Trump TV

Swarming Arizona


Cjones05272021

A lot of stupid crazy shit goes down in Arizona. People look at the fake audit by a fake security firm owned by Republicans and say, “Only in Arizona.” I don’t think that’s fair. Sure, crazy shit happens in Arizona that wouldn’t happen in most other places…but it’s not fair to say, “Only in Arizona.” It’s not fair to Florida.

Florida was doing crazy recount shit before it was cool. Florida is old-school crazy. Back in 2000, Florida upheld the national election and only stopped recounting when the Supreme Court told them too, which made George W. Bush president. Don’t you remember hanging chads?

Arizona and Florida have reputations for not being the best of us. In the excellent TV show, “The Good Place,” the very stupid character, Jason, is from Jacksonville. Jason has quotes like, “Yo, you should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed,” and, “I’m telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” After delivering one of his stupid comments, Eleanor says, “Are you from Florida?” Eleanor is from Arizona. She’s the one who’s most ethically-challenged.

Some of Eleanor’s best quotes are, “Anything she left in your apartment now legally belongs to you,” “Why do bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identities?”, “How dare she steal the identity I stole?”, “I was a good person for six months. That’s like five years” and, “Ya’ basic.”

But, Arizona…compared to Florida, ya’ basic. Florida has “Florida Man.” Florida has Matt Gaetz. Roger Stone moved to Florida. Donald Trump moved to Florida. Sure, Arizona has Arizona State, but Florida has Jacksonville. It’s said that people move to Florida to die, but they have to lose their minds along the way.

One thing crazy stupid-ass fucknut states have in common is that they typically vote Republican. Crazy, stupid-ass fucknut states were all ripe and fertile territory to become Kool-Aid-drinking Trump cult breeding grounds. Look at Alabama, Mississippi, West Virginia, Arkansas, South Carolina, and Missouri. These states are the least educated and the most dependent on government assistance. But Arizona and Georgia are two states moving away from that.

Arizona and Georgia are two red states that flipped from Trump to President Biden. Florida is a state that went for President Clinton twice, President Obama twice, then Donald Trump twice. Florida regressed. It elected racist Ron DeSantis its governor and his approval ratings are at 55 percent. This is a guy who signed a bill making it legal to run over black protesters. That’s not legal in Arizona.

Arizona is going blue. It now has two Democratic senators in addition to voting for Biden. But Republicans are not going without a fight. They’re doing a fake audit of Maricopa County, the largest county in the state.

A judge gave the Republican Party the right to a recount, but where the people counting are only Republicans. Florida is impressed. The firm conducting the recount is operated by members of the Trump cult and it has ZERO experience conducting recounts or having any business with elections. Oh yeah…the firm, Cyber Ninjas, is from…wait for it…yeah, you guessed it. Florida!

There are all sorts of conspiracy theories with the ballots. China had flown in tens of thousands of ballots to Maricopa County via a South Korean airplane to swing the election for Biden. Since China got involved, they’re scanning them for traces of bamboo (no word on soy sauce). Donald Trump tweeted that the entire Maricopa County voter database was deleted, which was a lie that forced the Republican official leading the Maricopa County Recorder’s Office to speak out.

Here’s a fact: All eight cases brought in Arizona state and federal courts alleging widespread fraud, inaccuracies, or irregularities lost big time. So, why is there a recount? Exactly! Why is there a recount?

Why has the recount been given to Republicans? Why has the recount been given to a “security” firm run by Trumplicans with no election experience, and whose CEO claimed the election was hacked by the deceased Hugo Chavez? Why are they refusing to allow the press to watch the recount? How come we don’t even know who’s paying for the audit? Could Florida have pulled this off? Give them time.

Republicans claim there was election fraud and the count was fake…so they’re doing a fraudulent recount. What’s next? The fuckers doing the fake recount are going to declare Donald Trump won Maricopa County. Remember, the election was over six months ago and it’s been certified by the state and Congress. Joe Biden is literally in the White House.

One of the people doing the count said, “I think Donald Trump won the election—firm believer. I hope we come to a point where we’re happy with the results and truth is told.” She sounds totally non-partisan to me. Another auditor, who was at the Trump-initiated MAGA terrorist attack on the Capitol Complex, is also on these ballots. In Arizona, it’s illegal to count ballots that have your name on them.

We know with this recount, three people are counting each ballot as they spin on a Lazy Susan (that’s like a turntable. I had to look that up). If one person disagrees with the other two, that person is ignored and they go with the result from the two. They don’t reexamine the ballot that’s probably still spinning on a turntable. Remember, all these fuckers are Trump goons.

Republicans think Maricopa County is a domino. After it falls for Trump, so will Arizona, then Georgia, then Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Nevada. You have to be on the same level of crazy as Marjorie Taylor Greene to believe any of this nonsense, but it’s where Arizona finds itself.

Brood X is coming, but the cicadas are not coming to you if you’re in Arizona or Florida. The cicadas are smarter than Trump voters. They don’t want to go anywhere near Florida Man or Arizona Man. Their asses may be falling off, but they don’t want any business with Arizona and Florida.

After reading today’s cartoon, my proofer Laura told me, “It’s getting harder to satirize these people.” It’s been that way for five years plus. And seriously, how do I top scanning for bamboo?

Cicada note: This Washington Post piece about the cicada’s short life cycle is informative and fun.

Creative note: I started drawing this Saturday morning, but stopped when I got my Matt Gaetz inflatable girlfriend idea. I forgot I had recorded what I drew Saturday, and because I wasn’t paying attention, it was included in the video for the Gaetz cartoon. I don’t think anyone noticed.

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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Moo Libel


cjones12272020

You would think any half-ass lawyer would know they can’t run around saying lies and unprovable things about people and corporations. That’s libelous. You can get sued for that. When it comes to Trump lawyers Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani, I’d rather have the cow lawyer. Plus, the cow farts probably aren’t as bad as Rudy’s.

As part of the Trump team’s conspiracy theory in their effort to stage a coup, Sidney Powell has charged that Dominion Voting System’s machines were created by the deceased Hugo Chavez, were sent here by communists in Venezuela to overturn the election, and have links to the Clinton Foundation and George Soros. The team has spread lies that the machines changed votes from Trump to Biden and in some cases, dumped votes for Trump, while somehow leaving the other Republicans on the same ballots untouched. Anybody believing this shit is a little touched.

The Trump campaign has made these claims, often supported by the president (sic) of the United States of America. Do you know what happens when Donald Trump spreads bullshit? His people believe it. There doesn’t have to be any proof or evidence.

Now, lawyers who specialize in defamation cases have sent letters to Trump’s attorneys Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, Jenna Ellis, Lin Wood and White House counsel Pat Cipollone warning them of “imminent” legal action on behalf of Dominion Voting Systems. They’re demanding the campaign to retain all records of communications between Trump and any White House employee with Rudy Giuliani, Powell, Ellis, and Wood.

This is where it gets good. Others receiving warning letters include Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs, Maria Bartiromo, Rush Limbaugh, Greg Kelly (a Newsmax anchor), Fox News, Newsmax, One America News Network (OANN) and Epoch Times.

Two ironic things about Epoch Times: It’s Chinese and the MAGAt belief system is currently trying to tie Joe Biden with China, and…it’s a newspaper. MAGAts don’t read newspapers.

The lawyers demanded they “cease and desist making defamatory claims against Dominion,” saying they had “featured and continue to feature the proponents of this misinformation campaign against” the company.

Another voting machine company, Smartmatic, has sent letters to Fox News, OAN, and Newsmax demanding they stop “publishing false and defamatory statements.”

Dominion CEO John Poulos said the company would be taking legal action against several people “promoting lies and amplifying those lies” on various media platforms since Election Day. When asked if the lawsuits will include Donald Trump, he said, “We will not be overlooking anybody.”

Nine nine days after Election Day, Trump tweeted a claim that “DOMINION DELETED 2.7 MILLION TRUMP VOTES NATIONWIDE.”

On Dominion’s website, they state, “Malicious and misleading false claims about Dominion have resulted in dangerous levels of threats and harassment against the company and its employees, as well as election officials.”

Last Tuesday in Denver, Dominion’s security director, Eric Coomer, filed a defamation lawsuit against the Trump campaign, Giuliani, Powell, Newsmax, OANN, OANN reporter Chanel Rion, blogger Michelle Malkin and others. Coomer’s suit says he has become the target of death threats because of the defendants’ false claims made about Dominion’s machines. Currently, Coomer is in hiding.

Remember how Republicans and MAGAts all chortled about the Kentucky kid suing media outlets after his fray with the tom-tom beating Native American in Washington? They championed that little MAGAt’s lawsuit. He even got a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention. They were all supportive of his lawsuits. How dare the media smear him with their reporting. Now, it’s coming back on them in a much bigger way.

Donald Trump has called for the laws allowing a free press to write “anything they want” to be eliminated so he and others can sue news outlets for reporting facts they don’t like. So isn’t it ironic that as soon as he leaves office, one of the multiple lawsuits he faces is for defamation? I love it.

I hope Dominion lawyers sue each and every person they sent letters to. I hope Coomer wins each of his lawsuits. These liars, destroying reputations, our nation, and championing a coup attempt, need to be taken downtown in legal terms. They need to pay for their bullshit. I predict a lot of settlements. I predict Donald Trump, who claims he never settles but always settles, settles.

I also wish that lawsuits and charges will be filed against Donald Trump, federally and on the state level, within five minutes of Joe Biden taking his oath of office at noon on January 20, 2021. Would that just be the best kick in the nuts ever?

That’s all I want for Christmas…that and Chinese food.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

All Day Suckers


cjones03102019

Most people understand the National Enquirer isn’t a legitimate news organization. Until recently, most wouldn’t have thought it was propaganda. Most people believed it was nothing more than a gossip rag that got its headlines from stalking celebrities and going through their garbage. It seemed to spare nobody. Then, we learned they paid for stories (which credible news organizations don’t do) about Donald Trump scandals and then buried them. The publisher, David Pecker locked them in safe along with his picture of Elvis in his coffin (really).

The Enquirer didn’t just bury stories that would embarrass Trump and potentially cost him the election. They paid for those stories (along with Trump and Michael Cohen). Such tactics seemed beneath the journalist integrity of even the National Enquirer. You wouldn’t find a major, credible news organization doing that, right?

Wrong.

To be fair, a lot of people don’t consider Fox News a credible news organization. Even though they do some actual reporting and anchors such as Chris Wallace and Shepard Smith are respected, most of Fox News works as Trump TV and actively works to promote and defend the guy in the White House.

Fox is Trump’s favorite outlet. He calls into Fox & Friends in the morning, has nightly phone chats with Sean Hannity, tweets their reports, and praises them at his hate rallies. He even raids Fox News to fill positions in his administration. Hey, Eric Trump only had one wedding planner so Trump has to find candidates someplace.

Now we learn the network’s relationship with Trump has them sharing a journalistic sewer with that Pecker guy.

The New Yorker published an article by Jane Mayer on the “Fox News White House.” In it, she reports that Fox News buried a story on…wait for it…killed a story about Stormy Daniels’ mushroom encounter before the 2016 presidential election. She also reports that Trump tried to spike the AT&T-Time Warner merger over his hatred for CNN, now an AT&T company, and the network he describes as Fake News (though I hear they run decent cartoons).

Mayer wrote, “The White House and Fox interact so seamlessly that it can be hard to determine, during a particular news cycle, which one is following the other’s lead.”

Fox’s Tucker Carlson was pissed and said, “The American Media has changed forever. News organizations that seemed like a big deal are now extinct. Those that remain have now degraded themselves beyond recognition, like the New Yorker.” Detecting no irony whatsoever, Trump tweeted out Carlson’s statement.

According to the New Yorker story, a top executive at Fox told the reporter with the Stormy story, “Good reporting, kiddo. But Rupert wants Donald Trump to win. So just let it go.” He has since denied it, but that reporter was demoted, sued, came to a financial settlement, and signed a non-disclosure agreement. Fox probably buried that story too.

Mayer also reported that Roger Ailes, then the chairman of the network and now dead guy, tipped Trump off about a question coming his way from then-Fox host Megyn Kelly about Trump’s comments about women during a 2015 Republican candidate debate.

Former DNC official Donna Brazile caught a lot of heat when it came to light through Wikileaks that she fed questions to the Clinton campaign while she was a political analyst for CNN. The network fired her. Guess which network ran a lot of stories about it, heavy with condemnation over the violation of journalistic ethics and the viewers’ trust. Yup. Fox News.

I’ve always hated when people argued for the need of a right-wing media, saying it counters the left-wing media. I don’t see the solution to biased news being more biased news. And, most “left-wing” media is usually described that way because facts have a “left-wing” bias.

Those Smart News TV commercials annoy me. They advertise their app as providing news from both sides. You don’t need news from “both sides.” You just need news. Fox, at this point, isn’t just an uncredible news outlet. They’re not even a right-wing news outlet. Just like the Republican Party and CPAC, they’re a part of the Trump cult.

If you watch Fox News, you’re not watching news. Just like there’s no such thing as “fake news,” there’s no such thing as Fox news.

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Watch the video.

Trump TV


cjones08102017

When I was growing up I felt very fortunate not to live in a nation like the Soviet Union, North Korea, Iran, China, Cuba, etc., where the only news you received was sanctioned by the government. But, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un can only have wet dreams of achieving the type of propaganda Trump has acquired.

In the United States, we have freedom of the press which is something conservatives really don’t like. Even with that freedom, we have news outlets that promote what their favorite candidate dishes out. They choose to be compliant. Those who do not cooperate get labeled as “fake news” by the Trump administration and their many sycophants, even though “fake news” doesn’t exist. If it’s fake, it’s not news. Dick heads.

Every cable news network has Trump sycophants on their programs to promote the president’s agenda, and obfuscate, deflect, distract, and lie. Kayleigh McEnany WAS one of these people pimping out the troglodyte agenda. She’s not anymore.

Even though Donald Trump has Fox News, Sinclair Broadcasting (more on them in a minute), his own lying Twitter feed, and every small town daily and weekly newspaper afraid to criticize him (trust me on that), he has created “Trump TV.” These are videos presented as news with bullshit read by Kayleigh McEnany. McEnany is one of those individuals who can’t find fault with Trump. She can accuse Obama of playing too much golf while telling us how Trump’s golfing is making America great again. She will tell you how Trump’s pussy grabbing is great for the jobs report, the coal mining jobs have already returned, Mexico paid for the wall, and that everyone now wants to eat steaks with ketchup.

McEnany should not be a lightweight in the brains department. She’s highly educated. But, I guess law schools can’t teach critical thinking. She appeared on Trump TV the day after she announced her resignation from CNN ending her broadcast with, “And this has been the real news.” Kayleigh, if you have to say it’s “real news,” it’s not news. Also, if the president is paying you to say it, it’s not news. When you’re on the RNC payroll, it’s not news. If you’re reading from talking points, it’s not news. If you’re reporting from Trump Tower, for the LOVE OF GOD IT’S NOT FUCKING NEWS!!!

This brings a couple of questions to my mind. Trump’s businesses are separated from the Trump administration, supposedly. Yet, Kayleigh is delivering her reports from Trump Tower. Trump Tower is part of the Trump Organization. It’s the freaking HQ of the Trump company. How is his business separated from the administration if his business is making pro-Trump propaganda videos? How much is Trump Tower charging the Trump Campaign for rent and use of their facilities? No, the Trump Campaign money is not Donald’s money. Don’t you know he doesn’t spend his own money? How much are they charging the Republican National Committee? How much did Kayleigh get for selling her soul? These are important questions that will not be answered anytime soon on Trump TV.

You may wonder why McEnany doesn’t care about, at least giving the impression she is objective or capable of thinking for herself. You may wonder how can an educated person be comfortable delivering talking points misrepresented as “news.” Or, maybe you’re puzzled that she is so willing to piss away all credibility and objectivity for the rest of her entire life. To be fair to Kayleigh, she never had any of that to begin with.

The Trump sycophants, they LOOOOOOOOOOOVE Trump TV. Go hashtag “Trump TV” on Twitter, read the tweets, and then go throw up in a fern. I have to admit, I am still confused that so many people don’t want to be informed and they would rather be lied to.

It is puzzling why Trump felt the need to create Trump TV when he has Sean Hannity around to eat his meatloaf. Before you argue that Fox News is just one channel waxing the president’s pole, let me stop you right there. He also has One America News, which you have probably never heard of before now, or if you have seen it, it was by accident because your cat stepped on the remote. There is also the Blaze network which is not a channel of strippers, which would explain why you would have accidentally turned on that program. Donald Trump has more than three shitty channels lying for him. Soon, he may have over 200.

What? 200? Where? Probably in your living room. If you watch local news, there is a good chance you’re watching an affiliate owned by Sinclair Broadcasting. Sinclair may own an ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, CW, etc, in your city, but they control the local news and syndicated programs.

Currently, Sinclair owns stations in over 100 markets covering 42% of American households. The group is attempting to purchase 42 stations from Tribune, bringing its ownership count to 233 stations that could reach 72 percent of American households.

Sinclair claims they have a “hands-off approach” to how their local news stations cover topics and how they report. So, you might think it doesn’t matter that they’re a conservative company if they’re allowing their local stations to decide what needs to be covered. Again, I gotta stop you right there.

Sinclair creates prepacked news segments that it orders their station’s to air during their newscasts. These are called “must-runs.” Not only are they conservative, they’re frighteningly goose-stepping-Trump-loving-right-wing conservative. They are often hosted by Boris Epshteyn, who briefly worked in the Trump Administration as assistant communications director, and was a senior adviser on his campaign. Boris has had the meatloaf. Plus, his name is “Boris.” Kinda makes you wanna throw up in a fern.

John Oliver of HBO’s Last Week Tonight said that Sinclair is “the most influential media company you’ve never heard of.” He ran an episode criticizing the group and presented clips of various anchors introducing the same news story by stating that the FBI had a “personal vendetta” against Michael Flynn, critiqued the must-run “Terrorism Alert Desk” segments as defining terrorism as “anything a Muslim does”, and ran clips of editorials comparing multiculturalism and political correctness to a cancer epidemic, and stated that marriage was a solution to domestic abuse. Oliver said that he “did not know it was possible to dip below the journalistic standards of Breitbart.” Of course he said that before Kayleigh started hosting Trump TV.

Next time someone starts some bullshit about the media’s liberal bias, just kick them in the nuts. Yes, right in their lying nuts. Or, you can deliver my latest newest Spanish insult which is, “Que te folle un pez.” Yes, it’s dirty.

So, now we have Kayleigh McEnany reading off Trump TV. The thing is, you may have already been watching it. Now, you can go throw up in the fern.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.