Zuckerberg

Biden Zucked Over


Cjones07222021

President Joe Biden started his weekend by calling out social media for allowing false information, lies, conspiracy theories, and right-wing bullshit over the coronavirus and vaccines to persist on their platforms. He said social media is “killing people.” The president (the real one, not the orange doofus in south Florida screaming at the sky and the MyPillow Guy) is right.

Sunday, Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, backed the president up and said, “These platforms have to recognize they’ve played a major role in the increase in speed and scale with which misinformation is spreading.”

Jen Psaki, the White House press secretary, also called out misinformation “that is leading to people not taking the vaccine, and people are dying as a result.” She said the White House had a responsibility to raise the issue. And it does, especially after the previous administration spread lies from the White House. It’s nice to have a press secretary that calls out misinformation instead of spreading it. It’s nice to have a press secretary instead of a press goon.

Facebook fired back in a blog post and said it’s not their fault President Biden missed his goal of 70% of Americans being vaccinated by July 4th. Now, if President Biden’s goal for July 4th was to get Mark Zuckerberg to look like a billionaire douche-boy on a windsurfer doohicky thingy while holding an American flag to John Denver’s “Country Roads,” mission accomplished.

In the blog post, Guy Rosen, Facebook’s vice president of integrity (that’s a thing?), claimed that among Facebook’s American users, vaccine hesitancy had declined by 50 percent since April and vaccine acceptance had increased by 10 to 15 percentage points, or to over 80 percent from 70 percent. He wrote, “The fact is that vaccine acceptance among Facebook users in the U.S. has increased.” But so have the the lies. Can Mr. V.P. of Integrity tell us how much resistance to vaccinations has risen? Who are they polling?

Look, Guy…getting rid of one orange flaming gasbag of lies isn’t going to do the trick. Facebook and other platforms are doing an extremely shitty job of eradicating lies. And a lot of times, you guys miss and knock out the good guys spreading facts. I know you can’t catch every piece of bullshit on a platform that has nearly three billion users, but I have personally reported lies just to see Facebook ignore them. I know people who have pages with nothing but lies. And while you’re at it, you should eject any political cartoon that’s based on a conspiracy theory or some stupid shit that Tucker said.

There are lies on Facebook that vaccines will make you sterile, plant tracking devices, cause autism, give you covid, or that it’s even safer to catch covid than to get a vaccine. I’m surprised there aren’t rumors the vaccine will give you a tail.

The anti-vaxxers aren’t just content with themselves not getting the vaccines. They’re on a propaganda campaign to convince others not to get vaccinated. They’re worst than atheist and vegans. You have never met a vegan who didn’t tell you they’re a vegan…and you’re not going to meet an anti-vaxxer who doesn’t tell you anti-vax bullshit.

Anti-vaxxers have politicized the entire thing because they want to see our nation fail. They literally cheered at CPAC when it was mentioned that we had missed the 70 percent vaccination rate. Yay! We’re all gonna die! That’s owning the libs!

These people have already proven they don’t care about democracy. They’ve even proven they don’t care about this country. So, what makes you think they care about other people’s safety? Spoiler alert: They don’t.

And there’s the concern among social media platforms that by removing bullshit that will kill Americans, they’re stifling free speech. They really hate it when Tucker screams at them on Fox News for not allowing white nationalist terrorists a platform. But here’s the thing, nobody has free speech on social media.

You do not have a right to express yourself on social media. That’s a privilege. That applies to liberals telling the truth, right-wing fucknuts telling you Jewish bears are placing tracking chips into our nation’s salmon, grandma sharing cat memes, or my friend Cindy who posts daily selfies (she’s pretty). Even when Facebook removes one of my cartoons (because they’re stupid), I don’t claim my 1st Amendment rights have been violated or claim censorship. I complain about the lack of consistency and that it didn’t actually violate their stupid community guidelines.

If you can’t say something on social media, that doesn’t mean you can’t say it.

And why did the vice-president of integrity write the blog for Facebook’s reply to the president? Was the president of integrity too busy getting high with a hooker?

Two things I can NOT get over right now is that Facebook has an integrity department and that Mark Zuckerberg Country Roads windsurfing video. What Facebook needs is a department that tells oblivious people in the company when they’re looking like a national laughingstock.

Did you know that having “Country Roads” stuck in your head will make you grow a tail?

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Watch me draw:

Mr. Zuckerberg Goes To Washington


cjones04142018

I heard a lot of people gripe about Mark Zuckerberg’s testimony before the House and Senate over the past couple of days. Most of their ire was directed at Zuckerberg. I’m not a Zucky fanboy, but I don’t think your anger should be placed on him. How about the codgers in Congress who don’t have a grasp on what Facebook actually does?

Keep in mind, this is a party whose president isn’t aware there’s already a rating system in place for movies. These people may not know how Facebook work but they know how the stock market works and half of them own a piece of Facebook.

Senator John Kennedy told Zuckerberg that he needs to dumb down the agreement policy so Facebook’s users will understand it. This, coming from a guy in a body where the majority of members don’t read their own bills. You could dumb down the Facebook user agreement so even Donald Trump could understand it and people still wouldn’t read it.

Ted Cruz used the opportunity to attack Zuckerberg for Facebook’s bias against conservative outlets and posts. Are you freaking kidding me? Facebook was the main platform Russian troll farms used to elect Donald Trump. Trust me. There’s not sabotage of conservative viewpoints on Facebook. What Cruz didn’t talk about was Cambridge Analytica, the firm that stole people’s information without their knowledge. He probably didn’t want to talk about it because he paid Cambridge over five million bucks for working on his campaign in 2016. Also, Ted Cruz is a sanctimonious piece of crap.

The funny thing is, the people complaining about their privacy being stolen are the same idiots constantly posting photos of what they’re eating, tagging their locations, asking you those stupid quizzes, like “are you old enough to know what this is?” next to a picture of an 8-track tape. Half these people are Four Square users, which is an app where the entire purpose is telling people where you are and what time, so now is a great time to break into their house.

The true verdict on how well Zuckerberg did is in the numbers. Facebook’s stock went up. The Facebook CEO’s personal wealth shot up $3 billion on the first day of his testimony alone.

If you’re wishing that Facebook goes down and complaining about Zuckerberg, and you’re doing all that on Facebook….uh, yeah. You’re probably that same person who tells everyone on Facebook that you’re leaving Facebook, but you never leave.

Sure, Facebook was in the wrong to allow a company to steal your info and then not say anything about it for a couple of years. But, you’re kind of a slut with your data anyway. Seriously, if you wanna stop being called a “bus stop hooker,” then stop hanging out at the bus stop so much.

Here’s the video.

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Hostile Social Media


cjones06072017

Criticism for the way social media, and the internet in general, as to how terrorists and other extremists use it isn’t anything new.

Facebook was blamed back in 2014 for failing to pass on information that could have helped prevent the murder of a British soldier by Islamist terrorists. The London attacks from Saturday has renewed the criticism, specifically from British Prime Minister Theresa May.

It is difficult for companies such as Facebook, Twitter, and Google to eliminate extremists from using their platforms. YouTube alone has over 400 hours of video uploaded every minute (they’re all Nickelback). Usually, the only way these companies can be made aware of hostile content is when users bring it to their attention. I’m sure those notifications are lumped in with each complaint a user sends that someone hurt their feelings in a debate of Pearl Jam versus Incubus (Pearl Jam is better).

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced last month that his company will add 3,000 employees to scrub harmful content from the network. The director of policy at the media giant says they want “Facebook to be a hostile environment for terrorists.” So basically they want Facebook to treat terrorists like it does the casual user.

May wants to tighten Internet regulation in order to deny terrorists a tool for planning attacks and spreading extremism. That’s where things get tricky when it comes to free speech in open societies. Do you really want Donald Trump deciding what is extreme?

Social media is very friendly to extremists. Whether those extremists are jihadists, conspiracy theorists pushing a story about Hillary Clinton murdering people and selling child-sex-slaves out of a pizza parlor, or Nazis sharing links to Breitbart (tell your uncle to stop that). Facebook is annoying enough with pictures of vacations (yay, you’re living so well!), people who are determined to show you what they’re eating every day (A friend actually posted a photo of Cheerios last week), and yeah….cat pictures. Dog pictures and their crazy antics are always acceptable. Your cat is boring.

While Facebook is great for keeping up with old friends from high school that you’ll never see in the flesh ever again, it annoys the hell out of me by giving me a notification every time a friend is conducting a live video, or when I’m added to a group I never had the intention of joining. I have thousands of “friends.” I don’t need this crap.

I do believe companies, such as Facebook, Twitter, Google, YouTube, are better at regulating their content, as sucky as they may be, than the government. The internet is a place for ideas, even bad ones. If you own a platform then you have the right to decide what stays and what is trashed. I don’t think we need new laws making those decisions for us.

Just as a business can reject your patronage, media giants have the right to deny you service on their platforms. Their judgement is better than the government. That’s good for you, me, and Mr. Whiskers Kills.

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Facebook News


cjones05162016

When conservatives complain about the media being liberal, what they’re really upset about is the media reporting facts. Sure there’s bias in the media, but it’s not a massive agenda being carried out just because you’re not hearing what you want to hear, or believe.

The “mainstream” media is not liberally biased. If anything, the number one cable news network has a conservative bias, with that being Fox News. Here’s a news flash for those watching the news and whining that it’s not on their side: The media, cable news, newspapers, and websites, number one agenda is to make money. It’s all about ratings, circulation and advertising. If we’re to believe the media is actually biased then right now the media wants Donald Trump to become president. Only the political cartoonists actually want that to happen.

If you really want honest news then you would not demand more conservative or liberal news. You would demand news. Even if the media is biased one way or another, creating more biased media does not balance anything. Misinformation and lies doesn’t correct another source of misinformation and lies. I demand facts and comprehensive coverage. That’s what I use to form my petition.

This week conservatives are complaining about a report that Facebook is suppressing conservative news from trending. Trending is that thing on the right hand side of your Facebook page, which I know you have open right now. At this very moment what’s trending on my Facebook is: London mayor Sadiq Khan, climate activists protesting in Anacotes, Washington, Zika in Singapore, fishermen in Melville Island, Australia caught a cod with a snake in its mouth, the tiny Vaquita Porpoise, a missing 81-year-old man in Spotylvania County, Virginia (that one targeted me), Angry Birds the movie (maybe Facebook doesn’t know), world’s biggest plane lands in Australia and lands in a fish’s mouth (I made that last part up), Nevada Democratic Convention, and Facebook’s CEO delivers a commencement speech.

Unless that tiny dolphin is claiming Donald Trump made odd sexual remarks at her back in the 90’s, I’m not detecting a liberal bias in that list.

My main news source is Google News. I scroll there and click on articles from multiple outlets. It’s the best resource for me. I flip channels between CNN and MSNBC during the day and will occasionally watch Fox News to see how they’re spinning something. MSNBC is conservative in the morning, straight forward from midday to the evening, and at night liberally biased at night. CNN is straightforward and they balance their panels on their nightly shows. Fox News, where every female is required to be a blonde and they’re not allowed to wear sleeves,M is just always biased toward conservatives. The ONE America News makes Fox News look like the BBC.

Are you really complaining you’re not getting enough Breitbart and Daily Caller through Facebook? Do you know how to bookmark? Does your current news filter not provide enough racist comments that fit your agenda? Bookmark. Learn it. Use it. Shut up.

One fact is that a lot of people are getting their news from Facebook. Facebook doesn’t gather news. They share it. They don’t employ any political cartoonists, the bastards.

Facebook does select what’s trending and they target their readers toward their habits. Every time you click “like” on a photo (or a cartoon) or click on one of those sites that click bait you to inform you of your Jedi name or if your cat was Al Capone in a previous life, Facebook is gathering information about you. Each time you post a selfie, Facebook knows you’re a narcissist and attempts to sell you a selfie stick. Each time you post a food picture, Facebook knows you’re lonely and crying for help but directs you toward Taco Bell instead. Every time (Every. Single. Freaking time) you announce you’re a vegetarian, everybody already knows because you won’t shut up about it (and those food pics are about as alluring as that nude portrait of Trump with the tiny penis making the rounds. Oh you haven’t seen that? Do NOT go looking for it!).

Mark Zuckerberg is going to meet with conservative news leaders like Glenn Beck this week to talk about Facebook’s trending news. There’s nothing he’s going to say to the perpetual victims that will satisfy them so if I was him I’d rather just tell them to go suck a lemon.

Stupid, low informed people have a very low bar for their news source. Since Zuckerberg is attempting to appease them anyway, I suggest he tag all of them with memes.

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