Try Something New

Ivanka Beans


I love seeing posts on social media from white conservatives swearing they’ll replace Goya’s Hispanic and Latino customers which leads them to ask, “Where can I find it?”.  White people, it’s on that aisle you never go down and in case you’re a Republican, “INTL” means “international.”

See, they’ve never bought it before and when they do find it, it’ll sit at the back of their cupboards until the end of time or until they take it to their white church’s food drive where it’ll end up at the back of some other white conservative’s cabinet. Let’s face facts: Even if you can eat it, you’re not going to know what to do with it. You’re going to be like Ivanka Trump. She has a job in the White House and she doesn’t know what to do with it.

Ivanka is pretty and has presented herself as the reasonable Trump. Some bought that ridiculous bullshit for a while but the ruse is over. She’s just as stupid and vile as the rest of them.

She’s stupid, along with her brothers, as they didn’t know how to vote. Seriously. They went to vote for their daddy in the New York Republican primary in 2016 and found out they couldn’t because they were registered in the Democratic Party. Think about it. Why should someone have a government job when they can’t even figure out how to vote? If you really believed in a candidate, wouldn’t you make sure you knew how to support him…especially if that candidate was your jackass father?

She’s vile too. She promised to be the advocate for women issues in the White House, yet she’s remained silent on the over two dozen allegations of her father sexually assaulting women. She came out against Alabama Republican Senate Candidate, renowned pedophile, and mall foodcourt aficionado until her daddy defended him. Then, once again, she was silent. While children were being ripped apart from their parents at the border with 1,500 being unaccounted for, she tweeted a sweet and loving glamour photo of her and her son with a big heart emoji.

She doesn’t miss a beat when traveling with her father on international trips. She made sure her face was seen in a window at Buckingham Palace, another historic building she doesn’t belong in, and also took advantage of her position to step into North Korea, a place where she can belong, just to be able to say she did it.

At international conferences, she joins conversations on serious matters with world leaders and pretends she knows the subjects. Her father has had her sit in on cabinet meetings. You could put one of those bubonic squirrels the press alerted us to yesterday at one of these meetings and it couldn’t get more nutty.

Ivanka’s qualifications for being an adviser to the president (sic) is that she’s the president’s daughter. Unless there’s a serious international incident with handbags, I don’t see where her expertise will ever be necessary. The same goes for her dipshit stupid jackoff husband, Jared. He’s been placed in policy ranging from immigration to peace in the Middle East to a response to the coronavirus where he told us the federal stockpile of PPE was “our stockpile” and not for the states. Can we have the squirrel?

Jared has been a worm in his position in that he’s been conducting secret talks with foreign powers outside of the State Department and undermining the Secretary of State. His family’s company has also been given bailouts by foreign governments, just like Ivanka’s products continue to be granted patents in China. Between the election and inauguration, dumbass Jared went to the Russian embassy and proposed they create a backchannel to communicate so U.S. intelligence couldn’t listen in. Why would he want that? And even that discussion was caught by our intelligence. He’s using WhatsApp to talk to the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia.

Jared and Ivanka do not belong in the White House. To help unknowingly make that case, Ivanka is in charge of a new jobs program called “Try Something New.” A new ad debuted yesterday of people who couldn’t get jobs in their old careers, so they just got new ones. Who knew all you had to after losing your job was find something else to do? I’m sure half of the nation’s population without a job because of her dad’s lousy response to the coronavirus will appreciate that information. By the way, did you know you can quit drugs by just saying “no?”

While we were trying to absorb a “jobs program” from a person who has never had to apply or interview for a job in her entire fucking life, telling us to “try something new,” she released another glamour shot. This one of her holding a can of Goya black beans in the style of game show hostess. There was no “My heart” with this one but her love of black beans seems about as genuine as the pic of her with her son.

This photo, which will just endear itself to the Hispanic and Latino community to change their minds about boycotting the products after its president praised Donald Trump’s “leadership,” is a violation of the Hatch Act.

Government employees can’t promote products though I’m sure nothing will come of it because nothing did when Kellyanne Conway went on TV and hawked products for Ivanka…or that time a Trump property was promoted at In fact, the non-partisan Citizens for Ethics and Accountability in Washington found 3,241 conflicts of interest from the Trump administration. Basically, it’s all self-dealing.

And now, Ivanka has used her position to pimp Goya. If you’re the president of Goya, or own stock in it, you’re probably going to want the Trumps to stop promoting your product, which Donald Trump has also done on Twitter. You don’t want the people responsible for jails for brown babies promoting your product aimed at brown people. That would be like putting John Wayne Gacy on a box of cereal. Who’s crazy for Coco Puffs?

I don’t think people are going to line up and start eating black beans because Ivanka posed with a can of them. A can of black beans I’m certain weren’t already in her cabinet before the boycott, and that someone had to purchase for her. But hey, maybe she’ll actually open the can and give them a try.

Can openers come with instructions, right?

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