Anthony Fauci

Paul’s Peckers


cjones03212021

Normally, when Rand Paul gets his ass kicked, it’s in a political debate. In 2017, he literally got his ass kicked by one of his neighbors in his gated community in Kentucky.

Reportedly, the scuffle was over yard work and Paul claimed he was ambushed from behind right after he got off his riding lawnmower. His attacker was five-foot-six and weighed about 140 pounds (which would be like getting attacked by a 13-year-old boy), and left Rand Paul with six broken ribs.

Tim Pritts, a doctor at the University of Cincinnati Medical School (who didn’t treat Paul) said six broken ribs is “more consistent with a car accident, or a fall down a flight of stairs, or even from the top of a building.” He said, “I’ve seen a few from people getting kicked by horses.” Rand Paul did not get kicked by a horse, or a cow, or a gopher, and thank god for that because a kick from any one of those might have killed him.

What is it with the tough guy Republicans? You got one in Texas who kisses the ass of a man who calls his wife ugly and accuses his father of murder and then you got another in Kentucky getting his ass kicked by guys no larger than….hmmmm. No larger than someone like Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Now, I’m not suggesting Dr. Anthony Fauci leap from his table and physically assault Rand Paul the next time he accuses the medical expert of “theater” or attempts to bully and shout him down…I’m just saying I think 80-year-old Dr. Fauci can take him.

Yesterday’s exchange between Paul and Fauci wasn’t the first. And for Fauci’s sake, I hope it’s the last. Dr. Fauci is the director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and the chief medical advisor to the president and it’s beneath him to have to argue science with the likes of Rand Paul, who is a self-certified eye doctor.

Yes, Rand Paul created a commission that certifies eye doctors, stacked it with members of his own family who then certified him…and his certification still expired. Apparently, it’s easier to become a doctor in Kentucky than on an island in the Caribbean.

I tweeted yesterday, “If I need information on the coronavirus and I can go to either Dr. Anthony Fauci, an expert on disease and viruses or Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor, I’m going to Dr. Fauci, the expert on viruses. Duh! Now, if I need to talk to an expert about my eyes….oh, fuck it. I’m still going to Dr. Fauci.”

I would not see Rand Paul for an ingrown toenail. I wouldn’t ask the guy how to get rid of dandruff…and looking at his hair, why would I? Maybe ask him how to get rid of birds nesting in it. But no, I wouldn’t consult Rand Paul on anything medical. And that’s why it’s such a laugh and absurd when he takes on Dr. Fauci on the subject of science.

Who is Rand Paul going to lecture next? Maybe he’ll school Steven Spielberg on how to direct movies. Maybe he’ll give Denzel Washington acting lessons. Perhaps he would have instructed Julia Child on how to make a soufflé. Or, he can advise Donald Trump on how pay hush money after raw-dogging porn stars. It would be like any time someone on Fox News talks about journalism.

Rand Paul believes his neighbor kicked his ass over politics. His other neighbors believe it’s more of an issue of Rand Paul being an asshole and not being aware of it. Watching the hearings from yesterday, or any other time Rand Paul has ever opened his mouth, you get the impression it’s the asshole thing. And maybe he is aware of it because Rand Paul is the kind of asshole to know he’s an asshole and yet continue to be an asshole. Rand Paul owns the only ass in Washington Lindsey Graham won’t kiss.

Rand Paul caught the coronavirus and while waiting for the test results, continued to roam about the Capitol, visiting the gym (gotta build the muscles in case there’s another dwarf attack), and swam in the pool. He didn’t consider those around him…which is typical selfish behavior for a Republican. Since he caught the virus, which shockingly did not kill him, he has believed he is immune. Maybe it’s like that medical certification and he believes after getting it once, he’ll never need it again. Now, Paul has refused to EVER wear a mask or to get vaccinated. Even Donald Trump, who caught the virus and received the world’s best medical treatment, got vaccinated. It was a secret for at least two months, but he still did it.

Rand Paul went after Fauci yesterday and said, “You’re telling everyone to wear a mask. If we’re not spreading the infection, isn’t it just theater? You have the vaccine and you’re wearing two masks, isn’t that theater?”

Dr. Fauci replied, “Here we go again with the theater. Let’s get down to the facts.” And Dr. Fauci laid out the facts.

Dr. Fauci told Paul, “I agree with you, that you very likely would have protection from wild type for at least six months if you’re infected,” but pointed out there is no protection from some of the more infectious variants, like the one one first found in South Africa. The variants are a “good reason for a mask,” he said.

But, Rand Paul is an asshole. He said, “You’re making policy based on conjecture!” Paul interrupted Fauci and accused him of wanting people to wear masks “for another couple of years” and said, “You’ve been vaccinated and you parade around in two masks for show. If you already have immunity, you’re wearing a mask to give comfort to others. You’re not wearing a mask because of any science.”

Right there is the biggest sign of what a jerk Rand Paul is. He used the word “parading” to describe Fauci being safe. No, Rand. “Parading” is not what you do by being considerate of others and wearing a mask…or even two masks. “Parading” is what Nazis and Klansmen do to celebrate Republican victories.

Dr. Fauci is correct. The Center for Disease Control’s guidelines state those who have been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 should still wear a mask in public. But, hey…I’m sure this self-certified eye doctor who lost his certification knows more about the coronavirus than the CDC or the nation’s top infectious diseases expert.

I admire Dr. Fauci. I admire his honesty, candor, and professionalism. I also admire him for not leaping over the table and beating Rand Paul to death with his own nameplate. Rand Paul got his ass beat over the way he cut his grass. How in the hell did he not get pummeled while lecturing the nation’s top infectious diseases expert on infectious diseases?

And if a pair of love birds ever did nest in that unruly mess on top of Rand Paul’s head, you know at some point they’d peck his eyes out.

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Acceptable Answers


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Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s top infectious disease expert, testified before the U.S. Senate this week and warned about reopening the nation too quickly and stressed the unknown effects the coronavirus could have on children returning to school.

Donald Trump wasn’t pleased. This is an administration trying to downplay the virus. Donald Trump wants to reopen the schools and the rest of the nation as quickly as possible. He tweets at his racist gun-toting followers to “liberate” their states. He refuses to wear a mask because it might give the appearance that we’re not out of the woods yet. In order to declare “mission accomplished,” the White House is publicly defying the guidance given by the White House.

About Dr. Fauci’s answer, Trump said it was an “unacceptable answer.” He said Dr. Fauci, “Wants to play all sides of the equation.” How exactly is Dr. Fauci playing “all sides of the equation?” Did he say kids shouldn’t go back to school and they should go back to school? Has he been as inconsistent and confusing as Donald Trump? No.

The problem here for Donald Trump is the nation trusts Dr. Fauci more than they trust Donald Trump. According to a recent poll by the Center for the Digital Future at the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism and the Interactive Advertising Bureau (who picked that name? Sheesh!), 45% of Americans trust Dr. Fauci. It stated 35% trusted their governors. And only 20% trusted Donald Trump. Really? That high for Trump?

I would trust a nutless monkey’s advice over that of Donald Trump. Say what you will about primates and sure, they fling poo, but I haven’t heard any nutless monkeys suggest we drink Clorox.

During Dr. Fauci’s testimony, U.S. Senator Rand Paul, who risked exposing his colleagues with the coronavirus between taking a test and testing positive, told Dr. Fauci he wasn’t the “end-all” for information on the coronavirus. There are two things Rand Paul needs to understand. First, there has not been a run on razors and shaving cream. He obviously doesn’t care about school children because that thing on his face is going to scare them to death. Secondly, Dr. Fauci IS the “end-all” on information about the coronavirus, you fucking quack eye doctor. It is no wonder Rand Paul gets physically attacked by his neighbors and a huge wonder why his Senate colleagues, who’ve been socially distancing from him for years, haven’t grabbed him by the beard and flung him out a window.

Rand Paul isn’t the only conservative attempting to discredit Dr. Fauci. Fox News has been going at him with the current talking point being “no one elected Dr. Fauci.” Yeah? For that matter, no one elected Jared Kushner but there he is talking about delaying the general election, which his father-in-law failed to win the popular vote from last time.

Sean Hannity, who once called the coronavirus a “hoax” then said he never called it a “hoax,” said about Fauci, “There is no secret that he, like so many others, have been wrong a lot.” One of those “others” who’s been wrong a lot, in addition to all the idiots on Fox News, is Donald Trump.

Laura Ingraham warned us Democrats are “remaking America under the veil of a virus” and staging “a naked power grab in the middle of a pandemic.” Of course, she also once said face masks were a deep state plot to control Americans.

Tucker Carlson said, “This guy, Fauci, may be even more off-base than your average epidemiologist.” Tucker is more off-base than your average cultist TV host dispensing propaganda disguised as information. He then referred to Fauci as the “Chief buffoon.” Tucker also claimed, “Some people think that he (Fauci) should be dictator for the duration of this crisis.” Yeah. How dare people try to replace our current dictator. But this does beg the question, who is the “Chief Buffoon” on Fox News? Who wins that contest?

And, Donald Trump once retweeted the hashtag #FireFauci.

Since Trump, Fox News, and 4chan began their hostile hate campaign against Dr. Fauci, his personal security has been increased. The Dr., who’s been telling us the truth, has been receiving death threats. You have NOT heard any of these hosts from Fox News or even Donald Trump speak out against threats against Dr. Fauci.

The reason Fauci’s answer warning about reopening schools too quickly is unacceptable to Donald Trump is that it wasn’t the kind of answer you’d get from a yes man.

Donald Trump has gone to great lengths to surround himself with yes people. He’s been purging career officials who aren’t “Trump people” or who may appear “disloyal” to him. He calls them “Never Trumpers.” Even Dr. Deborah Birx wouldn’t shoot down the bleach theory.

Dr. Fauci’s answer to Trump was unacceptable because it was truth. In this White House, truth is not acceptable.

There are talking points distributed to every person who works for the government under Trump. The first is, praise Trump. And it must be written in bold and large letters because the wording is always the same when it comes out of their mouths. “Thank you for your leadership.” It’s like a broken record. This is some real Hitler/Stalin/Kim Jong Un shit.

Donald Trump needs fewer yes men, like Mike Pence, and more honest men, like Dr. Fauci. Unfortunately, if Pence is replaced on this ticket, it’ll be with another yes person, like Nikki Haley. If Dr. Fauci is replaced, it’ll be with another yes person, like Nikki Haley.

Donald Trump desperately wants to fire Dr. Fauci and I find that unacceptable.

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The Urban Myth President


cjones03282020

You know we’re in unusual times when Donald Trump is giving leeway to an appointee to disagree with him. Not only does Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (since 1984), publicly disagree with Trump on several matters, he corrects him when he says something that’s not accurate.

Fauci has his hands full with the coronavirus, but he may be busier correcting all the bullshit Donald Trump keeps spitting out. That may explain why we haven’t seen the doctor at the last few press briefings.

Donald Trump has praised Fauci as a “major television star,” but just like we don’t need a C-list television star occupying the White House during an international crisis, we don’t need one to fight a disease. In this situation, we need a doctor. But Donald Trump doesn’t place a high value on professional medical opinions or science. Did you see the guy who was his personal doctor before he entered the White House? You remember him. He supposedly wrote the letter stating Donald Trump would be the “healthiest president” in American history.

If you want advice from Donald Trump on how to not pay back money you owe, he’s your man. I’d listen to him. He says he’s “great with debt,” and when it comes to personal debt, he’s right. He’s really good at not paying it and getting more loans from the same source. He sued Deutsche bank in order not to pay them and they still loaned him more money. But if Donald Trump talks about government debt, he doesn’t know how it works.  I seriously doubt he even knows when the fiscal year begins. He doesn’t understand how tariffs or trade works. He doesn’t even understand how lightbulbs work (They make him look orange). He can’t give you advice on the stock market, how to run a business, how to raise kids, have a successful marriage, or even how to chew your food. And most of all, he can’t give you medical advice.

Maybe Donald Trump can give you the name of a guy who will botch your hair transplant, and then you can toss that number out, but that’s the closest thing to helpful medical advice he should be allowed to give. With a pandemic sweeping the globe, let’s not take any medical tips from the orange botched hair job who’s afraid of stairs. After all, this is a guy who believed HIV and HPV were the same things.

And since Dr. Fauci is a doctor, he is required to correct the bullshit and deadly tips Donald Trump is dishing out. Donald Trump wants us to go with his “gut instincts.” I’d rather go with the scientist.

Dr. Fauci has publicly disagreed on how long it will take for a coronavirus vaccine to become available and whether an anti-malaria drug, Chloroquine, can help those with the virus. What Trump says is dangerous. Yesterday, a Trump fucknut commented on my YouTube channel that Chloroquine has been very successful in fighting the virus. No, it hasn’t. Where’d he get that shit? From Donald Trump. So, Dr. Fauci, if he is to be responsible, has to correct Donald Trump, because Donald Trump is never responsible. Hell, he even said so.

This isn’t Fauci’s first time dealing with a crisis and a president who’s indifferent and ignorant on the matter. He came into his office during the Reagan administration where the president was ignoring the AIDs crisis. He’s served under every president since. Now, he’s serving under Trump during a pandemic the president (sic) initially called a “Democratic hoax” and has tried to downplay.

Trump said he had it under control, that deaths would go down to zero soon, that it’d disappear, warm weather in April will kill it, a vaccine will be available soon, and that everyone who needs a test gets a test. Now, Trump is giving medical advice his professionals know is complete rubbish while also going against them on the time frame for self-isolation.

Donald Trump isn’t as worried about Americans losing their jobs as he is of a recession hurting his reelection chances…and his shitty resorts going under. Presently, six of his eleven resorts and hotels, where you could have caught something BEFORE there was a pandemic, are shut down because of the virus. His company has laid people off. So now he’s saying we should end the self-isolation sooner than his professionals think. Will Donald Trump fire Fauci for disagreeing with him on something that’s losing him money?

White House sources have told The New York Times  Donald Trump and several of his political advisers are losing their patience with Fauci, who has tried to play it cool when he disagrees with Trump. It would look bad for Donald Trump to fire Fauci in the middle of a pandemic, especially when all eyes are on him. But Trump has fired people in the past after he felt it was safe from criticism. I wouldn’t expect him to fire Fauci during the pandemic, but look for Trump to exact his revenge after.

This White House values loyalty over experience and ability. They even fired the brother of someone who testified against Trump. Expect Fauci’s retirement to come a bit early.

Until then, listen to Dr. Fauci and ignore Donald Trump about the coronavirus…just like you should be doing with everything else.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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