TV Ratings

Pandemic Priorities


Did you hear the great news yesterday about the coronavirus? No, we haven’t reached the peak yet. No, the numbers of cases and deaths aren’t going down. No, we’re not going to be open and hugging each other by Easter. The great news is….drum roll please…

…Donald Trump’s stupid press conferences are getting great TV ratings. They’re terrific, outstanding, “astounding!” They’re yuge! They’re so big, Snickers wants to start sponsoring them (I made that up. Don’t call and scream at Snickers).

The New York Times published an article on whether or not networks should run Trump’s daily press conferences because of the high risk of him spreading false information, lies and in general, Trump bullshit. People dying because of Trump’s lies? Donald Trump is the new honey badger and he don’t care.

Donald Trump, shockingly (insert eye roll here), totally missed the point of the article and only noticed the details about his ratings. He tweeted about the ratings…five times. Five. Fucking. Times.

He referred to them as “astounding,” and compared his numbers to Monday Night Football and The Bachelor finale. First off, let’s point out one detail we’re all painfully aware of: Everybody is the nation is home running out of things to do. It got so bad, that last night, I nearly watched The Talking Dead, which is the same format networks use after Trump’s conferences.

The Talking Dead comes on after The Walking Dead and they spend an hour talking about the show you just watched. Yes, it’s as ridiculous as it sounds but at least they don’t have to fact check it. The networks, except for Fox News, have to fact-check everything Donald Trumps says. Also, there are more deaths after a Trump press conference than after The Walking Dead.

These press conferences are important because they do present real and accurate information. Rarely while Donald Trump is talking but it’s in there. The problem is, everything you need to know from these daily briefings can be presented in about four minutes. Unfortunately, since he can’t hit the road and conduct hate rallies in front of thousands of racists with misspelled T-Shirts about grabbing women by their pussies, Trump gets it all out in the White House press room. Donald Trump will spend about an hour, or more, taking a crap with his mouth.

Donald Trump will say things at these press conferences that have to be fact-checked, not just by the news, but by his own people. Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Deborah Birx, when they’re there, are risking catching the coronavirus by standing close to Donald Trump and sharing a microphone with him in order to clarify his bullshit. The shit Donald Trump has said isn’t just a little reckless, it’s killed people. Right now, the networks need to shut him down before he kills again.

It’s important that we get these briefings. It’s not important to hear Donald Trump talk about his greatness for an hour. I suggest the networks continue with their regular programming until they start taking questions.

Why? Because when Donald Trump takes questions, he reveals what a true idiot he is. He reveals his racism and pathetic ugliness. Yesterday, he had a microphone stripped away from a reporter for asking the wrong question. The networks should also cover when the specialists speak, just not the boy who needs special attention. After the briefings, we can get all the highlights. It’s not important that we watch Donald Trump’s diarrhea of the mouth in real-time.

Dr. Fauci told CNN yesterday that the coronavirus could kill between 100,000 and 200,000 Americans and infect millions of people. Also yesterday, more refrigerated trucks arrived in New York City to handle the expected overflow of bodies once the mortuaries are filled. Donald Trump didn’t tweet about that. He tweeted about his TV ratings.

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