We have more developments in the Matt Gaetz sex-trafficking story. Are you really surprised?
As you know, Matt “Giggity” Gaetz isn’t just a Republican moron occupying a seat in Congress. He’s not just your typical douchey frat-boy sleazebag. He’s a huge Trump sycophant. The only time the word “dignity” and Matt Gaetz have been in a sentence together is this one.
Matt Gaetz defended Trump during the Mueller investigation. He defended Trump during both of his impeachments. He wore a gas mask on the floor of the House after Trump mocked the coronavirus. He flew to Wyoming to campaign against fellow Republican Liz Cheney after she voted to impeach Trump. He even nominated Donald Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize.
If you ever want to not win a Nobel Peace Prize, make sure your nomination is from Matt Gaetz.
Gaetz also kissed Trump’s ass when it came to pardons. He publicly encouraged Trump to pardon his goons like Roger Stone. He said Trump should pardon that Tiger guy, Joe Exotica. He even encouraged Trump to pardon himself. He said those pardons would save them from the “bloodlust” of their political opponents. Now, we’re discovering he privately asked Trump to give him a pre-emptive pardon.
The Justice Department is conducting an “inquiry” into whether or not Matt Gaetz was boinking a 17-year-old, engaging in sex trafficking, and paying for sex. Matt Gaetz has publicly denied ever having sex with a 17-year-old since he was 17, or ever having to pay for sex. But if you have to publicly deny ever paying for sex, you probably paid for sex. And, there are other means of paying for sex than cash transactions. You can trade sex for drugs. It can work like trading a Nobel nomination for a presidential pardon.
It’s not clear if Matt Gaetz knew the Justice Department was eyeballing him when he made the request for a pardon, but why would anyone ask for a pardon? Usually, you ask because you’re under investigation, have been found guilty, or you know you’re guilty. If Matt Gaetz was unaware he was being investigated, then he was asking for a pardon because he knew he doing some corrupt shady shit. When asked what he needed the pardon for, is that where he uses “Yadda, yadda, yadda”?
You know, there was this girl, a state line, some ecstasy, yadda, yadda, yadda, giggity, giggity.
He also asked for pre-emptive pardons for several congressional allies. Golly, I wonder who they might be and why they would need pardons.
A spokesgoon for Matt Gaetz released a statement saying, “Giggity,” I mean, “Entry-level political operatives have conflated a pardon call from Representative Gaetz — where he called for President Trump to pardon ‘everyone from himself, to his administration, to Joe Exotic’ — with these false and increasingly bizarre, partisan allegations against him. Those comments have been on the record for some time, and President Trump even retweeted the congressman, who tweeted them out himself.”
Donald Trump once thanked Gaetz for defending him in a tweet, and for intimidating witnesses on his behalf and said he is a “great talent, young, handsome,” and predicted Gaetz was “going places,” which will probably be prison.
But the thing is, Mr. Spokesgoon, according to The New York Times, four White House officials, and others briefed on the matter, have validated that Matt Gaetz sought a pardon for himself. Matt Gaetz hasn’t denied it yet and if he does, it’ll be as believable as his denial he’s never paid for sex. And from Matt Gaetz’s face, which has Butt-Head looking for a new look, I’d say he’s probably had to pay some blind prostitutes for sex.
A buddy of Matt Gaetz, a Florida tax collector, has been indicted on a bunch of charges, including sex trafficking of a minor. The Justice Department continues to add charges to this goon and many are predicting he’ll sell Gaetz out for time off his sentence. Two of Gaetz’s Florida connections have told The Washington Post that Gaetz bragged to them that he met women through this tax collector. Can you deduct ecstasy?
How hard of a decision is it to send Matt Gaetz to prison so you don’t go? The good news here for Gaetz is: If he goes to prison, he won’t have to pay for sex…though he may be the currency.
Matt Gaetz is a sleaze. We know this. While he was in the Florida legislature, Matt Gaetz was just one of two members of the state house to vote against a porn-revenge bill. The bill aimed at preventing people from sharing sexually explicit photos of their ex-partners online. According to Tom Goodson, a retired Florida legislator, Gaetz believes any sexually explicit photo a lover may give him is his to do with as he pleases. Goodson said from a conversation he had with Gaetz, “He thought that any picture was his to use as he wanted to, as an expression of his rights.”
You gotta fight…for your rights…to share naked photos of your ex girlfriends with other Republican goons.
That probably explains why Matt Gaetz, according to some members of his own party, was showing off naked photos on the House floor of women he claims to have slept with. What’s he going to do next on the House floor, throw a kegger?
Right now, I would like to offer my sympathy to any woman who has ever slept with Matt Gaetz. If you shagged with Gaetz, I am so sorry. We all have regrets. Once, I mistakenly asked for sushi in a hand roll, which is when it’s shaped like a sushi ice cream cone. Never again. Probably not the same thing as sleeping with Gaetz though.
There should be laws against showing off naked photos of women without their permission. Even if it’s not illegal, it’s a sleazy thing to do. Matt Gaetz is a sleaze. He is another reminder of what the Republican Party under Donald Trump has become.
Can we just stop electing people who support pedophiles, terrorists, racists, perverts, Putin, and frat-boy goons like Matt Giggity Gaetz?
No matter what these women are doing in these photos, they have yet to debase themselves to the point that Gaetz, as a Trump sycophant, has debased himself. Matt Gaetz was a sleazy dirtbag and a public humiliation long before the Justice Department started investigating him.
Creative note: I used Quagmire in a cartoon on Matt Gaetz last Saturday…and later that evening, Saturday Night Live used it too. Just for the record, I was first. Giggity.
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