Trump Boats

Dumbkirk


cjones09092020

To show their support for their Dear Leader and orange messiah, Trump cultists with boats have been staging “boat parades.” And these Trumplicans don’t have both oars in the water.

The Facebook page for the Travis County, Texas Fucknut Flotilla stated, “Decorate your boats in patriotic colors and fly as many Trump flags as she can handle! Let’s really make a statement!” Good job on the statement. 

I have several questions: Are life jackets as political as face masks? Can racists swim? Does denial stop your boat from sinking any better than it stops a pandemic? Can a MyPillow work as a flotation device?

Five of these boats in the asshole armada sank. Fortunately, no one died or was seriously injured. The real good news for the Trump fuckers is it’s not the cause of climate change. Nope. It’s from stupidity. Boats leave a wake. They create turbulence. They make tides. You get a bunch of these boats together and what you get are sinking boats. The waves knock them around, fill them with water, and the next thing you know, you need flippers and snorkels.

The local sheriffs department received 15 calls about sinking shitweasels’ ships. A local towing company said they received three more calls. Ultimately, five of these fuckers’ hater boats sank. Three were recovered. Two are still on the floor of the lake scaring fish.

They can’t blame China, Hillary, or Obama. Maybe God hates boats…or better yet, maybe God hates Trump boats. What I’m hoping for mostly is that this is a metaphor for what’s to come.

Will there be another blue wave? Will Trump sink in November? Are Trump supporters all wet? Do any of Trump’s arguments hold water? 

These “Trumptillas” were started in Florida last May. The first one had around 1,500 boats. And the guy who hosted and organized this event, was arrested and charged for issuing a written threat to another man over wearing face masks. 

Of course, another problem for Trump and his cultists is they all have tiny dinghies.

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