Trump Pardons

Trump Booty Club

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We have more developments in the Matt Gaetz sex-trafficking story. Are you really surprised?

As you know, Matt “Giggity” Gaetz isn’t just a Republican moron occupying a seat in Congress. He’s not just your typical douchey frat-boy sleazebag. He’s a huge Trump sycophant. The only time the word “dignity” and Matt Gaetz have been in a sentence together is this one.

Matt Gaetz defended Trump during the Mueller investigation. He defended Trump during both of his impeachments. He wore a gas mask on the floor of the House after Trump mocked the coronavirus. He flew to Wyoming to campaign against fellow Republican Liz Cheney after she voted to impeach Trump. He even nominated Donald Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize.

If you ever want to not win a Nobel Peace Prize, make sure your nomination is from Matt Gaetz.

Gaetz also kissed Trump’s ass when it came to pardons. He publicly encouraged Trump to pardon his goons like Roger Stone. He said Trump should pardon that Tiger guy, Joe Exotica. He even encouraged Trump to pardon himself. He said those pardons would save them from the “bloodlust” of their political opponents. Now, we’re discovering he privately asked Trump to give him a pre-emptive pardon.

The Justice Department is conducting an “inquiry” into whether or not Matt Gaetz was boinking a 17-year-old, engaging in sex trafficking, and paying for sex. Matt Gaetz has publicly denied ever having sex with a 17-year-old since he was 17, or ever having to pay for sex. But if you have to publicly deny ever paying for sex, you probably paid for sex. And, there are other means of paying for sex than cash transactions. You can trade sex for drugs. It can work like trading a Nobel nomination for a presidential pardon.

It’s not clear if Matt Gaetz knew the Justice Department was eyeballing him when he made the request for a pardon, but why would anyone ask for a pardon? Usually, you ask because you’re under investigation, have been found guilty, or you know you’re guilty. If Matt Gaetz was unaware he was being investigated, then he was asking for a pardon because he knew he doing some corrupt shady shit. When asked what he needed the pardon for, is that where he uses “Yadda, yadda, yadda”?

You know, there was this girl, a state line, some ecstasy, yadda, yadda, yadda, giggity, giggity.

He also asked for pre-emptive pardons for several congressional allies. Golly, I wonder who they might be and why they would need pardons.

A spokesgoon for Matt Gaetz released a statement saying, “Giggity,” I mean, “Entry-level political operatives have conflated a pardon call from Representative Gaetz — where he called for President Trump to pardon ‘everyone from himself, to his administration, to Joe Exotic’ — with these false and increasingly bizarre, partisan allegations against him. Those comments have been on the record for some time, and President Trump even retweeted the congressman, who tweeted them out himself.”

Donald Trump once thanked Gaetz for defending him in a tweet, and for intimidating witnesses on his behalf and said he is a “great talent, young, handsome,” and predicted Gaetz was “going places,” which will probably be prison.

But the thing is, Mr. Spokesgoon, according to The New York Times, four White House officials, and others briefed on the matter, have validated that Matt Gaetz sought a pardon for himself. Matt Gaetz hasn’t denied it yet and if he does, it’ll be as believable as his denial he’s never paid for sex. And from Matt Gaetz’s face, which has Butt-Head looking for a new look, I’d say he’s probably had to pay some blind prostitutes for sex.

A buddy of Matt Gaetz, a Florida tax collector, has been indicted on a bunch of charges, including sex trafficking of a minor. The Justice Department continues to add charges to this goon and many are predicting he’ll sell Gaetz out for time off his sentence. Two of Gaetz’s Florida connections have told The Washington Post that Gaetz bragged to them that he met women through this tax collector. Can you deduct ecstasy?

How hard of a decision is it to send Matt Gaetz to prison so you don’t go? The good news here for Gaetz is: If he goes to prison, he won’t have to pay for sex…though he may be the currency.

Matt Gaetz is a sleaze. We know this. While he was in the Florida legislature, Matt Gaetz was just one of two members of the state house to vote against a porn-revenge bill. The bill aimed at preventing people from sharing sexually explicit photos of their ex-partners online. According to Tom Goodson, a retired Florida legislator, Gaetz believes any sexually explicit photo a lover may give him is his to do with as he pleases. Goodson said from a conversation he had with Gaetz, “He thought that any picture was his to use as he wanted to, as an expression of his rights.”

You gotta fight…for your rights…to share naked photos of your ex girlfriends with other Republican goons.

That probably explains why Matt Gaetz, according to some members of his own party, was showing off naked photos on the House floor of women he claims to have slept with. What’s he going to do next on the House floor, throw a kegger?

Right now, I would like to offer my sympathy to any woman who has ever slept with Matt Gaetz. If you shagged with Gaetz, I am so sorry. We all have regrets. Once, I mistakenly asked for sushi in a hand roll, which is when it’s shaped like a sushi ice cream cone. Never again. Probably not the same thing as sleeping with Gaetz though.

There should be laws against showing off naked photos of women without their permission. Even if it’s not illegal, it’s a sleazy thing to do. Matt Gaetz is a sleaze. He is another reminder of what the Republican Party under Donald Trump has become.

Can we just stop electing people who support pedophiles, terrorists, racists, perverts, Putin, and frat-boy goons like Matt Giggity Gaetz?

No matter what these women are doing in these photos, they have yet to debase themselves to the point that Gaetz, as a Trump sycophant, has debased himself. Matt Gaetz was a sleazy dirtbag and a public humiliation long before the Justice Department started investigating him.

Creative note: I used Quagmire in a cartoon on Matt Gaetz last Saturday…and later that evening, Saturday Night Live used it too. Just for the record, I was first. Giggity.

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Runs In The Family

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As we have all discovered over the past five years, and if you haven’t then you weren’t paying attention, Donald Trump projects.

The guy who had people chant “lock her up” at his hate rallies watched several of his friends be locked up. For others, he issued pardons. While accusing Joe and Hunter Biden of corruption in Ukraine, Trump and Rudy Giuliani were practicing corruption in Ukraine. All they could come up with were conspiracy theories accusing other people of what they were guilty of. Trump’s Ukraine actions made him an impeached president.

Naturally, an impeached president will pardon goons. Naturally, an impeached president only has goons as friends. If you are a friend of Donald Trump’s, you may want to reassess your life. If you work in his administration, you’ll have plenty of time after January 20 to reassess because it’s not like anyone’s going to hire you. Enjoy all those covid parties now because you’ll probably never be invited to a party ever again.

During the campaign, Trump and his people couldn’t shut up about Hunter Biden. He was the star of their convention. He was brought up at the debates. Donald Trump tried to paint the Bidens as corrupt and Joe as a bad father.

Here’s a question: If three out of five of your children go to prison, are you a bad father? That goes for pardons too. If three of your children…and a goon one of them married, all need pardons, you probably did something wrong. Naming the first one after your corrupt orange ass was a bad start. For the Trump family, issuing pardons is just another day of business. For the Trump family, corruption is the business.

Hunter Biden doesn’t need a pardon. Hunter Biden is not under investigation…not even by Trump’s Justice Department. Why? Because he didn’t do anything illegal. But Ivanka, often referred to as “Grifter Barbie,” had to answer questions in an investigation over the inauguration. That’s just warming up.

Why was Ivanka paid as an outside consultant to the Trump Organization while she was also employed by the Trump Organization? The payments were used as tax write offs for Donald Trump. Where is all that money donated to the Trump Inauguration, which Ivanka played a huge part in? What about all those patents granted to Ivanka in China? Ivanka also violated the Hatch Act by endorsing a product and campaigning for a presidential candidate while employed by the White House. A lot of government employees did that by the way.

How about all the foreign bailouts for her husband’s companies? Why did her husband lie again and again on his security clearance application? Why did he want a back channel to Russia? Why did he engage secretly with the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, who ordered the murder of a Saudi journalist under U.S. protection? In 2018 alone, Ivanka and Jared made over $138 million from foreign businesses while they were government employees.

What all sorts of goonery has Don Jr. been sniffing up? Jr and Eric have continued to promote their father’s presidency for overseas business. The Republican National Committee spent $100,000 on copies of Jr’s horrible book. The boys have grifted the government by overcharging the Secret Service at Trump resorts. Eric’s wife and Jr’s screechy girlfriend are both receiving salaries from the Trump Campaign. What a bunch of fucking grifters.

So after a couple of years smearing Hunter Biden, it’s the Trump kids who are in discussion over receiving pardons…along with Rudy, Roger Stone, Paul Manafort, and probably a few hundred more Trump goons. What I wonder, while others who don’t hold dirt on Trump may have to purchase their pardons, will the Trump kids’ pardons be Christmas gifts? I’m sure they’ll make excellent stocking stuffers.

The likes of Roger Stone doesn’t care about being seen as guilty and corrupt, but do the Trumps? Because, when you accept a pardon, you accept guilt. I guess they can make it work for them since Donald Trump has made being an impeached president kinda his thing. Being guilty, corrupt, and pardoned can be the Trump kids’ jam.

These are people who never accomplished anything on their own…ever. So with pardons, what’s one more thing to inherit?

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Trump Pardon Bingo

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Usually, a president takes his power to pardon very seriously. They take recommendations from the Justice Department after they’ve studied a case for at least two years. Typically, pardons come at the end of a presidential term. Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama didn’t issue one pardon between them during their first two years.

Trump, on the other hand, issues pardons like they’re Skittles. But, you only taste the rainbow if you’re famous, a high-profile conservative culture warrior pimping conspiracy theories, been on Celebrity Apprentice, or your conviction is something a Trump associate is facing.

The GOP is supposed to be the Law and Order Party, and they still make that claim. Yet, Donald Trump gave the Federal Justice system the middle finger when he pardoned racist Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio. He was found guilty of contempt of court relating to civil rights violations. Sheriff Joe hadn’t even completed going through the sentencing part of his case when Trump dropped a pardon on him. Joe’s pardon was red meat for his base, which loves them some racists who deny civil rights to brown people.

Then he pardoned Scooter Libby, convicted of lying to the FBI while Mueller was the bureau’s chief. George W. Bush refused to pardon Libby as he left office.

On Thursday, Trump pardoned Dinesh D’Souza, a crazy right-wing conspiracy theorist who was convicted of campaign finance violations after funneling over $20,000 through straw donors to evade laws limiting individual donations. This was from a recommendation from Ted Cruz, who loves him some radical, religious crackpot crazies.

Trump told a reporter that he’s considering pardoning Martha Stewart and Rod Blagojevich.

He’s also considering a pardon for a woman in Tennessee currently serving a life sentence on drug charges. That’s a good thing. Unfortunately, the only reason Trump is considering it is that her advocate is Kim Kardashian who saw a video of her plight, then jetted to the White House to hobnob with Trump and make the case for her pardon. It’s good to lessen a charge on drug charges, but it’s not so good when you ignore your Justice Department and instead take legal counsel from a C-list celebrity married to Kanye. But still, it’s probably better to listen to a Kardashian than to Ted Cruz.

A pardon for each of these individuals sends a very loud wink and a nudge to Trump associates who are or may be facing federal charges.

D’Souza’s pardon sends a message to Trump fixer/lawyer Michael Cohen, as the crime here is campaign finance violation. It’s really hard to see how Cohen didn’t break any laws funneling money to porn star Stormy Daniels, which was definitely unreported and over the limit donation to the Trump campaign. Cohen hasn’t flipped yet, that we know of. This sends a message that Trump will take care of him if he’s patient and that Trump won’t go through the usual procedure with the Justice Department.

D’Souza was also prosecuted by Preet Bharara and in New York’s Southern District Court, where Cohen is being tried. Bharara was dismissed as U.S. Attorney by Trump, as he wanted someone who will protect him in that district, where Trump Tower is located and where Donald has probably committed several crimes.

Scooter Libby and Martha Stewart both lied to the FBI, which several Trump associates have done, and which Trump will do as soon as he testifies himself. Stewart is also a friend of Trump’s, and he once appeared on her show making meatloaf sandwiches. On top of the lying and meatloaf, Stewart was investigated and tried while James Comey was head of the FBI. Robert Mueller was in charge of that department when Scooter was convicted.

Blagojevich was caught on tape trying to sell the Senate seat President Obama vacated after being elected president. As governor of Illinois, Blago got the opportunity to fill the seat with the person of his choosing. He thought it was a golden ticket and was caught saying on tape with the statement, “I’ve got this thing, and it’s ‘effing’ golden. And I’m just not giving it up for ‘effing’ nothing.” Blago also appeared on Celebrity Apprentice. Plus, pardoning someone convicted of corruption sends a loud and clear message to basically every person who works in the Trump administration.

The president has power to pardon, but he can’t use his authority to subvert or obstruct justice. When Bill Clinton pardoned Marc Rich on his way out-of-town, Republicans howled and screamed about improper conduct and an investigation was launched. No charges were ever brought up, however.

Richard Nixon dangled clemency to many entangled in Watergate.

There are reports that Trump has also done a little pardon dangling of his own, as his lawyers discussed a pardon with Michael Flynn before he started cooperating with the Special Counsel currently investigating Russiagate.

Russiagate is Watergate with stupid people. Donald Trump is corrupt and he’s too stupid to hide it.

Which Trump gangsters could be the beneficiaries of pardons? Paul Manafort, Michael Flynn, and Michael Cohen? Any list would have to include the biggest Trump gangster of all. Donald Trump.

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