

In 2019, I was coming home from a cartoonist gathering in North Carolina (where they make horrible barbecue) and I was drawing in the dining car on an Amtrak. I love being able to draw on a train and email to editors and clients. I was racing to meet a CNN deadline. During this trip, the air conditioning broke down on the train and I discovered my Surface did not like getting hot. The entire screen was shaking while I drew. I would turn it off, let it cool down, turn it back on, continue drawing until the shaking resumed…and then I’d repeat and repeat and repeat. I was getting very frustrated.

After this train event, the Surface started doing the shaking thing more often. This was no way to live. What am I? Amish? But, that Surface had helped me become a Herblock Prize finalist which came with a cash award. This enabled me to upgrade to a newer and better Surface. My drinking days were well behind me at that point, so the replacement was bought while I was fully sober.

The replacement was a Surface Pro 6 with 16GB. Microsoft says the screen size is 12.3 inches, but that’s not the drawing space you have. You have about ten inches of width. This baby flies while Corel makes it lag a bit. This time, it didn’t come with a stylus/pen. My first one did. Apparently, Microsoft figured they needed to make more money and if Apple could get away without providing a stylus with their tablets, then Microsoft can get away with it too. But I still had my old Surface Pen, so HA-ha! Joke is on you, Microsoft…until that pen died within weeks. So, off to Best Buy to purchase another Surface Pen…which had gone up in price 50 percent. What did Microsoft do to justify the price of their pens being jacked up 50 percent. I don’t know. I drew with the old pen for at least four years and I couldn’t find any differences in the new one. Also, the buttons don’t always work so I never used them. The Surface also does not come with a keyboard, but the one I bought with my Surface Pro 4 worked just fine with my Surface Pro 6….until it literally ripped to pieces. Literally. I removed it one day to put the tablet into the tablet configuration and the magnet doo-hickey in the keyboard that attached to the tablet just ripped right off. Guess what. The prices for keyboards went up too.

Is Microsoft more evil than Apple? I think Apple wins in that category too but Microsoft is trying to catch up.

The Surface Pro comes with a kickstand and the iPad does not. But funny thing, I think Microsoft is now making the kickstand much weaker than they did before. I think they made the kickstand for the Surface 4 out of Adamantium and are now making them out of graham crackers. As I said, I still have my first Surface Pro (the 4) and the kickstand is still going strong. The kickstand on my Surface Pro 6 broke within a year. If you’re not drawing and putting weight on these things, then this probably won’t be a factor for you. But, I told you about that Herblock money, and a week or so after purchasing the Surface 6, I changed my mind and bought the extended warranty and boy, am I glad I did. That sucker got me a totally new and probably refurbished Surface Pro 6. Thankfully, I still had my Surface 4 as a backup (told you it came through). One interesting side note, Microsoft messed up my address and the FedEx guy dropped off my new two grand Surface Pro at the door of a gang member with a face tattoo. A violent-looking face tattoo. This is another story.

For the most part, the Surface was good to me while Microsoft was not. They were about as nice as Face Tattoo guy. My biggest complaint with the Surface is that the tablet has a hard time telling the difference between your hand and the pen. I draw with my hand on the screen, not suspended in the air. The problem of the tablet differentiating would come and go, and even with a drawing glove it’d still give me problems. This bug can be extremely annoying and sometimes impossible to work with. And then, my pen just stopped working.

The pen would stop working and the only way for me to get it back would be to reboot. It got to the point of having to do this at least once per cartoon. Sometimes it’d happen several times per cartoon, usually while lettering. When I letter, I don’t stop until it’s done because I want it over with. It’s even worse if you have to reboot if you’re in the coloring phase…or have added layers to your drawing. By closing Corel on the Surface, it compressed and flattened your layers. If you have ever worked in layers, you understand the problem of returning to a project with layers that’s no longer in layers. You have to create another layer to finish coloring and, even when picking the exact same color, they don’t match. However, it’s great in helping you create brand new curse words.

I searched the web to troubleshoot the pen problem. Yes, I changed the fucking batteries, thank you. I watched numerous stupid YouTube videos where the slow-talking creator takes forever to cut to the chase. I went to Microsoft geek forums. I even looked on Reddit where everyone is a lunatic that wants to “lock her up.” I even bought a cheap $20 stylus to see if that would be a solution so I wouldn’t have to reboot until the cartoon was finished…but nope. That one would die too. It wasn’t the pen, it was the Surface. I found solutions to a dozen other problems with the Surface Pen but I couldn’t find the one I needed. So I called Microsoft which led to the end of me drawing on Microsoft’s Surface Pro…for the most part.

Microsoft had no idea how to fix their own product. Microsoft didn’t seem to have any interest in fixing their product or understanding the problem. Microsoft expressed no desire to help me, a long-time customer, to continue using their product. What they did was invite me to give them $40 to join some Microsoft help center club thingy and then they’d have a tech assist me. Fuck you, Microsoft. What’s bizarre is they were very easy to swap out a $2,000 tablet ($1,600 bought refurbished) but total dicks over a pen. Do you know why? Because they had no idea how to fix the pen issue. “Have you tried changing the batteries?”

To leave Microsoft was not easy. You need to appreciate how heavy it was for me to leave to leave Microsoft, or at least stop drawing on it. I was invested. I got five years into this shit. I got the pen…twice, the keyboard…twice and even the Surface mouse. Hell, I’m literally on my third Surface Pro. But I could not live with the rebooting during cartoons, the system not being able to tell the difference between the pen and my hand, and I didn’t even mention how you had to zoom in big time to draw something small, like eye balls or a period. The Surface doesn’t like it when you draw little things. Some of these issues were the Surface and others are with Corel. My editors got used to my roughs not containing punctuation.

I bought the latest iPad. Again, I wasn’t drunk (but I was on my way to get some street tacos). And of course, I had to purchase a keyboard, a kickstand, and an Apple Pencil. I also purchased Procreate. This iPad is 12.9 inches but you don’t have that much drawing space. You might have a quarter more than you did on the Surface. You might have a half inch more of height on the iPad than you do on the Surface.

I bought a very cheap kickstand and it does the job. I did not buy an Apple keyboard, instead getting a Logitech that also works as a binder and so far I like it very much. The keyboard is bluetooth and it charges while connected to the iPad. There are other styluses you can purchase other than the Apple Pencil, but if you’re going to draw in Procreate on an iPad, don’t cheapen out on the experience. You gotta get the Apple Pencil. It and Procreate were created for each other. It’s really amazing.

My iPad was still on order when I went to New York City at the beginning of June and right there on 5th Avenue (a block or two from Trump Tower) is an Apple store. You walk into a big giant glass cube, through security, and then you go underground via a winding staircase and OHMYGOD. That place is dangerous. You could blow so much money in there. I got out unscathed. There’s also a Microsoft store on 5th. The people at the Microsoft store don’t appreciate tourists sticking their heads in just to scream, “Fuck you Microsoft!” I bet that happens a lot. Ironically, I had my Surface Pro on me.

As I mentioned, my first version of Corel costs me about $35. I later bought an updated version for around $50. Corel Studio was the same price. It’ll also infect your system with Corel pop-ups, which I keep thinking I have killed but they keep coming back. How much is Procreate for the iPad? It’s $10,000. Oops, typo. It’s $10. No typo. Ten freaking bucks. Corel has versions of its software that costs hundreds of dollars and I can’t see any of them being better than ten-buck Procreate.

Procreate is better than Corel. I don’t have to zoom in to draw an eye ball. It doesn’t bug out as much as Corel. It doesn’t freeze as much as Corel. It can usually tell the difference between my hand and the pen. But even when it does confuse my hand for the pen, it doesn’t prevent the pen from working. It does have this one quirk where it jumps from pen to eraser without warning. It does this a lot. Fortunately, there is a back button. There is also a quirk where you have to hit the brush you want multiple times. I often give up using the pen to select the brush and instead, use my finger. I asked my buddy and fellow cartoonist, Kevin Necessary, a political cartoonist who lives in Cincinnati (home to chili with cinnamon), and has been using Procreate and iPad for years and he said it happens to him too.

You can rotate the canvas in both programs. In Corel, there’s a button and then you drag it to rotate the canvas. There’s also a zoom button. In Procreate, there isn’t a button to zoom or rotate the canvas. You simply use two fingers. It makes drawing much easier.

I do get a lot of lag in the Surface. Sometimes a line would freeze, and while screaming at the system, it suddenly appears but it’s nowhere near where you placed it. So far, I haven’t detected any lag or delay on the iPad. The back button in Corel only goes so many steps back while in Procreate, I haven’t found a limit yet.

Another complain with Corel on the Surface is some of the buttons are too close together. The eyedrooper tool is next to the pen. If you hit the eyedropper by accident and then try to ink or paint, the color will usually change on you. The back button is also right next to the save button. Ever after five years, I still hit the wrong buttons. This also reminds me that you have to save in Corel.

After I first purchased Corel and while doing one of my cartoons at 3:00 A.M, I took my dog for a walk without saving the cartoon that was almost completed. While walking doggy, Microsoft decided that was a great time to update and reboot the system. Not only did I get to restart that cartoon from scratch, I got to create more curse words. That experience taught me to hit “save” a lot during a project. In Procreate, you NEVER have to hit the save button. It automatically saves everything. Really.

Another thing I do on Procreate that I never tried in Corel is move stuff around and resizing. It’s really easy in Procreate. I’ll lay down some text and then move it to another location and make it larger. It’s just some tracing, dragging, and pulling. I’ve done the same thing with characters. In the past, I’ve made text larger and moved it around in a cartoon I drew in Corel, but I’d do all that in Photoshop, make it a new file, then reopen in Corel. I don’t think we’re ever going to hear someone go to Corel from Procreate.

Being able to adjust sizes really helps with the lettering issue I mentioned before. My tendency to make text sizes off from each other has carried over to the iPad and Procreate. Also, I find that a lot of my lines in Procreate have a tail to them. Say I draw a straight line. At the end of that line, it’ll veer off a little either left or right. I think this might be me still getting used to draw on the iPad glass. Or it may be me getting used to a faster system. Yes, you draw faster on the iPad than on the Surface.

Both programs have thousands of brushes and you can import new ones. Corel is always trying to sell you new ones. I don’t know if Procreate does that. You can find what best suits your style. Kevin took one of my old cartoons and traced over it with several different pens in Procreate which was a really cool thing for him to take the time to do. He picked the one he thought fit my style the best and sent it to me through Twitter messenger. I didn’t know you could do that. From there, I downloaded it, and expecting great complications, it went straight to Procreate. It was easy. It was unnamed so I named it Kevin. I’ve been using my Kevin Pen for each cartoon since.

I mentioned before how I would record my drawing. I did that with a separate program on my Surface. On the iPad, Procreate already records every pen stroke. On the Surface, I was recording the screen. If I took a break to stare at my drawing, it would record that break. If I jumped to another window, it would record that. So if you plan to publish your drawing video, don’t look at porn while doing it or type in any passwords, social security numbers, or private messages. Though in Corel Studio, you can edit all that stuff out. For me, I was always recording Facebook messages with my two proof readers. I’d also forget to turn off the recorder at times. In Procreate, it only records the pen strokes which makes the recording a lot shorter. With the program in the Surface, I would have to edit the videos and adjust the time-lapse, which is pretty limited. Procreate already does that and you can adjust the speed of your time-lapse, though I’m happy with the way it came out of the box, so to speak. You can also turn off the recording in Procreate if you’re not into that and you want to save space. In Corel Studio, you choose the format you want your video (and you want it to be MP4. I let out a huge sigh of relief when I saw that Procreate also saves the videos as MP4s.

The Surface is a Windows system. All my drawings would go into the pictures folder as a jpeg (you have to set that up). Then, I could simply drag that file into the body of an email…or send it to Photoshop. I have to create four files for each cartoon. This is extremely easy on the Surface and it’s where I think the Surface is better than the iPad. The Surface is great for when you have to send rough sketches and ideas to an editor. Just drag the file into the body of your email and click send.

How do I do this on the iPad? You share from Procreate. You can share to any apps on your iPad. Also in the share feature, you can copy and paste the cartoon. So, I paste it into the body of an email. I also take the share thing and send it to Instagram. For everything else, I share it to my Google Drive and then open that on my Surface, where I then take it to Photoshop and create all the files I need to send to my clients. It’s just simpler than monkeying around with it on the iPad. You also have several options in file formats to share. I share a jpeg, but you can share also a tiff, PSD, etc. I share it as a jpeg, which goes out as an RGB, and then I create other formats for it in Photoshop (so I only have to bother sharing it to myself once).

I also share the video this way. I send the full length video to Google Drive for me to create a YouTube video with it. I still create this with my Corel Video Studio, which contains my intro and outro videos. I can also share a 30-second time-lapse video to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I have discovered more readers will give you 30 seconds rather than four minutes, especially when they don’t have to click a link. Your readers can watch them directly on the social media site and on their phones, which they would rather do than click a link. People on social media hate clicking links almost as much as they hate paywalls. Best of all, you can share your 30-second time-lapse video to TikTok and add music to it. Now don’t tell other cartoonists I’m doing this because they haven’t figured it out yet and I like being the only political cartoonist on TikTok (except for you, Alex).

You used to have to plug your Apple Pencil into your iPad to charge it. Now, you just have to lay the Pencil on top of the iPad where magnets connect them together and it charges that way. There is no battery for the Apple Pencil. The Surface Pen still uses a battery and it does last several months. I’ve gotten close to getting a year out of them. But, you will probably only find the batteries online or at a battery store as they are AAAA. Even places like Staples, Best Buy, and Office Depot don’t carry these batteries and the people who work there will look at you funny when you ask. When your battery finally runs out of juice at 2:00 A.M, you will not find a replacement at Sheetz where they too will look at you funny because if you need batteries at 2:00 A.M, they probably think you’re doing something disgusting.

How long do the nibs last for each stylus? The nib can last over a year on the Surface (they have for me and I draw more cartoons than most cartoonists). It’s a good thing they last so long because Microsoft sells them in a pack of four for a thousand dollars. I’m kidding. It’s $20, but still, fuck you, Microsoft. They’re nibs. I can’t tell you how long the Apple Pencil nibs last because I’ve only had this a little over a month…and this Pencil, my second, for just a week or so. Right now, I’m hoping my second Apple Pencil will outlast its nib. But like Microsoft, Apple nibs come in a pack of four for about $20.00. They’re tiny bits of plastic. Fuck you too, Apple.

I mentioned Apple is more evil than Microsoft. A week after getting the iPad, my Apple Pencil died. The pen was the reason I left Microsoft. Sorry, I forgot to shout. THE PEN IS WHY I LEFT MICROSOFT!!!! This really pissed me off. Yes, they gave me a new one, but I had to drop it off at Best Buy and there, they wouldn’t simply swap it out with another Apple Pencil despite there being hundreds of them in the store. The Geek Squad looked at me funny. An Apple representative in India told me they would simply replace the pencil. Nope. I had to return to Best Buy three days later to pick up the one Apple sent for me specifically. And, I highly suspect they sent me a refurbished pencil. If they did, that pisses me off because I did not pay for a refurbished pencil. It came in an unmarked box. Also, I was out money paying for rides back and forth to Best Buy. But it has been over a week with the new pencil and I think we’re good…knock on wood. But once again, fuck you, Apple.

I did buy my iPad at an AT&T store, and the nice lady who sold it to me was going to simply swap out the pencil for me the day I came in (it’s right down the street from me) but they didn’t have any. My ex-girlfriend would tell me stop feeling so entitled…and to stop flirting with the AT&T girl.

For me, drawing on the iPad isn’t just a little better than drawing in Corel on the Surface. The iPad is light years ahead of the Surface. The best thing I can tell an artist that they will understand is…it’s fun. It’s more work and frustration in Corel on the Surface. When my Apple Pencil was out, I had to go back to my Surface for a few days and it was like going back to draw on a cave wall. I did a little dance when I was able to return to iPad and Procreate…and I’m not a dancer. It. Is. That. Much. Fucking. Better. But still, I don’t recommend the iPad entirely. You do not simply move everything you do from the Surface to the iPad.

The Surface does some things better, or at least better for me. I was originally going to sell my Surface but then thought, I don’t want to do all these other things on the iPad. I asked Kevin, the human, not the pen, if it was weird for me to keep both (Kevin the Pen just looked at me funny). He sent me a photo of his office which has about 27 dozen computers in it…so it’s not weird I’m keeping both, or I asked a person with a hoarding problem.

I’m still creating the YouTube vids on the Surface. I’m still doing all my cartoon business-related work on the Surface. I’m doing all my messaging on the Surface. I’m doing all my blogging on the Surface. I’m writing this review on the Surface. The only thing I’m using my new $2,000 (I’m making payments. Think of it like a brand new car made in eastern Europe in the 1980s) iPad for is drawing, a few emails to my editors, and sharing the videos to social media. The next time I make an animation, because dragging files is so much easier and I make them with Corel Video Studio, I’ll do those drawings back on the Surface.

As I said before, the Surface is more like a computer. It operates just like a desktop. It’s a Windows system. Everyone is used to Windows so you already know how to use a Surface Pro for everything in your life. The iPad tablet is a tablet. Everything on it is an app.

I have taken my Surface Pro on the road with me. I’ve drawn in cars and trains. I’ve drawn in coffee shops, bars, and McDonald’s. I’ve taken it to New York City (where I drew in a coffee shop in a subway station), Washington, D.C, Raleigh, North Carolina, and Coldwater, Mississippi. On my next trip, wherever that may be, I’ll take both tablets.

I can’t tell you which system will be better for your needs…but when it comes to creating cartoons, I’m confident you will like Procreate on the iPad much better, unless you’re the kind of person who enjoys slamming his penis in a door. If you do purchase one of these systems, I hope the stylus works for you and the FedEx guy drops it off at the right house.

Final summation: Draw your cartoons in Procreate on an iPad. For drawing, iPad wins hands down. For everything else, you don’t need a Surface Pro but you should have a computer in addition to your iPad. My relationship with the Surface Pro itself is a love/hate one. My relationship with both corporations, Apple and Microsoft, is strictly hate.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Updates For Dummies


Republicans love to respond to accusations with the art of deflection. It’s puzzling.

If you bring up Trump’s collusion with Russia they respond by attacking Hillary Clinton and demand more investigations into her. Never mind the fact she’s been investigated by the GOP for the past 20 years, and they’ve never pinned anything on her.

If you bring up the accusations against Trump sexually assaulting women, and the fact he’s bragged about it, they bring up Bill Clinton’s sexual scandals…from over 20 years ago.

If you don’t have a defense then you go on offense. Republicans can’t defend Russiagate. They claim the FBI is tainted, or that Hillary Clinton is evil…which doesn’t have anything to do with Trump’s dalliance with Putin. They like to scream it’s a hoax and “fake news,” even as guilty pleas and indictments pile up.

Even if everything they say about a liberal, Democrat, former president, former candidate, etc, are true, how does that actually prove the innocence of their guys? Conservative logic relies on not using any.

With outdated arguments, you have to wonder where these conservatives are getting their news and information. Maybe they’re still tooling around on the web with iPhones from years ago.

Apple is facing seven class-action lawsuits from several states over accusations they sent updates to users’ phones which would slow down the phones, and ultimately frustrate the users enough to purchase new phones. Of course, they’re addicted to the iPhone so it’s not likely their replacement phone will be a Samsung Galaxy.

In case you didn’t know, new iPhones are expensive. When you see a deal on a phone offering hundreds of dollars off, like I’ve seen for iPhones, you know that crap is expensive. Phones are actually being sold now with payment plans. What the hell is this stuff? Photoshop?

The iPhone users simply could have bought new batteries instead of a new phone. Several people claim that when they called Apple for assistance, they were never advised to replace the battery. Does this surprise anyone?

I’m glad I’m fairly satisfied with a cheap smartphone. I need to surf the internet when I’m away from home/office, reply to emails, and be able to edit my site. My $70 Samsung Galaxy on my $30 GoPhone plan usually lets me do one of those things. Granted, the memory was nearly entirely full from all the useless apps when I purchased it. I can’t open photos on the phone but I can send them through text and email. I know I can buy an SD card, but I’m lazy and the stuff isn’t that important to me. Besides, nobody ever calls or texts me anymore unless it’s something really annoying that definitely could be handled over email. But, I digress.

But, what is the deal with Republicans and these weak defenses? Do they need new phones or new batteries? Maybe they just need new brains. What they have now isn’t working for them.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

One For The Hackers


I decided to take the kids hacking into an iPhone cliche and roll it into the cliche of only millennials voting for Bernie.

I saw a lot of cartoons and heard a lot of jokes about the FBI needing children to hack into an iPhone and how young voters, and those not old enough to vote, love Bernie Sanders. I thought I’d make fun of the lazy jokes. Ha ha.

Regarding the iPhone thing, I do think it’s funny Apple didn’t want to give the FBI any information but now that the FBI has hacked into it, Apple wants the Feds to tell them how they did it. Are they serious?

And on the youth vote going for Bernie: Yeah. They do love him. He’s radical, as in what’s new, hasn’t been tried before, and makes a lot of sense and is progressive, appeals to the youth. They see how the older generation has been running things and they’re not too “keen” on it. Who can blame them? It’s not all about free stuff. It’s more about taking our resources away from where it doesn’t help and applying it to where it does. That’s very radical.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Taylor Swift Takes A Bite Out Of Apple


Here’s this week’s cartoon for The Daily Dot.

I’m a little familiar with Taylor Swift’s music. A few years ago a few girls I know, who are all much younger than I am, introduced me to her music. I didn’t really have a choice. I don’t know everything she’s done and I haven’t listened to anything new of hers in a long time. But I found a few song titles that might have worked for this cartoon other than the one I settled on. Those songs are “Mine” and “Mean” and “I Knew You Were Trouble.”

I do like some of her music. She’s a real songwriter and I like what she stands up for.

Here’s the rough.


You Too?



Six days ago the rock band U2 released their new album, Songs Of Innocence, and in a partnership with Apple, dumped the apple on over 500 million iTunes accounts.

One way to look at it is “Wow!  I got U2’s new album for free.  Thank you, Apple!  Thank you, U2.”  Yeah, you got something for free you didn’t even ask for.  How about that?

Another way to look at it is “how freaking presumptuous are you, U2?”

Several months ago I was at a restaurant and someone who worked at a very popular tattoo parlor in town put a bumper sticker for their establishment on my car.  They felt their place was so cool I should have been grateful for the free gift on my rear window.  Never mind the fact I didn’t ask for it.  Yeah, I could just scratch it off, but I wasn’t looking for a new chore of scratching their advertisement off my car.

That’s kinda the same way with this U2 and Apple spam dump.  If you don’t want it then you can simple hide it from your iTunes account (apparently it can’t be deleted) and if you’re not careful you might hit some sort of order thingy in the process and end up buying songs you don’t want.  I don’t know how it technically works as I don’t have an iTunes account.  I still manually place CDs into a CD player….all while dragging my knuckles.

It’s a shame U2 has to be such pretentious pricks.  They assume everyone wants their album.  They used to be a rebel sort of band.  Now they’re totally corporate and spamming all of civilization with music that I’m pretty sure is going to suck as they haven’t released a good song since the early 90’s.

Did I mention they’re pretentious?  On their last tour they hit the road with a huge stage monstrosity they dubbed “the claw.”  They used three of these 167 feet tall monsters (so they could set up in other cities while playing) and it took 120 trucks to cart it around.  They stated at the end of the 210 dates tour that they would donate each of the three Claws to different cities to become permanent structures because who doesn’t want a U2 memorial in their city?

OK, so they’re not as bad as Hitler.  They’re just making music I don’t like and forcing it on people.  As a musician I find the band’s destroying the economic structure for newer bands more troubling.  U2 doesn’t have to sell albums, CDs or downloads anymore (obviously).  They make most of their money touring.  A new band needs every cent and exposure they can get.  Who’s going to buy music if it’s given away?  A new band you have never heard of can’t afford to give it away.

Bono is a very charitable individual.  I’ll give him that.  His band made great music a long time ago.  They present themselves as working toward what’s best for everyone.  In this case they’re only doing what’s best for U2 while it destroys potential music careers for others.