Yankees

MAGA Busy


cjones07292020

Honestly, it’s not important whether a president throws out an opening pitch or not in Major League Baseball. It’s especially unimportant when that president (sic) is Donald Trump because there wouldn’t be anything meaningful about it other than his own ego boost.

The only thing significant about Donald Trump not throwing out an opening pitch is that he’s the first president (sic) not to do so since President Howard Taft started the tradition in 1910. Not only has every president since thrown out a first pitch, every one of them has done it on opening day except Jimmy Carter.

In what is hopefully his last year in office and last baseball season for him to do so, Donald Trump accepted an invitation to throw out the opening pitch in New York for the Yankees on August 15th. The reason Donald Trump probably accepted now is that there aren’t any fans in attendance because of the Trump Virus. He would be safe from being greeted by a chorus of boos in The Bronx. Donald Trump has probably set another record for being the most despised president (sic) in his  own hometown. New Yorkers do not like Donald Trump. Donald Trump says he could shoot a guy on 5th Avenue and not lose any supporters, which is ironic because he has very few supporters working and living on 5th Avenue.

Even though Donald Trump was guaranteed not to be booed by Yankee fans, I would have volunteered to draw frowny faces on each of the cardboard cutouts MLB has placed in the stands behind home plate.

Now, Donald Trump has backed out of throwing the opening pitch on August 15th. He says he’ll do it at a later date in the season, but who are we kidding? Just like one of those big announcements he promises, like on his new healthcare plan, or that time he promised to release his taxes, it’ll never happen.

Dr. Anthony Fauci threw out the first pitch for the Washington Nationals on opening day. It was a horrible pitch, wide left, and probably closer to first base than to home plate. But, the guy is a 79-year-old doctor, not a pitcher. Sure, laugh if you want to, but we can forgive him. But seeing Fauci throw a stinker probably made Donald Trump think twice. If Fauci, the most popular man in the country, is going to be ridiculed over a bad pitch, what will the nation do to the most hated man in the country? We would have a field day.

Let’s face facts. Donald Trump is out of shape. He’s 74 years old and obese. The guy can’t walk stairs. It may not even be the pitch he’s afraid of the world seeing, but the walk to the mound. He’s fat, but even Howard Taft threw out an opening pitch (to be fair, the opening pitch was always thrown from the stands and the tradition of throwing from the mound didn’t start until Ronald Reagan did it).

Of course, another thing he may be afraid of is every Yankee player taking a knee during the national anthem. Donald Trump tweeted last week, “Any time I witness a player kneeling during the National Anthem, a sign of great disrespect for our Country and our Flag, the game is over for me!” Every member of the Yankees, along with every member of the Nationals, took a knee during the anthem on opening day. The Bronx Bombers may make it a point to do so on Trump day, even if management orders them not to.

Of course, Donald Trump used an excuse to get out of throwing an opening pitch. His excuse? He’s too busy dealing with the coronavirus he’s ignored over the past six months, the economy he’s destroyed, and “much else.”

He sent a tweet Sunday about how busy he is. He’s so busy. I’m really hoping he can take a break every now and then because I’m concerned for his health (this is all sarcasm). He tweeted, “Because of my strong focus on the China Virus, including scheduled meetings on Vaccines, our economy and much else, I won’t be able to be in New York to throw out the opening pitch for the @Yankees on August 15th. We will make it later in the season!” When he said, “Much else,” he was referring to being a racist. Even that tweet was racist. 

But, just how busy is Donald Trump? He sent that tweet about his heavy workload on Sunday. Saturday, he was golfing with dick-pic aficionado Brett Favre who is also known for being a retired quarterback (that pic thing was a big deal for a minute). To cut Trump some slack, maybe he deserves a golf outing on Saturday because he hadn’t had one in five days. He was also golfing Sunday when he sent that tweet about how busy he was. He probably sent it from the golf course.

For the record, Donald Trump has had 266 golf outings according to the Presidential Golf Tracker (not an actual government source). According to Trump Golf Count, his outings at his own courses have cost taxpayers over $138 million. Donald Trump only golfs at his courses. That way, he gets to charge us for rooms and services at his resorts. We literally pay Donald Trump to golf. Say what you will about Obama’s golf outings, which were mostly on military courses, but we didn’t pay him for it.

If Donald Trump was really busy, he wouldn’t have time for golf. He wouldn’t have time for toilet tweeting. He wouldn’t start his workday at 1:00 P.M. as he usually starts each day with “executive time,” which is actually TV time. If Donald Trump was busy, he wouldn’t’ have time to call in to Fox & Friends to spread lies and scream about “much else.” If he was so busy, he wouldn’t have had time for all those ridiculous hate rallies he was having every week of his presidency until the pandemic shut them down. I watched a documentary on sloths last week and they have a heavier schedule than Donald Trump, plus they’re less racist.

Donald Trump is so not busy, he’s the only president who hasn’t shown any signs of aging while in office. It’s not because he has better DNA (HA!) or he doesn’t stress the workload. It’s because he’s not doing the job. The only thing Donald Trump stresses is not getting enough attention, credit, and losing in November which may send him to prison. Another reason he doesn’t show any signs of aging is that he spends two hours a day applying six cans of hairspray to his head and adding six pounds of makeup to his crater-pocked face. Also, he looked like crap on day one anyway. He just happens to look like the same piece of crap. Some would say it’s an art form.

With Donald Trump’s refusal to throw out an opening pitch, we’re going to miss his bragging about how awesome it was after he threw it into the dirt. We’re going to miss his cult praising the pitch and the human form he exhibited on the pitching mound. We’re going to miss watching him walked down the mound like it’s baby’s first steps on a wet ramp at the military academy. We may even be missing watching him pull a hammy. Damn.

We might be missing the sexiest political pitch since Chris Christie.

We don’t need Donald Trump to throw out an opening pitch. The only important aspect of this is the level of Trump bullshit. What I’ll be taking note of on August 15th is what Donald Trump actually does that day. It’ll probably be another day of over 100 tweets as it’ll be even closer to election day. Donald Trump will not be in a good mood between now and then.

The only pitches we’ll see from Donald Trump between now and election day will be racist comments. Donald Trump could have been the most racist guy to appear in Major League Baseball since Ty Cobb.

Update: Since I wrote this blog I was not surprised to learn the Yankees never even invited Trump. He just made it up.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

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Damn Yankees


cjones05012020

Mitch McConnell would rather states go bankrupt than receive federal money for bailouts during the coronavirus pandemic. Specifically, he’d rather blue states go bankrupt.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo who’s been schooling Republicans throughout this crisis and has been demonstrating real leadership while Donald Trump’s been more focused on his hurt feelings, said “This is really one of the dumb ideas of all time,” while explaining bankrupted states would devastate the economy for the entire nation. Of course, McConnell doesn’t get that because he’s a Republican, and Republicans don’t do well with the economy. There was the Ronald Reagan recession, the George H.W. Bush recession, the George W. Bush recession, and now we have the Donald Trump recession. Republicans create recessions and even depressions (Hoover) and Democrats (Roosevelt) pull us out of them.

Larry Hogan, a Republican governor, said about McConnell’s stupid and selfish policy, “Mitch McConnell probably regrets saying that. If he doesn’t regret it yet, I think he will regret it. . . . The last thing we need in the middle of an economic crisis is to have states all filing bankruptcy all across America and not able to provide services to people who desperately need them.”

McConnell doesn’t regret it. He doubled-down and said, “There’s not going to be any desire on the Republican side to bail out state pensions by borrowing money from future generations.” McConnell is a hypocrite. While there’s no desire on the Republican side to bail out states and American citizens, there’s plenty of “desire” to give billionaires and corporations tax cuts and bailouts that borrow from future generations. I’ve never heard McConnell complain about borrowing from future generations to finance the $133 million spent on Donald Trump’s golf trips.

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer tweeted, “Republican Senators: Raise your hand if you think your state should go bankrupt.” In a year heavy with more Republican Senate seats being contested than Democratic seats, yeah…go campaign on your state going bankrupt. Please, please, please. Mitch McConnell is up for reelection this year. I’d like to see him tell Kentucky they should go bankrupt. In fact, I “desire” to see him run that campaign. But, McConnell isn’t going to run on his own stupid ideas any more than Donald Trump’s going to start drinking Clorox.

McConnell’s office put out a document supporting his policy titled, “Stopping Blue State Bailouts.” Governor Andrew Cuomo took issue with that.

Governor Cuomo said allowing states to go bankrupt would be “irresponsible and reckless.” He also said, “This is not the time or the place or the situation to start your divisive politics. It’s not red and blue. It’s red, white and blue.” Then he pointed out something that will forever go over all Republicans’ heads.

Kentucky, McConnell’s state, receives more federal dollars for services than its taxpayers contribute, while New York pays out more than it receives. Cuomo said, “It’s your state that is living on the money that we generate. Your state is getting bailed out. Not my state.”

Boom! Bam! Mic drop, baby! Kentucky is sucking on New York’s teat. Maybe that’s why their grass is so darn blue.

New Jersey Democratic Governor Phil Murphy said, “Encouraging, explicitly almost hoping for bankruptcies of American states in the midst of the biggest health-care crisis this country has ever faced, is completely and utterly irresponsible.”

And then, Peter King, a Republican Congressman from New York stated, “To say that it is ‘free money’ to provide funds for cops, firefighters and healthcare workers makes McConnell the Marie Antoinette of the Senate.”

McConnell said blue states are seeking free money after mismanaging their finances. Donald Trump tweeted something similar yesterday.

Trump tweeted, “Why should the people and taxpayers of America be bailing out poorly run states (like Illinois, as example) and cities, in all cases Democrat run and managed, when most of the other states are not looking for bailout help? I am open to discussing anything, but just asking?”

Let’s address that, shall we?

First off, this is some divisive shit from the guy who accused Democrats of playing politics. It’s another distraction during a pandemic to make us hate each other.

Secondly, The states with the poorest finances, and largest debts, are Republican-run states. The states with the biggest welfare rolls are Republican-run states. The states that receive more from the federal government than they put in (like Kentucky) are…wait for it…Republican-run states.

While Donald Trump, who received bailout after bailout from his daddy while bankrupting businesses in an industry where customers budget how much money they’re going to lose to you, and Mitch McConnell don’t believe that American citizens in blue states should be bailed out. But, poorly-run companies like those in the airline industry that uses all their profits on stock buybacks should be bailed out. Shake Shack, Ruth’s Chris Steak House, Potbelly Sandwich, and even the Los Angeles Lakers can get bailouts, but a blue state hit hardest by the virus shouldn’t. And states being hit harder by the virus doesn’t have anything to do with how they’re managed. There is more density in urban areas like New York, Chicago, and Detroit (in case you’re a Republican, “density” means the number of people in an area or space…not a term for how dense Trump supporters are).

Why should any state be better prepared for a virus “that came out of nowhere” than the Trump administration? Also, keep in mind these states are asking for help during a pandemic made worse by Donald Trump’s ignorance, stupidity, and total and utter failure as a president and human being.

And while Donald Trump doesn’t believe the U.S. government should spend U.S. taxpayers money on U.S. states, he’s all about the Euro being spent on his companies. Donald Trump’s resorts (U.S. companies, by the way) in Europe are seeking…wait for it…bailouts. Is the Trump Organization poorly managed? Well, it was managed by Donald Trump (who’s doing such a swell job of managing the United States. Another example of sarcasm), and is today managed by idiot-son-number-one, Donald Jr and idiot-son-number-two, Eric.

I highly discourage the United Kingdom and the European Union from providing bailouts to poorly-run, grifting corporations.

Creative note: I had to go back and repair a lot of the text in this cartoon. And not for the reasons you’d think. I just kept leaving out a small word here, a longer word there, putting two Ks in “Yankees” and changing “dang” from “danged.” Now, for the rest of the day, all the voices in my head will have southern accents.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.